FabSwingers.com forum: Overcoming shyness & nerves in the bedroom...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Alright.

So I was in an intimate situation last week with someone last week, and I was so nervous that I faced away from him to strip off to my underwear. Thing is he's not someone who's new to me (we were lovers some four or five years ago) yet on meets from here I'm more than happy to prance round naked

Has anyone else had similar issues & how did you overcome it?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been so nervous meeting on here I stopped doing it, meet people for social fine, meet for fun

panic

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just thought "fuckit I'm here now, don't be so fucking coy".

And the weird thing is that forced confidence transferred over to real life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fake it till you make it. I often don't feel confident in that kind of scenario, but if I force myself to pretend I do, then the other person doesn't have to feel uncomfortable and I usually end up forgetting about feeling insecure too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

I was always very self-concious of my body due to scarring and whatnot.

There came a point in my life (and I can't pinpoint it exactly, but I t hink I was in my 30s), when subconciously, I just decided, "ah, fuck it" and I don't worry about it anymore. I kind of assume that if someone is about to fuck me then there is a more than slight chance that they might also fancy me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same as above, fake the confidence and you will soon feel it. also with the right person/people the nerves soon vanish

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think you necessarily need to overcome anything.

It wouldn't worry me - shows you are human.

I'd be more worried if you strode in flinging clothes off and being demanding as that would then set my nerves off.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was always very self-concious of my body due to scarring and whatnot.

Getting to the 'ah fuck it' moment is great

Won't say what mine was and nor can I maintain it 100% of the time but I pull it off more often than not

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

[Removed by poster at 27/09/16 16:28:27]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its similar to the moment where you make the first move - do i now or later - once its done youre past it and enjoy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I was shitting a brick until the lady on reception told me I looked hot.

Dug deep to find my inner sexy bitch and strolled up the stairs.

Once in the room clothes were everywhere and I didn't feel nervous once.

Funny really because I was so nervous for days before

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tudmcmuffinMan
over a year ago

Swindon

You had an initimate connection with him before so that probably had an effect. With meets from here you've never had that connection so sub consciously you look at it differently.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Obviously meeting someone for the first time can be a bring on the nerves, as I am in a fortnight, but after a couple of phone calls I'm beginning to feel more at ease with her and I know we'll have a brilliant time in each others company

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe having history with the guy is the difference, you value his opinion / see him in a different light.

I'm always nervous before meeting someone but I just think 'fuck it' we're both in the same situation, what's the worse that can happen.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread, like so many on here just shows that everyone has had (and maybe still has) those nerves and self-conscious moments. Maybe especially so if you're on fab because of stuff in real life!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't really add much to what everyone else has said, it's a case of faking it until you hit your "fuck it" moment...and it will come

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im always nervous, but it decreases after a while, and disappears on a second meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aisyDDWoman
over a year ago

North West

It's weird I totally brick it if I'm meeting someone for a date but rocking up for a meet off here I don't worry at all. Think it's down to the fake it till you make it. I've got more confident in my own skin as I've got older

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread, like so many on here just shows that everyone has had (and maybe still has) those nerves and self-conscious moments. Maybe especially so if you're on fab because of stuff in real life! "

how so? what difference does being on fab make and how does that equate with "stuff in real life"? I don't get the implication?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its kinda good to be a little nervous. Everyone is.. just imagine it being the same for the other person as well.

After a few times you will be more confident assertive and enjoy it more.

Ps. This will be reflected outside of fab too. Win win

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walk in with a big smile and say hello. Does wonders. Then walk out with a smile and goodbye.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I know someone fancies me/wants to fuck me I'm 100% confident....prior to that point I'm a mess.

Probably why I very rarely send a first message and most of my posts are tongue in cheek/humorous (in my mind)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nervousness and excitement are similar emotions just how you view them and control that counts.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

" I've got more confident in my own skin as I've got older "

That about sums it up

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was always very self-concious of my body due to scarring and whatnot.

This for me too. I've got a chronic illness and have a line in my arm permanently, to administer mess that keep me alive. People ask but no one has ever been weird about it, I was really conscious of it but now I just don't give a fuck.

Esp with people from here because they've seen pics of my body and obviously fancy me already.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elloIntrigueMan
over a year ago

North West UK

I always think nerves in all situations are usually a good sign. The fake confidence as has been suggested or even little mantras to yourself could work wonders.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aisyDDWoman
over a year ago

North West

"I was always very self-concious of my body due to scarring and whatnot.

Esp with people from here because they've seen pics of my body and obviously fancy me already.

This is really interesting. I have a skin condition which affects my armpits. I do mention it just incase and never give out the name of it because I know Google brings up the worse case pictures!! It's totally knocked my confidence for the last few years since I got it. People on here on the whole are much more open minded and less judgemental x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Alright.

Has anyone else had similar issues & how did you overcome it?"

You got to remember - you women only see the worst in your body / we men only see the best.

But a gentle, non pushy partner for the day helps.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just thought "fuckit I'm here now, don't be so fucking coy".

And the weird thing is that forced confidence transferred over to real life

Same thing with me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get nervous about men seeing my body. If they don't like my face then I think they wouldn't want to meet me and I make it clear I'm fat,with a fat stomach and stretch marks.

