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Treat em mean....

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By *issLiss OP   Couple
over a year ago

south east

So I was having this discussion with someone last night....

He said he always treats girls nicely, even though it doesn't do him any favours because he can't treat em mean keep em keen...

I personally feel this motto will only attract and keep people with severe self esteem issues and you do not want to make these people keen on you! Also the motto also makes it socially acceptable to disrespect someone else's feelings for the sake of your own which to me is childish and feeds into the bigger problems of today.

What do you guys think??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex is like making a jigsaw .... two bits fit together or they don't...

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I agree. However, there is a difference between being respectful and being so attentive that it feels clingy and needy. Some struggle to get the balance.

The treat em mean thing is just another control game and I won't play it.

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By *ightfall79Man
over a year ago

Dunbartonshire


"Sex is like making a jigsaw .... two bits fit together or they don't... "

I like that saying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some women can't get enough if the bad boys, and that's where treat em mean and keep em keen and nice guys finish last, comes from

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally if a guy is mean then I assume I'm not for him and move on

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"Sex is like making a jigsaw .... two bits fit together or they don't... "

Yeah, but sometimes you squash an ill-fitting piece in just to get it done.

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By *issLiss OP   Couple
over a year ago

south east


"I agree. However, there is a difference between being respectful and being so attentive that it feels clingy and needy. Some struggle to get the balance.

The treat em mean thing is just another control game and I won't play it.

"

No one likes clingy and needy!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I was having this discussion with someone last night....

He said he always treats girls nicely, even though it doesn't do him any favours because he can't treat em mean keep em keen...

I personally feel this motto will only attract and keep people with severe self esteem issues and you do not want to make these people keen on you! Also the motto also makes it socially acceptable to disrespect someone else's feelings for the sake of your own which to me is childish and feeds into the bigger problems of today.

What do you guys think?? "

funny enough some girls strangely like the 'treat them mean keep keen approach" I know a few 1 of my mates is a womanizer & prick to girls! Most know he's no good but they still jump on his lap. & my good guy mates can't even get a call back lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sex is like making a jigsaw .... two bits fit together or they don't...

Yeah, but sometimes you squash an ill-fitting piece in just to get it done.

"

I often bash a bit when I'm playing solo....

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

The comments about women liking that approach says so much about how fucked and conditioned they are to accept being treated badly.

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By *issLiss OP   Couple
over a year ago

south east


"

funny enough some girls strangely like the 'treat them mean keep keen approach" I know a few 1 of my mates is a womanizer & prick to girls! Most know he's no good but they still jump on his lap. & my good guy mates can't even get a call back lol"

This is because your player mate portrays himself as the perfect guy to girls. He's probably highly manipulative and a very good liar. And also "seen" as an alpha male which is highly prized for only a special girl can tame the beast etc... but these men will never change and in time the women will see that.

But also a lot of nice guys are too nice! You can be cheeky, flirty, filthy, a little bit mean but still be attentive, kind and respectful. It's all about balance and from the sounds of it neither side of your mates don't have it.

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By *ureTemptationWoman
over a year ago

Off the grid

Often the guys who say "I can't do treat em mean" are so overly nice to the point of agreeing with everything you say, following you around and mega clingy. It can be really claustrophobia-inducing!

I always think there is a fine balance about giving just enough attention but keep them wanting more - on both sides.

Some people do this naturally so don't see what the big deal isn't and don't even realise they are good at it.

Other people have to work at that skill.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never liked bad boys. I've always gone for the good guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer the nice guys, use to be attracted to the other type but as I have got older and more confident I want men that know how to treat woman right

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Had my fair share of bad boys....then I woke up now I like nice guys

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I don't do mean guys...I love men but stay clear of mind games now, I was married to one for a long time. I had a terrible time

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"

funny enough some girls strangely like the 'treat them mean keep keen approach" I know a few 1 of my mates is a womanizer & prick to girls! Most know he's no good but they still jump on his lap. & my good guy mates can't even get a call back lol

This is because your player mate portrays himself as the perfect guy to girls. He's probably highly manipulative and a very good liar. And also "seen" as an alpha male which is highly prized for only a special girl can tame the beast etc... but these men will never change and in time the women will see that.

