FabSwingers.com forum: Re-training your mind

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some comments on Estella's thread got me wondering. Some people have said they have re-trained their mind to think/ be differently.

Can you give examples? Any tips that may help other people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you mean like saying that a slight inclination of the cranium is as adequate as a spasmodic movement of one optic to an equine quadruped utterly devoid of any visionary capacity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sometimes mentally 'step back' from a situation where I would normally get nervous or anxious

I rationalise the anxiety and talk to myself and just allow myself to take a moment to realise that reacting as I would have done previously wasn't usually productive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be something really simple like changing your point of balance when wheeling on a bike.

When you first learn the POB might be lower than needed problem is your mind has it already hard wired it and its difficult to change it.

With practice though you can change that point, but it can be very difficult.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I find a bit of gratitude and mindfulness helps me,saying thank you for even little things and mapping out what you want ie a job or a partner.

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure I've ever managed to train my mind. I think underlying personality traits will always be there. What I think you can change is your reaction to situations, and how you respond to feeling certain emotions.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Before i even could consider it, i had to do a lot of soul searching first. I had to understand why

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I was lacking in (social) confidence terribly in my teens. To cut a long story short, I read about one of my rock music heroes and trained my mind to think "if I was him for a while" when going out. It worked and changed my life.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

We did a lot of it in my last job. It was kind of management training, but most of it was more about positive thinking. It can make a huge difference to lots of aspects of your life.

We did a lot of Dale Carnegie stuff which is old but still lots is relevant. Lots of NLP books about now do the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I was lacking in (social) confidence terribly in my teens. To cut a long story short, I read about one of my rock music heroes and trained my mind to think "if I was him for a while" when going out. It worked and changed my life."

I did something similar but didn't realise I was doing it at the time, I realise that doesn't make sense. It worked though.

Something like ..if you can't do it.. fake it..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found meditation really helped me to process how I dealt with things. I'm not sure if I retrained my brain but it helps with how I react to certain emotions.

I started being more aware of what I was saying to myself. Being kinder and more grateful...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I sometimes mentally 'step back' from a situation where I would normally get nervous or anxious

I rationalise the anxiety and talk to myself and just allow myself to take a moment to realise that reacting as I would have done previously wasn't usually productive

Do you ever force yourself to do something that you know will make you anxious? Kind of like how phobias are dealt with- make yourself be in that situation, realise you didn't die (I'm not being dramatic, some phobias can make you feel this way), the fear fades slightly.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

"I sometimes mentally 'step back' from a situation where I would normally get nervous or anxious

I rationalise the anxiety and talk to myself and just allow myself to take a moment to realise that reacting as I would have done previously wasn't usually productive

this. People naturally stay inside their 'comfort zone' which sometimes can be socially limiting. Forcing yourself outside of it can be surprising that nothing bad happened and it actuallt felt ok. It then gets easier and easier .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/11/16 11:48:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I started spending far less time worrying about what other people thought about me and far more time worrying about what I thought about me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some comments on Estella's thread got me wondering. Some people have said they have re-trained their mind to think/ be differently.

Can you give examples? Any tips that may help other people?"

Yes I think you can. I'm loathe to mention this again but I'm on the autistic spectrum, so I've had problems with social and communication skills. Reading body language etc. Being assertive/confidence.

I've made massive leaps in these areas and friends, family and co-workers have noticed the difference.

But it wasn't an accidental thing, I had to put in a lot of effort and time to work on those things.

There's a lot of encouraging research out there about the brain being able to re wire itself with the right support, similar to how stroke victims can learn to walk and talk again.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

"I'm not sure I've ever managed to train my mind. I think underlying personality traits will always be there. What I think you can change is your reaction to situations, and how you respond to feeling certain emotions. "

I am a natural fly off the handle type when I am really upset about something. However, I am also logical and as I've got older have thought about what that reaction actually achieves other than momentary catharsis. The answer is not a lot so last time I felt like that I had a good cry and then rather than confronting the person who had upset me wrote it all down as if I was addressing it to them but sent myself the resulting email. It gave me the catharsis, let me sit on it for a bit and guess what? On reflection I didn't send the email to them but discussed why it had upset me so much calmly and rationally the next time we met face to face. Much better result.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cognitive behaviour therapy can be really helpful in lots of situations. Focusing on recognising 'trigger points' as well as how to manage your reactions.

