FabSwingers.com forum: To fall in love with anyone -- study

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

I was reading the questions today, interesting topics and led me to ponder some of my answers! Rather than post them all, I'll leave you with this one that's got me thinking:

"If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?"

Meanwhile here's the song "Wildfire" by Seafret : which uses the experiment as the set up for the video!

https://youtu.be/RHhkd2B87Q8

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't leave things unsaid so no regrets

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't leave things unsaid so no regrets

That's a very good way to be -- I admire your ability to know that clearly. It's really thrown up some interesting rumination for me!!

I'll ask you this one instead:

"What do you value most in a friendship?"

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Oddly op i thought that question through many years ago.

For that very reason i know if i died in my bed tonight all the people that mean anything to me know exactly

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I actually sat and had a conversation with someone the other week about what a cunt they had been to me when i was younger, but i was well proud of myself and how i put it over

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't leave things unsaid so no regrets

That's a very good way to be -- I admire your ability to know that clearly. It's really thrown up some interesting rumination for me!!

I'll ask you this one instead:

"What do you value most in a friendship?""

Honesty. My analogy - honesty is like eating some distasteful but you quickly get over it. Dishonesty or deceit is like eating something that gives you diarrhoea and vomiting when you become aware of it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oddly op i thought that question through many years ago.

For that very reason i know if i died in my bed tonight all the people that mean anything to me know exactly"

the questions themselves are variants in many ways of forum questions that come up time and again, or as you say questions we likely ask ourselves in life. I've just found it tough looking at them all laid out wondering if I really know my answers for myself and if not, why not?!

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"I actually sat and had a conversation with someone the other week about what a cunt they had been to me when i was younger, but i was well proud of myself and how i put it over"

Ah. It's good when that happens.

I was bullied incessantly at school by one of the cool kids. I ran into him in a pub about 10 years ago.

Gone bald, dropped out of university, lost his job and was labouring on his parents' farm.

I was like, Aww, that's a shame. Let me buy you a drink - you can tell me ALL about it.

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

I have been officially asked by the Moderators not to post a face pic. Otherwise you ladies will all stare at me, fall in love and the Match threads will die a death.

The sacrifices I make so that Fab can continue to be fun...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't leave things unsaid so no regrets

That's a very good way to be -- I admire your ability to know that clearly. It's really thrown up some interesting rumination for me!!

I'll ask you this one instead:

"What do you value most in a friendship?"

That's actually a really evocative (not tasty) and meaningful analogy! Good answer!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Oh wow I love that too, Joe! Thank you.

My next few meets might go one way or the other!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I actually sat and had a conversation with someone the other week about what a cunt they had been to me when i was younger, but i was well proud of myself and how i put it over"

Radical vulnerability for the win!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I actually sat and had a conversation with someone the other week about what a cunt they had been to me when i was younger, but i was well proud of myself and how i put it over

Ah. It's good when that happens.

I was bullied incessantly at school by one of the cool kids. I ran into him in a pub about 10 years ago.

Gone bald, dropped out of university, lost his job and was labouring on his parents' farm.

I was like, Aww, that's a shame. Let me buy you a drink - you can tell me ALL about it.

And did you....?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Oddly op i thought that question through many years ago.

For that very reason i know if i died in my bed tonight all the people that mean anything to me know exactly

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have been officially asked by the Moderators not to post a face pic. Otherwise you ladies will all stare at me, fall in love and the Match threads will die a death.

The sacrifices I make so that Fab can continue to be fun...

Life can be tough. And Fab moderators tougher!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oddly op i thought that question through many years ago.

For that very reason i know if i died in my bed tonight all the people that mean anything to me know exactly

Yes I'll post the three sets here: bear with.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Oh wow I love that too, Joe! Thank you.

My next few meets might go one way or the other!

It's kinda sweet and touching, that vid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have been officially asked by the Moderators not to post a face pic. Otherwise you ladies will all stare at me, fall in love and the Match threads will die a death.

The sacrifices I make so that Fab can continue to be fun...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So imagine you are sitting partnered with a stranger:

Questions:

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

And then you would sit in silence and stare into the eyes, not breaking eye contact, of the partner for 4 minutes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Oh wow I love that too, Joe! Thank you.

My next few meets might go one way or the other!

It's kinda sweet and touching, that vid

You're actually so gooey as a human.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

It's like Twenty Questions but worse!

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Oh wow I love that too, Joe! Thank you.

My next few meets might go one way or the other!

It's kinda sweet and touching, that vid

You're actually so gooey as a human. "

"...as a human."

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I actually sat and had a conversation with someone the other week about what a cunt they had been to me when i was younger, but i was well proud of myself and how i put it over

Radical vulnerability for the win! "
it was someone i used to see for many years casually and where always putting me down

Anyway the last few times id seen them about they kept harping on about how beautiful i was now and one day they said 'i should of stuck with you' inwardly i lost it and arranged to go up for a cup of coffee and as cool as a cucumber i was telling them the last thing they should be looking at was how id changed on the outside but how id changed on the inside and id never toletate their behaviour now and all the things they had said to me and how i felt and compared whatni had in life now compared to them.

