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"It's not only women. Human's are complex. Half the time we don't really know what we want. " | |||
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"There does appear to be a small percentage of people that don't appear to appreciate what NSA means (men and women). Some also like the freedom to meet who they want but expect exclusivity from those they meet. But hey, it's their preference and they're entitled to it. Whether others agree or cede to it is up to them. Me? There's no need for petty jealousies etc on here, go have fun and enjoy yourselves! " That's a fair point, I just find the basic inconsistency to be difficult to reconcile. I understand people wanting to feel special but surely wanting to be exclusive is contrary to the basic ethos | |||
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"maybe they just werent that sure they wanted to see you again anyway, so that gave them an exccuse. people change their minds all the time i do." I've never met anyone that has been like this with me. I have had potential meets called off because I told them about Redhead which surprised me, but ultimately I was glad they were honest. This thread was brought about via my observations rather than my experiences Beard | |||
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"It's not only women. Human's are complex. Half the time we don't really know what we want. " | |||
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"I've found that both men and women can get very jealous on here. Its just one of those things really " I think they do too even if they havnt got any reason to be, they wouldnt admit it though even to themselves half the time. | |||
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"I've had a guy admit he felt jealous when he saw a new veri. He's not turned weird about it or anything though " I think feeling jealous is different from acting on it. I've felt pangs of jealousy about things before - it doesn't mean I don't understand no strings or want to stop other people doing anything though, it just means I felt a bit jealous. | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? " Is it "clearly" that? Can't there be other explanations? | |||
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"I've had a guy admit he felt jealous when he saw a new veri. He's not turned weird about it or anything though I think feeling jealous is different from acting on it. I've felt pangs of jealousy about things before - it doesn't mean I don't understand no strings or want to stop other people doing anything though, it just means I felt a bit jealous." I'll admit to being envious on occasion, but that's entirely different | |||
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"I've had the opposite where guys get funny as fuck about me meeting others whilst I have no issue with it." I had one of these | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Is it "clearly" that? Can't there be other explanations?" Well it seems clear to me. What other explanations would you posit? | |||
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"Ive had women threaten me because I've met someone they have. I've had women get friends and meets to message me and threaten me because I wouldn't meet someone she had met (local skank) I've had men call me a whore because I've met someone and not them. I've had a girl go bat shit crazy because she wanted the person I had a couple account with. People are crazy fuckers some times lol It's my body, it's my choice who I meet!" This sort of thing is why I had/have my rule, it doesn't cover me completely, and to be fair I'm not going to get people fighting over me but this sort of drama is exactly why I only met people who meet others | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Is it "clearly" that? Can't there be other explanations? Well it seems clear to me. What other explanations would you posit? " F&S said above it's because she wants bareback. I said above it's because I think there's the potential for drama from the others involved. There's two options there. | |||
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"I've had a guy admit he felt jealous when he saw a new veri. He's not turned weird about it or anything though " I have one of my friends that I get like this with. I openly admit I do like him a lot. I get a gut wrench when I see him put up a meet. Within a few minutes I'm cool again, I think it's more disappointment that he hasn't asked me first lol. Saying that, it's normally me he meets with even when he does put one up, and if we're having fun and others are with us I don't get jealous at all, I love to see him enjoying himself. So I think it's more that I want to be his first choice. | |||
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"I certainly don't want to be anyone's "exclusive" but I do shy away from meeting people who have an established FB or partner because it sometimes feels like there's the potential for drama, like I'm stepping into someone else's dynamic. And I don't want drama. " Very much this The main reason why I don't meet couples | |||
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"All i expect from a meet is them to concentrate on me and me be their focal point during a meet (as i do them) as long as theyve treated me with respect, made me feel good and had a good time i couldnt careless if they where shagging fanny adams down the street 5 minutes later" Exactly this. I can't expect anyone to be exclusive to me when I can't offer the same in return. Besides... I quite like watching my man for the night shagging a lovely lady. Ding dong! | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? " I think its to do with low self esteem, to make the other person seem more important than what they are, when they arent. | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Is it "clearly" that? Can't there be other explanations? Well it seems clear to me. What other explanations would you posit? F&S said above it's because she wants bareback. I said above it's because I think there's the potential for drama from the others involved. There's two options there." Yes, but I'm thinking of root causes not results, drama involved is someone's reaction to their resentment | |||