Or just go down the 'fake it til you make it' route.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Cognitive behaviour therapy can be really helpful in lots of situations. Focusing on recognising 'trigger points' as well as how to manage your reactions.

Or just go down the 'fake it til you make it' route. "
cbt has helped with the control of my bi polar. However ive only been doing cbt for about 10 years, it wasnt around when i was younger, but it definetly has helped with.my thought process

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read. Talk. Listen. Learn. Try.

Other people's journeys, ideas and experiences are useful to discover new ways of approaching old problems. Being more self-aware and finding your patterns of response and behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I sometimes mentally 'step back' from a situation where I would normally get nervous or anxious

I rationalise the anxiety and talk to myself and just allow myself to take a moment to realise that reacting as I would have done previously wasn't usually productive

Exactly this

You have to do it - something unavoidable or the desire to do something outweighs the anxiety

And you discover that you weren't hit by lightning and nothing terrible happened so the next time is easier...doesn't always work but a start

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I used to be a very shy person and to get myself away from that I used to pretend to be someone else - I'd act a part and learn some lines and body language and pretend I was in a huge film or play and after a while came the day when I'd been 'acting' the part of this person who had things to say and could stand up in front of people he didn't know and talk to them and volunteer to do things and take control and manage stuff, when I had been acting it unconsciously so to all intend and purposes, I became that person.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"I used to be a very shy person and to get myself away from that I used to pretend to be someone else - I'd act a part and learn some lines and body language and pretend I was in a huge film or play and after a while came the day when I'd been 'acting' the part of this person who had things to say and could stand up in front of people he didn't know and talk to them and volunteer to do things and take control and manage stuff, when I had been acting it unconsciously so to all intend and purposes, I became that person. "

That's exactly me, except because I know it's an act, I can never gain the confidence from it, because it wasn't "me" who was the success. (if that makes sense)

It is also why I'm not very good at surprises, or when things change unexpectedly, because I need time to "get into character"

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you mean like saying that a slight inclination of the cranium is as adequate as a spasmodic movement of one optic to an equine quadruped utterly devoid of any visionary capacity.

You talking about horses or just a load of "bull"

??????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay...... going to be a bit of a personal one this one (look away now)

So last Monday; I went to see the consultant who has been helping with my health issue for the last 11 months; the consultant is an oncologist.....

.... and well to cut a long story short; it was good news, all clear... we sat there and looked at one another and he said "you weren't prepared for this, were you?" and the truth is, I wasn't, I have spent the last few months preparing for the other answer; changing a negative into a positive; I went a little "meet crazy" travelled all over the place and thought "C'mon Paul, one last blast for old times sake" and then..... well now it appears that it wasn't a last blast after all.....

So... I got to talking to someone on here and you know the joke is; there are pamphlets for every conceivable thing in this life; but not one entitled "So, You're Not Dying.... What Next?"

And now I am stuck; because I had trained my mind for the worst; organised my life for the worst and now... well bugger me (not literally), its not happening.... At the moment I am in limbo, retraining my mind will take time, but I have made some plans, and will continue the yoga (as it helps me put things in order)....

So I would be interested in the responses here; to help me shift out of limbo.... it appears I have chosen life

((sorry this was a bit uber personal, but we are all friends/mortal enemies here))

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some comments on Estella's thread got me wondering. Some people have said they have re-trained their mind to think/ be differently.

Can you give examples? Any tips that may help other people?"

I was always very very shy and self conscious as a child, and all the way through my school years too.. being an introvert at heart didn't do me any favours either.. my small circle of friends and family knew my limitations and I never pushed myself to do anything that would upset my quiet little world, but I also knew that I couldn't go through life like that or I'd never get anywhere..

so when I was 18 I buggered off down south to work at a holiday camp and basically 'reinvented' myself...

Being away from home and my peers allowed me to become the confident person who had no one to answer to but herself... when I finally returned home everyone said they could see the difference in my manner and attitude.. and I haven't looked back since

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I've always had confidence in certain aspects of myself, it was just a more hidden introverted sort. I guess public speaking terrified me - I adopted a persona by listening to others and emulating them when I first started it but by the end lecturing a hundred odd students was a doddle. I think it was more a case of exaggerating that side of my personality until there was no need to and it was second nature to me.