But also a lot of nice guys are too nice! You can be cheeky, flirty, filthy, a little bit mean but still be attentive, kind and respectful. It's all about balance and from the sounds of it neither side of your mates don't have it. "

You just described my ex to a tee

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By *ightfall79Man
over a year ago

Dunbartonshire

I was one of the bad boys years and years ago. Wouldn't say I was one of the treat them mean kind of one's though back then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These so called bad boys are conditioned too.

Where does it start?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

funny enough some girls strangely like the 'treat them mean keep keen approach" I know a few 1 of my mates is a womanizer & prick to girls! Most know he's no good but they still jump on his lap. & my good guy mates can't even get a call back lol

This is because your player mate portrays himself as the perfect guy to girls. He's probably highly manipulative and a very good liar. And also "seen" as an alpha male which is highly prized for only a special girl can tame the beast etc... but these men will never change and in time the women will see that.

But also a lot of nice guys are too nice! You can be cheeky, flirty, filthy, a little bit mean but still be attentive, kind and respectful. It's all about balance and from the sounds of it neither side of your mates don't have it. "

Yeah its definately a balancing act between being a nice guy & a cheeky bugger

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

I think that in a relationship both sides need to be vocal in what they want and need to communicate. Be assertive and speak out if they feel the other has stepped out of line otherwise they could end up being a doormat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firm believer that good manners are better than being an absolute twat and will always get you further than being mean and stuck up your own arse

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"These so called bad boys are conditioned too.

Where does it start?

"

They are.

I think it starts seeing your parents and other significant adults, the books and stories we see and hear and then it all gets reinforced with practice.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I've found that most of the bad boys I've dated have been scorpios

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How about weird guys? Where do I sit? ((Secretly hoping it includes a bean bag))

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I agree that people who keep going back to the bad 'uns have self esteem issues, if you serially get into relationships with unkind people you don't like yourself much. I do think as well that the bad 'uns have self esteem issues too, if you don't like other people you usually don't like yourself.

I also agree that some mistake clinging and creepy for nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"These so called bad boys are conditioned too.

Where does it start?

They are.

I think it starts seeing your parents and other significant adults, the books and stories we see and hear and then it all gets reinforced with practice.

"

and sometimes it happens in the teens.

I remember boys at my secondary school in their 1st year turn from decent and interesting to utter ballbags because of the attention from girls.

Sadly some of them never reverted back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"These so called bad boys are conditioned too.

Where does it start?

They are.

I think it starts seeing your parents and other significant adults, the books and stories we see and hear and then it all gets reinforced with practice.

"

Totally comes from what they believe is the way to treat people, people learn from what they see.

My teenage son is such a gentleman, he's been shown how to treat woman correctly, he won't let me carry bags when out shopping etc because that's what he's seen Paul do. I just hope he doesn't get walked over by some girl who doesn't respect his niceness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I was having this discussion with someone last night....

He said he always treats girls nicely, even though it doesn't do him any favours because he can't treat em mean keep em keen...

I personally feel this motto will only attract and keep people with severe self esteem issues and you do not want to make these people keen on you! Also the motto also makes it socially acceptable to disrespect someone else's feelings for the sake of your own which to me is childish and feeds into the bigger problems of today.

What do you guys think?? "

My perception of the 'treat em mean, keep em keen' ethos was always attributed to women so I find it strange that you are using it from the male perspective...

It can, and does work for women so why not men? Perhaps it is them that are the needy ones and they fear pushing someone away and therefore diminish their chances further of ever getting any sex

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"How about weird guys? Where do I sit? ((Secretly hoping it includes a bean bag))"

I like a bean bag.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I give lots of respect to people I feel deserve it.

Treat them mean? That's just what tossers say. Are you 17 talking with your mates about the conquest you never had?

