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Family / can't live with them, can't bury them!

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By *ikki Shooter OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Epsom

After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

No, you're angry at a deal that you feel has been broken.

Your brother isn't having you over for Christmas either?

It is just a few hours and too much is made of them. That's not what Christmas is about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try and let it go- easier said than done, I would be furious too.

However- turn it into positivity- you are lucky enough to have your mother there this Christmas. However bitter sweet, it's not worth staying upset xx

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

Does she actually want to be with either of you at Christmas or is she just being polite?

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By *ikki Shooter OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Epsom


"Does she actually want to be with either of you at Christmas or is she just being polite? "

When I offended she burst into tears of joy. She really thought she was going to be alone but that's not what I think Christmas is about.... I think a lump of coal for him this year.

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh? "

Are you being too harsh? Absolutely not! I'd feel exactly the same way as you do.

But looking on the positive side, at least you get to enjoy spending Christmas with your mum. We never know how long our parents will be with us, cherish the time you share and pity your brother for missing out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh? "

It's sad that neither of you want her with you at Christmas.

You're anger at having her this Christmas speaks volumes

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By *nequeenslutWoman
over a year ago

rugeley


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh? "

no your not I hate to say it but your brother sounds like a complete *******

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I'd be mad too. Regardless of what your sister in law said your brother has a mouth and should have insisted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh?

It's sad that neither of you want her with you at Christmas.

You're anger at having her this Christmas speaks volumes "

That's really unfair . They are angry at her brothers dishonesty

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By *igtittedteaseWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

How can she say your mum is not family she gave birth to him raised him and needs to be showing she matters she's cared about its his lose though you should both enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for going on but I would love to spend Christmas with my mum but sadly she died 2 days ago

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

First Christmas without my mum. I would be the opposite and want her with me every Christmas, but then so would my brother and sister

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"How can she say your mum is not family she gave birth to him raised him and needs to be showing she matters she's cared about its his lose though you should both enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for going on but I would love to spend Christmas with my mum but sadly she died 2 days ago "

Sorry to hear this, lovely, I know exactly how you feel. Lost my mum in April, no it hasn't got any easier, in fact this time of year is very difficult, she loved Christmas, with all her family around her.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh?

It's sad that neither of you want her with you at Christmas.

You're anger at having her this Christmas speaks volumes "

I think the anger is towards his brother not having his mother.

As someone who doesn't get on with your own parents, why would you think it sad that someone might not want to spend Christmas Day with a parent, his brother may not want to ( although it sounds more like his wife doesn't want to )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think your brother is being ridiculous, but I also think it's a bit sad that you see it as a shared "responsibility" to have your mother over for Christmas.

My father is dead, but I wish I could have my mother over for Christmas. I don't really speak to my brother so I think we'd likely fight over who got to spend Christmas with her, not who had to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh?

It's sad that neither of you want her with you at Christmas.

You're anger at having her this Christmas speaks volumes

That's really unfair . They are angry at her brothers dishonesty "

He doesn't actually say that his brother agreed to the suggestion.

To me they seem angry that they have to have her every year. At no point do they say they want her there. So the brother is an arse, why the drama, why not just enjoy the memories of having her every year?

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh? "

No, you are not being harsh.

Maybe a few people will have said this before. Enjoy these times with her, as you will never get the chance to rewind the clock and get these memories again.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"How can she say your mum is not family she gave birth to him raised him and needs to be showing she matters she's cared about its his lose though you should both enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for going on but I would love to spend Christmas with my mum but sadly she died 2 days ago "

Sorry to read of your loss. Mine died two weeks ago and although we weren't going to be spending Christmas with either parent we are now planning to celebrate Mum at Christmas.

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By *igtittedteaseWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"How can she say your mum is not family she gave birth to him raised him and needs to be showing she matters she's cared about its his lose though you should both enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for going on but I would love to spend Christmas with my mum but sadly she died 2 days ago

Sorry to read of your loss. Mine died two weeks ago and although we weren't going to be spending Christmas with either parent we are now planning to celebrate Mum at Christmas.

