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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment?" True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please  | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please "Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment? | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment? "No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway). | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment?" I think it depends on what you feel true love is. For me the three go together but I know it isn't so for everyone. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway). "Committed....... | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway). "Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love? | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?"I would say that's what true love is. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway). "I think true love is commitment and respect for space (i.e. respecting someones needs!)..security evolves from that | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?"im not really sure what your saying, i love my partnet unconditionally, im committed to the relationship and with that comes security. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? I think it depends on what you feel true love is. For me the three go together but I know it isn't so for everyone." If for you the three must go together then your love for another is measured at least in part by the security or commitment they offer you? You could not love them just for who they are? | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?
I would say that's what true love is."Commitment and security are conditions. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?
I would say that's what true love is.
Commitment and security are conditions."Of course they aren't. They're effects. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?im not really sure what your saying, i love my partnet unconditionally, im committed to the relationship and with that comes security.
"Is the fact that he's committed to the relationship a condition on the love you have for him, is it really unconditional? | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?im not really sure what your saying, i love my partnet unconditionally, im committed to the relationship and with that comes security.
Is the fact that he's committed to the relationship a condition on the love you have for him, is it really unconditional?"No, commitment isn't a condition. Commitment results from true love, it's not a condition of it. I don't think many people, if any, fall in love with someone because they commit to them. It works the other way round. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?
I would say that's what true love is.
Commitment and security are conditions.
Of course they aren't. They're effects."If what you say is correct then are you saying that true love must come first and be the cause which later creates commitment and or security? | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?
I would say that's what true love is.
Commitment and security are conditions.
Of course they aren't. They're effects.
If what you say is correct then are you saying that true love must come first and be the cause which later creates commitment and or security?"No, if true love comes first they are side effects. Commitment and security may be able to exist without love. I'm still considering that one. True love comes with all 3. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please i have no ide??
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?im not really sure what your saying, i love my partnet unconditionally, im committed to the relationship and with that comes security.
Is the fact that he's committed to the relationship a condition on the love you have for him, is it really unconditional?"i have no idea, depends what you mean committed. I dont know how you would fall in love with someone who wasnt making sone kind of commitenent. Emotionally, time and energy. Love is a two way thing that you do together, a partnership so you both commit. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?
I would say that's what true love is.
Commitment and security are conditions.
Of course they aren't. They're effects.
If what you say is correct then are you saying that true love must come first and be the cause which later creates commitment and or security?"Yes, in my view - they are the natural consequence of the love (usually, not always). | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?im not really sure what your saying, i love my partnet unconditionally, im committed to the relationship and with that comes security.
Is the fact that he's committed to the relationship a condition on the love you have for him, is it really unconditional?
No, commitment isn't a condition.
Commitment results from true love, it's not a condition of it.
I don't think many people, if any, fall in love with someone because they commit to them. It works the other way round."I partly agree with you but I would suggest a large proportion of the world's population that have arranged marriages would strongly disagree with you. If you believe that commitment results from true love then how can you not accept that true love is independent of commitment? Especially if commitment is a choice after falling in love and not a condition of that love? | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?im not really sure what your saying, i love my partnet unconditionally, im committed to the relationship and with that comes security.
Is the fact that he's committed to the relationship a condition on the love you have for him, is it really unconditional?
No, commitment isn't a condition.
Commitment results from true love, it's not a condition of it.
I don't think many people, if any, fall in love with someone because they commit to them. It works the other way round.
I partly agree with you but I would suggest a large proportion of the world's population that have arranged marriages would strongly disagree with you.
If you believe that commitment results from true love then how can you not accept that true love is independent of commitment? Especially if commitment is a choice after falling in love and not a condition of that love?"Ah, it's a bit different in arranged marriages, I think. Firstly, the people involved in arranged marriages tend to be conditioned differently. Different rules apply, I think. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?im not really sure what your saying, i love my partnet unconditionally, im committed to the relationship and with that comes security.
Is the fact that he's committed to the relationship a condition on the love you have for him, is it really unconditional?
No, commitment isn't a condition.
Commitment results from true love, it's not a condition of it.
I don't think many people, if any, fall in love with someone because they commit to them. It works the other way round.
I partly agree with you but I would suggest a large proportion of the world's population that have arranged marriages would strongly disagree with you.