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)


"So I was having this discussion with someone last night....

He said he always treats girls nicely, even though it doesn't do him any favours because he can't treat em mean keep em keen...

I personally feel this motto will only attract and keep people with severe self esteem issues and you do not want to make these people keen on you! Also the motto also makes it socially acceptable to disrespect someone else's feelings for the sake of your own which to me is childish and feeds into the bigger problems of today.

What do you guys think?? "

I'm not sure what your friend is doing when you / he says treating ladies nicely and it does him no favours ?

I treat folk with respect , if folk don't treat me with respect I'm outta there .. it's a two way street..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly, this IS the way of the world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"These so called bad boys are conditioned too.

Where does it start?

They are.

I think it starts seeing your parents and other significant adults, the books and stories we see and hear and then it all gets reinforced with practice.

and sometimes it happens in the teens.

I remember boys at my secondary school in their 1st year turn from decent and interesting to utter ballbags because of the attention from girls.

Sadly some of them never reverted back.

"
and others then see them getting attention from girls so they're like if you can't beat them join them

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By *ittle missnaughtyWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster


"I've found that most of the bad boys I've dated have been scorpios "

Ditto... Married one, went out with another

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sadly, this IS the way of the world."

Fortunately, there are a lot of clued up men and women marching to their own tune.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good guys are always the best...they know how to treat a lady.. so when you find one...try to grab him with both hands as you never know when you'l find another im a hedonist its just my thoughts. X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Sadly, this IS the way of the world."

It really isn't. Some people with gravitate to the nasty ones but most of is aren't daft.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've found that most of the bad boys I've dated have been scorpios "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless you are lucky enough to find a partner who us your equal on the needy-nasty scale*, then most relationships have an emotional imbalance.

Givers and takers, empaths and narcissists, lovers and haters of marmite.

*I made this scale up, don't waste time googling it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haver never been the "bad boy" in a relationship... although I was a bad boy growing up, I lived in a house with 4 women as a kid, no father figure.

So I grew up understanding that there are certain times you don't wind people up, that hearts are fragile, that words hurt more than punches, I could name all the flowers of the forest but not a single player from Nottingham Forest. I learnt empathy, a cruel trait to learn.

As I grew up I would attract women that took advantage of my nature, I built a career as a humanitarian and in my personal life would be stomped all over by selfish narcissists... now I view all potentional relationships with trepidation.

I am no longer a humanitarian or a bad boy or nice guy, I avoid emotional attachments because... well... I have seen a lot of pain in this life (not my own I hasten to add, or not so much). As I have aged the women that chased the bad boys of my youth now bemoan their unhappy lives as their bad boys have left them behind...

Not sure I know where I am going with this , perhaps we reap what we sow? Who knows? By all accounts I should be gay...

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I haver never been the "bad boy" in a relationship... although I was a bad boy growing up, I lived in a house with 4 women as a kid, no father figure.

So I grew up understanding that there are certain times you don't wind people up, that hearts are fragile, that words hurt more than punches, I could name all the flowers of the forest but not a single player from Nottingham Forest. I learnt empathy, a cruel trait to learn.

As I grew up I would attract women that took advantage of my nature, I built a career as a humanitarian and in my personal life would be stomped all over by selfish narcissists... now I view all potentional relationships with trepidation.

I am no longer a humanitarian or a bad boy or nice guy, I avoid emotional attachments because... well... I have seen a lot of pain in this life (not my own I hasten to add, or not so much). As I have aged the women that chased the bad boys of my youth now bemoan their unhappy lives as their bad boys have left them behind...

Not sure I know where I am going with this , perhaps we reap what we sow? Who knows? By all accounts I should be gay..."

The question there is, what was going on for you that attracted you to women who would abuse you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The question there is, what was going on for you that attracted you to women who would abuse you?

"

Oh it's my own fault.. I was arrogant; I used to think I could fix people; heal the world... I walked into every situation with eyes wide open; but with a fools hope.....

