FabSwingers.com forum: Where do most affairs

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Start?

My guess would be the work place...most people I know show insecurity when it comes to their partners going on a night out but some of the flirting I see at work from people with partners is shocking....not to mention all the tales of people getting caught out at work

Anybody agree or disagree please share

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Start?

Anybody agree or disagree please share

Here is a question for you.

Where did your quest for sex outside of a relationship start? That is assuming you are in a relationship??

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Start?

Anybody agree or disagree please share

Here is a question for you.

Where did your quest for sex outside of a relationship start? That is assuming you are in a relationship??"

If i was in a relationship i wouldnt be on here...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My money would be getting in touch with old flames on social media.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

If someone is going to stray they are going to stray.

The one that has always bemused me, was our slimming club leader. Her husband used to come along and help and he ended up running of with one of the members

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I would say most start when one partner starts taking the other for granted.

I know it won't be a popular answer, but I think there's more truth to it than some would like to admit.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Start?

Anybody agree or disagree please share

Here is a question for you.

Where did your quest for sex outside of a relationship start? That is assuming you are in a relationship??

If i was in a relationship i wouldnt be on here..."

Lots are Liam....

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

The internet, in my experience

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By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

Different sex drives?

Some want to see if the grass is greener on the other side...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Start?

Anybody agree or disagree please share

Here is a question for you.

Where did your quest for sex outside of a relationship start? That is assuming you are in a relationship??

If i was in a relationship i wouldnt be on here...

Lots are Liam....

I've no doubt of that...doesn't really answer the question I don't think unless this site is your answer

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Affairs start with motivation and continue with opportunity.

Its probable that the most opportunities will occur in places where the most time is spent away from your partner. Hence the jokes about women having affairs with the milkman.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Different sex drives?

Some want to see if the grass is greener on the other side...

Yeah I can imagine that to be a common reason

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex went on dating sites and Social media and contacted an ex. I found out and dumped him.

When I worked in my last place of work (large law firm) there was lots of boffing going and lots of d*unken snogs at Christmas parties etc.

Not for me though, as I'd witnessed the drama between two colleagues who had a thing going on and the shit hit the fan when they split up and the bloke was sacked over his behaviour towards his ex (who was a conniving bitch to be fair).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, id agree with in the work place. My last serious girlfriend was my colleague and she had a boyfriend at the time we started.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We think a lot of these tales of flirting in the workplace are confusion of just friendly joking.

Also, with both of us working in big workplaces and for a long period of time, we have to say that there isn't a lot of people getting caught doing things they shouldn't.

Like the others are saying, we don't think the workplace is the hub of infidelity.

It happens more often in the most silly of places.

If someones wants to cheat they will, and if they don't they certainly won't.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Affairs start with motivation and continue with opportunity.

Its probable that the most opportunities will occur in places where the most time is spent away from your partner. Hence the jokes about women having affairs with the milkman."

Completely agree....I think in some scenarios people may spend just as much if not more time with colleagues than with their partner

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Devilbook

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side""

What do you think the success rate is? do you imagine most to find the grass to be greener or wish they hadn't ventured

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Devilbook "

Definitely a major one...think any social networking can be dangerous when used by the wrong people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Different sex drives?

Some want to see if the grass is greener on the other side...

Prefer mine freshly cut

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We think a lot of these tales of flirting in the workplace are confusion of just friendly joking.

Also, with both of us working in big workplaces and for a long period of time, we have to say that there isn't a lot of people getting caught doing things they shouldn't.

Like the others are saying, we don't think the workplace is the hub of infidelity.

It happens more often in the most silly of places.

If someones wants to cheat they will, and if they don't they certainly won't."

I know of a fair few that have had affairs though work unfortunately

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Different sex drives?

Some want to see if the grass is greener on the other side...

Except surely to think that, your own grass has to seem less verdant to begin with. Hence why I put it earlier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Workplace and internet! So many attached people seem to be on Tinder, etc...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Different sex drives?