"

it is so hard at any time of year but at Christmas when heat threads like this to me they sound ungrateful of your mum isn't family can someone please tell me who does count as family

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"How can she say your mum is not family she gave birth to him raised him and needs to be showing she matters she's cared about its his lose though you should both enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for going on but I would love to spend Christmas with my mum but sadly she died 2 days ago

Sorry to read of your loss. Mine died two weeks ago and although we weren't going to be spending Christmas with either parent we are now planning to celebrate Mum at Christmas.

"

That's a lovely idea, that's what we are going to do too. Sorry for your loss.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"How can she say your mum is not family she gave birth to him raised him and needs to be showing she matters she's cared about its his lose though you should both enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for going on but I would love to spend Christmas with my mum but sadly she died 2 days ago

Sorry to read of your loss. Mine died two weeks ago and although we weren't going to be spending Christmas with either parent we are now planning to celebrate Mum at Christmas.

it is so hard at any time of year but at Christmas when heat threads like this to me they sound ungrateful of your mum isn't family can someone please tell me who does count as family "

Exactly this. Can't understand it myself, but not everyone has a close relationship with their family, I certainly do and I think I'm very lucky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh?

It's sad that neither of you want her with you at Christmas.

You're anger at having her this Christmas speaks volumes

I think the anger is towards his brother not having his mother.

As someone who doesn't get on with your own parents, why would you think it sad that someone might not want to spend Christmas Day with a parent, his brother may not want to ( although it sounds more like his wife doesn't want to )"

Not that this thread is about me do you honestly think that the fact my family aren't part of my life makes me happy?

I have nothing but envy for close loving families and find it really sad when people see spending time with their families as a duty or a chore because there's nothing I'd like more than a family who'd even do that

And maybe that means my comment on this are less than objective but as I've already said I'd have thought that the OP would be pleased at spending time with her rather than so angry

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"How can she say your mum is not family she gave birth to him raised him and needs to be showing she matters she's cared about its his lose though you should both enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for going on but I would love to spend Christmas with my mum but sadly she died 2 days ago

Sorry to read of your loss. Mine died two weeks ago and although we weren't going to be spending Christmas with either parent we are now planning to celebrate Mum at Christmas.

it is so hard at any time of year but at Christmas when heat threads like this to me they sound ungrateful of your mum isn't family can someone please tell me who does count as family "

Not everyone has a good relationship with their parents. We often don't realise what we have missed out on until it is too late to experience it again.

Mum wasn't able to do Christmas with us for the last couple of years but I know there were years when we would have preferred not to have her around. We all get a little caught up in our stuff at times.

When the loss is less raw things will get some perspective... At least that is my hope for me.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"How can she say your mum is not family she gave birth to him raised him and needs to be showing she matters she's cared about its his lose though you should both enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for going on but I would love to spend Christmas with my mum but sadly she died 2 days ago

Sorry to read of your loss. Mine died two weeks ago and although we weren't going to be spending Christmas with either parent we are now planning to celebrate Mum at Christmas.

That's a lovely idea, that's what we are going to do too. Sorry for your loss."

Thanks, and yours too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh? "

Not nice of your brother and also similar frustrations with family but also your gain. Looks like you get the best of your mum all to yourself x

Cherish every moment of her.

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By *igtittedteaseWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

My thoughts go out to everyone this Christmas who has lost a loved one Hugs to you all. And those that complain about having to spend time with a parent at Christmas you should enjoy your parents while you can they won't always be there for doesn't matter how much you wish that they where

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your brother might not want the argument with his wife if he insisted that your Mum was part of their Christmas plans.