I did go on. But being able to keep my temper ( or channel it differently as ive gotten older) certainly had its advantages

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's like Twenty Questions but worse!

Well yes, when you look at it starkly. But it's the opening up and the body language and sensing them falter on a question that digs deeper then they meant it to and all the beautiful human frailty and radical vulnerability and perfection in imperfection stuff.

Blimey, I need sex.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I often say a lot, even too much, so I'd be content to die and regret nothing laying unspoken.

I like the progressive intimacy concept but feel that if it's forced, then it could be more prone to someone withdrawing their trust etc, at a later point.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"It's like Twenty Questions but worse!

Blimey, I need sex. "

It's not complicated, lady.

You live in London. I say if you can't get what you want in London then you're not trying hard enough.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I actually sat and had a conversation with someone the other week about what a cunt they had been to me when i was younger, but i was well proud of myself and how i put it over

Radical vulnerability for the win! it was someone i used to see for many years casually and where always putting me down

I did go on. But being able to keep my temper ( or channel it differently as ive gotten older) certainly had its advantages"

Having the opportunity to articulate hurt and woundedness is vital for restoring the equilibrium. It's why I'm a big advocate of the unsent letter even if you don't get the type of opportunity you had (and handled so well), the actual committing your voice to pen and paper is cathartic. Well done.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I often say a lot, even too much, so I'd be content to die and regret nothing laying unspoken.

I like the progressive intimacy concept but feel that if it's forced, then it could be more prone to someone withdrawing their trust etc, at a later point."

Absolutely! I think you're right.

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By *iver2015Woman
over a year ago

middlesbrough

Some of these call for more deeper responses I think. The one about crying to myself and in front of others was today when I was watching This Morning with my mum and the story of walnut the dog who is getting out to sleep tomorrow after being with his owner for 18 years.

I was a wreck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's like Twenty Questions but worse!

Blimey, I need sex.

It's not complicated, lady.

You live in London. I say if you can't get what you want in London then you're not trying hard enough.

Ha!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some of these call for more deeper responses I think. The one about crying to myself and in front of others was today when I was watching This Morning with my mum and the story of walnut the dog who is getting out to sleep tomorrow after being with his owner for 18 years.

I was a wreck. "

Yes, some of the questions, as I mentioned, I think I struggled with for myself let alone how to answer with someone....

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Thats very interesting estella.

Most i could answer of the top of my head, a couple i would need to think about and a couple i have no answer for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is so cool!

I've heard about staring into the eyes of a stranger for four minutes. The power of vulnerability. Brene Brown has a very good TED talk on it. Give it a watch...

Thanks for posting, lovely!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thats very interesting estella.

Most i could answer of the top of my head, a couple i would need to think about and a couple i have no answer for"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess it's better than small talk.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is so cool!

I've heard about staring into the eyes of a stranger for four minutes. The power of vulnerability. Brene Brown has a very good TED talk on it. Give it a watch...

Thanks for posting, lovely! "

Brene Brown!

Her RSA short on the difference between empathy and sympathy is sublime!

Here: https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess it's better than small talk.

Let's do this at speed dating!

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

I had to do a dance exercise with a woman some years ago. We were to stand at a distance as the music started, look into each other's eyes and walk around the room, gradually getting closer, never losing eye contact even if someone from another couple walked across us. It lasted about 5 minutes in total until we were face to face, still staring into one another's eyes as the music ended.

It was incredible. We both said it was one of the most powerful connections we had ever felt. She was lesbian and although we never had anything physical, from then on we had a lovely, close connection.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/11/16 16:56:22]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I had to do a dance exercise with a woman some years ago. We were to stand at a distance as the music started, look into each other's eyes and walk around the room, gradually getting closer, never losing eye contact even if someone from another couple walked across us. It lasted about 5 minutes in total until we were face to face, still staring into one another's eyes as the music ended.

*shivers* music and eye contact!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess it's better than small talk.

Let's do this at speed dating!

That would actually be very interesting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess it's better than small talk.

Let's do this at speed dating!

That would actually be very interesting. "

Seriously, let's both go and do it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is so cool!

I've heard about staring into the eyes of a stranger for four minutes. The power of vulnerability. Brene Brown has a very good TED talk on it. Give it a watch...

Thanks for posting, lovely!

Brene Brown!

Her RSA short on the difference between empathy and sympathy is sublime!

Here: https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw"

Ahh I love her. I want her to be my life mentor...

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Thats very interesting estella.

Most i could answer of the top of my head, a couple i would need to think about and a couple i have no answer for

My new challenge to myself is to ensure I know my answers for these as I find it disturbing to think I may not have an answer! Glad you found it interesting. And thank you for sharing your cathartic conversation -- I've got one of those pending on Monday. I hope to be as graceful but clear as you were! "
with those questions i think people might be surprised by others answers. I think im going to do it with my partner and see how he thinkd i would of answered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Blimey.