Some want to see if the grass is greener on the other side...

It's not unknown for one half of a relationship to dig up the lawn and cover it in concrete.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Different sex drives?

Some want to see if the grass is greener on the other side...

It's not unknown for one half of a relationship to dig up the lawn and cover it in concrete."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Workplace and internet! So many attached people seem to be on Tinder, etc..."

I'd say these are the two most common ones myself

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

"Different sex drives?

Some want to see if the grass is greener on the other side...

It's not unknown for one half of a relationship to dig up the lawn and cover it in concrete."

Brilliant!!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

What do you think the success rate is? do you imagine most to find the grass to be greener or wish they hadn't ventured "
interesting, im thinking about people i know who have had full blown affairs and to be honest its pretty split. Ive known some to stay with the partner they have split from and ive known some where the partner has found out and they have gone on to work the marriage out. I know a few that ended up being dumped by the partner and the person they have had an affair with.

But i think(while im typing this) that most have gone on to have a successful marriage and seen it as a blip

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

My ex definitely thought the grass was greener and, to be fair it probably was to start with. A much junior colleague thinking he was hot, she had no kids, no housework to juggle with a full time job. He did me a big favour, I dumped him. They split up because guess what....he cheated on her with someone else he met at work !!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

What do you think the success rate is? do you imagine most to find the grass to be greener or wish they hadn't ventured interesting, im thinking about people i know who have had full blown affairs and to be honest its pretty split. Ive known some to stay with the partner they have split from and ive known some where the partner has found out and they have gone on to work the marriage out. I know a few that ended up being dumped by the partner and the person they have had an affair with.

But i think(while im typing this) that most have gone on to have a successful marriage and seen it as a blip"

Interesting...I suppose it can go either way....can't imagine how people could take somebody back and trust them again after doing that but each to their own I guess

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My ex definitely thought the grass was greener and, to be fair it probably was to start with. A much junior colleague thinking he was hot, she had no kids, no housework to juggle with a full time job. He did me a big favour, I dumped him. They split up because guess what....he cheated on her with someone else he met at work !!"

That's the thing...how could you trust a partner when the relationship was built on lies? I'd be waiting for them to get bored of me and move on same way they did before

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Old school flames some like to relive school romances

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Old school flames some like to relive school romances "

I can safely say I wouldn't give any of my old flames the satisfaction (if you can call it that

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's the thing...how could you trust a partner when the relationship was built on lies? I'd be waiting for them to get bored of me and move on same way they did before "

The question you would need to ask yourself their Liam is why they got bored in the first place.

Looking ack, boredom is usually caused by both sides.

Nothing is guaranteed and things need constantly working at, however we know lots of friends who have gotten in to ruts just by forgetting that simple concept.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's the thing...how could you trust a partner when the relationship was built on lies? I'd be waiting for them to get bored of me and move on same way they did before

The question you would need to ask yourself their Liam is why they got bored in the first place.

Looking ack, boredom is usually caused by both sides.

Nothing is guaranteed and things need constantly working at, however we know lots of friends who have gotten in to ruts just by forgetting that simple concept."

That's if boredom is the root cause...are we saying that boredom is the root cause of all affairs?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

But i think(while im typing this) that most have gone on to have a successful marriage and seen it as a blip

Interesting...I suppose it can go either way....can't imagine how people could take somebody back and trust them again after doing that but each to their own I guess "
one of my closest friends her husband had an affair, they did split for awhile and it was terrible to see the effects it had on her. He broke her heart. It took about two years for them to sort it out. That was about 6 years ago and now there marriage is stronger than ever.

I dont think i could forgive but ive never been in that situation

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By *ySweetLadyWoman
over a year ago

London

[Removed by poster at 14/11/16 13:30:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's the thing...how could you trust a partner when the relationship was built on lies? I'd be waiting for them to get bored of me and move on same way they did before

The question you would need to ask yourself their Liam is why they got bored in the first place.

Looking ack, boredom is usually caused by both sides.

