FabSwingers.com forum: Dunno if im worthy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

For many years I have owned companies which have been successful but recently I've changed from trading as to limited. All ok but I have set myself a wage, as low as it is I find that the wife thinks I'm a failure. We've had problems for years but this seems to be the straw. I'm not sure what I'm asking to be fair but any input is greatly received. I know this maybe not the right place to ask but hell dunno where else to turn

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Consider that you know your wife better than any of us ever will. The only rational response to your post is to suggest you talk to her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Give yourself a payrise?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find that the wife thinks I'm a failure. "

This is a case of you think you're more successful than the reality is...and THAT frustrates your wife.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

What has your wife said to make you think she thinks you are a failure?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As self employed I could swing accounts accordingly but now not so much. But surely my wage shouldn't matter. Ok I have not informed her on my dividends but really should that matter after 25 years of marriage

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Does your wife really think you are a failure or are you projecting?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Errr, you're hiding key financial information from her?

Is that what you're saying?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes allegedly

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Yes allegedly "

Who are you replying to? Use reply and quote to make it easier to understand

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Nope but I can't use money from my account like I use too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"As self employed I could swing accounts accordingly but now not so much. But surely my wage shouldn't matter. Ok I have not informed her on my dividends but really should that matter after 25 years of marriage "

Yes it should, why are you hiding information from her like this?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

of course it matters! 2 or 25 years!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm no longer the "boss" I'm just an employee of the company I started so unfortunately I Can not expose the company I work for financial status

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

you are a failure for keeping your wife in the dark about how this will/ will not effect her, your family/ household, she must be worried sick..or were you hoping to hide it away somewhere and do a runner??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"I'm no longer the "boss" I'm just an employee of the company I started so unfortunately I Can not expose the company I work for financial status"

So someone bought the company from you then? That's not what you implied at the beginning.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Two or three things come to mind -

We often set our personal value and linked self-esteem, to external factors, such as type of career, income, social status, material goods etc,rather than who we intrinsically are - our uniqueness and qualities. Others often get it wrong, judging others by those things too.

Your wife may be hitting you whilst you're perhaps at a lower point too - is she blaming you for something?

With chronic relationship issues, the problem of the day is just a symptom. Energy needs to be invested in to what's not right more substantially, if you're going to beat this. Otherwise it could be a vicious cycle of never-ending misery. You deserve better.

I'd create a barrier that's enforced each time it's raised to knock you and request time is spent discussing what's really up and how you move on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I'm no longer the "boss" I'm just an employee of the company I started so unfortunately I Can not expose the company I work for financial status"

If you're just an employee, how can you have set yourself a wage?

Any dividend you receive isn't private company information, I think your wife is entitled to know your income, including dividends.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well this all sounds insanely messy.

Talk to the wife, counsellors, and solicitors if it's beyond recovery.

Other than that, I'm out. You're withholding stuff from your wife. That's a major trust issue.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I bought the company from me from if the worst case happens my house and possessions will not be taken. My middle son works for means I would like to know if everything went tits up he would be safe but it has come as a sacrifice to my own well being. I'm quite happy taking an average wage with profit bonus depending on how work goes but like I said I'm not worthy this way

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I bought the company from me from if the worst case happens my house and possessions will not be taken. My middle son works for means I would like to know if everything went tits up he would be safe but it has come as a sacrifice to my own well being. I'm quite happy taking an average wage with profit bonus depending on how work goes but like I said I'm not worthy this way"

You're not being very clear.

You're effectively saying now you're Director of a limited company which you sold to yourself to protect your assets?

So you're not "just an employee", and there's nothing preventing you from sharing details with your wife, other than the fact you seem to want to keep them hidden, for some reason.

I'd be pissed off too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

You set your wage...the tax paid would be the same as a sole trader...only the NI is different

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

This is way too confusing! You are contracting yourself left right and centre.

It certainly sounds like it'd you with the inferiority complex, not your wife thinking you are not worthy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

It's not a proofreading company, is it?

Sorry to seem to be taking the piss, but your writing style is hard to follow and I don't know what to say to someone who says

"I bought the company from me"

...as there seem to be enough people involved before you involved the Internet...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know what to say to someone who says

"I bought the company from me"

...as there seem to be enough people involved before you involved the Internet..."