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

*shivers* music and eye contact!

It was one of the most special five minutes of my life. I am a 'less can be more' type of guy and this is up there with the best of them. In the same way some kisses can be a more lasting memory than some fucks, this connection is one I love to remember. So innocent but such a wonderful thing to experience with a relative stranger.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thats very interesting estella.

Most i could answer of the top of my head, a couple i would need to think about and a couple i have no answer for

My new challenge to myself is to ensure I know my answers for these as I find it disturbing to think I may not have an answer! Glad you found it interesting. And thank you for sharing your cathartic conversation -- I've got one of those pending on Monday. I hope to be as graceful but clear as you were! with those questions i think people might be surprised by others answers. I think im going to do it with my partner and see how he thinkd i would of answered."

What a lovely idea. Here's to increasing your

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Blimey.

Fancy giving this one a go?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

*shivers* music and eye contact!

Awww.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is so cool!

I've heard about staring into the eyes of a stranger for four minutes. The power of vulnerability. Brene Brown has a very good TED talk on it. Give it a watch...

Thanks for posting, lovely!

Brene Brown!

Her RSA short on the difference between empathy and sympathy is sublime!

Here: https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

Ahh I love her. I want her to be my life mentor..."

Wine and BB discussion soon then!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I try and explain to my partner how i love him ( not why) its a very hard thing to explain

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I try and explain to my partner how i love him ( not why) its a very hard thing to explain"

Nods!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*shivers* music and eye contact!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is so cool!

I've heard about staring into the eyes of a stranger for four minutes. The power of vulnerability. Brene Brown has a very good TED talk on it. Give it a watch...

Thanks for posting, lovely!

Brene Brown!

Her RSA short on the difference between empathy and sympathy is sublime!

Here: https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

Ahh I love her. I want her to be my life mentor...

Wine and BB discussion soon then!

Oh fo' sho'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Blimey.

Fancy giving this one a go?

Errrrr, maybe. Would be an interesting experiment. Although I'm not sure if it would work on me, in terms of breaking down barriers quickly. The same would apply for the 36 questions and the staring into eyes for 4 minutes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Blimey.

Fancy giving this one a go?

What would you put together as your own exercise then?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I have a friend who may or may not read this. But when our eyes met my legs went whoosh from under me ( good job i was sat down) i went on to behave so out of character its untrue id never experienced anything like it. It really confused me for a few weeks and took some getting used to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mutual gazing in silence is one of the most intimate acts two people can do. I've done it a few times and the experience was transcendent. As for the banks of questions, I think telling stories that cover these areas is a more natural way to build intimacy. It is very powerful but take care doing it if you don't want to fall in love

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a friend who may or may not read this. But when our eyes met my legs went whoosh from under me ( good job i was sat down) i went on to behave so out of character its untrue id never experienced anything like it. It really confused me for a few weeks and took some getting used to."

Oooh! I hope they do read this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Mutual gazing in silence is one of the most intimate acts two people can do. I've done it a few times and the experience was transcendent. As for the banks of questions, I think telling stories that cover these areas is a more natural way to build intimacy. It is very powerful but take care doing it if you don't want to fall in love

Eyes. The best.

And shush! Don't warn people against my reckless ways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eyes. The best.

And shush! Don't warn people against my reckless ways

"
My lips are sealed now, but too late to delete the post- whoops

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Oooh! I hope they do read this

"
they know we have had deep discussions about it and both have the same views

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Blimey.

Fancy giving this one a go?

What would you put together as your own exercise then?

Oh I'm really not sure, my brain is wired a bit differently to most people, so you'd have to do some sort of study on people like me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Eyes. The best.

And shush! Don't warn people against my reckless ways

My lips are sealed now, but too late to delete the post- whoops

But, but I want a husband!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oooh! I hope they do read this

they know we have had deep discussions about it and both have the same views"

Awww

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Blimey.

Fancy giving this one a go?

What would you put together as your own exercise then?

Oh I'm really not sure, my brain is wired a bit differently to most people, so you'd have to do some sort of study on people like me

You know I'm going to research and see what's out there.

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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Some of those questions are extremely painful...which says more about me and my ability to deflect than it does about the wuestions, the thought of actually having to talk about these with someone else? That is quietly terrifying.

And that's enough raw vulnerability for my day, off to go incite some banter to lighten my mood

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually sat and had a conversation with someone the other week about what a cunt they had been to me when i was younger, but i was well proud of myself and how i put it over

Radical vulnerability for the win! it was someone i used to see for many years casually and where always putting me down

I did go on. But being able to keep my temper ( or channel it differently as ive gotten older) certainly had its advantages

Spot on, which is why I earlier said I would have no regrets.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some of those questions are extremely painful...which says more about me and my ability to deflect than it does about the wuestions, the thought of actually having to talk about these with someone else? That is quietly terrifying.