Nothing is guaranteed and things need constantly working at, however we know lots of friends who have gotten in to ruts just by forgetting that simple concept.

That's if boredom is the root cause...are we saying that boredom is the root cause of all affairs?"

In our opinion we would say mostly yes.

how that boredom comes around is a different matter though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The workplace for sure. But I don't class people meeting others online with no connection to their lives for sex as "affairs". If you broadened the question to mean all infidelity then I'd say it was 50/50 between workplace and online sites.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

But i think(while im typing this) that most have gone on to have a successful marriage and seen it as a blip

Interesting...I suppose it can go either way....can't imagine how people could take somebody back and trust them again after doing that but each to their own I guess "

Possibly because it can sometimes be a sign that something is wrong in the marriage. An event like that removed the complacency, the reason why the marriage was plodding along, and forced the couple to re-avluate what had caused the affair to occur. I know one couple where the male half had an affair, and although she was devastated, after a lot of soul searching together, it reignited a spark that had been missing for a while, and believe it or not, actually made their marriage stronger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely it's the Internet...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The workplace for sure. But I don't class people meeting others online with no connection to their lives for sex as "affairs". If you broadened the question to mean all infidelity then I'd say it was 50/50 between workplace and online sites."

Yeah I see where your coming from....I'd say meeting others just for sex can be just as dangerous...one fun filled few hours could convince some that a life change is needed and then before they know it they've lost the lot all for a quick fumble

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Surely it's the Internet..."

Think Internet and workplace are both contenders

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bed. Back of a car. Hotel

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

But i think(while im typing this) that most have gone on to have a successful marriage and seen it as a blip

Interesting...I suppose it can go either way....can't imagine how people could take somebody back and trust them again after doing that but each to their own I guess

Crazy that is but glad they ended up happy..it really is a crazy world we live in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If their partner would throw away the whole relationship because of that quick fumble, it wasn't much of a relationship. Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A bed. Back of a car. Hotel

I doubt many affairs start with the people in question randomly being sat in the back of the car but thanks for the contribution all the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bed. Back of a car. Hotel

I doubt many affairs start with the people in question randomly being sat in the back of the car but thanks for the contribution all the same

Christ lighten up

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Me personally I just think id struggle to trust the person again especially if they hadn't highlighted their unhappiness prior to jumping into bed with somebody else. If they had then I guess I'd only have myself to blame for not acting accordingly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience. "

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course. And other people will react differently, which is why you can't always understand other people's relationships from the outside.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right! "

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Of course. And other people will react differently, which is why you can't always understand other people's relationships from the outside. "

I'd send myself crazy if I tried that

we were just discussing some of the behaviour of some colleagues so I thought I'd bring it to the forum, always a mixed bag of replies on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From experience boredom and fraustration have a lot to do with it. And the ease of flirting via online media.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years "

I don't necessarily think they are healthy I just couldn't word it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years "

Exactly this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years

I don't necessarily think they are healthy I just couldn't word it "

I don't think there's much difference between 1 and 100. Either it's something that works for a couple or it doesn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years

I don't necessarily think they are healthy I just couldn't word it "

When someone objects to it?

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

That's the thing...how could you trust a partner when the relationship was built on lies? I'd be waiting for them to get bored of me and move on same way they did before "

Doesn't always work like that though, both H and I have been the cheater & cheated on (not on each other though), now we are older & wiser it just doesn't enter our heads, what does though is if we have an issue say so, I think when younger you are more closed off to admitting there are issues in a relationship & its much easier to walk away if someone else shows affection than stay and fix it.

Just my personal experience anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years

I don't necessarily think they are healthy I just couldn't word it

When someone objects to it?"

When they get found out...who knows

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years

I don't necessarily think they are healthy I just couldn't word it

When someone objects to it?

When they get found out...who knows "

You're starting from the assumption that the other partner doesn't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one."