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I know my worth and how I expect to be treated. If they have a treat em mean attitude then they are not for me.

Drama, control and mind games?!! At my age?!! ...yeah...right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've found that most of the bad boys I've dated have been scorpios "
I'm a Scorpio does that make me a potential bad boy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not tarring everyone with the same brush here, but from my experience the 'treat them mean, keep them keen' applied mainly when I was younger. Young women wanted a 'bad boy' because it was deemed as more exciting and they weren't looking to settle down at that point. And only when they grew older they realised that they had grown out of that phase too.

Nice guys finish last as they say. Of course we do, we ensure our women finishes first, multiple times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just because your a good guy,doesnt mean you cant also be a bad boy,im a nice guy,but no way would I ever be clingy or needy,and most drfinatley would,nt have the piss taken out of me in any relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think self esteem/ feelings of self worth play a massive part in

this. My ex husband was manipulative, and I think anyone who has had a long term relationship in that dynamic will tell you how damaging it is. Thankfully time, age and experience means I now have zero tolerance levels for game playing bullshit! I expect adults to act like adults. Game playing is for the school playground....or the bedroom

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"I've found that most of the bad boys I've dated have been scorpios I'm a Scorpio does that make me a potential bad boy"

No not at all I've just found that, it doesn't mean that ALL are like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not tarring everyone with the same brush here, but from my experience the 'treat them mean, keep them keen' applied mainly when I was younger. Young women wanted a 'bad boy' because it was deemed as more exciting and they weren't looking to settle down at that point. And only when they grew older they realised that they had grown out of that phase too.

Nice guys finish last as they say. Of course we do, we ensure our women finishes first, multiple times "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sex is like making a jigsaw .... two bits fit together or they don't...

I like that saying "

So do I, and very true that is as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've found that most of the bad boys I've dated have been scorpios I'm a Scorpio does that make me a potential bad boy

No not at all I've just found that, it doesn't mean that ALL are like that "
well I'd be your bad boy lol x

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

interesting post this one but I feel your all missing a truth here.

if a guy has issues that could be considered as making him a bad boy a wrong choice but he's honest about his true nature with those he deals with and looks to play with .

then by the very fact he is truthful about himself he is empowering all he has dealing with he's is not manipulating anyone he is in fact empowering those he deals with as they know the truth before they choose to play with him .

that can be a very attractive proposition to a certain type of character as for the first time in there life's they no the truth about the man in front of them .

his true motives for what he is doing and his true intent and feelings towards those he chooses to play with empower those he plays with .

there is no trickery at play with such a guy he is by his very nature empowering those he chooses to play with .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there's a time and a place to be a nice guy and a time and a place to be a bad boy. The key is knowing when to be which. Should always be yourself however most people have both sides of the coin to their personality to some degree or another.

Partners I have had preferred a nice guy as they felt maybe safer or more cared for, the flip side is that because they felt that way I was able to indulge the bad boy part of me with them which they found more exciting and they knew afterwards I would be that nice guy again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"interesting post this one but I feel your all missing a truth here.

if a guy has issues that could be considered as making him a bad boy a wrong choice but he's honest about his true nature with those he deals with and looks to play with .

then by the very fact he is truthful about himself he is empowering all he has dealing with he's is not manipulating anyone he is in fact empowering those he deals with as they know the truth before they choose to play with him .

that can be a very attractive proposition to a certain type of character as for the first time in there life's they no the truth about the man in front of them .

his true motives for what he is doing and his true intent and feelings towards those he chooses to play with empower those he plays with .

there is no trickery at play with such a guy he is by his very nature empowering those he chooses to play with .

"

As long as he is also honest elsewhere, like at home. Fab does seem to breed "an honesty" amongst cheating partners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there's a time and a place to be a nice guy and a time and a place to be a bad boy. The key is knowing when to be which. Should always be yourself however most people have both sides of the coin to their personality to some degree or another.

Partners I have had preferred a nice guy as they felt maybe safer or more cared for, the flip side is that because they felt that way I was able to indulge the bad boy part of me with them which they found more exciting and they knew afterwards I would be that nice guy again. "

The (conscious) contrast is exciting (and grounding).

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

o/p - "treats girls nicely" Is he a doormat? Does he do everything they say? I've heard women sneer/laugh at their partners behind their backs because 'they do everything they say'. The partners were dumped eventually or worse, divorced. You can be good to a woman without either of those things coming into the equation.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish


"Sex is like making a jigsaw .... two bits fit together or they don't...

Yeah, but sometimes you squash an ill-fitting piece in just to get it done. "

I used to take all the stickers off a Rubik's cube (once I'd nearly got it done) and stick them in the 'right' places to make it look like I'd done it!

Then I'd proudly show my dad and he'd give me 50p! I was a bad, bad girl!!

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish


"So I was having this discussion with someone last night....

He said he always treats girls nicely, even though it doesn't do him any favours because he can't treat em mean keep em keen...

I personally feel this motto will only attract and keep people with severe self esteem issues and you do not want to make these people keen on you! Also the motto also makes it socially acceptable to disrespect someone else's feelings for the sake of your own which to me is childish and feeds into the bigger problems of today.

What do you guys think?? "

I agree op - though I prefer a happy medium! I don't like 'mean and aloof' but neither do I want an over-eager puppy who hangs on every word, compliments me every two minutes and messages me constantly to ask 'what I'm up to!' - a happy medium will do fine please chaps!

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"interesting post this one but I feel your all missing a truth here.

if a guy has issues that could be considered as making him a bad boy a wrong choice but he's honest about his true nature with those he deals with and looks to play with .

then by the very fact he is truthful about himself he is empowering all he has dealing with he's is not manipulating anyone he is in fact empowering those he deals with as they know the truth before they choose to play with him .

that can be a very attractive proposition to a certain type of character as for the first time in there life's they no the truth about the man in front of them .

his true motives for what he is doing and his true intent and feelings towards those he chooses to play with empower those he plays with .

there is no trickery at play with such a guy he is by his very nature empowering those he chooses to play with .

As long as he is also honest elsewhere, like at home. Fab does seem to breed "an honesty" amongst cheating partners."

yes it does and in my opinion that's a good thing as no one is in no doubt about the truth when it comes to fab .

as for someone's home life I choose to not take a interest in that as it has nothing to do with the truthful dynamic I'm trying to build away from my normal every day life ,

to those who don't like that fact I say this sod off as I'm not here to play with those with axes to grind I will leave them to play and grind there axes elsewhere with those best suited to there needs .while I go about having a great time with the other cheaters out there lucky there are plenty of us to go around . some who admit that fact on there profile and some who don't I might add .

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"interesting post this one but I feel your all missing a truth here.

if a guy has issues that could be considered as making him a bad boy a wrong choice but he's honest about his true nature with those he deals with and looks to play with .

then by the very fact he is truthful about himself he is empowering all he has dealing with he's is not manipulating anyone he is in fact empowering those he deals with as they know the truth before they choose to play with him .

that can be a very attractive proposition to a certain type of character as for the first time in there life's they no the truth about the man in front of them .

his true motives for what he is doing and his true intent and feelings towards those he chooses to play with empower those he plays with .

there is no trickery at play with such a guy he is by his very nature empowering those he chooses to play with .

"

I don't agree. Maybe in a Fab dynamic but otherwise it's saying "I'm telling you I plan to be disrespectful amd abusive towards you" and that is fucked up behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"interesting post this one but I feel your all missing a truth here.

if a guy has issues that could be considered as making him a bad boy a wrong choice but he's honest about his true nature with those he deals with and looks to play with .

then by the very fact he is truthful about himself he is empowering all he has dealing with he's is not manipulating anyone he is in fact empowering those he deals with as they know the truth before they choose to play with him .

that can be a very attractive proposition to a certain type of character as for the first time in there life's they no the truth about the man in front of them .

his true motives for what he is doing and his true intent and feelings towards those he chooses to play with empower those he plays with .

there is no trickery at play with such a guy he is by his very nature empowering those he chooses to play with .