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"I certainly don't want to be anyone's "exclusive" but I do shy away from meeting people who have an established FB or partner because it sometimes feels like there's the potential for drama, like I'm stepping into someone else's dynamic. And I don't want drama. " | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Is it "clearly" that? Can't there be other explanations? Well it seems clear to me. What other explanations would you posit? F&S said above it's because she wants bareback. I said above it's because I think there's the potential for drama from the others involved. There's two options there. Yes, but I'm thinking of root causes not results, drama involved is someone's reaction to their resentment" But me thinking there's potential for drama from the other people involved has zero to do with my self esteem. I don't resent someone's other partners, I just don't want to be involved. | |||
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"I've had a guy admit he felt jealous when he saw a new veri. He's not turned weird about it or anything though I have one of my friends that I get like this with. I openly admit I do like him a lot. I get a gut wrench when I see him put up a meet. Within a few minutes I'm cool again, I think it's more disappointment that he hasn't asked me first lol. Saying that, it's normally me he meets with even when he does put one up, and if we're having fun and others are with us I don't get jealous at all, I love to see him enjoying himself. So I think it's more that I want to be his first choice. " Completely understand this, and if someone I know puts up a meet I will never offer, simply because if they wanted to meet me they would have asked me not put a meet up, waited for no response then decided to ask me. | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? " Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. | |||
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"Everyone likes to be made to feel special .... that's human nature .... " Sure... but should people be looking for that on a swingers site? Is exclusivity the way to achieve that? Surely self worth comes from yourself? | |||
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"Everyone likes to be made to feel special .... that's human nature .... Sure... but should people be looking for that on a swingers site? Is exclusivity the way to achieve that? Surely self worth comes from yourself?" Being made to feel special isn't exclusive to anything else. As DiamondSmiles says you just focus on those you are with at the moment Just as Stephen Stills sang it | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. " It's not about being a live sex toy as you put it, and I agree that that isn't a pleasant situation to be placed in. It's about wanting and expecting to be the focus of people's affections in a swinging situation. My frame of experience is with ladies, guys reactions can be the same I'm sure but I've never experienced that first hand | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. " Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. " Wow! That's the first time I've ever been referred to as an elitist anything! I guess I've truly made it now. My platinum membership must be in the post I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. Wow! That's the first time I've ever been referred to as an elitist anything! I guess I've truly made it now. My platinum membership must be in the post I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better" It was a general comment after reading all the posts on the thread. If you think it's about you then that's your own issues/ conscience. | |||
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"I've had a guy admit he felt jealous when he saw a new veri. He's not turned weird about it or anything though " I think that can be a fairly natural reaction but I'd keep it to myself and carry on. This isnt the place to be possessive or needy | |||
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"I've had a guy admit he felt jealous when he saw a new veri. He's not turned weird about it or anything though I think that can be a fairly natural reaction but I'd keep it to myself and carry on. This isnt the place to be possessive or needy" | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. Wow! That's the first time I've ever been referred to as an elitist anything! I guess I've truly made it now. My platinum membership must be in the post I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better It was a general comment after reading all the posts on the thread. If you think it's about you then that's your own issues/ conscience. " tell me scarlet, this site is called fabswingers ( i know people use it for different things) it was aimed at people meeting for nsa. Just how special do people want to feel? Im not an emotionless robot or a fuck toy but theres a limit to expectations | |||
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"I can only speak for myself but I became friends with one of my meets. He's since met other women and I'm really happy for him. I know exactly what he's capable of and he should be "spreading his joy" " Now we're talking. That's not to say I haven't had the occasional wobble... | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. Wow! That's the first time I've ever been referred to as an elitist anything! I guess I've truly made it now. My platinum membership must be in the post I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better It was a general comment after reading all the posts on the thread. If you think it's about you then that's your own issues/ conscience. " Hmmm well it seemed fairly pointed with the reply and quote but if that's your stance then fair enough. As I said, trying to have a discussion | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. Wow! That's the first time I've ever been referred to as an elitist anything! I guess I've truly made it now. My platinum membership must be in the post