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Who has a joke to cheer me up?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Having a crap day at work. Anyone got a guilty pleasure joke to cheer me up?

Betty

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By *randMrs Spanish BrunetteCouple
over a year ago

home sweet home

I'm crap at jokes. I hope my butt cheers you up

MrsSB

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By *imetoexplore69Couple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

[Removed by poster at 06/10/16 15:06:10]

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By *wo4FemCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

What do you call a dancing turkey? ....... a twerky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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By *reygorCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

soz you havin a bad day.but just remember .a friend in need [is a fucking nusance]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a dancing turkey? ....... a twerky. "

A donkey with one leg - wonkey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said, "I'm off out, mum."

She said, "You ain't going anywhere until you change that mini skirt."

I said, "Why?"

She said, "Because I can see your bollocks, Dave."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ukip

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two fish in a tank one looks at the other and says "don't look at me I don't know how to drive it"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you call a dancing turkey? ....... a twerky. "

Ah twerk, where a Yorkshire man goes to earn a wage

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”"

Made me chuckle

Thnx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I said, "I'm off out, mum."

She said, "You ain't going anywhere until you change that mini skirt."

I said, "Why?"

She said, "Because I can see your bollocks, Dave.""

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

A psychiatrist is conducting a group therapy session with young mothers . At the end of the session he asks four ladies to stay behind

He says to the four mothers "you all have obsessions, these have manifested itself in the same way most unusual."

He says to the first mother "you have an obsession with money so much so you've named your daughter penny"

To mum number two he says " your obsession is with alcohol, so much so you've named your daughter brandy."

He says to the third mother " your obsession is with food ...so much so you've called your daughter candy."

As he looks at the fourth mother she stands up and says "c'mon dick we're leaving ".

Hope your day improves Op.

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By *idsBiGuyMan
over a year ago

Tamworth

I've just had to get rid of my fish tank. The floppy little bastards keep blowing holes in the wall with it.

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

My dad is brilliant at telling jokes, has everyone rolling around all the time, I remember this one time when I was still at home, he came into bedroom to tell me a new joke, unfortunately I was having a wank at the time, he said me to me 'son, if you keep doing that you'll go blind' I said 'I'm over here dad'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Worst day of my life: I've been caught wearing stockings. On my head. In a bank.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Divorcing couple put their house on the market.

"I'll bake some bread to entice the buyers" woman says.

"Don't bother" says the estranged husband. "Just open your legs.........mmmmmmm blue waffles"

They're American, you mix blueberries into the batter and have them with maple syrup and creme fraisch

Nom nom nom

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By *ashedMan
over a year ago

hemel

3 tampons walking down the road which one says hello first ?

None they all stuck up cunts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went to the doctors for checkup she told me to strip and stand behind the curtains. She appeared and said you are going to have to stop masturbsting why I asked? Because I want to examine you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A psychiatrist is conducting a group therapy session with young mothers . At the end of the session he asks four ladies to stay behind

He says to the four mothers "you all have obsessions, these have manifested itself in the same way most unusual."

He says to the first mother "you have an obsession with money so much so you've named your daughter penny"

To mum number two he says " your obsession is with alcohol, so much so you've named your daughter brandy."

He says to the third mother " your obsession is with food ...so much so you've called your daughter candy."

As he looks at the fourth mother she stands up and says "c'mon dick we're leaving ".

Hope your day improves Op. "

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By *ashedMan
over a year ago

hemel

Man. Doctor doctor one of my balls is bigger than the other .

Doctor. show me them .

Man gets one ball out and it's the size of a football .

Doctor starts laughing uncontrollable saying look at the size of that .

Man says . Fuck it I am not showing you the big one now .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i decided to go to the mosque for first time to see what it was all about,

i sat down and the lman came up to me, laid his hands on my head and said by the will of ailah the mighty and the prophet mohamed you will walk today.

i told him i was not paralysed,

he came back and laid his hands on me again repeated the same thing,

again i told him there is nothing wrong with me.

after the prayers i stepped outside and lo and behold my fuck;n car had been stolen.

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By *orwegian BlueMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

My wife treats me like god.

She ignores my existence and only talks to me when.she wants something.

I bought her a fridge for her birthday, probably not the most romantic present I could've thought of but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of her chap stick...

She's still not speaking to me.

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By *ertsguy2000Man
over a year ago

hertford

Doctor doctor I think my wife is dead

What makes you think your wife is dead?

Well the sex is the same but the washing up is stacking up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the Pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye, matey!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Europe.

Europe who?

No, YOU'RE a poo! Hee hee!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.

What goes "Mark! Mark!" ?

A dog with a hare lip.......

I'll get my coat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bought one of those deoderant sticks the other day. It said unscrew the top and push up bottom , I did ,it made me walk funny but when i farted it didn't half make the room smell nice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My wife treats me like god.

She ignores my existence and only talks to me when.she wants something.

I bought her a fridge for her birthday, probably not the most romantic present I could've thought of but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it."

This guy knows where to get jokes

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!


"I said, "I'm off out, mum."

She said, "You ain't going anywhere until you change that mini skirt."

I said, "Why?"

She said, "Because I can see your bollocks, Dave.""

That may be slightly amusing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having a crap day at work. Anyone got a guilty pleasure joke to cheer me up?

Betty"

A dwarf was struggling to get served at a bar as everyone just kept pushing in front and the barmaid couldn't see him,after half an hour he stood on a stool and shouted at the barmaid 'Oi I'm not happy' so the barmaid asked him 'which 1 are you then,dopey,bashful or grumpy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the difference between an egg and a wank? You cant beat a wank

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Doctor doctor I think my wife is dead

What makes you think your wife is dead?

Well the sex is the same but the washing up is stacking up"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A step by step guide to falling down the stairs properly

Step 1

Step 2

Step 5,8,10,15.

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By *corpio67Man
over a year ago

hillingdon

Two nuns walk round the corner

A man flashes at them

One has a heart attack

The other has a stroke!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

These only work if said aloud...

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? Nacho cheese

What's the best cheese to hide a small horse? Mascarpone

What's the best cheese to use to coax a bear out of it's cave? Camembert

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By *reakShow90Man
over a year ago

Manchester/halifax

A joke? A joke? Hmmm

My sex life lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneeded a poo!!

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By *lewelyn23Man
over a year ago

swansea

So I was banging this married woman on her kitchen table the other day when her husband came home early..

She shocked she said "quick try the back door!" I should have ran like hell but hey, you don't get an offer like that everyday.

When my wife left I was sad and lonely..

Since then I bought a new car, adopted a dog and spent three grand on booze and hookers...

She's going to flip her shit when she gets back from work!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two parrots sitting on a perch.one turns to the other and asks "can you smell fish"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many Surrealist does it take to change a lightbulb... Fish!

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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago

West Wales

Two nuns in the bath, one says "Where's the soap?" The other replies "Yes it does doesn't it"

S

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By *arkstaffsMan
over a year ago

Rugeley

Saw a magic tractor yesterday. It turned into a field..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a look at my latest photo....the hairs bound to give ya a laugh

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have a look at my latest photo....the hairs bound to give ya a laugh "

Wow how did u manage that?

Betty

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/558001

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a fight down the chippy last night

The fish got battered

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