And that's enough raw vulnerability for my day, off to go incite some banter to lighten my mood

I'm with you! I felt that too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I actually sat and had a conversation with someone the other week about what a cunt they had been to me when i was younger, but i was well proud of myself and how i put it over

Radical vulnerability for the win! it was someone i used to see for many years casually and where always putting me down

I did go on. But being able to keep my temper ( or channel it differently as ive gotten older) certainly had its advantages

Spot on, which is why I earlier said I would have no regrets."

I'm going to work on being able to say the same.

thank you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Blimey.

Fancy giving this one a go?

What would you put together as your own exercise then?

Oh I'm really not sure, my brain is wired a bit differently to most people, so you'd have to do some sort of study on people like me

You know I'm going to research and see what's out there.

A guy called Prof Simon Baron-Cohen might be a good place to start.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I like to tell people how I feel about them, I like openness, life is too short for silly games.

And I find self-disclosure very easy - you have to know and be known before you can love and be loved.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apropos:

UNDRESS ME

I asked strangers to undress each other and get in bed. Nothing else. No rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKZa-Kb4Nng

Blimey.

Fancy giving this one a go?

What would you put together as your own exercise then?

Oh I'm really not sure, my brain is wired a bit differently to most people, so you'd have to do some sort of study on people like me

You know I'm going to research and see what's out there.

A guy called Prof Simon Baron-Cohen might be a good place to start.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I like to tell people how I feel about them, I like openness, life is too short for silly games.

And I find self-disclosure very easy - you have to know and be known before you can love and be loved.

I think you might be onto something there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

I struggle with exercises like this, because I've long thought I don't react to questions/situations/emotional triggers the way people feel I'm "meant" to. But I know how people are expected to react, and tend to behave accordingly. And I've been doing that so long I'm not sure where faking the expected behaviour stops and I start.

Good thing I have love already

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I like to tell people how I feel about them, I like openness, life is too short for silly games.

And I find self-disclosure very easy - you have to know and be known before you can love and be loved.

I think you might be onto something there! "

I find the feigning and concealment of feelings/emotions to be equally undesirable, honest expression is the only way.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

intimacy with your inner world, sparks self love and that come within, into the world, with no expectation on the other..

if someone has done the same soul searching, their heart is connected to the eyes..

i can love anyone who has made that connection, and i see it. Even if they cant see it in themselves, i do...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would love to try this experiment. Its hard to maintain eye contact with anyone for such a long time but added with those questions that are quite deep and thoughtful must stir up some emotion.

Wow.. very very interesting. Thanks OP for the video link but how did they get on? anyone dating as a result i wonder.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Have you seen this video Estella?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEcqoqvlxPY

Get the tissues ready!

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

" she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. "

Strangers?

I'd struggle with some of those with Mrs ddc, and we've been together 28yrs.

I can see how it might work for those weird "neurotypicals", but for the rest of us, some of it seems almost mocking

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like to tell people how I feel about them, I like openness, life is too short for silly games.

And I find self-disclosure very easy - you have to know and be known before you can love and be loved.

I'm like this too, I have to actively hold myself back!

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

[Removed by poster at 11/11/16 20:08:47]

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Oddly op i thought that question through many years ago.

For that very reason i know if i died in my bed tonight all the people that mean anything to me know exactly"

I took my phone out of my bag today and there was a message from my middle daughter saying how much she loved and appreciated me. This daughter keeps her emotions very close to her chest. I think her being pregnant may have something to do with it, but I was overwhelmed. I told her I loved her too, sent nessages of love to my other children and told my staff I would miss them when I retire next week, that I appreciated all their hard work and they made me look good...but it was their hard work.

I'm not an emotional person and I've not said so many I love yous, you're amazing etc in my entire life!

I meant every word. Everyone important in my life know they are.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I like to tell people how I feel about them, I like openness, life is too short for silly games.

And I find self-disclosure very easy - you have to know and be known before you can love and be loved.

I'm like this too, I have to actively hold myself back!"

Yes, but I can't see the point!

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Oddly op i thought that question through many years ago.

For that very reason i know if i died in my bed tonight all the people that mean anything to me know exactly

I'm not an emotional person and I've not said so many I love yous, you're amazing etc in my entire life!

I meant every word. Everyone important in my life know they are. "

my ex dying at the beginning of the year, made me get up to date with everyone i needed to. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me and my bf did questions similar to these as we met online and it was one evening of silly chats, we leant so much about each other. I know more about him than I do about my ex who I was married to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you seen this video Estella?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEcqoqvlxPY

Get the tissues ready!"

Oh man, them feels!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Oooh! I hope they do read this

"
well hes found the thread cause hes just posted my reply in a whatsapp message

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

You make an interesting point. I got panicked wondering if in this situation I would know what my answers would be and would I just try and give an answer I thought felt right or presented an image I wondered if I should present and then what if it worked? What if someone fell in love with me and would it be the real me they fell in love with? And then do I know who I am? Agghhhhh. I totally overthink things!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I like to tell people how I feel about them, I like openness, life is too short for silly games.