All points are welcome on the forums. Well I ld like to think so

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years "
someone having a quick fumble (for me) is completly different from someone having a full blown affair

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years "

I agree there's a fine line. Shades of grey and all that. And that line will move depending on who you're talking about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one.

All points are welcome on the forums. Well I ld like to think so

I agree they are. Which is why Dan's applies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one.

All points are welcome on the forums. Well I ld like to think so

I agree they are. Which is why Dan's applies."

But mine don't according to op.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one."

Call me harsh but if my partner (if I had one) were to passionately kiss somebody I personally would clash that as cheating....same way I wouldn't passionately kiss somebody behind her back...some would probably call that a bit ott but I guess I'm old fashioned like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one.

All points are welcome on the forums. Well I ld like to think so

I agree they are. Which is why Dan's applies.

But mine don't according to op.

I can't speak for the OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say most start when one partner starts taking the other for granted.

I know it won't be a popular answer, but I think there's more truth to it than some would like to admit.

Mr ddc"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one.

And that's your definition and your right to feel that way. I don't think it's old fashioned either. But other people are different. My husband can have sex with a thousand people so long as they have no connection to our lives and don't threaten our relationship. But if he so much as kissed a friend, I'm not sure I could come back from that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could not agree more with you! Taking the other for granted (or getting the feeling of being taken for granted) is usually the start of something like this...it can be very enriching for a partnership as well though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one.

Amazing that is...I guess if it works for you then you should stick with it...not sure I'd feel comfortable with the whole sleeping with whoever we like on the side thing but I guess I shouldn't knock it until I've tried it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say most start when one partner starts taking the other for granted.

I know it won't be a popular answer, but I think there's more truth to it than some would like to admit.

Mr ddc"

Was true in my case, found someone else who did, well in that moment of time.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years

I agree there's a fine line. Shades of grey and all that. And that line will move depending on who you're talking about.

I absolutely get it (and fully respect their views) that many won't agree as everyone has their own value set based on their own experiences. But for some a rare flirt or 'fumble' alleviates or releases other pressures that *might* damage otherwise strong relationships. "
the line for me is when feelings become involved. I personally couldnt careless about random shags. Ive always been open and honest and they can tell me what the hell they like, my philosophy is if you tell me it can be delt with.

Even if they told me they had feelings for someone else i could deal with it. But if they did it without me knowing i would think id failed.

My son hurt me once and it was because of the fact he wasnt sure how to talk to me about something

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years

I agree there's a fine line. Shades of grey and all that. And that line will move depending on who you're talking about.

That's an interesting point- care to elaborate?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With an erection

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes but when does quick fumbles stop being healthy to a relationship? I'd be pissed off if my other half was having quick fumbles for years and years

I agree there's a fine line. Shades of grey and all that. And that line will move depending on who you're talking about.

That's an interesting point- care to elaborate? "

I sort of see how it could work..

It would be a breath of fresh air if you like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/11/16 14:18:55]

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

"I would say most start when one partner starts taking the other for granted.

I know it won't be a popular answer, but I think there's more truth to it than some would like to admit.

Mr ddc"

Agreed

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By *inkyChrissy99TV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

"My money would be getting in touch with old flames on social media."

Agreed ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They start anywhere and everywhere, wherever the one wanting an affair wants it to happen. Could be the workplace, the local pub, the pub where they go to play pool or darts, social media, school playground and so on. It will all depend on where someone sees someone and decides to take things further, if you work on a building site and straight, I can't see you having an affair, to be honest.

Oh and another popular one would be dating sites, or swingers sites. If someone has a desire or want, then they will find a way to find it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fumbles, quickies, one off shags, if a partner did any of those things it would make me feel like I wasn't good enough to satisfy him and there's be no coming back from that, it would be the end of our relationship.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fumbles, quickies, one off shags, if a partner did any of those things it would make me feel like I wasn't good enough to satisfy him and there's be no coming back from that, it would be the end of our relationship. "

I was beginning to think it was just me who felt like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with the workplace but the internet has made it so much easier for people to meet others, without having to put a great deal of effort into it.