I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better It was a general comment after reading all the posts on the thread. If you think it's about you then that's your own issues/ conscience. tell me scarlet, this site is called fabswingers ( i know people use it for different things) it was aimed at people meeting for nsa. Just how special do people want to feel? Im not an emotionless robot or a fuck toy but theres a limit to expectations" It's not about feeling special. It's about the sort of people that use others as fuck toys against their wishes. A basic lack of respect. NSA works fine if both parties are respectful of each other. | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. Wow! That's the first time I've ever been referred to as an elitist anything! I guess I've truly made it now. My platinum membership must be in the post I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better It was a general comment after reading all the posts on the thread. If you think it's about you then that's your own issues/ conscience. tell me scarlet, this site is called fabswingers ( i know people use it for different things) it was aimed at people meeting for nsa. Just how special do people want to feel? Im not an emotionless robot or a fuck toy but theres a limit to expectations It's not about feeling special. It's about the sort of people that use others as fuck toys against their wishes. A basic lack of respect. NSA works fine if both parties are respectful of each other. " oh, i didnt think thats what this thread was about | |||
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"It sometimes has a lot of what people are saying to each other as well, saying one thing and doing the exact opposite, misleads people etc " Exactly, either saying they are cool with nsa when they can't hack it or one party says exclusivity on their profile and the other party (usually a guy) says that's good with them just to fuck. | |||
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"Maybe i'm an oddball but I see the opposite when ladies talk of 'Not meeting with couples' because of possible drama.. I see three singles as maybe "available for more" as more complex and open to misinterpretations by one of those involved. In a strong couple no such avenue is open. I understand some have had the bad experience with couples but looking at this thread it seems just as many have issues with singles too and yet many of those that have had issues choose to not meet couples anymore while continuing to meet singles.. There could be any number of reasons for this.. All the things listed really boil down to insecurities, from the guy wanting you to be exclusive to the lady not wanting to feel like a plaything. Lose those & you gain your freedom.. S" Why is the assumption throughout this thread automatically that it's all about insecurity? I don't meet couples because I don't want to. I don't meet half of a couples profile because I don't want to. I've met a married man whose wife also swings, but they don't meet together and have separate profiles. I wouldn't have met him if he'd approached me as a couple because I just don't like that dynamic. I think it's easy to dismiss women in particular as being possessive, needy, insecure, not "getting it", because it's an easy excuse to use for them not wanting to meet you. | |||
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"Maybe i'm an oddball but I see the opposite when ladies talk of 'Not meeting with couples' because of possible drama.. I see three singles as maybe "available for more" as more complex and open to misinterpretations by one of those involved. In a strong couple no such avenue is open. I understand some have had the bad experience with couples but looking at this thread it seems just as many have issues with singles too and yet many of those that have had issues choose to not meet couples anymore while continuing to meet singles.. There could be any number of reasons for this.. All the things listed really boil down to insecurities, from the guy wanting you to be exclusive to the lady not wanting to feel like a plaything. Lose those & you gain your freedom.. S Why is the assumption throughout this thread automatically that it's all about insecurity? I don't meet couples because I don't want to. I don't meet half of a couples profile because I don't want to. I've met a married man whose wife also swings, but they don't meet together and have separate profiles. I wouldn't have met him if he'd approached me as a couple because I just don't like that dynamic. I think it's easy to dismiss women in particular as being possessive, needy, insecure, not "getting it", because it's an easy excuse to use for them not wanting to meet you. " | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option." I'm hugely turned off the serial forum flirters for this reason too. | |||
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"Maybe i'm an oddball but I see the opposite when ladies talk of 'Not meeting with couples' because of possible drama.. I see three singles as maybe "available for more" as more complex and open to misinterpretations by one of those involved. In a strong couple no such avenue is open. I understand some have had the bad experience with couples but looking at this thread it seems just as many have issues with singles too and yet many of those that have had issues choose to not meet couples anymore while continuing to meet singles.. There could be any number of reasons for this.. All the things listed really boil down to insecurities, from the guy wanting you to be exclusive to the lady not wanting to feel like a plaything. Lose those & you gain your freedom.. S Why is the assumption throughout this thread automatically that it's all about insecurity? I don't meet couples because I don't want to. I don't meet half of a couples profile because I don't want to. I've met a married man whose wife also swings, but they don't meet together and have separate profiles. I wouldn't have met him if he'd approached me as a couple because I just don't like that dynamic. I think it's easy to dismiss women in particular as being possessive, needy, insecure, not "getting it", because it's an easy excuse to use for them not wanting to meet you. " I actually think the men are the ones on here that typically fall into the possessive category e.g. " just got blocked" thread from last night | |||