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By *limandtrim300Couple
over a year ago

Ely

"I sometimes mentally 'step back' from a situation where I would normally get nervous or anxious

I rationalise the anxiety and talk to myself and just allow myself to take a moment to realise that reacting as I would have done previously wasn't usually productive

yes i have done that many times and it really does work! Makes you feel on top of the world too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this falls under the category of 'Charletons offering hope to the vulnerable, with "spiritual", new-age bullshit.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think this falls under the category of 'Charletons offering hope to the vulnerable, with "spiritual", new-age bullshit.'

What does?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay...... going to be a bit of a personal one this one (look away now)

So last Monday; I went to see the consultant who has been helping with my health issue for the last 11 months; the consultant is an oncologist.....

So... I got to talking to someone on here and you know the joke is; there are pamphlets for every conceivable thing in this life; but not one entitled "So, You're Not Dying.... What Next?"

So I would be interested in the responses here; to help me shift out of limbo.... it appears I have chosen life

((sorry this was a bit uber personal, but we are all friends/mortal enemies here))"

That's a head fuck and a half. Glad to hear it was good news though, even if it'll take a while to process it

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I think this falls under the category of 'Charletons offering hope to the vulnerable, with "spiritual", new-age bullshit.'

Building self confidence isn't remotely spiritual in my case and many other posts on here. And I don't think we are all from the same parish from Devon.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

"I think this falls under the category of 'Charletons offering hope to the vulnerable, with "spiritual", new-age bullshit.'

No, it falls under the category of not being negative , pushing your boundaries and self belief.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/11/16 16:00:53]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some comments on Estella's thread got me wondering. Some people have said they have re-trained their mind to think/ be differently.

Why?...

The way you or anyone thinks is what makes you who you are.

There are things I **could** change about myself.

I **could** be someone else aswell...but that wouldn't be me would it?..

In both cases you would have been influenced by someone who isn't you and don't want you to be you because they don't like it... and that's such bullshit.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I think this falls under the category of 'Charletons offering hope to the vulnerable, with "spiritual", new-age bullshit.'

No, it falls under the category of not being negative , pushing your boundaries and self belief."

Imagine Hitler's reaction to that....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Spiritual doesn't mean religious, it is based on your soul. Your fundamental personality, ego, and how you feel you fit into the world.

Anyway one quote i really like it this:

You see, they say that people shrivel up because they have an imagination. So, don't imagine anything, you'll become brave as hell.

^^And it's true. You're imagination projects all kinds of things based on your previous experiences, not based on reality as it is now or how it could be in a positive way IF you've always experienced the negative.

I've got cPTSD, i consider myself lucky that my brain literally wiped itself so that i could become someone else. So that i wasn't my memories any more but a new person who didn't have the negatives installed that someone else had put there. I had to live in the now because that's basically all i have, i can't plan much but as i'm starting to recover i am finding i am able to do so much more now.

cPTSD brings problems also, i lost the good memories also. But they're coming back.

I believe we all have the ability to protect ourselves, our souls. I think we need the right guidance to do this in a functional way otherwise we do this in a disfunctional way and cause ourselves further harm and trauma.

We can change IF we want to, AND with the right guidance, help, and knowledge on how to do that.

Don't be scared of the unknown. The past has only taught you the end result from those experiences, not future ones.

I'm not sure what i'm answering here any more, kind of drifted off somewhere else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some comments on Estella's thread got me wondering. Some people have said they have re-trained their mind to think/ be differently.

Why?...

The way you or anyone thinks is what makes you who you are.

There are things I **could** change about myself.

I **could** be someone else aswell...but that wouldn't be me would it?..

In both cases you would have been influenced by someone who isn't you and don't want you to be you because they don't like it... and that's such bullshit."

I can see where you're coming from but it's a simplistic view.

If you're changing yourself to satisfy the shallow beliefs of others it could be a form abuse or gaslighting.