I'm not sure affairs that are driven purely by sex can be successful. The relationship, between the people that are having the affair, never seems to last long once one (or both) of them have been caught out. That's usually the case in my experience anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah workplace and Internet and the major danger zones I think...but then I guess certain individuals will go out of their way to achieve their goals

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By *adyDangerWoman
over a year ago

land of debauchery and kink

I was beginning to think it was just me who felt like that "

I find It amusing how some can try and justify cheating by saying it's 'just sex' I'd be mortified if my OH was on a swinging site in forums chatting about it to top it off!! That's the more personal side than the act of sex itself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one.

Wow there must be a lot of trust within your relationship. That's admirable that two people can be so comfortable with each other to not feel threatened. Monogamy is over rated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was beginning to think it was just me who felt like that

I have said today, when I found out my ex was cheating I tried to make our relationship work again and I couldn't, even though he said it was just sex, so no more than two months later I left him as I couldn't trust him anymore and I didn't want a life like that, it was no good for my health.

If I ever thought I needed to cheat I'd know there was something not right about my relationship, so if either try resolving it or leave.

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By *adyDangerWoman
over a year ago

land of debauchery and kink

I was beginning to think it was just me who felt like that

If I ever thought I needed to cheat I'd know there was something not right about my relationship, so if either try resolving it or leave."

Yes me personally would also. I think I'd be more insulted to find my OH on here with pictures half naked in our home and talking about sex with strangers. That would hurt more x

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

That's the thing...how could you trust a partner when the relationship was built on lies? I'd be waiting for them to get bored of me and move on same way they did before

The question you would need to ask yourself their Liam is why they got bored in the first place.

Looking ack, boredom is usually caused by both sides.

Nothing is guaranteed and things need constantly working at, however we know lots of friends who have gotten in to ruts just by forgetting that simple concept.

That's if boredom is the root cause...are we saying that boredom is the root cause of all affairs?"
that we are social animals and possibly the values of monogamy, were taught to us, rather than that, of our true nature x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hate to say it but the armed forces are well known for it. More marriages brake up there ...they have woman chuck them selfs at them. So if it's offered on a plate they will take it and the stress of the job and being away a lot of the time ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was beginning to think it was just me who felt like that

If I ever thought I needed to cheat I'd know there was something not right about my relationship, so if either try resolving it or leave."

Nail on the head right there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Quick fumbles help to save and maintain as many relationships as they end, in my experience.

most won't get it. But I think you're right!

Quick fumbles are not affairs so I don't think you're comment applys here

That's why I queried what the question actually was, because I don't think they're affairs but I wasn't clear from the opening post what the OP was classing as one.

Wow there must be a lot of trust within your relationship. That's admirable that two people can be so comfortable with each other to not feel threatened. Monogamy is over rated "

We know what's important to us. I don't expect other people to get it, so I don't try to explain it to them.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I think the internet and apps such as kik and even ones you can hide ,make it easy for people to cheat.

Cheating doesnt have to be a physical act either,anything you hide or do behind someones back is.

Miss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course. And other people will react differently, which is why you can't always understand other people's relationships from the outside. "

only an absolute beta male/pussy whipped bitch, would be understanding of their wife cheating on them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

only an absolute beta male/pussy whipped bitch, would be understanding of their wife cheating on them

That's an interesting perspective on a site full of men whose wives have sex with other people.