And I find self-disclosure very easy - you have to know and be known before you can love and be loved.

I think you might be onto something there!

I find the feigning and concealment of feelings/emotions to be equally undesirable, honest expression is the only way."

I agree, but sometimes concealment of emotions may be in fear -- and whilst I agree honest expression is best, helping others and myself to feel safe in doing so is not always easy. But important to keep trying. (I'm not referring to manipulative intentional deceit)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"intimacy with your inner world, sparks self love and that come within, into the world, with no expectation on the other..

if someone has done the same soul searching, their heart is connected to the eyes..

i can love anyone who has made that connection, and i see it. Even if they cant see it in themselves, i do..."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would love to try this experiment. Its hard to maintain eye contact with anyone for such a long time but added with those questions that are quite deep and thoughtful must stir up some emotion.

Wow.. very very interesting. Thanks OP for the video link but how did they get on? anyone dating as a result i wonder."

We shall have to run our own experiment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Yes, overthinking is definitely an issue for me. I genuinely struggle to know what's my "real" response though as opposed to the one I'd be giving to fit the expected reactions. That's an everyday thing for me though, not just this!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

"
when i answered the questions in my head. I didnt necessarily answer the questions with definate answers.

For example, the one about givong your life story in 4 minutes. my answer was, i wouldnt, how could i, i wouldnt know what they wanted to know so i would just give them basic facts

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Strangers?

I'd struggle with some of those with Mrs ddc, and we've been together 28yrs.

I can see how it might work for those weird "neurotypicals", but for the rest of us, some of it seems almost mocking

Mr ddc "

Well as already discussed I'll definitely put up any info I find as I read more from Prof. S Baron Cohen. Sorry that the sharing of this has caused upset.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I like to tell people how I feel about them, I like openness, life is too short for silly games.

And I find self-disclosure very easy - you have to know and be known before you can love and be loved.

I'm like this too, I have to actively hold myself back!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/11/16 22:47:53]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

The only way for me is to lose the mind and be in the moment. That's why the questions would be far too mechanical a way for me to develop intimacy with a partner. I prefer just being totally present to the person I'm with and gradually increasing the depth of the conversation through mutual disclosure. Responding authentically to each other is the only way for me, otherwise I find it's just game playing or rituals and avoidance of intimate connection.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oddly op i thought that question through many years ago.

For that very reason i know if i died in my bed tonight all the people that mean anything to me know exactly

I'm not an emotional person and I've not said so many I love yous, you're amazing etc in my entire life!

I meant every word. Everyone important in my life know they are. "

Wonderful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Me and my bf did questions similar to these as we met online and it was one evening of silly chats, we leant so much about each other. I know more about him than I do about my ex who I was married to. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oooh! I hope they do read this

well hes found the thread cause hes just posted my reply in a whatsapp message

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

presence is the biggest turn on, of all levels x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

I think I'm very similar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/11/16 22:52:10]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

True. It is merely an experiment!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

I find it hard to know what's the authentic answer though. When I respond instinctively to things the reaction from people is sometimes less than positive...because I haven't behaved or responded in the 'expected' way. But having spent years and years learning to engage brain first and then give the appropriate response, it's difficult to know what my authentic response would have been.

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was."

It makes me feel rather bereft that if I don't even know myself properly then just what?! I think being mindful and present with myself is going to be an important area of focus. Blimey, reading this article today has really hit a chord with me, whatever my thoughts on the experiment itself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was."

See that's authenticity for me. Behaving or responding in the expected way is censoring yourself rather than being wholly your self.

Likewise I'm not building significant personal relationships but I've found it critical in building authentic business relationships as well. The work I do demands a level of trust that goes beyond normal business relationships and for it to be really effective authentic communication is really important. So I guess I have become more used to it as the years have gone by.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

And the question about which family members death would most affect you. My answer was what a stupid question how on earth would i know how it would affect me until it happened

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

I can relate to all that. A lot of these questions my literal response was 'dunno' - not because I'm out of touch with my feelings or have no self awareness.

It's more of a case of struggling to think of such hypothetical and abstract situations.

But yeah, I do feel like some sort of secret agent constantly playing a role, especially at work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It makes me feel rather bereft that if I don't even know myself properly then just what?! I think being mindful and present with myself is going to be an important area of focus. Blimey, reading this article today has really hit a chord with me, whatever my thoughts on the experiment itself. "

Isn't that part of the journey though? The person there with you helps you find things out about yourself that you can't fathom by yourself?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

" It's more of a case of struggling to think of such hypothetical and abstract situations.

But yeah, I do feel like some sort of secret agent constantly playing a role, especially at work. "

I like the idea behind it but I have struggled with a fair few of them. I think it's because I'm an aspie. I know the societal cues and what I should do and say but quite often they don't measure up and then I'm seen as weird. So I don't think anyone would fall in love with me as a result of those questions because my brain isn't wired the right way for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

I can relate to all that. A lot of these questions my literal response was 'dunno' - not because I'm out of touch with my feelings or have no self awareness.

