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"Maybe try having this conversation with her instead of a random bunch of strangers who know nothing about your relationship? " This.  | |||
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"Maybe try having this conversation with her instead of a random bunch of strangers who know nothing about your relationship? " This
Remember your partner can read this too  | |||
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"If your partner had a constant history of being in circumstances that looked dishonest but only by bad luck..apparently. would you give them the benefit of the doubt and after weeks think it all good again. Then something odd happens again and you think the best yet again until too many alarm bells ring just as u see they have been searching Google "why do I lie" and "I can't stop lying". I know it's doubtful anyone can reassure me but kinda wish someone could as I crazy for her. " This isn't the place to air this. Completely unfair on your partner and shows a total lack of respect for her | |||
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"The last part of your post indicates to me that your partner wants help...offer it. Good luck." Wise words. | |||
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"If your partner had a constant history of being in circumstances that looked dishonest but only by bad luck..apparently. would you give them the benefit of the doubt and after weeks think it all good again. Then something odd happens again and you think the best yet again until too many alarm bells ring just as u see they have been searching Google "why do I lie" and "I can't stop lying". I know it's doubtful anyone can reassure me but kinda wish someone could as I crazy for her. " look up Pathological or compulsive lyer and what sighns to look out for when suspicious of her. | |||
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"Maybe try having this conversation with her instead of a random bunch of strangers who know nothing about your relationship? This
Remember your partner can read this too "We agree with above but not necessarily the partner will read it, unless they share the profile, so many couple on here their profile controlled by one of them only  | |||
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"When someone is deceitful it can be difficult. No matter how much you love them it will eventually break you. If they are an accomplished liar, they can send you close to insanity, make you feel controlling and ultimately destroy any confidence or belief you have in yourself. Get out now. Trust me on this." | |||
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"When someone is deceitful it can be difficult. No matter how much you love them it will eventually break you. If they are an accomplished liar, they can send you close to insanity, make you feel controlling and ultimately destroy any confidence or belief you have in yourself. Get out now. Trust me on this." You can't say that as we only heard one side of the story | |||
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"When someone is deceitful it can be difficult. No matter how much you love them it will eventually break you. If they are an accomplished liar, they can send you close to insanity, make you feel controlling and ultimately destroy any confidence or belief you have in yourself. Get out now. Trust me on this. You can't say that as we only heard one side of the story "To be fair, the fact that he's checking the internet history suggests that there is no trust. I'm not sure that there's a relationship to save without trust. Maybe that's because she keeps lying, or maybe he's just paranoid... Either way, I'd be out personally. | |||
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"When someone is deceitful it can be difficult. No matter how much you love them it will eventually break you. If they are an accomplished liar, they can send you close to insanity, make you feel controlling and ultimately destroy any confidence or belief you have in yourself. Get out now. Trust me on this. You can't say that as we only heard one side of the story
To be fair, the fact that he's checking the internet history suggests that there is no trust. I'm not sure that there's a relationship to save without trust. Maybe that's because she keeps lying, or maybe he's just paranoid... Either way, I'd be out personally."Totally agree, without trust, you have nothing. | |||
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"When someone is deceitful it can be difficult. No matter how much you love them it will eventually break you. If they are an accomplished liar, they can send you close to insanity, make you feel controlling and ultimately destroy any confidence or belief you have in yourself. Get out now. Trust me on this. You can't say that as we only heard one side of the story
To be fair, the fact that he's checking the internet history suggests that there is no trust. I'm not sure that there's a relationship to save without trust. Maybe that's because she keeps lying, or maybe he's just paranoid... Either way, I'd be out personally.
Totally agree, without trust, you have nothing.
"First you have to earn your trust back once you got caught lying or visa versa, trusting 100% is just letting your guard down a little too much. | |||
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"When someone is deceitful it can be difficult. No matter how much you love them it will eventually break you. If they are an accomplished liar, they can send you close to insanity, make you feel controlling and ultimately destroy any confidence or belief you have in yourself. Get out now. Trust me on this. You can't say that as we only heard one side of the story
To be fair, the fact that he's checking the internet history suggests that there is no trust. I'm not sure that there's a relationship to save without trust. Maybe that's because she keeps lying, or maybe he's just paranoid... Either way, I'd be out personally.
Totally agree, without trust, you have nothing.
First you have to earn your trust back once you got caught lying or visa versa, trusting 100% is just letting your guard down a little too much."Yes that is true trust is very important in any relationship what ever it is fab or vanilla life, but some people take the wrong end of the stick and you have to fight hard to get them to think otherwise | |||
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"When someone is deceitful it can be difficult. No matter how much you love them it will eventually break you. If they are an accomplished liar, they can send you close to insanity, make you feel controlling and ultimately destroy any confidence or belief you have in yourself. Get out now. Trust me on this. You can't say that as we only heard one side of the story
To be fair, the fact that he's checking the internet history suggests that there is no trust. I'm not sure that there's a relationship to save without trust. Maybe that's because she keeps lying, or maybe he's just paranoid... Either way, I'd be out personally.
Totally agree, without trust, you have nothing.
First you have to earn your trust back once you got caught lying or visa versa, trusting 100% is just letting your guard down a little too much.