As long as he is also honest elsewhere, like at home. Fab does seem to breed "an honesty" amongst cheating partners.

yes it does and in my opinion that's a good thing as no one is in no doubt about the truth when it comes to fab .

as for someone's home life I choose to not take a interest in that as it has nothing to do with the truthful dynamic I'm trying to build away from my normal every day life ,

to those who don't like that fact I say this sod off as I'm not here to play with those with axes to grind I will leave them to play and grind there axes elsewhere with those best suited to there needs .while I go about having a great time with the other cheaters out there lucky there are plenty of us to go around . some who admit that fact on there profile and some who don't I might add . "

Absolutely. The "honest" ones are allowing others to make an informed choice - bravo. Alas my beef is: Is selective honesty, honest?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyway back to bad boys - it is a conscious or unconscious attitude imo. Picked up through socialisation. I don't believe it has any correlation with relationship status, so single men and/or those in relationships can be bad boys.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think self esteem/ feelings of self worth play a massive part in

this. My ex husband was manipulative, and I think anyone who has had a long term relationship in that dynamic will tell you how damaging it is. Thankfully time, age and experience means I now have zero tolerance levels for game playing bullshit! I expect adults to act like adults. Game playing is for the school playground....or the bedroom "

Couldn't have put it better myself. I have never been a bad boy as I got raised to respect women and to be a gentleman so that's what I will always do. My dad and grandad both taught me from an early age to treat any women with respect and always be a gentleman even if they aren't being nice to you. Manners cost nothing and if your nice to people even when they're not to you then you can always feel good about yourself. Also I've never got why people get clingy with others.

M

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I was having this discussion with someone last night....

He said he always treats girls nicely, even though it doesn't do him any favours because he can't treat em mean keep em keen...

I personally feel this motto will only attract and keep people with severe self esteem issues and you do not want to make these people keen on you! Also the motto also makes it socially acceptable to disrespect someone else's feelings for the sake of your own which to me is childish and feeds into the bigger problems of today.

What do you guys think??

I agree op - though I prefer a happy medium! I don't like 'mean and aloof' but neither do I want an over-eager puppy who hangs on every word, compliments me every two minutes and messages me constantly to ask 'what I'm up to!' - a happy medium will do fine please chaps! "

Agreed (must be a first)! I'm too savvy and disengaged be played and any guy who thinks mean and moody is appealing soon finds himself on my block list.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish


"So I was having this discussion with someone last night....

He said he always treats girls nicely, even though it doesn't do him any favours because he can't treat em mean keep em keen...

I personally feel this motto will only attract and keep people with severe self esteem issues and you do not want to make these people keen on you! Also the motto also makes it socially acceptable to disrespect someone else's feelings for the sake of your own which to me is childish and feeds into the bigger problems of today.

What do you guys think??

I agree op - though I prefer a happy medium! I don't like 'mean and aloof' but neither do I want an over-eager puppy who hangs on every word, compliments me every two minutes and messages me constantly to ask 'what I'm up to!' - a happy medium will do fine please chaps!

Agreed (must be a first)! I'm too savvy and disengaged be played and any guy who thinks mean and moody is appealing soon finds himself on my block list. "

Actually I've agreed with you twice before! I was so shocked I made diary notes!!

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I think a lot of people believe there is truth in the 'treat them mean' saying because so many people lack self esteem and will have a relationship just for the sake of not being single.

They do not consider that being treated badly is not in their best interests.

