FabSwingers.com forum: Grief

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How does everyone cope with it? I lost my brother a few days ago and I'm not coping too well. I've distanced myself from everyone I care about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear of your loss.

Everyone grieves in different ways, you deal with it how you can. I would suggest not locking yourself away from everyone, but if that's what you feel you need to do then that's what you need to d, do now anyway.

Talking to strangers often helps people cope better than talking to those nearer, as you know they are grieving too. Just take one day at a time, but remember you're not alone through this and grief isn't something that only lasts a short period, it's something that lasts forever, you just learn to cope with it better.

There will be good days and bad days, but you will come up with your own coping strategy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear of your loss op. No advice from me even though I've experienced what you're going through as we all deal with things in our own way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my mum,dad,brother and ex wife over a period of 3yrs.I found that just being by yourself for 6 months helped me very much.Although people try to console you it doesn't register in your mind because of the total feeling of grief inside you.The only consolation I can give you is that you do eventually get the hurting grief out of you.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Sorry to hear of your loss.

There will be good days and bad days, but you will come up with your own coping strategy. "

Excellent advise and sorry OP to hear of your loss. Recently lost my mum and it is so raw. I spend time with my dad, talking about and appreciating the good times we had together. Hope you can find a way to deal with your grief. Don't shut people out though. Hugs.

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By *ina75Woman
over a year ago

Stone

I am acutely aware of what you are going through, and as others have said, don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. Each of us does it differently. So if you need to hide away from everything then do it. When you are ready to come out of hiding you will find it easier because you have done what is right for you. But I would recommend talking to someone like Cruse they are a specialist bereavement charity and have counsellors, advisors and will support you in whatever way you need it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly my condolences. Recently I lost my Mother. What I found is that everyone handles it differently. My concern was that for the first couple of weeks I never got upset. When she lost her Father she ws the same but for two years. Which ended up with her been admitted to a mental hospital for the best part of a year. However I had a small car crash. Got back to my parents house and just lost it. Kicked in every body panel of the car. Then just broke down. If you feel you need to be alone then do what's right for you. It's your time to grieve. So do it how your feel best. XX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No advice as such- you will find your own way.

I liken it to a wound that will heal in time. There will be a scar, but even that will be less visible, as time passes.

Just remember that they remain alive in your memories x

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By *ralbiswMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"How does everyone cope with it? I lost my brother a few days ago and I'm not coping too well. I've distanced myself from everyone I care about

Condolences. It is never easy but try not to conuinue pushing everyone away. We are all different and all get through the dark times in our own way .... but in my opinion doing it alone is dangerous long term.

If those close to you that you are pushing away were close to your brother too, they will be suffering also. When you feel the time is right reach out to them, and remember your brother together. Remember the good times but don't forget the bad. With your friends and family you will come through this.

I am now of an age where friends and family die far too regularly. I hate it but on reflection the grieving process is really rather useful as it seems to put life back into perspective.

I hope you start to feel stronger soon. You will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The MIND website has excellent advice on the grieving process.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your loss

I distanced myself from close friends & only felt really comfortable with either people who had experienced a death or complete strangers who knew nothing about me.

I did a lot of crying beforehand so once the event happened I couldn't cry anymore didn't even cry at the funeral.

Nearly 2 years on & the grief still washes over me. It happened today shopping, I started crying in the Seasonal aisle when I thought about buying a present they would have liked....

It's a very personal journey to take, there are no right or wrongs. A friend on here recommended something which I'm not sure I'm allowed to post the link for in the forum, feel free to PM me though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your loss op

Grief aint nice, but time is a great healer

Recently discovered my best friend dead and it was not a nice expereince

I tell myself that theres light at the end of every tunnel and things will get easier

Talking to strangers i find does help for some strange reason ?

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

"No advice as such- you will find your own way.

I liken it to a wound that will heal in time. There will be a scar, but even that will be less visible, as time passes.

Just remember that they remain alive in your memories x"

Exactly this, OP.

Consider yourself hugged xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does your employer have a wellness scheme?

Sorry for your loss x

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Sorry for your loss. Everyone copes in different ways. Your friends will have known your brother too and may not know how to speak to you.

Bereavement of any kind is difficult. In time you'll find your own way of coping with family and friends, work, counselling, etc. There's no set way of dealing with it and no timescale either.

You'll get through it x

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

We all do it differently.

And lots of people don't know how to talk to you're thought though; if you do want to talk to someone; it's often easier to talk with a really close frrind, that family members;

The freind is a step removed; can be more objective; family members are dealing with the grief too.

If it's really hard; there is an excellent charity who provide fantastic bereavement counselling

Google search for "Cruse bereavement ".

They are really good; really helped a freind of mine whose wife died-and he is now a counsellor for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/10/16 16:27:50]

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By *etleyBitterMan
over a year ago

wakefield

hi seekin revenge i no wot yor goin thru i lost mi mum 3weeks ago am devastated arf ov me stil thinks shes stil ear then other arf sez no shes not ear its awful luv god du i miss my mum

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

My sympathy for you loss and how much you must be hurting.

I found that remembering happy thoughts of those you've lost worked for me. Yes, there are tears but think of the lovely times you had with him.

Big hugs to you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What helped me when my grampy died, who I was very close to, was to think that he may have been gone in body, but his love and memory would always live on inside me and so that way he would never be far from me.

My sympathies on your loss OP, cry if you want to cry and don't bottle up your sadness. Remember the good times x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"hi seekin revenge i no wot yor goin thru i lost mi mum 3weeks ago am devastated arf ov me stil thinks shes stil ear then other arf sez no shes not ear its awful luv god du i miss my mum"

I know how that feels.

Big hugs to you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my mum almost 3 years ago and there isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about her, or about something related to her..

Even now, I still can't believe that I can't just pick up the phone and talk to her...

I know this probably sounds really daft but whenever I see a white feather on the ground when I'm out and about, I like to think it's a sign that my mum is still looking out for me... and that helps me to cope ....

Sorry for your loss OP xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine is a Robin.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone for your kind words here on the forum and for all the pm's

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

As others have said, we all deal with it differently.

But the most important thing is to accept that it's a nightmare. Don't expect it to be easy.

If you feel that you're beyond coping there is help out there, such a Cruse Bereavement. Your GP will understand and help you too.

One day in the future you won't feel as bad as this but it will never leave you. Which is a good thing because you don't want to forget them.

When I lost my Mum my partner was not very supportive and I ended up talking to people on a bereavement forum. Complete strangers, like here, but they helped such a lot.

I lost one of my best friends 2 weeks ago and for some reason I only feel quite numb about it. But I'm dreading the funeral.

Good luck OP, and remember that your brother wouldn't want you to suffer too much.

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By *uicy jonesMan
over a year ago

near a big hill in s/ shropshire NOT in

Big massive hugs ,

So sorry to hear your loss ,

Theses times are very hard people say they get easier !!!!! Nahhhhh , we become aware of the situation and start coping differently, never gets easier , just learn to live with what's happened .

As for shutting out the people who you Love , they should hopefully understand and still be there in the future for you xxx

You deal with the grief in the best way for you to cope with , , big hugs again ,,,

If it feels like it's getting to much go and see your doctor for help , don't suffer or be to proud to ask for help xxx

Thoughts and prayer for you xxx

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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago

cheshire

Honey tried to pm you. So sorry for your loss. It is still very early days and all very very raw for you yet . Im 5yrs of losing my husband. You wont get over it but you learn to copee without them . But please please if you do nothing else you must see a bereavement councillor. Your gp can give you details . Pm if you would like to chat more. Take care of yourself xx

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