If you believe that commitment results from true love then how can you not accept that true love is independent of commitment? Especially if commitment is a choice after falling in love and not a condition of that love?"People with arranged marriages commit, and love may or may not follow. More western societies love first, and then naturally progress to commit if it is 'true love' - but the love is not conditional on the committment IMO. Yes, they are separate, but one usually follows the other. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?
I would say that's what true love is.
Commitment and security are conditions.
Of course they aren't. They're effects.
If what you say is correct then are you saying that true love must come first and be the cause which later creates commitment and or security?
Yes, in my view - they are the natural consequence of the love (usually, not always)."I accept that, and in many cases you're absolutely right. That's different to saying that true love IS security and commitment though. Do you accept that distinction? I equally accept that for the ideal of many the three evolve and merge over time. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?im not really sure what your saying, i love my partnet unconditionally, im committed to the relationship and with that comes security.
Is the fact that he's committed to the relationship a condition on the love you have for him, is it really unconditional?
No, commitment isn't a condition.
Commitment results from true love, it's not a condition of it.
I don't think many people, if any, fall in love with someone because they commit to them. It works the other way round.
I partly agree with you but I would suggest a large proportion of the world's population that have arranged marriages would strongly disagree with you.
If you believe that commitment results from true love then how can you not accept that true love is independent of commitment? Especially if commitment is a choice after falling in love and not a condition of that love?
People with arranged marriages commit, and love may or may not follow. More western societies love first, and then naturally progress to commit if it is 'true love' - but the love is not conditional on the committment IMO.
Yes, they are separate, but one usually follows the other."In that case I bring you back to my opening post. If they are separate, given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose? | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?
I would say that's what true love is.
Commitment and security are conditions.
Of course they aren't. They're effects.
If what you say is correct then are you saying that true love must come first and be the cause which later creates commitment and or security?
Yes, in my view - they are the natural consequence of the love (usually, not always).
I accept that, and in many cases you're absolutely right.
That's different to saying that true love IS security and commitment though. Do you accept that distinction?
I equally accept that for the ideal of many the three evolve and merge over time."I think people were saying true love goes hand in hand with security and commitment, not that it is security and commitment. Therefore, if you have true love you also have security and commitment. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?im not really sure what your saying, i love my partnet unconditionally, im committed to the relationship and with that comes security.
Is the fact that he's committed to the relationship a condition on the love you have for him, is it really unconditional?
No, commitment isn't a condition.
Commitment results from true love, it's not a condition of it.
I don't think many people, if any, fall in love with someone because they commit to them. It works the other way round.
I partly agree with you but I would suggest a large proportion of the world's population that have arranged marriages would strongly disagree with you.
If you believe that commitment results from true love then how can you not accept that true love is independent of commitment? Especially if commitment is a choice after falling in love and not a condition of that love?
People with arranged marriages commit, and love may or may not follow. More western societies love first, and then naturally progress to commit if it is 'true love' - but the love is not conditional on the committment IMO.
Yes, they are separate, but one usually follows the other.
In that case I bring you back to my opening post. If they are separate, given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose?"The question doesn't make sense to me. True love leads to commitment and security. You can't have only one. They're a package deal. | |||
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"If we look at extremes, love can develop as a survival instinct. Stockholm Syndrome for example. Is that "real" love?" The only person who knows whether they are in love is the person experiencing it. Whether they've fallen in love over time after an arranged marriage, fallen in love online with an inmate on death row or the famed Stockholm syndrome. If you accept that love can come first and happen before security or commitment (even though the others may follow) it's enough to then be faced with attempting to answer my opening post, don't you agree? | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please
Thats what im saying
Really? You don't believe that love can be independent of security or commitment?
No I think true love is commited and therefore gives you security (of love anyway).
Does that mean you don't believe in the possibility of unconditional love?
I would say that's what true love is.
Commitment and security are conditions.
Of course they aren't. They're effects.
If what you say is correct then are you saying that true love must come first and be the cause which later creates commitment and or security?
Yes, in my view - they are the natural consequence of the love (usually, not always).
I accept that, and in many cases you're absolutely right.
That's different to saying that true love IS security and commitment though. Do you accept that distinction?
I equally accept that for the ideal of many the three evolve and merge over time.