I'd like to think that smart people, and those of us that learned it the hard way, realise it is not true and seek people who make us feel good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

treat em mean keep em keen is trauma bonding. i'm sure it is included under emotional abuse laws.

you keep that person on your mind, questioning themselves and what they have done for you to ignore them. it;s cruel and tends to work well on people who don;t not understand abusive relationships as they've never been around one or have been primed to accept them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never even thought to categorise men into 'nice guys' and 'bad boys' to be honest. There are simply 'people I want to have sex with' and 'people I don't want to have sex with'.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

When i was younger i only went for bad boys, no respect ever given to me. Then i met super twat who thought he had managed to break me, but i didnt break i got back up found out why and sorted my life. I had relationships after with people where we didnt get on but i was nnever attracted to a an abuser again.

All my 'gentleman friends in thr last 10 years or so have been lovely.

Jay is the kindest sweetest man ever but he tries it on sometimes same as i do him. But we both know how far we can go.

Jay and supertwat are the polar opposites of each other and it took a lot of fucking hard work changing my attraction around but now im reaping the rewards

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I've never even thought to categorise men into 'nice guys' and 'bad boys' to be honest. There are simply 'people I want to have sex with' and 'people I don't want to have sex with'."

Well exactly. I was the black sheep, the wild child, and I always went for the hottest, wildest men who would cock a snoot at authority, wear leather jackets and long hair, ride motorbikes too fast, smoke too much dope.... but they always treated me well! If they were 'being bad' - they were being bad WITH me!!!!

Deliberately following 'Treat 'em mean' is emotionally immature at best, abusive, possibly narcissistic manipulation at worst, and I for one will neither conduct nor collude with that kind of game playing.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"interesting post this one but I feel your all missing a truth here.

if a guy has issues that could be considered as making him a bad boy a wrong choice but he's honest about his true nature with those he deals with and looks to play with .

then by the very fact he is truthful about himself he is empowering all he has dealing with he's is not manipulating anyone he is in fact empowering those he deals with as they know the truth before they choose to play with him .

that can be a very attractive proposition to a certain type of character as for the first time in there life's they no the truth about the man in front of them .

his true motives for what he is doing and his true intent and feelings towards those he chooses to play with empower those he plays with .

there is no trickery at play with such a guy he is by his very nature empowering those he chooses to play with .

As long as he is also honest elsewhere, like at home. Fab does seem to breed "an honesty" amongst cheating partners.

yes it does and in my opinion that's a good thing as no one is in no doubt about the truth when it comes to fab .

as for someone's home life I choose to not take a interest in that as it has nothing to do with the truthful dynamic I'm trying to build away from my normal every day life ,

to those who don't like that fact I say this sod off as I'm not here to play with those with axes to grind I will leave them to play and grind there axes elsewhere with those best suited to there needs .while I go about having a great time with the other cheaters out there lucky there are plenty of us to go around . some who admit that fact on there profile and some who don't I might add .

Absolutely. The "honest" ones are allowing others to make an informed choice - bravo. Alas my beef is: Is selective honesty, honest?

"

yes in my opinion

honesty is not some perfect saintly thing that can be all or nothing its shades of grey as I'm sure you are aware . show me a totally honest person and I will show you liar because we are not know as the lying ape for nothing .

I give each person in my life the honesty they need and of coarse what serves my best interests to but to think I only have my own interests at heart when doing that .

is in my opinion a overly simplest childish out look best left to those with out the brain or life experience to know how complex life friendships and relationships really are .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I personally feel this motto will only attract and keep people with severe self esteem issues and you do not want to make these people keen on you!

What do you guys think?? "

I find weak personalities a massive turn off full stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like it when my regular partner messages me with oi bitch.

If a man was overly nice it would seem like he was trying to butter me up.

If someone was a complete cunt I would be turned off instantly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This turned into a cheating man thread quite quickly didn't it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give me a selfish cheeky bastard any day.....I'm confident enough to match them.....Can't stand that "aww what do you want....let me kiss your feet sweetheart" bollocks.....give me a self assured confident man any day of the week x

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

It's a bit odd to apply an arbitrary rule someone else has made up to your own relationships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This turned into a cheating man thread quite quickly didn't it."

Unintentional. I did try getting it back on track by alluding to the fact relationship status has little to no bearing on bad boy attitudes.