Yes that is true trust is very important in any relationship what ever it is fab or vanilla life, but some people take the wrong end of the stick and you have to fight hard to get them to think otherwise "Again, why bother, insecurity and paranoia aren't worth the hassle | |||
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" Again, why bother, insecurity and paranoia aren't worth the hassle" ^ Exactly. I have been there, and from my experiences if too many alarm bells ring there is something suspicious. If you want to talk to someone, hit me up  | |||
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"The fact that the OP has posted this tells me one thing; that he wants a record, why? I know its different for everyone, but someone that is a compulsive liar can end up making their partner feel insane, denying they have said things, not recollecting conversations or actions. Sometimes you need a line in the sand, an anchor, something true. If there is a compulsion to lie by a partner, there is NOTHING you can do about it. The reason for the lies exists at a core, you as a partner will not get near this core, even the best specialists in the world have trouble getting to this core. In may be something from their past, a hundred and one reasons, but it is deeply buried inside them, untouchable. As a partner of a compulsive liar you end up being complicit in their charade, you reinforce, just by remaining, that this is "normal" and layers are added, the core pushed deeper inside. You will rubber-band backwards and forwards. Each time you will forgive and they will promise not to behave this way. They may even seek professional help; it's then that the situation can get worse, when they seek therapy there is an acknowledgement that they are ill, depending on the character of the compulsive person, they could go into self destruct mode, and will catch everyone that cares about them in the crossfire..... I know I am being harsh, I know that it seems I have no empathy or compassion for the other party, but it is in fact the opposite, by being complicit and reinforcing their behaviour, they have no need to change, to stop the lies, no matter what you may do they will continue, you cannot fix them by staying around, if you stand up to them, you will be seen as controlling, which gives them further excuse to lie and leads to more deceit. Let them carry on and you "don't care", you will not get even in this situation. You stay with the liar, believing that you can fix them, believing that you truly do love them, but you are just exacerbating the situation, you in essence are being selfish. If the person the OP is speaking about is truly a compulsive liar, trying to "fix" them will not work.... I am sorry, I wish it would/could but it won't, and I am afraid, of the harm it could do to everyone around them. So what to do? I don't have an answer there other than to protect yourself, if you do not, then prepare to write off a few years of your life trying to fix something that you (I am so sorry to say) cannot, until they have an epiphany until they face their demon, you will walk through hell with them. Some may view this as "compassionate", but you are prolonging the agony for all. The concept that the liar believes in is "Freedom", lies give someone the "freedom" to do as they wish with no recourse, no matter how it effects someone else. " Heartfelt. You can't change people. The only way you can 'stay' is to be out from under it, not collude with it. Not sure I could ever do it in a relationship but I have a friend who is a compulsive liar - I just accept him for what he is and expect no more of him, I just won't pretend his lies are truth. I saw a fb meme today that kind of sums it up: "A friend is someone who listens to your bullshit, tells you in your face it's bullshit, and then listens to more of your bullshit." | |||
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"The fact that the OP has posted this tells me one thing; that he wants a record, why? I know its different for everyone, but someone that is a compulsive liar can end up making their partner feel insane, denying they have said things, not recollecting conversations or actions. Sometimes you need a line in the sand, an anchor, something true. If there is a compulsion to lie by a partner, there is NOTHING you can do about it. The reason for the lies exists at a core, you as a partner will not get near this core, even the best specialists in the world have trouble getting to this core. In may be something from their past, a hundred and one reasons, but it is deeply buried inside them, untouchable. As a partner of a compulsive liar you end up being complicit in their charade, you reinforce, just by remaining, that this is "normal" and layers are added, the core pushed deeper inside. You will rubber-band backwards and forwards. Each time you will forgive and they will promise not to behave this way. They may even seek professional help; it's then that the situation can get worse, when they seek therapy there is an acknowledgement that they are ill, depending on the character of the compulsive person, they could go into self destruct mode, and will catch everyone that cares about them in the crossfire..... I know I am being harsh, I know that it seems I have no empathy or compassion for the other party, but it is in fact the opposite, by being complicit and reinforcing their behaviour, they have no need to change, to stop the lies, no matter what you may do they will continue, you cannot fix them by staying around, if you stand up to them, you will be seen as controlling, which gives them further excuse to lie and leads to more deceit. Let them carry on and you "don't care", you will not get even in this situation. You stay with the liar, believing that you can fix them, believing that you truly do love them, but you are just exacerbating the situation, you in essence are being selfish. If the person the OP is speaking about is truly a compulsive liar, trying to "fix" them will not work.... I am sorry, I wish it would/could but it won't, and I am afraid, of the harm it could do to everyone around them. So what to do? I don't have an answer there other than to protect yourself, if you do not, then prepare to write off a few years of your life trying to fix something that you (I am so sorry to say) cannot, until they have an epiphany until they face their demon, you will walk through hell with them. Some may view this as "compassionate", but you are prolonging the agony for all. The concept that the liar believes in is "Freedom", lies give someone the "freedom" to do as they wish with no recourse, no matter how it effects someone else. The reality is, is that "Freedom" just means having nothing you care about to lose........." I fully understand what you are saying, been with someone off n off for two years and sounds just like her, no matter how much you talk to them and everything you said about deny the conversations that they forget even texts what they say, the story they tell changes all the time, they get so confused to the lies they forgotten what they said originally and make out your the Looney.was a waist of time in my opinion, it's not about trust its about not being taken for a fool. | |||
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"When someone is deceitful it can be difficult. No matter how much you love them it will eventually break you. If they are an accomplished liar, they can send you close to insanity, make you feel controlling and ultimately destroy any confidence or belief you have in yourself. Get out now. Trust me on this. You can't say that as we only heard one side of the story
To be fair, the fact that he's checking the internet history suggests that there is no trust. I'm not sure that there's a relationship to save without trust. Maybe that's because she keeps lying, or maybe he's just paranoid... Either way, I'd be out personally.
Totally agree, without trust, you have nothing.
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