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By *adyDangerWoman
over a year ago

land of debauchery and kink

only an absolute beta male/pussy whipped bitch, would be understanding of their wife cheating on them

That's an interesting perspective on a site full of men whose wives have sex with other people. "

I think he meant cheating, that's what I took it as anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

only an absolute beta male/pussy whipped bitch, would be understanding of their wife cheating on them

That's an interesting perspective on a site full of men whose wives have sex with other people. "

yes but they know about it, see the part of my post were I said ''cheated''

good girl try harder next time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

only an absolute beta male/pussy whipped bitch, would be understanding of their wife cheating on them

That's an interesting perspective on a site full of men whose wives have sex with other people.

yes but they know about it, see the part of my post were I said ''cheated''

good girl try harder next time

So why did you quote my post?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

only an absolute beta male/pussy whipped bitch, would be understanding of their wife cheating on them

That's an interesting perspective on a site full of men whose wives have sex with other people.

yes but they know about it, see the part of my post were I said ''cheated''

good girl try harder next time

So why did you quote my post? "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think the internet and apps such as kik and even ones you can hide ,make it easy for people to cheat.

Cheating doesnt have to be a physical act either,anything you hide or do behind someones back is.

Miss."

Forgot to mention that....messaging of an explicit nature or messages with intent would also go down as cheating in my eyes

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

only an absolute beta male/pussy whipped bitch, would be understanding of their wife cheating on them

That's an interesting perspective on a site full of men whose wives have sex with other people.

yes but they know about it, see the part of my post were I said ''cheated''

good girl try harder next time

"
but alot of them cheat thier families by lying to them. the only difference is that couples on here think they are in control by giving permission....the women to other women, the men with other men...and every other combination..not being in control is classified as 'cheating'...because it makes them feel less stupid if it happens to them, like some great crime has been committed, when really the game of ownership and control over another person, didn't work for them and they are looking for someone else to blame...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Start?

Anybody agree or disagree please share

Nah. I work in engineering where men outnumber women 50 to one, a bit like Fab.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

In the limbic system a byproduct of neocortex domestic overload.'Tis the amygadala, sneaky little fucker at a guess, Freuds I.D

That or certain swollen body parts.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most of the meets I've had are married men ,same sorry the wife has gone of sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had a fling with lad at work for year.can't bear sight of him now.he's actually on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Most of the meets I've had are married men ,same sorry the wife has gone of sex "

If that was me id talk to her about it and then end it before seeking it elsewhere...each to their own though

Or are they just saying that to get the sympathy vote and not look like the cheating arseholes that they are?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Had a fling with lad at work for year.can't bear sight of him now.he's actually on here"

Tut tut tut lol hope he doesnt read this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here, if some lady would like!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Had a fling with lad at work for year.can't bear sight of him now.he's actually on here

Tut tut tut lol hope he doesnt read this

Ah feck him if he does.ha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Had a fling with lad at work for year.can't bear sight of him now.he's actually on here

Tut tut tut lol hope he doesnt read this

Ah feck him if he does.ha"

Lool at the feck love the accent shining through

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

What do you think the success rate is? do you imagine most to find the grass to be greener or wish they hadn't ventured "

I had an affair with a man I met at dancing. I was in a truly unhappy marraige and suffering various forms of domestic abuse, the affair was my escape. It also gave me the strength to leave my abusive husband.

That was 10 years ago, I am now very happily married to the man I had the affair with xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

What do you think the success rate is? do you imagine most to find the grass to be greener or wish they hadn't ventured

That was 10 years ago, I am now very happily married to the man I had the affair with xx"

Well I'm glad to hear that you managed to get out of it and I wouldn't wish that kind of life on anybody

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

What do you think the success rate is? do you imagine most to find the grass to be greener or wish they hadn't ventured

That was 10 years ago, I am now very happily married to the man I had the affair with xx

Well I'm glad to hear that you managed to get out of it and I wouldn't wish that kind of life on anybody "

Thank you xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes, i think im going with " most affairs start when one person thinks the grass is greener on the other side"

What do you think the success rate is? do you imagine most to find the grass to be greener or wish they hadn't ventured

That was 10 years ago, I am now very happily married to the man I had the affair with xx

Well I'm glad to hear that you managed to get out of it and I wouldn't wish that kind of life on anybody

Thank you xx"

No worries, thanks for sharing it as it puts a different spin on things, I wish you all the best

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I can see how that would be the obvious, initial reaction, but what if they were able to reassure you that that wasn't the case? That it didn't change how they felt about you?

