FabSwingers.com forum: Dad's advice

By *ightfall79 OP Man
over a year ago

Dunbartonshire

Hi all I need a bit of advice if you can call it that. Me and ex split a while back with 5 children involved in the split , A long story short she met someone else so I walked away left everything to the kids and her. She says the guy she is seeing won't try to be a dad to the kids and I will always be dad.

It might just be me but I just get that feeling I have done so much for the kids then someone else comes in and tries to take over.

I know I have no rights with the day to day running of there life's but my question is are there dad's out there in the same boat?. If so how did you or do you get your head around another man being there for your kids on a daily basis while you only get to see then every 2nd weekend or so. Has been a total mind fuck for me.

PS I phone them just about every 2nd day so not a case they only see me or speak to me every 2nd weekend.

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By *uilder506Man
over a year ago

bognor

It gets easier after a wile mate, might not feel like it at the mo but it will soon.

No matter what this bloke dose or does not do for your kids they know your there real dad is.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Sorry I can't offer any practical, personal experience OP, but

"I know I have no rights with the day to day running of there life's "
Google "shared parenting". The courts are slowly listening to fathers too.

Good luck

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/10/16 19:02:07]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No experience of this,

But if your still local, nothing stopping you from doing school runs, etc. unless she got something in place to stop you doing it,

Be there as much as possible, that's my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids r clever. They know who is there for them when it counts. The New guy will b like a new toy for first wee while but if ur a good dad they will know. Just don't b negative about him or their mum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey OP

As a man now in a relationship with a women with kids I wouldn't dream of trying to replace their father and I would much rather meet him and talk it out and reassure him of that.

It's not our fault of the circumstances of why relationships end and having kids involved unfortunately but there is a right way to go forward.

Speak to your ex about your concerns and ask to go for a pint with the new guy and also let him know how you feel and plan for the future with the kids best interests at heart

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

If you are their natural father you have every right.

What do you mean that you left everything to the wife n kids ? Did you leave a house that you own ? Be careful if your name is still on any mortgage or deeds.

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By *ightfall79 OP Man
over a year ago

Dunbartonshire

Ex has no issues e seeing kids whenever or phoning them whenever I want.However her new bloke I think does not like me seeing the kids as much.Not sure why though , So most of this is my ex being pressured (i think) by new bloke to just let me see the kids every 2nd weekend but have phone contact whenever I want.

To be honest it is a bit of a mess but one thing I do know is that I am not walking away from there lifes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My boys have a step-mum who is more involved in their care than their dad is. We have 50/50 residency, alternating weeks. Initially I was anxious that she could 'usurp' me in their affections, especially as they are very wealthy and can afford to do lots of nice things with them. I've come to realise that I am, and always will be, their go-to person. Their dad and I have a bond with the boys that can't be replicated. Now I feel very grateful that the boys have another person who will love and take care of them when they're away from me. It could have been a lot worse! My step-dad was a hideous bully.

Also, your time is more valuable to your kids than anything else.

Nell

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By *obwithkiltMan
over a year ago

Belton

I split with ex 6 yrs ago. .divorce just through. .her new partner was living in house with my 2 girls within couple of months of split...everything amicable. ..I occasionally had problems with him being involved with their life but kept them to myself..they have both said to me recently I'm dad hes just him..I'm the one who they talk to about things,the one that will always be there for us

It's not easy but as long as you are still a constant within their lives it will be ok...I lived in same town and had open house so they would just pop in..and often would get extra time because of this

stay strong sir!

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By *ightfall79 OP Man
over a year ago

Dunbartonshire

"If you are their natural father you have every right.

What do you mean that you left everything to the wife n kids ? Did you leave a house that you own ? Be careful if your name is still on any mortgage or deeds. "

Left everything as furniture , TV's , electrical appliances.We had a council house.

Was a case of me wanting to make sure the kids had everything they needed really.so i just started a fresh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Speak to your ex about your concerns and ask to go for a pint with the new guy and also let him know how you feel and plan for the future with the kids best interests at heart "

great advice! I've been the mum in this situation and my ex making the effort to get on with my new man, and vise versa helped everything run smoother. I'm also a lot more willing to compromise with my ex swapping weekends or him wanting extra time etc- because he proved to me that he was willing to try. Good luck x

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By *oncupiscentTonyMan
over a year ago

Kent

Buy em an Xbox or summit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been separated for 6 months now, my marriage was my hubby's 2nd.

His previous ex wife & her hubby were very weird about him visiting his daughter & it was almost like he was a go-to babysitter.

They even got her to call him 'visitor' Daddy!!

No input in her life whatsoever & it really has damaged their relationship.

We have a young son together & my ex sees him regularly. I talk to him daily about school, what the boy's day has been like etc & it's very amicable.

We are both seeing other people & have been firm in that new partners don't meet our child until we have met them.

You have more rights than you are aware of.

This other guy cannot stop you from seeing your children unless he has a solid reason ie abuse in your relationship, alcohol or drug abuse etc.

Please don't give up, it's worth it in the end sweet xx

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By *ightfall79 OP Man
over a year ago

Dunbartonshire

I will be honest he is a nice guy even the kids have said he is nice but not a nice like me (so my kids say). I am not sure he is the kinda guy who would go with a drink with me to be honest.Ex said I will always be there dad which is great and I do think alot of this lets say mind fuck stuff is all in my head.

I was just looking for to see how others coped or advice and it has all been good.

Thanks.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I can't add anything other than it's really good you are trying to get advice from people.

Suffering alone never helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If born after 1.12.03 then the father (as named on the birth certificate) has joint PR (Parental Responsibility) with the mother. Previous to that the fathers powers of PR were not as strong and they had very little rights to excersize their parental powers.

The resident parent does have slightly more power, but only marginally.

Having PR means you have a say so in everything to do with their lives and no decisions can be made without you being consulted first.

It also means you should be included in all information or correspondence about your child

I.e. School letters, reports, doctors or medical letters, obtaining a passport, travelling aboard, selection of schools, moving etc

All this is in its simplest manner though, and can get complicated if your ex refuses your input, or you have a conflict of interests, however that is still not to say you have rights and the legal support to use them.

Highly recommend you seek legal advice on this.

Much depends on how amenable your ex is to you using your rights, if she allows you to use your parental rights then cool, but if she doesn't you have the law behind you.

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By *inkySlinkyCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I cannot imagine walking out on your own children and only seeing them every second weekend. My children are more important to me than anything else.

Sally

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

So long as you pay your maintenance (keep proof of that) and actually do things with the kids, and keep calling them they'll come round as they get older. Just stay being there for them.

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By *ightfall79 OP Man
over a year ago

Dunbartonshire

"I cannot imagine walking out on your own children and only seeing them every second weekend. My children are more important to me than anything else.

Sally"

Hardest thing I have ever had to do and I have been through a few situations in my lifetime.

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By *ightfall79 OP Man
over a year ago

Dunbartonshire

should point that I see all 5 every 2nd weekend and they stay over.However my oldest visit's whenever she wants,

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By *obka3Couple
over a year ago

bournemouth

when I got divorced from my 1st wife she tried to mess up my relationship with the kids as revenge for me leaving her, K's ex hasnt bothered seeing his 3 boys for nearly seven years now and they are 25,23 and 21, its his loss but not once have I tried to take his place or bad mouthed him, he is their dad, jackass or not, its not easy being the absent dad especially to teenagers but they do grow up and as they have relationships themselves their views change and if you have been a good dad before the split they will remember, stay strong its not easy not being there but you can still have a great relationship with them

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