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"maybe a little heavy for a Sunday morning but I've noticed that many ladies on here say one thing but mean another. Many enjoy and like the sexual freedom that swinging brings but when faced with a situation where they're not 'the one and only' for a person or couple they dislike the fact that they're not the focus and walk away. Is this a thing that others have experienced or do ladies agree that this is something that they want? Beard" I've experienced mild forms of it in the past from supposedly NSA meets of those I've met. People are human; they get the feels sometimes. I know guys who felt weird when people they met and liked met someone else so it isn't exclusively women who go there. And it's not a case of doing one thing and saying another necessarily; the examples I state were all from rational human beings who don't like the drama themselves but still found themselves put out. Their reactions were to be honest about it and accept the way they were feeling but not expect others to change their approach since they rationalised those feelings and applied logic. Catching the feels isn't necessarily a bad thing. Asking others to change their behaviour as a result often is. As a brief synopsis. | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option." I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time? | |||
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"Everyone likes to be made to feel special .... that's human nature .... Sure... but should people be looking for that on a swingers site? Is exclusivity the way to achieve that? Surely self worth comes from yourself?" If you meet someone and there's a connection - it's there whether you 'meant it' or not - life isn't static. Humans are designed to bond with others - you have the standpoint of someone with a partner and having other needs met too. It's just EXTRA. Personality types, chemistry and the subconscious - it's all in play | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option. I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time?" But would you bang on to those people about all the other women you were talking to? That's what puts me off, not the fact they're talking to other people. | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option. I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time? But would you bang on to those people about all the other women you were talking to? That's what puts me off, not the fact they're talking to other people. " Kinda get where your coming from here, unless I'm barking up wrong tree.. I'm not naive enough to believe if I'm talking to someone I'm the only one their talking to, but what makes me think is, are they filling the others with exactly what they are saying to me? ..Who knows | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option. I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time? But would you bang on to those people about all the other women you were talking to? That's what puts me off, not the fact they're talking to other people. " No I wouldn't, because there's such a thing as discretion and respect | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option. I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time? But would you bang on to those people about all the other women you were talking to? That's what puts me off, not the fact they're talking to other people. Kinda get where your coming from here, unless I'm barking up wrong tree.. I'm not naive enough to believe if I'm talking to someone I'm the only one their talking to, but what makes me think is, are they filling the others with exactly what they are saying to me? ..Who knows " Yeah I really dislike the idea that someone I meet or plan to meet would be talking about me to their other meets (or, for that matter, to their partner or FB). I don't even like the verification system on here for that reason. So if I get a hint from them that they might do that, I'm out of there. | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option. I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time? But would you bang on to those people about all the other women you were talking to? That's what puts me off, not the fact they're talking to other people. Kinda get where your coming from here, unless I'm barking up wrong tree.. I'm not naive enough to believe if I'm talking to someone I'm the only one their talking to, but what makes me think is, are they filling the others with exactly what they are saying to me? ..Who knows Yeah I really dislike the idea that someone I meet or plan to meet would be talking about me to their other meets (or, for that matter, to their partner or FB). I don't even like the verification system on here for that reason. So if I get a hint from them that they might do that, I'm out of there. " Totally get you on all that, I think the verification system is a bit toss to be honest, no need for it .. I think the word discretion lacks with a lot of people on here. | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option. I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time? But would you bang on to those people about all the other women you were talking to? That's what puts me off, not the fact they're talking to other people. No I wouldn't, because there's such a thing as discretion and respect" Exactly! It's the fact they tell me they are chatting to loads of other women, which makes me feel that way. Chat to whoever, just don't tell me about it. | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option. I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time? But would you bang on to those people about all the other women you were talking to? That's what puts me off, not the fact they're talking to other people. No I wouldn't, because there's such a thing as discretion and respect Exactly! It's the fact they tell me they are chatting to loads of other women, which makes me feel that way. Chat to whoever, just don't tell me about it." I've had men (always just men on this one) who do the exact opposite in messages. Lots of 'I'm only on fab because I'm talking to you, there's no-one else I talk to' kind of thing. That also turns me right off; it puts way too much pressure on me. And presupposes I am in the same boat when just because I don't tell them the details of other people I talk to doesn't mean I don't have multiple conversations going. Even if it's just the bullshit it probably is it still puts me off since it assumes I would want that kind of exclusivity when it really makes me want to run screaming. | |||