Soweeeee

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"This turned into a cheating man thread quite quickly didn't it.

Unintentional. I did try getting it back on track by alluding to the fact relationship status has little to no bearing on bad boy attitudes.

Soweeeee"

you bated me darling do not play the innocent in this you then questioned me .its true I could of slicked off with my tail between my legs bit I didn't for the simple reason where would the fun be in that ,

I'm done now I am bad boy by action not words unlike so many who hide there true nature because they are afraid of there prey and do not respect there prey deep down.

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple
over a year ago

near cardiff

Fools be brown-nosing these hoes and shit / Takin bitches out to eat, and spendin ... I treat a bitch like 7-Up I never have I never will...

So says Snoop...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When i was younger i only went for bad boys, no respect ever given to me. Then i met super twat who thought he had managed to break me, but i didnt break i got back up found out why and sorted my life. I had relationships after with people where we didnt get on but i was nnever attracted to a an abuser again.

All my 'gentleman friends in thr last 10 years or so have been lovely.

Jay is the kindest sweetest man ever but he tries it on sometimes same as i do him. But we both know how far we can go.

Jay and supertwat are the polar opposites of each other and it took a lot of fucking hard work changing my attraction around but now im reaping the rewards"

Love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This turned into a cheating man thread quite quickly didn't it.

Unintentional. I did try getting it back on track by alluding to the fact relationship status has little to no bearing on bad boy attitudes.

Soweeeee

you bated me darling do not play the innocent in this you then questioned me .its true I could of slicked off with my tail between my legs bit I didn't for the simple reason where would the fun be in that ,

I'm done now I am bad boy by action not words unlike so many who hide there true nature because they are afraid of there prey and do not respect there prey deep down. "

Apologising (to the thread) is me playing the innocent? Alrighty then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree that nice guys seam to get shit on more. I'm a nice guy and been treated like dirt and used by exes.I guess I lack a bit of confidence when it comes to females and need to learn to be more confident. It's hard on a site like this as everyone bass there opinions on pictures and not what is written in profiles...

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe


"Sex is like making a jigsaw .... two bits fit together or they don't... "

You can sometimes make them fit though with a bit of banging

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

No respect = no meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

don't about treat them mean, but I go on/off people pretty easy

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

I find women are keen at first but then cool. But when I loose interest they become even more keen. But by then it's too late and I can't be arsed.

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By *ex LutherMan
over a year ago

Closer than you think

I can't do that I like to treat women with respect and sometimes I am seen as too nice...

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

I treat people as I find them

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I treat people as I find them "

With flea powder?

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By *ockDoctorMan
over a year ago

cheshire and north wales

When you find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stand in front of you when other’s cast stones, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who will hold your hand when your sick, who thinks your pretty without makeup, the one who turns to his friends and say, ‘that’s her’, the one that would bear your rejection because losing you means losing his will to live, who kisses you when you screw up, watches the stars and names one for you and will hold and rock that baby for hours so you can sleep…surely this must conquer all such sayings..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I treat people as I find them

With flea powder?

"

Proper laughing at that comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing is, you can be a nice person and not be a suck up, or doormat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When you find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stand in front of you when other’s cast stones, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who will hold your hand when your sick, who thinks your pretty without makeup, the one who turns to his friends and say, ‘that’s her’, the one that would bear your rejection because losing you means losing his will to live, who kisses you when you screw up, watches the stars and names one for you and will hold and rock that baby for hours so you can sleep…surely this must conquer all such sayings.."

Sorry.

Ah that's lovely really.....ahem.

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By *issLiss OP   Couple
over a year ago

south east


"When you find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stand in front of you when other’s cast stones, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who will hold your hand when your sick, who thinks your pretty without makeup, the one who turns to his friends and say, ‘that’s her’, the one that would bear your rejection because losing you means losing his will to live, who kisses you when you screw up, watches the stars and names one for you and will hold and rock that baby for hours so you can sleep…surely this must conquer all such sayings.."

This

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