Doesn't make it very pleasant for either him or your Mum - he gets a grumpy wife and your Mum would be somewhere she wasn't wanted/welcome and that's awful

If you have a good relationship with your Mum then enjoy the extra time mine drove me crackers but I really miss her now she has gone

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By *ikki Shooter OP   TV/TS
over a year ago

Epsom


"

It's sad that neither of you want her with you at Christmas.

You're anger at having her this Christmas speaks volumes "

I have no problem with having my mum over every year. Alas my wife and I have to work over some Christmas's a burden my brother never has to worry about.

I'm pissed at him, not the thought of having mum over..

But the fact he could've discussed it if he had a genuine reason why she should be alone Christmas day. Had I not pressed the subject I'd have seen her on boxing day thinking he'd had her over.

Mum shouldn't be alone at Christmas. Even though we hadn't always seen eye to eye I buried any hatchet I had with her along with my father!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How can she say your mum is not family she gave birth to him raised him and needs to be showing she matters she's cared about its his lose though you should both enjoy the time you have with her. Sorry for going on but I would love to spend Christmas with my mum but sadly she died 2 days ago "

Sorry for your loss X x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They sound like a pair of selfish bastards..... invite your mum and tell your brother and sister in law it's crap what they have done.....how many Xmas dinners has your mum made and they would leave her sitting herself on Xmas day..never mind them and you and your mum have a lovely Xmas x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well op, the last christmas i spent with my dad was sat while he was in a coma. He had a heartattack on the 22nd was in a coma over christmas and new years day i was sat giving my permission to switch his life support i had. So he died new years day.

Instead of arguing with your brother about taking turns get on with giving your mum a good christmas

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"After my father died last year I spoke to my brother about not letting mum be by herself at Christmas. "we can take it in turns from year to year" I suggested. That way mum isn't alone and we each share the responsibility. I had her Christmas day that year and was expecting my older brother(only 4yrs) to do his part. Is that too much to ask.....? Apparently so.

I have found out that he wasn't having her over... Didn't tell me I found out when I mentioned it to my mum when I was taking her out to celebrate dad.

Needless I saw red and have had it with my brother. He blames his wife that she only wants family Christmas day {SHE IS BLOODY FAMILY }..... It's not like it would be all day it's a few hours.

So now I have her and will continue to invite her for Christmas day from now on.....

Fury but am I being too harsh?

It's sad that neither of you want her with you at Christmas.

You're anger at having her this Christmas speaks volumes

I think the anger is towards his brother not having his mother.

As someone who doesn't get on with your own parents, why would you think it sad that someone might not want to spend Christmas Day with a parent, his brother may not want to ( although it sounds more like his wife doesn't want to )

Not that this thread is about me do you honestly think that the fact my family aren't part of my life makes me happy?

I have nothing but envy for close loving families and find it really sad when people see spending time with their families as a duty or a chore because there's nothing I'd like more than a family who'd even do that

"

I didn't say the thread was about you, but I did pick up on something you have said in the past.

You miss my point. Maybe the person is not as close to his mother as people are imagining. He could be like you and a lot of other people about who have also mentioned they don't mix with their parents and doesn't actually want to spend time with her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have loads of friends who don't see their parents for months on end, it's not that they don't get on, it's more that they have drifted apart??.

Personally I love family gatherings, everybody gets togther gets d*unk and then spends all night arguing then reminiscing then more arguing then more drink then tearful reminiscing then a fight..... It's Christmasssssssss baby

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By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago

upton wirral

Your brother is a shit at least your doing the right thing,I am sure your mum appreciates it and when she passes on he will feel guilty for the rest of his life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont speak to my parents - havent done for over 30 years with one quick phone chat 11 yrs ago that was domed before it began - im not alone in saying im better off without and with good reason

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford


"i dont speak to my parents - havent done for over 30 years with one quick phone chat 11 yrs ago that was domed before it began - im not alone in saying im better off without and with good reason"

That's sad, but there is obviously a very good reason. I was lucky to have a good relationship with both my parents and now I've lost my mum, I want to look after my dad who has always looked after me.

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