I have been seeing someone a few years who has deep scarring in his stomach. The first time he undressed he looked a little embarrassed and covered them up with his hands as he explained.

So,I moved his hands away and kissed them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we love the pre-nerves - adds to it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dressed in a bin liner once ... Certainly broke the ice & create a giggle - nerves disappeared then :0)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I simply pretend I'm not bricking it until they start kissing me and the nerves become something else. Being in a heightened sense of terror and trying not to show it may also explain why I am so clumsy on meets.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread, like so many on here just shows that everyone has had (and maybe still has) those nerves and self-conscious moments. Maybe especially so if you're on fab because of stuff in real life!

how so? what difference does being on fab make and how does that equate with "stuff in real life"? I don't get the implication?"

because before fab I had absolutely no self-confidence

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Alright.

Has anyone else had similar issues & how did you overcome it?"

I think I know that answer to this

I'm the same I can strip naked infront of a meet off here but if it's somebody I'm friendly with i can't

I think it's because when it's somebody your just meeting for a shag you don't really care what their opinion of you is, you don't have to face them again after they have seen all the bits you view as off putting, where as when it's a 'friend' their opinion is more important, I couldn't strip naked infront of a guy i had to see again because I would feel ashamed that he had seen all my wobbly bit, this is the reason pretty much all of my meets are ones offs because I don't want to be talking to somebody who has the vision of my naked body in their head

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never had a meet from here, but there was a time when I had been getting close to a lady. The time we made it to the bedroom I was so nervous that nothing happened - the chap refused to come into life. It was very embarrassing.

I don't think I have got over it, I still have fear it will happen again and is one of the reasons why I'm lacking in self confidence in trying to engage with people

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"Maybe having history with the guy is the difference, you value his opinion / see him in a different light.

I'm always nervous before meeting someone but I just think 'fuck it' we're both in the same situation, what's the worse that can happen.

couldn't have expressed the same thought better myself op i think roxi hit the nail om the head here .

as for me I wish I did feel nerves but I don't instead I enter and channel my inner self becoming calm wide awake fully engaged in the moment and energy of the moment .

that feeling of inner calm fully alive fully engaged is the soul reason I play if I'm being totally honest .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nerves are a perfectly normal part of meets and are to be expected. I often would get nervous before meets, the more anticipated the meet the more nervous I would be. When I met redhead for the first time I damn near shat myself

Beard

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread, like so many on here just shows that everyone has had (and maybe still has) those nerves and self-conscious moments. Maybe especially so if you're on fab because of stuff in real life!

how so? what difference does being on fab make and how does that equate with "stuff in real life"? I don't get the implication?

because before fab I had absolutely no self-confidence"

ah ok. a personal thing to you then. Not general. No wonder I didn't relate! my bad.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/09/16 19:55:11]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This thread, like so many on here just shows that everyone has had (and maybe still has) those nerves and self-conscious moments. Maybe especially so if you're on fab because of stuff in real life!

how so? what difference does being on fab make and how does that equate with "stuff in real life"? I don't get the implication?

because before fab I had absolutely no self-confidence

ah ok. a personal thing to you then. Not general. No wonder I didn't relate! my bad."

Not entirely.

The bit prior to the word "maybe" was based on the general theme of responses.

The bit after the word "maybe" was based in my personal experience and noted as a potential explanation for the general theme of responses.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I straight up couldn't be shy or nervous if I tried.

I don't tend to be attracted to Shy or nervous people either.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I'm often surprised at many of the unbelievably sexy women on this site (and on this thread) who have confidence/body issues. You are all far more attractive than you believe.

OP: removing my underwear holds no concerns for me, since I work on the principle that if they have got past my age and my face, the rest of me isn't too bad for an old fart (so long as I don't have to breathe out

) But new situations and meeting new people still terrify me. I cope by putting on an act and using humour. Our pics also help provide a topic of conversation to help break the ice. But mostly I recognise that most of my issues stem from over-thinking things, so suddenly I just act on impulse, and when my inner voice goes "WTF?" I just ignore it.

In your specific instance, I agree with RoxiAnne, you worry more about what he thinks about you.

Mr ddc

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just kiss them. They can't look you up and down when they are busy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"I just kiss them. They can't look you up and down when they are busy

brilliant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ickerish AllsortsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

Just some very minor cosmic pampering can do wonders for your confidence.

Lost a little weight just though eating healthy. Look after my skin better. Nails, hair (all of it) trimmed nicely and smelling of expensive scent.

Feeling good enough to eat makes you want to get naked!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Similarly to the fake it posts - just do it and you'll likely already be thinking of what's next. You can also recruit your partners to help you relax - getting them to touch or hold you, undress you etc. You don't have to undress, for example, all in one go. Some men apparently leave socks on that they intend removing later.

Distance between you may magnify insecurity in your own mind - so experiment with staying closer or together. If it's often about getting naked, you can undress lying down - again progressively. Or wear clothes during sex.

I had nervousness in my past and threw myself into the faking it mode, relaxing and smiling. Changing your posture will send different feelings through your whole self too - so adopt a strong, more confident body posture.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread