FabSwingers.com forum: not turning up

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all we would really like advise on this will be long winded lol.Ok here goes we chatted to a couple on here for a couple of weeks or so and got on really great and finally met up with them around 2 weeks ago for a social meet to see if we clicked.We all got on great and through contact decided to meet again at chams the following weekend.

The day of the meet at chams we were all sorted babysitters etc.That day we had major rain fall in hereford and about an hour before we were due to set off we had a major leak through the roof of our house and i mean major half the house has been ruined by it and half the contents too.So while this was happening all we had or minds on was moving and salvaging what we couls and calling out the emergancy repairs etc.we were up all night with a team of blokes trying to control the leak and were also very upset with the fact that most of what we worked for was ruined.

anyway next day around midday we received a text off the couple asking where we were last night.Of course with everything that went on our minds just went blank so we had forgotten to let the couple know of our plight.We apologised and explained the situation and received a reply saying thanks for letting us know you could of told etc again we explained our plight and apologised and it was left at that.

Yesterday we had contacted them to ask if they were possibly free and they replied no as we have got the kids which is fine tehn we said what about saturday and they said no as we have a meet planned which is fairenough but then we said what about sunday and the reply then said no we dont want to meet again as you did not turn up last time and waisted our time and they have also took us off there friends list on here now.

We understand that we did not contact them at the time to cancel but is it just us that thinks that under the circunstances at the time it was understandable that we forgot. All advice on this will be glady taken all the best kev and louise xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Understandable, but also you can see it from their point of view. You talked about having sitters etc, well they will have had to make arrangements too and I guess they have decided to give you a miss. They have only your word for it and it must feel like cold feet to them.

You have two choices really - move on and find someone else or send them one last grovelling emailing suggesting Chams again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It may be that they have been let down before and don't believe the reason you are giving

I think it's a case of you accepting that they don't want to meet you. I'm sure there are others on the site that would like to meet you

Hope you've sorted out the house - my sympathies sounds like you had the flood from hell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

can see there point as well there are a lot of people that wil make up excuses about stuff not to go to meets or because they have got cold feet sorry about what has happened to your house i would say move on and dont let it get you down x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i know we have been let down before but we have always kept in touch with them before we met them socially and after the social it was only this one occasion where we did forget cause of the situation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

and all your advise is good for us guys and as for the house it wasnt just us that got effected 3 other houses on the block have been affected too.

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By *iercedTattooedBBWWoman
over a year ago

bangor

I understand their point too i'm afraid,

Having been let down quite a few times myself and given no explanation it is very fustrating when you have spent the time getting babysitters and getting yourself ready.

It does somehow make it easier if you are told they cant make it for whatever reason.

If i am given a reason, i will always try arrange another time, give them the benefit of the doubt, but as has happened twice this week, they just do not turn up then,, no second chances, they get removed and reported, i'm not wasting any more time on them.

I do understand you plight though, but surely at some point in the night you thought oh shit, that couple....

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Sorry to hear about your flood and hope you get everything sorted.

This is one of those times I think when you have to accept that not everyone is like you. You would probably accept that at times like that of course things like meetings at chams for a out of your head however some don't.

The only saving grace for the other couple is that they were at chams and so I am guessing their night wasn't a complete bust compared to if you had agreed to meet at a hotel

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

to be fair we really did not think we had so much happening what with the repairs team in and out trying to get the kids round to mothers etc you had to be there to see and believe it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

and also when we go to chams again and bump into the couple there it might make for an awkward atmosphere.And we would also like to point out that the couple in question are really nice people.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I guess we live and we learn from experiences and they may of been angry. Maybe they did not get any at chams so thought it was money down the drain. Of course the last thing on your mind was to contact them which is understandable. Just put it down to experience and look for a different couple to play with and leave the other couple to it. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear about your flood and hope you get everything sorted.

The only saving grace for the other couple is that they were at chams and so I am guessing their night wasn't a complete bust compared to if you had agreed to meet at a hotel "

I have to agree with you.

To be brutally honest, me being me... I would have been so conscious of the fact there was somebody waiting for us and I would have had to let them know that we can't make it even in a horrible situation such as the terrible flood the OP is describing.

A quick text could have been sent saying something along the lines of "sorry, we can't make tonight.. will explain tomorrow" might have gotten them a second chance of a meet.

I'm glad it was a club the couple went to as well. We would have been seriously cheesed off if we had forked out for a hotel and had a no-show without so much as a text message to say they couldn't make it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I too can see the other couples point of view.

Of course your emergency was on your minds, but people do make excuses and cancel with the most outrageous excuses.

All you can do is forget them I'm afraid. They may see this thread and rekindle friendships as you've not bad mouthed them just asking for advice.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do understand you plight though, but surely at some point in the night you thought oh shit, that couple...."

This is my thought, particularly as you mentioned sitters (who were presumably cancelled0 and getting your kids to their grandparents.

Sorry but my sympathy for you regarding the other couples reaction is limited.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Maybe try and see it from the other people's point of view - they got everything sorted, travelled to the club, then sat there wondering where you were. They wouldn't have been able to text you as I don't think phones are allowed in clubs so it must have been galling, and they would have thought that you had been leading them on (thats how I feel when this sort of thing happens - it aint nice).

I'd try one last grovelling message, pointing out that there will be times you bump into each other at the club and you want to clear the air, then leave them alone. Who knows - maybe next time you are both at the club things will take a natural course.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That is the thing the thread is only for advice not to upset anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No wheels the sitter was not cancelled it was my sister whom actually stayed with us to try and help us sort the house out through the night.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

we do understand there point.And here is the BUT lol we always contacted them before this happened and also met them socially aswell so proved we were genuine people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see their point of view too. The flood sounds horrendous, hope you've got it all sorted.

They obviously believe you are spinning them a line. I don't know specific timescales, but if you went into detail about how awful the damage was, losing possessions etc, all the worry over repairs, the cost of that, is the insurance covered, all the worry that goes with extensive property damage, as you have stated in your post, then maybe the couple thought god if they're going through all that would they really be wanting to swing the next weekend, surely they would have more important things to worry about than casual nsa sex with strangers.

And to add insult to injury constantly messaging saying what about this day, well if you can't do that what a out this one. If it was me in that position I'd think no, its all a load of bollox, they're too eager to make a date when they have all this catastrophe going on.

They don't want to play with you again, regardless of what disaster happened, you've burnt your bridges. Leave it and don't hassle them as no doubt they will block and report you. Lots of others to play with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No wheels the sitter was not cancelled it was my sister whom actually stayed with us to try and help us sort the house out through the night."

So at the point your sister turned up that didnt prompt you to remeber you had plans?

Sorry but I just don't get that at all.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"we do understand there point.And here is the BUT lol we always contacted them before this happened and also met them socially aswell so proved we were genuine people."

I'm sorry but that doesn't always mean someone is reliable.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

there has been 2 weeks between the flood and us asking them if they wanted a meet again

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

no wheels my sister was already at our place as she stopped the night before also due to living out of town with my mum.and its easier for her to stop with us from time to time to get to college.so she was already there before the flood took effect

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks for all your views guys they have made us think a bit more for future refernce x

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"That is the thing the thread is only for advice not to upset anyone."

i don't think anyone has been wrong at all... I think it was a matter of timing... if you had let them know at the time, rather than no explanation then calling them the day after would have probably gotten short shrift from me as well....

we all know emergencies happen.... its a case of letting people know at the earliest moment, can you hand on heart say the next day was the earliest moment, or an afterthought?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People can be a bit 'fickle' I'm afraid. I've never let anyone down or been let down.

Tend to confirm with each other when leaving to visit either way.

Understand that people have to make arrangements and can perhaps be looking forward to the evening etc ..

Shit happens though and if you feel you need to justify to them send em a pic !

If no response move on knowing that you have genuinely tried.

Can't do any more and if you did it may be 'off-putting' judging by the reaction they have given already perhaps ...

Life goes on and so does swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just want to apologise to you for this paragraph in my previous post. It is incredibly rude, and I am sorry about the harshness of it.

I do understand that when we make friends via swinging, it isnt nice to think we have lost them. The disaster wasnt your fault, and when faced with it things do get forgotten.

People hear loads of fantastical excuses and so tend to be sceptical. Just give it time, maybe in a few weeks say a quick hello without mentioning meeting etc. Maybe in time this oversight will be forgotten. If not then there are loads of others who you will have an equally good time with

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