^ this.

First bit doesn't make sense.

I think he's saying he bought the company from himself and transferred that into another entity.

That's legal and fine.

But to the OP... I also wouldn't be talking about this kind of stuff here.

You need to be talking to your wife, not a bunch of Strangers on a fucking forum.

/I'm going to bed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

doesn't sound like you think you're 'not worthy';..did you not discuss any of this before you did it?..or if you lie/hide information routinely, then im not suprised she's pissed!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By the looks of his profile it's not the only thing he's hiding '' I am a 42 year old male Who is married but wife does not know about this. I'm not going to go on about why or looking to be judged, let's just say we're best of friends but not as sexually comparable as we once was.

I have had bisexual experience many years ago and wouldn't rule out trying again''. He sounds like a catch

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/11/16 23:42:58]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/11/16 23:43:18]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"By the looks of his profile it's not the only thing he's hiding "

Your profile is pretty interesting aswell:

Doctors/ Lawyers/ Pilots/ Military officers only...anyone else will be blocked"

^ Anybody could tell you they are a doctor/lawyer/pilot or write that on their profile...how do you know it's true?..

Just to play devils advocate...

/unless it's a fucking joke.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get an honest reply

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For many years I have owned companies which have been successful but recently I've changed from trading as to limited. All ok but I have set myself a wage, as low as it is I find that the wife thinks I'm a failure. We've had problems for years but this seems to be the straw. I'm not sure what I'm asking to be fair but any input is greatly received. I know this maybe not the right place to ask but hell dunno where else to turn"
Honesty is always the best policy ,if your wife feels that your wage is who you are well personally id be wondering if i deserved better

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe your wife has an inckling your cheating and that's why she's behaving in such a way with you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get an honest reply "

you've had several...but as your post seems to say you are being deliberately dishonest,i dont see what you want to achieve.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get ant honest reply "
sit her down and explain everything. Put your cards on the table and tell her everything. She wouldnt think any worse than she already does

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get an honest reply "

You're getting honest replies

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have sat down and gone through things hence why I'm a failure I really don't know what I can do to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I have sat down and gone through things hence why I'm a failure I really don't know what I can do to"

"Ok I have not informed her on my dividends but really should that matter after 25 years of marriage"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have sat down and gone through things hence why I'm a failure I really don't know what I can do to"

you said earlier you hadnt told her about dividends or something, so, no,you havent gone through everything if you're lying about your income to her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get an honest reply "

Letting off steam doesn't traditionally require a reply, honest (the irony!) or otherwise.

If you want sense out of us, you will need to make a passing attempt at coherence. I know it's inconvenient, but that's just the way that conversation works...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But why should my bonus make any difference

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But why should my bonus make any difference "
you have based your whinge on the fact that your earnings have affected your wife's opinion of you, so obviously it makes a difference...your posts are completely nonsensical!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask her what does she care more of you or the dollar.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I'm out of line and should not feel effected by her thoughts of me?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should feel effected I would be the same you just lowering your wage says it all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"But why should my bonus make any difference "

Because, as it's your company, it's effectively part of your income which you are trying to hide from her.

You've set up the company as a limited company to protect your personal assets and, I strongly suspect, to use what you take as wages and what you take as duvidends to your financial gain. And you've declined to share that information with your wife.

One wonders why you are hiding it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm guessing money is the most important thing then

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"So I'm out of line and should not feel effected by her thoughts of me?"

You're hiding information from her, she's entitled to think badly if you!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I'm guessing money is the most important thing then"

Why is it you're hiding it? Why haven't you been completely honest?

I'd say the lack of honesty is the important thing.