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"I've had a guy admit he felt jealous when he saw a new veri. He's not turned weird about it or anything though I think feeling jealous is different from acting on it. I've felt pangs of jealousy about things before - it doesn't mean I don't understand no strings or want to stop other people doing anything though, it just means I felt a bit jealous." couldn't have put it better | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option. I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time? But would you bang on to those people about all the other women you were talking to? That's what puts me off, not the fact they're talking to other people. No I wouldn't, because there's such a thing as discretion and respect" Exactly! | |||
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"I've had a guy admit he felt jealous when he saw a new veri. He's not turned weird about it or anything though I think feeling jealous is different from acting on it. I've felt pangs of jealousy about things before - it doesn't mean I don't understand no strings or want to stop other people doing anything though, it just means I felt a bit jealous. couldn't have put it better " Yes yes yes, that's exactly it. | |||
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"And (I'm on a roll now) there are men on here who try to play women off against each other by name dropping who they are messaging. That kills any interest for me. At least pretend I'm not your fourth option. I think this is exactly what I'm driving at though. What makes you think that you're the fourth option? I used to chat to lots of people and have potential meets I was chatting to, there was no 2nd or 3rd option, just people I liked. Are we meant to just me talking to one person at a time? But would you bang on to those people about all the other women you were talking to? That's what puts me off, not the fact they're talking to other people. No I wouldn't, because there's such a thing as discretion and respect Exactly! It's the fact they tell me they are chatting to loads of other women, which makes me feel that way. Chat to whoever, just don't tell me about it. I've had men (always just men on this one) who do the exact opposite in messages. Lots of 'I'm only on fab because I'm talking to you, there's no-one else I talk to' kind of thing. That also turns me right off; it puts way too much pressure on me. And presupposes I am in the same boat when just because I don't tell them the details of other people I talk to doesn't mean I don't have multiple conversations going. Even if it's just the bullshit it probably is it still puts me off since it assumes I would want that kind of exclusivity when it really makes me want to run screaming." The flip side of that behaviour though is that as a single I was asked if I was chatting to or meeting others and when I replied yes the lady would disappear. For some people it's a learned lie based around wanting to meet. I'm not defending that kind of behaviour but I'm simply saying that it may be born from people wanting to feel exclusive | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. Wow! That's the first time I've ever been referred to as an elitist anything! I guess I've truly made it now. My platinum membership must be in the post I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better" Beard, what I see is you trying to have an intelligent and measured conversation and to be a little philosophical to boot.. If that makes you elitist, be proud. | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. Wow! That's the first time I've ever been referred to as an elitist anything! I guess I've truly made it now. My platinum membership must be in the post I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better Beard, what I see is you trying to have an intelligent and measured conversation and to be a little philosophical to boot.. If that makes you elitist, be proud. " Thank you A bit of crossed wires I think and sorted now. Yes that's exactly what I'm endeavouring for, I find it interesting how some people act and react contrary to their words and in some ways 'expected behaviours' and I think discussing others experiences can help to shed light on how it's dealt with and bring a touch of self understanding too. | |||
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"It's not only women. Human's are complex. Half the time we don't really know what we want. " This. See both woman and men doing it. | |||
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"Clearly it's an ego thing, people feel that their self worth is lessened by not being the focal point of another's affections but surely as swingers that is part of the journey? Shouldn't our self worth be governed by ourselves and not others? Oversimplification there of a person's motives and feelings - it might not be an ego thing, merely a desire not to be a live sex toy. It's human nature to have preferences as to how they are treated and who they shag and be treated with respect. Self worth is the belief that you should be treated with respect - surely that means you decide on how to carry on? As far as it being 'ladies'? Utter crap. I have dated and fucked people of various genders and everyone can be complicated. Just the usual shite from Elitist Swingers that think everyone should be emotionless robots and use people as fuck toys. People (non-Swingers, clearly) are human. Wow! That's the first time I've ever been referred to as an elitist anything! I guess I've truly made it now. My platinum membership must be in the post