It's more of a case of struggling to think of such hypothetical and abstract situations.

But yeah, I do feel like some sort of secret agent constantly playing a role, especially at work. "

I like that analogy. I think I invented my work personality ten years ago when I started doing that job. Luckily she's good at it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was.

See that's authenticity for me. Behaving or responding in the expected way is censoring yourself rather than being wholly your self.

I like this. I think I don't so much give the answer for another (i.e. what they might want to hear) as to genuinely be a little lost as to what is my true authenticity -- but trying to be radically vulnerable is something I'm really trying to keep forging ahead with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"And the question about which family members death would most affect you. My answer was what a stupid question how on earth would i know how it would affect me until it happened"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

I can relate to all that. A lot of these questions my literal response was 'dunno' - not because I'm out of touch with my feelings or have no self awareness.

It's more of a case of struggling to think of such hypothetical and abstract situations.

But yeah, I do feel like some sort of secret agent constantly playing a role, especially at work. "

. ------ you being a secret agent

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Isn't that part of the journey though? The person there with you helps you find things out about yourself that you can't fathom by yourself?"

Quite possibly so! That's a lovely way to look at it, thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" It's more of a case of struggling to think of such hypothetical and abstract situations.

But yeah, I do feel like some sort of secret agent constantly playing a role, especially at work.

Yes, I get that. There's definitely a whole aspie dissonance here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was.

See that's authenticity for me. Behaving or responding in the expected way is censoring yourself rather than being wholly your self.

Couldn't radical vulnerability be seen as a form of authenticity, potentially a more useful form for those, like me (I think) who may struggle with this sort of structure?

The more I read the questions the more I find thinking a) it depends and b) what should I think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was.

See that's authenticity for me. Behaving or responding in the expected way is censoring yourself rather than being wholly your self.

Vulnerability for me is a prerequisite for authenticity. If we can open ourselves enough to be vulnerable to each other authenticity and intimacy are consequences. Mutual vulnerability is transformative as it opens us up to experiencing our relationships in a new way. im still learning about its power but I've got enough evidence now to know it works wonders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was.

See that's authenticity for me. Behaving or responding in the expected way is censoring yourself rather than being wholly your self.

Thank you. You've just answered some of the questions that have been whirring around inside my head. Or helped me make some sense of them at least.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was.

See that's authenticity for me. Behaving or responding in the expected way is censoring yourself rather than being wholly your self.

I really like how you've articulated that. Thank you, that's inspiring.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was.

See that's authenticity for me. Behaving or responding in the expected way is censoring yourself rather than being wholly your self.

Thank you. You've just answered some of the questions that have been whirring around inside my head. Or helped me make some sense of them at least. "

Didn't he just?!

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Mr ddc

Well as already discussed I'll definitely put up any info I find as I read more from Prof. S Baron Cohen. Sorry that the sharing of this has caused upset. "

Ahhh, soz Estella, no upset, I meant it light-heartedly. I just meant that those sort of questions would be quite difficult to cope with for many neuro-different people. And since they are the most likely to have difficulties in forming relationships, the idea of this being a useful process for them seemed almost the antithesis of reality.

It might not have helped that I got him muddled with Sacha Baron Cohen either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op what a fantastic thread and set of moral questions. Loved it even when I struggled with my own truths. Thank you for this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/11/16 23:59:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was.

See that's authenticity for me. Behaving or responding in the expected way is censoring yourself rather than being wholly your self.

Thank you. You've just answered some of the questions that have been whirring around inside my head. Or helped me make some sense of them at least.

Didn't he just?!

Very much so. This whole thread has acted as quite the prod to all sorts of stuff that doesn't tend to get thought of. It's been very enlightening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

Since I'm not forging significant new relationships now I don't think this is a problem, but it has made me think about how it would be if I was.

See that's authenticity for me. Behaving or responding in the expected way is censoring yourself rather than being wholly your self.

Thank you. You've just answered some of the questions that have been whirring around inside my head. Or helped me make some sense of them at least. "
Great

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mr ddc

Well as already discussed I'll definitely put up any info I find as I read more from Prof. S Baron Cohen. Sorry that the sharing of this has caused upset.

It might not have helped that I got him muddled with Sacha Baron Cohen either.

No, I agree -- it'll be interesting to see what has been looked at or researched for neurodifference elsewhere. Glad there wasn't upset, and I do take your point. I think I carry my own non-neurotypicality as is!

Blimey, could you imagine the Sacha Baron Cohen pathway to love?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op what a fantastic thread and set of moral questions. Loved it even when I struggled with my own truths. Thank you for this."

Thank you -- I'm glad you found it interesting! Ahhhh

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Vulnerability for me is a prerequisite for authenticity. If we can open ourselves enough to be vulnerable to each other authenticity and intimacy are consequences. Mutual vulnerability is transformative as it opens us up to experiencing our relationships in a new way. im still learning about its power but I've got enough evidence now to know it works wonders.

