Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Back to forum list |
Back to The Lounge |
Jump to newest |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why. If they say it's none of your business then say "exactly". If they give you loads of answers then at least you've deflected the subject off kids! I hated being kid-free. Everything is geared towards kids once you hit a certain age. It's how women my age (and younger) socialise. It's all people talk about. We went on an adults only holiday and everyone sat around discussing their kids. Pub nights out "what's the best buggy?" conversations. Go to the cinema and a great film is ruined by "and the couple got pregnant at the end" or "a cute kid was added to the storyline to make you go aww" for no reason whatsoever, or the woman who couldn't have kids miraculously got pregnant without trying. Walk round Tesco and I swear it was like there was a secret society of pregnant women designed to stalk me round the place. I only ever saw pregnant women once in a blue moon before that. Suddenly when you can't have kids they are EVERYWHERE. Often with smug "I grow people, what's your superpower" t shirts on. Grr " OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"i dislike the assumption that because i have a large family that i want to talk about them all the time and that my life revolves around after school activities and thier social wellbeing.. my point is, i get told im mad for having had four..that they couldnt cope, am i catholic, blah blah.. you get the questions and the looks and the presumption whether you have some or you dont..comparison is human nature. be happy if you can and know they are just believing they know best and smile at people and say nothing, dont defend, dont justify, just smile and be non committal...xxx " I heard of someone with a lot of kids used to say innocently "Yes I keep getting pregnant and don't know how to stop it. What do you think is causing it?" | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I just calmly explain it by saying imagine how much you love and want your own children. I equally dislike and don't want children to that same extent.....they soon get the message. I couldn't think of any reason why I'd want children...... Nope, no, never, nada....not interested at all. " I simply dislike children. There, I've said it. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"i dislike the assumption that because i have a large family that i want to talk about them all the time and that my life revolves around after school activities and thier social wellbeing.. my point is, i get told im mad for having had four..that they couldnt cope, am i catholic, blah blah.. you get the questions and the looks and the presumption whether you have some or you dont..comparison is human nature. be happy if you can and know they are just believing they know best and smile at people and say nothing, dont defend, dont justify, just smile and be non committal...xxx I heard of someone with a lot of kids used to say innocently "Yes I keep getting pregnant and don't know how to stop it. What do you think is causing it?"" wasnt me x | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any. I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. " We're very happily childless. If anyone ever asks, I point out that I recently bought some washing powder that very clearly says "keep away from children". So I do. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think terminology says a lot here ... adding the suffix -less to something implies lacking ... but try it with free instead ... maybe it would sound like a more positive state to be in?" I think you have a point but I think child free still implies that it's a big deal and there has to be a term for it. Just "no, I don't have kids, are you quite mad? " We don't call people "hamster free" just because they've chosen to live without a hamster. Or "purple wall free" because they chose magnolia? It sounds ridiculous when you apply it to everything else. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why. If they say it's none of your business then say "exactly". If they give you loads of answers then at least you've deflected the subject off kids! I hated being kid-free. Everything is geared towards kids once you hit a certain age. It's how women my age (and younger) socialise. It's all people talk about. We went on an adults only holiday and everyone sat around discussing their kids. Pub nights out "what's the best buggy?" conversations. Go to the cinema and a great film is ruined by "and the couple got pregnant at the end" or "a cute kid was added to the storyline to make you go aww" for no reason whatsoever, or the woman who couldn't have kids miraculously got pregnant without trying. Walk round Tesco and I swear it was like there was a secret society of pregnant women designed to stalk me round the place. I only ever saw pregnant women once in a blue moon before that. Suddenly when you can't have kids they are EVERYWHERE. Often with smug "I grow people, what's your superpower" t shirts on. Grr " is it a superpower if THAT MANY people can do it? I always when folk refer to their kids as little 'miracles' too, thinking 'errrrr...nah, millions and millions of people have already done it..many did it in caves or in the woods before you had a go' sorry..I sound like a kid hater..I'm not. I get on with them, I have nephews and nieces I dote on but I've never really thought of myself as dad so always sidestepped having them. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As a childless couple we rarely get asked this, but most of our friends are childless as well. The only people who pry are other swingers " Dont let it bother you, some im quite sure are quite envious of you not having any. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think terminology says a lot here ... adding the suffix -less to something implies lacking ... but try it with free instead ... maybe it would sound like a more positive state to be in? I think you have a point but I think child free still implies that it's a big deal and there has to be a term for it. Just "no, I don't have kids, are you quite mad? " We don't call people "hamster free" just because they've chosen to live without a hamster. Or "purple wall free" because they chose magnolia? It sounds ridiculous when you apply it to everything else." Hamsterless then? Purplewallfree? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I used to get people asking me why i didnt have kids when i was younger.people seemed to think it was compulsory to have kids if you were female. I've known since i was young i never wanted children and hated it when people said "you'll change your mind etc".No i wont thanks and never have. Miss." +1. I would hate to be tied down with kids. I'm child free, because I love the freedom of not having kids. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why. If they say it's none of your business then say "exactly". If they give you loads of answers then at least you've deflected the subject off kids! I hated being kid-free. Everything is geared towards kids once you hit a certain age. It's how women my age (and younger) socialise. It's all people talk about. We went on an adults only holiday and everyone sat around discussing their kids. Pub nights out "what's the best buggy?" conversations. Go to the cinema and a great film is ruined by "and the couple got pregnant at the end" or "a cute kid was added to the storyline to make you go aww" for no reason whatsoever, or the woman who couldn't have kids miraculously got pregnant without trying. Walk round Tesco and I swear it was like there was a secret society of pregnant women designed to stalk me round the place. I only ever saw pregnant women once in a blue moon before that. Suddenly when you can't have kids they are EVERYWHERE. Often with smug "I grow people, what's your superpower" t shirts on. Grr is it a superpower if THAT MANY people can do it? I always when folk refer to their kids as little 'miracles' too, thinking 'errrrr...nah, millions and millions of people have already done it..many did it in caves or in the woods before you had a go' sorry..I sound like a kid hater..I'm not. I get on with them, I have nephews and nieces I dote on but I've never really thought of myself as dad so always sidestepped having them." I think when folk refer to their children as little miracles it's because they have had a problem conceiving, so to them the child IS a little miracle. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any. I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. " It's a perfectly innocent question from a relative who asked without malice. If it really didn't bother you and you believed in your right to choose you'd answer without your teeth gritted. Be polite in your response. You lose dignity and credibility otherwise. Just smile and say 'I've never wanted any. Don't explain after that. OR gently turn the question round and ask them why they wanted children and have they ever regretted it ? Don't ask about their sex life as others suggest. They didn't ask about yours. xx | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any. I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. " I have three daughters and I'm always asked "didn't you want to try for a boy?" When I say my son died they soon shut up! Singles get asked when are they going to settle down, childless get asked when are they going to breed...shrugs...how it is unfortunately. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"OP just ask them about their sex life, how often they have it and what they do and why. If they say it's none of your business then say "exactly". If they give you loads of answers then at least you've deflected the subject off kids! I hated being kid-free. Everything is geared towards kids once you hit a certain age. It's how women my age (and younger) socialise. It's all people talk about. We went on an adults only holiday and everyone sat around discussing their kids. Pub nights out "what's the best buggy?" conversations. Go to the cinema and a great film is ruined by "and the couple got pregnant at the end" or "a cute kid was added to the storyline to make you go aww" for no reason whatsoever, or the woman who couldn't have kids miraculously got pregnant without trying. Walk round Tesco and I swear it was like there was a secret society of pregnant women designed to stalk me round the place. I only ever saw pregnant women once in a blue moon before that. Suddenly when you can't have kids they are EVERYWHERE. Often with smug "I grow people, what's your superpower" t shirts on. Grr is it a superpower if THAT MANY people can do it? I always when folk refer to their kids as little 'miracles' too, thinking 'errrrr...nah, millions and millions of people have already done it..many did it in caves or in the woods before you had a go' sorry..I sound like a kid hater..I'm not. I get on with them, I have nephews and nieces I dote on but I've never really thought of myself as dad so always sidestepped having them. I think when folk refer to their children as little miracles it's because they have had a problem conceiving, so to them the child IS a little miracle." to them probably...but by definition miracles are something that can't be explained by science or nature and even a very diffucult conception/birth normally can be. i wouldn't know for a fact but i'd be willing to bet a quid that even the toughest of conceptions or births are explainable and there are very few that genuinely can't be. But if it pleases them they can call them pink fluffy space squid if they want. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"As a childless couple we rarely get asked this, but most of our friends are childless as well. The only people who pry are other swingers Dont let it bother you, some im quite sure are quite envious of you not having any." Oh it doesn't really bother us, apart from one time, but that was with a particularly ignorant couple. We have six nieces and nephews and a 7th on the way, so we're quite happy about that | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I just calmly explain it by saying imagine how much you love and want your own children. I equally dislike and don't want children to that same extent.....they soon get the message. I couldn't think of any reason why I'd want children...... Nope, no, never, nada....not interested at all. I simply dislike children. There, I've said it." My other half moved countries to get away from a girlfriend who kept hinting about having kids. He has never had a desire to have children and I can tell by his mood if he's worked in a house with kids. He made a wrong turn somewhere with me...A mum and grandma! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I ask my GP every year to be sterilised. Every year he tells me to wait until I've been married for a few years then go back and discuss it. I'm early 40, I truly don't want children, am not going to change my mind considering I've been asking for sterilisation for the last 20 years." I was sterilised a week after my 31st birthday. They did ask if I was sure when they wheeled me down. My son had died at eight weeks and the baby I was carrying could have a heart defect but they didn't try to put me off. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any. I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. It's a perfectly innocent question from a relative who asked without malice. If it really didn't bother you and you believed in your right to choose you'd answer without your teeth gritted. Be polite in your response. You lose dignity and credibility otherwise. Just smile and say 'I've never wanted any. Don't explain after that. OR gently turn the question round and ask them why they wanted children and have they ever regretted it ? Don't ask about their sex life as others suggest. They didn't ask about yours. xx " | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think terminology says a lot here ... adding the suffix -less to something implies lacking ... but try it with free instead ... maybe it would sound like a more positive state to be in?" ^^^ this | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any. I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. I have three daughters and I'm always asked "didn't you want to try for a boy?" I have the same. But get oh well least you have your boys. Mmm your back step is just making it worst When I say my son died they soon shut up! Singles get asked when are they going to settle down, childless get asked when are they going to breed...shrugs...how it is unfortunately. " | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Do you get fed up of people asking when you will ? Or why you didn't? As if it's a dreadful stigma not having any. I've had it again today from a family member and through gritted teeth, explain I didn't want any, it was never the right time and now I feel that boat has sailed. It's a perfectly innocent question from a relative who asked without malice. If it really didn't bother you and you believed in your right to choose you'd answer without your teeth gritted. Be polite in your response. You lose dignity and credibility otherwise. Just smile and say 'I've never wanted any. Don't explain after that. OR gently turn the question round and ask them why they wanted children and have they ever regretted it ? Don't ask about their sex life as others suggest. They didn't ask about yours. xx " It's not just that people ask - if you say you don't want them, they try and talk you round. So so many people have problems conceiving and it can be an incredibly intensely emotional experience. I know if someone asked me during that time I'd just burst into tears. Not particularly dignified. And then I'd struggle to face that person again. Never mind people who've had kids and they've died? It IS a personal question to ask. If you want to know and actually care about that person, wait until they bring it up? There's enough to talk about, try discussing something else. If you don't care about the person, why even ask the question? (And my kids are IVF, and I can safely say I've never once referred to them as miracles. Lots of other inventively descriptive words, depending on what they got up to that day but never miracles! ) | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I ask my GP every year to be sterilised. Every year he tells me to wait until I've been married for a few years then go back and discuss it. I'm early 40, I truly don't want children, am not going to change my mind considering I've been asking for sterilisation for the last 20 years." change your gp xx | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I just didn't get round to having children .... I'm going to admit that I regret it now as the boat has sailed! And when people ask me why I'm single without children it's like they've stabbed me with a sharp knife! Don't get me wrong - Now at 41 I don't really have the patience for screaming toddlers and look at other peoples and thank myself for not having any! But I know I would love my own child! It's a given. To answer the OP - it's just another one of those intrusive questions that I always answer honestly. I'm not sure I care what other people think! It's just that it makes me feel sad to be reminded of it x" hugs ..i wish adoption was for you xx | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I had it for years, when are you having kids / why haven't you had any. When we had our son it was then when are you having anymore? I ended up saying "thanks for asking but I cant have any more children" I found that was rather effective." After our second & the problems we had H was told in no uncertain terms another full term pregnancy could prove fatal, so two for us & the snip for me a bit later. S | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Post new Message to Thread |
back to top |