I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better Beard, what I see is you trying to have an intelligent and measured conversation and to be a little philosophical to boot.. If that makes you elitist, be proud. Thank you A bit of crossed wires I think and sorted now. Yes that's exactly what I'm endeavouring for, I find it interesting how some people act and react contrary to their words and in some ways 'expected behaviours' and I think discussing others experiences can help to shed light on how it's dealt with and bring a touch of self understanding too. " This lifestyle can bring some very unexpected and puzzling behaviours and self awareness through it all can only be positive. I am always a very open and honest person in life generally and would have assumed that it would be a stronger trait amongst people who have such a shared interest, but sadly it is not always the case. It is true that emotions will inevitably be present at some time or another but it is what we do with them that is key. | |||
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" I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better Beard, what I see is you trying to have an intelligent and measured conversation and to be a little philosophical to boot.. If that makes you elitist, be proud. " I wouldn't say Beard came across as elitist. Measured neither because stating 'clearly' indicates that to be the only reason. It has been an interesting and intelligent conversation. Personally, I don't want exclusivity - it makes my quim cobweb over like nothing else. On the other hand, the idea that someone's preferred way of meeting is down to an ego is just too reductionist for me to believe. Self awareness and understanding is great but projection of negative experiences to create an assumption and then generalise isn't either of those things. | |||
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" I was trying to have a discussion based around my observations but clearly you know better Beard, what I see is you trying to have an intelligent and measured conversation and to be a little philosophical to boot.. If that makes you elitist, be proud. I wouldn't say Beard came across as elitist. Measured neither because stating 'clearly' indicates that to be the only reason. It has been an interesting and intelligent conversation. Personally, I don't want exclusivity - it makes my quim cobweb over like nothing else. On the other hand, the idea that someone's preferred way of meeting is down to an ego is just too reductionist for me to believe. Self awareness and understanding is great but projection of negative experiences to create an assumption and then generalise isn't either of those things." Fair enough, I'm simply using my observations as a basis and theorising from that. I don't claim to know all the answers, that's why I started the thread but I'm always happy to have my thought processes and writing critiqued. Life is a journey and everyday is a learning process | |||
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"Ive never had an ounce of trouble on here, eithef from lamp post pissing women, guys wanting more, or anything or any kind of jealousy" Neither have I | |||
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"Ive never had an ounce of trouble on here, eithef from lamp post pissing women, guys wanting more, or anything or any kind of jealousy" I've never had any issues but I've observed and heard about it from others. I think part of the issue is people not being clear about what they want | |||
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"Ive never had an ounce of trouble on here, eithef from lamp post pissing women, guys wanting more, or anything or any kind of jealousy I've never had any issues but I've observed and heard about it from others. I think part of the issue is people not being clear about what they want" I'm just trying to get rid of this one^^ talk about getting attached... | |||
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"Ive had women threaten me because I've met someone they have. I've had women get friends and meets to message me and threaten me because I wouldn't meet someone she had met (local skank) I've had men call me a whore because I've met someone and not them. I've had a girl go bat shit crazy because she wanted the person I had a couple account with. People are crazy fuckers some times lol It's my body, it's my choice who I meet!" Whoa that's intense. Jealousy is such a dangerous emotion of not kept in check. I think it's normal to feel a pang every now and again | |||
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"I sometimes feel myself getting a little frustrated if people don't reply to me on Whatsapp and then I have to give myself a gentle reminder that no one's exclusive... this is the way of Fab and it's what I actually want. I think it's easy to let emotions overtake logic... " Yes I think that quite a few people don't have that regulator though. It's very easy to forget that this is a facet of life for people and just a small part of a couples sexual experience | |||
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"It's not only women. Human's are complex. Half the time we don't really know what we want. " Don't you mean Humans are just greedy selfish pigs and it's all about... Me Me Me ? | |||
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"I sometimes feel myself getting a little frustrated if people don't reply to me on Whatsapp and then I have to give myself a gentle reminder that no one's exclusive... this is the way of Fab and it's what I actually want. I think it's easy to let emotions overtake logic... Yes I think that quite a few people don't have that regulator though. It's very easy to forget that this is a facet of life for people and just a small part of a couples sexual experience " Happens to most though, we try and keep a chat going but sometimes when people don't respond to your last message that little devil on your shoulder says they are no longer interested, maybe got an offer that fits their circumstances better etc. End result is the convo dies and we move on.. S | |||
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