Thank you. You've just answered some of the questions that have been whirring around inside my head. Or helped me make some sense of them at least.

Didn't he just?!

Very much so. This whole thread has acted as quite the prod to all sorts of stuff that doesn't tend to get thought of. It's been very enlightening

Pleased it's been good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. You've just answered some of the questions that have been whirring around inside my head. Or helped me make some sense of them at least.

Didn't he just?!

Very much so. This whole thread has acted as quite the prod to all sorts of stuff that doesn't tend to get thought of. It's been very enlightening

Pleased it's been good

Yes great topic Estella. Made a change for me to be serious for once rather than fooling around. I enjoyed it very much.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you. You've just answered some of the questions that have been whirring around inside my head. Or helped me make some sense of them at least.

Didn't he just?!

Very much so. This whole thread has acted as quite the prod to all sorts of stuff that doesn't tend to get thought of. It's been very enlightening

Pleased it's been good

Yes great topic Estella. Made a change for me to be serious for once rather than fooling around. I enjoyed it very much.

Well you've given me a lot of interesting things to think about. Thank you. Please do keep being serious when you feel like it, I'd love to learn more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. You've just answered some of the questions that have been whirring around inside my head. Or helped me make some sense of them at least.

Didn't he just?!

Very much so. This whole thread has acted as quite the prod to all sorts of stuff that doesn't tend to get thought of. It's been very enlightening

Pleased it's been good

Yes great topic Estella. Made a change for me to be serious for once rather than fooling around. I enjoyed it very much.

Thank you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you. You've just answered some of the questions that have been whirring around inside my head. Or helped me make some sense of them at least.

Didn't he just?!

Very much so. This whole thread has acted as quite the prod to all sorts of stuff that doesn't tend to get thought of. It's been very enlightening

Pleased it's been good

Yes great topic Estella. Made a change for me to be serious for once rather than fooling around. I enjoyed it very much.

Well you've given me a lot of interesting things to think about. Thank you. Please do keep being serious when you feel like it, I'd love to learn more.

When the topic really interests me my true colours come out. You drew it out thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So much

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

"
was that about personalities, i liked one i did where i posed a sceniario and the different logic people came up with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

was that about personalities, i liked one i did where i posed a sceniario and the different logic people came up with"

Yeah it was the personalities one. I don't remember the scenario one maybe it was while I was on my break.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

I'll work on it!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

And you too!!

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Mr ddc

Blimey, could you imagine the Sacha Baron Cohen pathway to love?

And I agree with a few of the others, I tend to be very "good" at these tests because I can identify the "correct" answer very quickly, and give it very convincingly.

But that is only because I learnt very early on that my own answer was "wrong". Always.

Whenever a test begins "There are no wrong answers here" warning lights start flashing and I know they're lying

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

And you too!! "
oh i will have to think of something, maybe next week. Youve made my brain overthink. Last time a thread made me think it was about trees i only went and took myself away for three days to study trees lol to work out whether i thought they had souls or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

And you too!! "

I'll see what comes up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

And you too!! oh i will have to think of something, maybe next week. Youve made my brain overthink. Last time a thread made me think it was about trees i only went and took myself away for three days to study trees lol to work out whether i thought they had souls or not

"
Don't know about souls but they do have auras

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mr ddc

Blimey, could you imagine the Sacha Baron Cohen pathway to love?

And I agree with a few of the others, I tend to be very "good" at these tests because I can identify the "correct" answer very quickly, and give it very convincingly.

But that is only because I learnt very early on that my own answer was "wrong". Always.

Whenever a test begins "There are no wrong answers here" warning lights start flashing and I know they're lying

That's hard work. It's draining to be continually putting on/or working to fit to something that doesn't...well ... fit.

And actually you've just clicked something in my head about a work issue I'm chewing on. Thank you (I won't elaborate right now, but thank you -- that's helped)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

Well perhaps it's time for us to all stare quietly at each other for the four minutes and wind down the whirring brains!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

Don't know about souls but they do have auras"
that could be your question but dont get me started it was a mind fuck that started with me "thinking" trees had souls to believing bloody carrots have souls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well its been a big

from me and already led to one interesting conversation.

Id like at least one of these a week please

The last one I enjoyed as much was one of yours if I remember rightly ... you should dust off some of your own good questions too

Don't know about souls but they do have aurasthat could be your question but dont get me started it was a mind fuck that started with me "thinking" trees had souls to believing bloody carrots have souls"

Hey I don't want you spending three days trying to see the aura of a tree. Besides it's better to do that during the summer while lying in the park on a sunny day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Such a good thread E!

Off to spoon a tree!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Such a good thread E!

Off to spoon a tree!

BEG -- getting some wood.

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By *morousgentMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

What a beautiful thread. Thanks Estella and all.

http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/oriah-mountain-dreamer.html

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

This - a hundred times this!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Something i just remembered

Whem i was doing my A levels we had a mock exam

One of the questions i hadnt revised yet

So for my answer i wrote sorry i havent got this far in my revision yet

I actually got good marks for that answer as she marked me on how id answered the other questions

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have you seen this video Estella?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEcqoqvlxPY

Get the tissues ready!"