I think people were saying true love goes hand in hand with security and commitment, not that it is security and commitment. Therefore, if you have true love you also have security and commitment." | |||
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"If we look at extremes, love can develop as a survival instinct. Stockholm Syndrome for example. Is that "real" love? The only person who knows whether they are in love is the person experiencing it. Whether they've fallen in love over time after an arranged marriage, fallen in love online with an inmate on death row or the famed Stockholm syndrome. If you accept that love can come first and happen before security or commitment (even though the others may follow) it's enough to then be faced with attempting to answer my opening post, don't you agree?" give an example of how you fall in love without commitment or security | |||
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" I think people were saying true love goes hand in hand with security and commitment, not that it is security and commitment. Therefore, if you have true love you also have security and commitment." Please read the second and third posts on this thread. | |||
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"If we look at extremes, love can develop as a survival instinct. Stockholm Syndrome for example. Is that "real" love? The only person who knows whether they are in love is the person experiencing it. Whether they've fallen in love over time after an arranged marriage, fallen in love online with an inmate on death row or the famed Stockholm syndrome. If you accept that love can come first and happen before security or commitment (even though the others may follow) it's enough to then be faced with attempting to answer my opening post, don't you agree?" Ok well I did choose number one - because I believe the other two will follow and I will have all three by making that my choice!  | |||
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"If we look at extremes, love can develop as a survival instinct. Stockholm Syndrome for example. Is that "real" love? The only person who knows whether they are in love is the person experiencing it. Whether they've fallen in love over time after an arranged marriage, fallen in love online with an inmate on death row or the famed Stockholm syndrome. If you accept that love can come first and happen before security or commitment (even though the others may follow) it's enough to then be faced with attempting to answer my opening post, don't you agree?" No, nobody knows where things will go so they can't know what they are choosing. All we can do is go with something that feels good or positive for as long as it works for us. Emotions are too complex to be able to divide up like that. | |||
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"If we look at extremes, love can develop as a survival instinct. Stockholm Syndrome for example. Is that "real" love? The only person who knows whether they are in love is the person experiencing it. Whether they've fallen in love over time after an arranged marriage, fallen in love online with an inmate on death row or the famed Stockholm syndrome. If you accept that love can come first and happen before security or commitment (even though the others may follow) it's enough to then be faced with attempting to answer my opening post, don't you agree? Ok well I did choose number one - because I believe the other two will follow and I will have all three by making that my choice! "Exactly, emotions are too complex to be able to envisage a situation in which you'd only be choosing one of those things. | |||
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"....give an example of how you fall in love without commitment or security" A drafted soldier in WW1 about to leave for the trenches with little expectation of not meeting his doom. If you read some of their diaries and the diaries of some of their 'girlfriends' it's difficult not to accept many found love without commitment or security. Besides, I actually believe falling in love is just that. True love doesn't need anything else. The practicalities of life does. | |||
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"....give an example of how you fall in love without commitment or security A drafted soldier in WW1 about to leave for the trenches with little expectation of not meeting his doom. If you read some of their diaries and the diaries of some of their 'girlfriends' it's difficult not to accept many found love without commitment or security. Besides, I actually believe falling in love is just that. True love doesn't need anything else. The practicalities of life does." but what made the girlfriends fall in love with them in the first place they must of made some commitment to them. I think your definition of commitment and secutity may differ from mine | |||
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" Exactly, emotions are too complex to be able to envisage a situation in which you'd only be choosing one of those things." 80 year old billionaire marries 22 year old model. True love? Maybe. Lots of people choose some form of security over love. | |||
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"You seem to be refering to some sort of long term commitment and security and not the here and now" No I'm not. | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment?" I have all three. It's still not enough | |||
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"Given the hypothetical choice of only being able to have one, which one would you choose - true love, security or commitment? True love is security and commitment, so I'll have number one please "Exactly this | |||
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"Can I just have a new Land Rover and a puppy?" Oooh a dog is for life - gotta give security and commitment there! ! | |||
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"True love is the most important thing for me but I think commitment comes with true love, I also think true love is rare and when it comes along you should grab it with both hands and run for the hills. Security is another thing altogether. When I first met Mr I had to give up the security I had in my life BUT it was worth giving up security and I think with a committed relationship security builds with it. Mrs x"  | |||
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"If you truly love someone then surely you would do what's right for them. Sometimes that's letting them go. I see no commitment or security in that situation. " | |||
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"We all have an ability to influence security and commitment... But we have no influence over the factors required to meet our one true love... For me genuine true love wins every time no matter how long or short the life you share together ,,,,,nothing compares.... "I agree | |||
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