I love Mrs ddc to bits and I'd hate to think I would throw away everything we had together just because I found her kissing another man. Obviously it might be tough initially for some to accept, but isn't love as much about learning to forgive, as all the other stuff?

Better n worse n all?

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I can see how that would be the obvious, initial reaction, but what if they were able to reassure you that that wasn't the case? That it didn't change how they felt about you?

Better n worse n all?

Mr ddc "

Me personally I wouldn't be able to trust them and couldn't accept that it wasn't just the tip of the iceberg...if there are issues that are pushing them towards that course of action then they should speak to you about it....prevention is better than the cure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see how that would be the obvious, initial reaction, but what if they were able to reassure you that that wasn't the case? That it didn't change how they felt about you?

Better n worse n all?

Mr ddc "

But to me, it's also about being committed and dedicated to that person, no deceit and no lies. A huge element of trust went when I was cheated on, I couldn't forgive and shouldn't be expected to forgive. He chose to cheat, I didn't ask him to, he never told me anything was wrong within our relationship, I was blind to it until I got the gut instinct.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I would say most start when one partner starts taking the other for granted.

I know it won't be a popular answer, but I think there's more truth to it than some would like to admit.

Mr ddc"

I agree. I also think the workplace is where it gets acted on.

It's not always the person that is your work 'wife/husband' as that feels too familiar. I've been about 70% accurate guessing the affairs in the places I have worked over the last 35 years. I've even spotted the one that was going on donkey's years ago from a team photo.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I can see how that would be the obvious, initial reaction, but what if they were able to reassure you that that wasn't the case? That it didn't change how they felt about you?

Better n worse n all?

Mr ddc

Prevention *is* better than cure. Absolutely.

So couldn't you accept that there must have been something missing, and that perhaps both of you could have been at fault allowing such a situation to develop. Then draw a line and attempt to start again? Instead of throwing everything away.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I think the internet and apps such as kik and even ones you can hide ,make it easy for people to cheat.

Cheating doesnt have to be a physical act either,anything you hide or do behind someones back is.

Miss."

I see the communication, sharing of thoughts, ideas and confidences as the cheating. Not the sex so much.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I can see how that would be the obvious, initial reaction, but what if they were able to reassure you that that wasn't the case? That it didn't change how they felt about you?

Better n worse n all?

Mr ddc

I can see that, but sometimes I wonder if the (dishonesty is the wrong word here) doesn't start earlier.

You start off both at the top of your game, you be your best to win the affections of the other person, then, over time you both stop trying. Only then does the other grass seem greener, whereas if you'd both carried on behaving as you did when you were dating, that situation might never have arisen.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Picking up from Mr. DDC's comments I was reminded of older people I have known, some of them close to me and loved and others sharing through work I have done.

A fair few of the lovely old couples, with long marriages that people envied, had experienced one or the other of them having an affair and surviving it to be stronger together as a couple.

Expecting perfection rarely leads to happiness, in my experience.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Expecting perfection rarely leads to happiness, in my experience.

This reminds me of a time at work when my Foreman (1st year of marriage) asked me & another chap if we ever argued with our wives.

"No" we both replied.

"I think our marriage is over because we're always arguing"

"How so?"

"The other day she asked me to bring the washing in and I forgot, so she had a go at me"

We looked at each other like this

"That's not an argument, that's just normal everyday life. *This* is an argument... "

And we proceeded to tell him about *real* arguments (though tbf, he beat me hands down

)

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Expecting perfection rarely leads to happiness, in my experience.

This reminds me of a time at work when my Foreman (1st year of marriage) asked me & another chap if we ever argued with our wives.

"No" we both replied.

"I think our marriage is over because we're always arguing"

"How so?"

"The other day she asked me to bring the washing in and I forgot, so she had a go at me"

We looked at each other like this

"That's not an argument, that's just normal everyday life. *This* is an argument... "

And we proceeded to tell him about *real* arguments (though tbf, he beat me hands down

Why do people think that disagreeing is unhealthy? Learning to communicate includes learning how to arguing and get over it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I can see how that would be the obvious, initial reaction, but what if they were able to reassure you that that wasn't the case? That it didn't change how they felt about you?

Better n worse n all?

Mr ddc

Prevention *is* better than cure. Absolutely.

I couldn't accept the fact that they had turned to somebody else as opposed to coming to me about it first off why the need to cheat to draw the line I'd ask

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think the internet and apps such as kik and even ones you can hide ,make it easy for people to cheat.

Cheating doesnt have to be a physical act either,anything you hide or do behind someones back is.

Miss.

I see the communication, sharing of thoughts, ideas and confidences as the cheating. Not the sex so much.

Yes most definitely any form of messaging or constant liking of pics them kind of things in my eyes wouldn't really be acceptable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They happen because people can no longer communicate and open up about how they truly feel so it's the easiest thing ever to have an affair, get caught out and then your the one being dumped so none of the decisions are made by you when it comes to end it.

Why do we not have the balls to sit someone down and talk to them and be honest with them?

Why do we chase a dream about someone being better then your current partner? Yes the sex is maybe good and of course it will be it's different and exciting and new but it's not with the person you love nor is it really any better it just feels it cause of the emotions surrounding it and how risky it is.

If your partner is no good in bed then it's your job to open their eyes and make it better and teach them not just find someone else and get it that way. That's just that person not being grown up enough to make adult decisions and deal with it in a manner that has respect for someone they love or loved.

Men have an habit of finding someone else first so they've got a place to go to which is pathetic and I find alot of men can't face the fact of ending it beforehand.

If you don't wanna be with the person you're with then people should get some balls and own up to that person.

I think they happen in the work place cause your in close proximity to the same people day in day out in some places so it's easier to get along and forget about someone else.

Sad ain't it.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Why do people think that disagreeing is unhealthy? Learning to communicate includes learning how to arguing and get over it.

I think increasingly parents try to hide their arguments from their kids, so people grow up with no first-hand experience of resolving differences. Then dating sets unreasonable expectations because both parties always try to do whatever the other wants.

Finally, the pressures of everyday life mean that people are tired, have shorter fuses and tend to snap much more readily.

The secret, imo, is to keep dating. Always.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Why do people think that disagreeing is unhealthy? Learning to communicate includes learning how to arguing and get over it.

Finally, the pressures of everyday life mean that people are tired, have shorter fuses and tend to snap much more readily.

The secret, imo, is to keep dating. Always. "

And sex.

I liked that book that suggested couples drifting apart should have some sort of sex every day for a month, even when they didn't feel like it, as a way of getting back to each other. It worked for the couple I know who tried it.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Why do people think that disagreeing is unhealthy? Learning to communicate includes learning how to arguing and get over it.

Finally, the pressures of everyday life mean that people are tired, have shorter fuses and tend to snap much more readily.

The secret, imo, is to keep dating. Always.

And sex.

I also liked the one that suggested throwing Ping Pong balls at each other during arguments to take out the aggression without hurting each other.

(Let speculation commence on why we had to have a table-tennis sized dining-room table...)

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

(Let speculation commence on why we had to have a table-tennis sized dining-room table...)

You were following the Judy Murray school of getting your children ready to become tennis aces?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of my playmates has stated clearly that his wife runs their couples profile but he's allowed to play solo (she has health reasons why she can't play) but she's laid down ground rules which they've agreed such as no overnights.

This means she's happier knowing he's here and checking out profiles rather than clandestinely mtg with ppl and running the risk of an affair.

As a single girl, if I meet the couple or one half, I'd need to know they were both comfortable and honest about playing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had two long term relationships in my life, one from being 14 to 30, the next from being 30 to just recently. I cheated in both relationships and was cheated on in my first. I'm not proud that I did with either in fact it actually grieves me that I have caused pain and anguish to two fantastic people that didn't deserve it.

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