Oh Frisky, yes! I only just went on the link to see what you'd posted and as soon as the link pulled up the clip I smiled. This is one of my favourites that I share with people! It's breathtakingly good. Oh I'm glad that's on this thread.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What a beautiful thread. Thanks Estella and all.

http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/oriah-mountain-dreamer.html"

Lovely piece

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This - a hundred times this! "

Yes. I'm not sure I celebrated this post enough earlier.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Something i just remembered

Whem i was doing my A levels we had a mock exam

One of the questions i hadnt revised yet

So for my answer i wrote sorry i havent got this far in my revision yet

I actually got good marks for that answer as she marked me on how id answered the other questions"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

I can relate to all that. A lot of these questions my literal response was 'dunno' - not because I'm out of touch with my feelings or have no self awareness.

It's more of a case of struggling to think of such hypothetical and abstract situations.

But yeah, I do feel like some sort of secret agent constantly playing a role, especially at work.

I like that analogy. I think I invented my work personality ten years ago when I started doing that job. Luckily she's good at it

Very true. But when you stop being good at it, that's when it becomes difficult.

My analogy may seem facetious but I've always fascinated by people working undercover, such as spies and law enforcement, and the enormous mental stress it can cause.

I had a great work persona that lasted several years, but that fragmented and I'm only just coming out the other side now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/11/16 01:54:31]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been asked one of those questions in a job interview before

Good thing I have love already

I can relate to all that. A lot of these questions my literal response was 'dunno' - not because I'm out of touch with my feelings or have no self awareness.

It's more of a case of struggling to think of such hypothetical and abstract situations.

But yeah, I do feel like some sort of secret agent constantly playing a role, especially at work.

I like that analogy. I think I invented my work personality ten years ago when I started doing that job. Luckily she's good at it

Very true. But when you stop being good at it, that's when it becomes difficult.

My analogy may seem facetious but I've always fascinated by people working undercover, such as spies and law enforcement, and the enormous mental stress it can cause.

I had a great work persona that lasted several years, but that fragmented and I'm only just coming out the other side now. "

I think when we spent a large proportion of our time working outside of our natural preferences or kinda putting that necessary persona on or indeed being in a profession where your role requires you to be congruent to another's need for you to be a certain way -- you can lose yourself. This resonates for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Estella, this has been a fascinating thread but I'm sorry if it's been hijacked in so many directions.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Estella, this has been a fascinating thread but I'm sorry if it's been hijacked in so many directions.

It hasn't been hijacked at all! I was reading the article and simply shared with no real need for it to be in any direction whatsoever. It's been genuinely thought provoking to hear people's thoughts/tangents/musings. I simply witter on out loud on the thread!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Estella, this has been a fascinating thread but I'm sorry if it's been hijacked in so many directions.

Good to know

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Anyway, my final post is going to answer the question.

Based on the questions asked i wouldnt feel any romantic love for them, all i would see it as is taking part in an experiment and having shared "a moment" only one of the questions would make me feel vulnerable answering.

Id probably say that was interesting what experiment do you have lined up for me next

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Anyway, my final post is going to answer the question.

Id probably say that was interesting what experiment do you have lined up for me next"

Ah but you are theorising your taking part! Surely you need to "do" the experiment to know what effect it would have?!

(Not that I'm endorsing the experiment one way or the other!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's an intriguing experiment. It seems as if it is more likely to make you find out about your true self than about your partner.

Perhaps it is being in their company as you have a series of mini epiphanies which facilitates a mutual bond?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Anyway, my final post is going to answer the question.

Id probably say that was interesting what experiment do you have lined up for me next

Ah but you are theorising your taking part! Surely you need to "do" the experiment to know what effect it would have?!

(Not that I'm endorsing the experiment one way or the other!)

"
true and if i did the experiment and came back with a different answer then i dont know myself as well as i thought i did, but i would of already disasociated myself from the questions.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Anyway, my final post is going to answer the question.

Id probably say that was interesting what experiment do you have lined up for me next

Ah but you are theorising your taking part! Surely you need to "do" the experiment to know what effect it would have?!

(Not that I'm endorsing the experiment one way or the other!)

true and if i did the experiment and came back with a different answer then i dont know myself as well as i thought i did, but i would of already disasociated myself from the questions. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's an intriguing experiment. It seems as if it is more likely to make you find out about your true self than about your partner.

Perhaps it is being in their company as you have a series of mini epiphanies which facilitates a mutual bond? "

Perhaps indeed. Much like going through a crisis with someone can bring a bond between two people closer. (Or maybe I'm believing the Hollywood movies there?!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the 4 minute silent gaze might be a bit much on a social.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think the 4 minute silent gaze might be a bit much on a social."

Damn. I was going to make it mandatory!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah as the bill for the coffee drops.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yeah as the bill for the coffee drops. "

First to blink pays?

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