But there could be good reasons where someone's behaviour and thinking is causing genuine harm to themselves or others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But there could be good reasons where someone's behaviour and thinking is causing genuine harm to themselves or others. "

^ true. Pretty dark..but true.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

It doesn't have to be a negative changing who you really are. It can be about improving self confidence, or giving you the tools to achieve what you want at work, or in your home life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay...... going to be a bit of a personal one this one (look away now)

So last Monday; I went to see the consultant who has been helping with my health issue for the last 11 months; the consultant is an oncologist.....

So... I got to talking to someone on here and you know the joke is; there are pamphlets for every conceivable thing in this life; but not one entitled "So, You're Not Dying.... What Next?"

So I would be interested in the responses here; to help me shift out of limbo.... it appears I have chosen life

((sorry this was a bit uber personal, but we are all friends/mortal enemies here))"

wonderful news but totally understandable that it's thrown you.

Limbo is an ok place to be whilst you're grieving the certainty you thought you had (and the serenity in that certainty) and you just need to catch up with yourself, be patient and gentle with yourself until you're ready to re-plan for what next. Happiness and health to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It doesn't have to be a negative changing who you really are. It can be about improving self confidence, or giving you the tools to achieve what you want at work, or in your home life."

Also true, I meant to make that point in my previous post

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some comments on Estella's thread got me wondering. Some people have said they have re-trained their mind to think/ be differently.

Why?...

The way you or anyone thinks is what makes you who you are.

There are things I **could** change about myself.

I **could** be someone else aswell...but that wouldn't be me would it?..

In both cases you would have been influenced by someone who isn't you and don't want you to be you because they don't like it... and that's such bullshit."

Not wishing to change anything in yourself I find astounding.

None of us are perfect or have reached (or in truth can reach) our full potential as people.

If you see improving yourself as bullshit then I'm glad to find someone who has reached Nirvana

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

One question to reveal the narcissist is to ask how they most want to change and grow...they don't. I hope I always wave to grow.

I can't think of a case of retraining my mind, but gaining understanding, and therfore changing attutudes, I have found radically alters the way I think sometimes.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Want to grow. ...

Bloody autocarrot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're each wired to be more or less likely to respond in certain ways to certain things but we can condition ourselves to compensate for those predispositions (to some extent at least).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not wishing to change anything in yourself I find astounding.

None of us are perfect or have reached (or in truth can reach) our full potential as people.

If you see improving yourself as bullshit then I'm glad to find someone who has reached Nirvana"

The fact I've said "there are lot's of things I COULD change" kind of implies I'm far from perfect and have reached fucking Nirvana.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It doesn't have to be a negative changing who you really are. It can be about improving self confidence, or giving you the tools to achieve what you want at work, or in your home life."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some comments on Estella's thread got me wondering. Some people have said they have re-trained their mind to think/ be differently.

Why?...

The way you or anyone thinks is what makes you who you are.

There are things I **could** change about myself.

I **could** be someone else aswell...but that wouldn't be me would it?..

In both cases you would have been influenced by someone who isn't you and don't want you to be you because they don't like it... and that's such bullshit."

Sorry but I have to disagree. Besides the very core of what makes you you, you are constantly influenced by the people around you. In most workplaces the language evolves...certain phrases stick depending on the social structure...there are always followers and leaders. You are never the same person you were yesterday.

Sometimes the 'someone else' is just another facet of you that hasn't developed or been repressed. I was always a painful introvert as a kid. Those that know me now would never know it...though I still love retreating into a book and don't mind not speaking to people for days on end. Forcing myself to overcome that through hobbies and training, when I am teaching my Superego can fill a room, I am completely Alpha..the skinny bullied kid is still in there, but it doesn't define me..

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I pay attention to habits, spotting those that aren't so helpful - and what may trigger them. Knowing the cause/trigger, I decide what I'd prefer to do instead. Then mentally rehearse the scenarios a few time and wait for them to happen in real life

A lot of our behaviours are used to create an emotional pay off - a change of state. If you have instead a more positive state, you've created a more attractive alternative.

I'll often not rush into things,ensuring I give sufficient thought to what I'm doing.

And I always stay focused on my end goal, as I used to be readily distracted.

Persistence and repetition has helped me to shift my mind's older patterns that held me back.

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