If you think the money is so unimportant, why are you hiding the information?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm out of line and should not feel effected by her thoughts of me?"

no-one has said that! but you are completely out of line lying to her regarding your income.don't know why you seem to expect to be told thats fine, and she's in the wrong.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dare say she will think the money issues you are having is nothing compared to you cheating on her with men and cross dressers. Maybe be a decent person and tell her rather than wait for the house of cards to come crashing down ?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I dare say she will think the money issues you are having is nothing compared to you cheating on her with men and cross dressers. Maybe be a decent person and tell her rather than wait for the house of cards to come crashing down ? "

I'm wondering if trying to hide income is in preparation for that possibility tbh.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm guessing money is the most important thing then"

yet another complete non-sequitor....no, lying is the most important thing! if you've been together 25 years do you really think for a minute that she won't be aware when you are hiding things from her and lying?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's the silliest part about it.she has full access to the accounts to actually see what goes in and out. I hold no secrets but due to wanting to run a limited company is wrong

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I think we're only getting one side of the story here and a lot of it isn't adding up.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even if he did he'd be doing her a huge favour. Any wife would be better off without a lying cheating husband who gets her into financial troubles and tries to make out she's the bitch for the sympathy vote

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's the silliest part about it.she has full access to the accounts to actually see what goes in and out. I hold no secrets but due to wanting to run a limited company is wrong"

you are contradicitng yourself again! youve already said twice you are hiding dividends from her...get your story straight!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go home. talk to the wife. tell her EVERYTHING. then you have an honest base line to start from. take it from there and build a stronger relationship with honesty

or go your own ways and find your own new horizons.

failing that..keep living how you are and not communicate very well with each other

those are approximately the options you have as i see it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's the silliest part about it.she has full access to the accounts to actually see what goes in and out. I hold no secrets but due to wanting to run a limited company is wrong

you are contradicitng yourself again! youve already said twice you are hiding dividends from her...get your story straight!"

can you IMAGINE how convoluted the story is at home after 25 years. We've known the man for an hour and it's getting this complicated

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's the silliest part about it.she has full access to the accounts to actually see what goes in and out. I hold no secrets but due to wanting to run a limited company is wrong

you are contradicitng yourself again! youve already said twice you are hiding dividends from her...get your story straight!

can you IMAGINE how convoluted the story is at home after 25 years. We've known the man for an hour and it's getting this complicated

i know! i'm off to bed, it's beginning to give me a twitch in my eyelid!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Tbf ever thing she has given me makes me wonder if I'm worthy hence the post

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

She thinks you're having an affair!

Boom! *Mike drop!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok.....I'm gonna say it did anyone else open this thread expecting it to be something Wayne's World related??? Just me then *grabs coat*

Serious note, 25 years is a long time to be together might be worth sitting down and having a honest chat with her and exactly how you feel.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That mic dropped on velvet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbf ever thing she has given me makes me wonder if I'm worthy hence the post "

again, that is completely incomprehensible. i'm assuming youre very d*unk, which is preferable to my alternative assumption...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you've gone limited so you canpay yourself min wage and less tax in the process and the you'll pay yourself a dividend at the end of the year from the profit while only paying like 10-20 of it to the taxman.

Is she not able to spend how she used to now then??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yep

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you've gone limited so you canpay yourself min wage and less tax in the process and the you'll pay yourself a dividend at the end of the year from the profit while only paying like 10-20 of it to the taxman.

Is she not able to spend how she used to now then??"

..and hides the dividends from her,lies about them, and wonders why that should make any difference to her opinion of him...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xx1Man
over a year ago

"I'm guessing money is the most important thing then"

No.

Honesty is OP!

Does your wife know you are on fab?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

[Removed by poster at 17/11/16 01:21:39]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtyinguMan
over a year ago

swindon

Your not a failure.

But if the household income has dropped alot then things will be difficult if shes unclear why.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The advantages of going limited over self employed is national insurance..you don't pay any on dividends..also assets are offered more protection. Unless the business has had a down turn then explain to her that you've gone limited so you two actually get more to spend than as self employed...it's easy enough...71p in the pound if self employed 80p in a limited company.But with low salary if you do split then any maintainence would be minimal...it's one way people use to avoid paying it...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

Is she not able to spend how she used to now then??"

Dividends can be paid more frequently...even monthly as a directors loan...so there is actually no drop in income...something doesn't add up.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

To many lies,it reminds me there is a plus to being single.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems there's a lot the op doesn't tell his wife.......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go home. talk to the wife. tell her EVERYTHING. then you have an honest base line to start from. take it from there and build a stronger relationship with honesty

or go your own ways and find your own new horizons.

failing that..keep living how you are and not communicate very well with each other

those are approximately the options you have as i see it. "
yes. Tell her everything. Including you're on here!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread