FabSwingers.com forum: Is it in yet?

By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

Things you don't want to hear during sex

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I just laughed out loud. I actually said that once

Not because I have a flappy fanny before anyone says....he had a pencil cock. The guy thought it was hilarious and wanted to meet me again

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By *iss AdventureWoman
over a year ago

Wonderland

"I just laughed out loud. I actually said that once

Not because I have a flappy fanny before anyone says....he had a pencil cock. The guy thought it was hilarious and wanted to meet me again

And did you? You could have got him a girthy nobbled sleeve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just laughed out loud. I actually said that once

Not because I have a flappy fanny before anyone says....he had a pencil cock. The guy thought it was hilarious and wanted to meet me again

And did you? You could have got him a girthy nobbled sleeve

I've missed you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'If you cum inside me, I'll kill you'

I was 17. I remember it clearly to this day.

I decided I'll wait until I got some condoms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone elses name?

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By *iss AdventureWoman
over a year ago

Wonderland

"I just laughed out loud. I actually said that once

Not because I have a flappy fanny before anyone says....he had a pencil cock. The guy thought it was hilarious and wanted to meet me again

And did you? You could have got him a girthy nobbled sleeve

I've missed you"

Missed you too sweet cheeks ..... mwah

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

He gets top marks for not just going home crying lol

Hopefully he had girthy fingers and a trained tongue to salvage the situation

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By *inkyChrissy99TV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

"I just laughed out loud. I actually said that once

Not because I have a flappy fanny before anyone says....he had a pencil cock. The guy thought it was hilarious and wanted to meet me again

And did you? You could have got him a girthy nobbled sleeve

Now that's just a cool idea!! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's not how your dad does it"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'If you cum inside me, I'll kill you'

I was 17. I remember it clearly to this day.

I decided I'll wait until I got some condoms.

Coward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" I think the ceiling needs painting"

That's kills the moment!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What am I meant to do with that

Or saying your exs name just at the critical point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Someone elses name?"

Your name said in the wrong way can be just as devastating... I imagine.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"I'M PAPA SMURF AND I'M HERE TO DO WHAT PAPA SMURF DOES BEST"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Things you don't want to hear during sex

Not during but at 14 a boyfriend asked if I was ready for a stick up.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"I just laughed out loud. I actually said that once

Not because I have a flappy fanny before anyone says....he had a pencil cock. The guy thought it was hilarious and wanted to meet me again

And did you? You could have got him a girthy nobbled sleeve

No I didn't, he was a bit straight and I'm not talking about his cock this time

sweet chap though.

Nice to see you back xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I squeeze that spot ?

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

'You know I could kill you right now don't you?'

Bit scary that

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Is this your poo or mine?"

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"Can I squeeze that spot ?"

Yep. I can say for certain that kills the moment

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

At the point of orgasm:

"MOTHER!!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Is this your poo or mine?""

I only just had my brekkie Joe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Is this your poo or mine?""

Oh my gawwwwwwwwd!

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Have you ever considered voting for the Conservative Party?"

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

""Is this your poo or mine?"

I only just had my brekkie Joe."

Tee hee

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"'You know I could kill you right now don't you?'

Bit scary that

That. Is. Odd.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

oh I remember now.

"you should lose weight"

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Who are you and where's my wife?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Was that it?!'

I said that once to a meet from here. Luckily we'd been talking long enough for him to realise it was a joke. His face was a picture at first though

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"I wasn't in the Ku Klux Klan for all that long in the end"

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"oh I remember now.

"you should lose weight"

I hope you slapped whoever said that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope your a grower??????????

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By *ashedMan
over a year ago

hemel

Cheering. GOAL because your team just scored on the TV

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Would you mind just putting this Eamonn Holmes mask on?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

another one

"you fucking bitch, you fucking bitch" over and over as he came.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"another one

"you fucking bitch, you fucking bitch" over and over as he came.

Oh sweet Jesus

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"'Was that it?!'

I said that once to a meet from here. Luckily we'd been talking long enough for him to realise it was a joke. His face was a picture at first though

That's just awful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh I remember now.

"you should lose weight"

I hope you slapped whoever said that

I dealt with him, yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"another one

"you fucking bitch, you fucking bitch" over and over as he came.

Oh sweet Jesus

Hahahaha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh I remember now.

"you should lose weight"

Or 'wow, your belly is getting big isn't it'

courtesy of my lovely ex

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

After removing my Victoria Secret fishnet holdups (a no no for me)

Me 'what the fuck are you doing?'

Him 'I'm going to have a wank in them later and send you a pic'

Could of been worse but I still didn't want to hear it! Tbh for a second I thought I was going to be strangled

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By *ushandkittyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

If I ever hear 'Is it in yet?' I shall be replying with an equally cutting 'I don't know!!!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't rub your fanny on me!"

Luckily she was also an Alan Partridge fan and got the reference. Then she continued rubbing her fanny on me

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

At the point of orgasm:

"SURRENDER, DOROTHY!!!"

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"I'm just going to recite some poetry I've written..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cheering. GOAL because your team just scored on the TV "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I'm just going to recite some poetry I've written...""

That's a bad thing to say? Damn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck me from behind, Corrie's good tonight

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

Pause. I know it's bad timing but while I remember. Will you make the kids sandwiches for school tomorrow when we're done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I just stick some porn on so I can stay hard whilst shagging you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh I remember now.

"you should lose weight"

Or 'wow, your belly is getting big isn't it'

courtesy of my lovely ex

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"oh I remember now.

"you should lose weight"

Or 'wow, your belly is getting big isn't it'

courtesy of my lovely ex

Can't think why he's now an ex lol

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

"I just laughed out loud. I actually said that once

Not because I have a flappy fanny before anyone says....he had a pencil cock. The guy thought it was hilarious and wanted to meet me again

Been there - met someone with a micro cock.

I try and see a pic first now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was 10mins late for a meet and knocked on the door, she shouted come up. Playing on her own she was I get there she says am ready for you 5 mins later she came pussy pulsating and she said "that's it am done you can go now "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh I remember now.

"you should lose weight"

Or 'wow, your belly is getting big isn't it'

courtesy of my lovely ex

Yea im glad he's out of my life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh I remember now.

"you should lose weight"

Or 'wow, your belly is getting big isn't it'

courtesy of my lovely ex

Can't think why he's now an ex lol"

Its a mystery

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"Was 10mins late for a meet and knocked on the door, she shouted come up. Playing on her own she was I get there she says am ready for you 5 mins later she came pussy pulsating and she said "that's it am done you can go now " "

So that's why you never keep a lady waiting. Got it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't mind if I keep my socks and crocs on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you just fall asleep ??? In my defence I was very tired and after working 16 hours ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'If you cum inside me, I'll kill you'

I was 17. I remember it clearly to this day.

I decided I'll wait until I got some condoms.

Coward

It was a game I was unwilling to play. During sex, I guarantee nothing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I just jizzed in your hair

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a friend *unfortunately* heard his friend's latest laydeeee shout out in a strong Irish accent from the west "shhtick it in me, I'm dafffft!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fuck me from behind, Corrie's good tonight

I think staring into Norris's face would put me off my stroke.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is blood meant to be spurting from your cock? - snapped banjo string

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang on that's my husband

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are you fucking the burgular?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeez I think your piercing caught my coil threads.

(True ouchy story)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"oh I remember now.

"you should lose weight"

Or 'wow, your belly is getting big isn't it'

courtesy of my lovely ex

"shame I can't say the same about your dick!"

You know that's what you should've said.

It ended there surely.

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

I think the handbreak has just gone. Pretty sure we've started moving.

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"Jeez I think your piercing caught my coil threads.

(True ouchy story)"

Ouch

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By *iss AdventureWoman
over a year ago

Wonderland

My old habit was to say to my husband "wait until the adverts, I'm watching this"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its like a cave down here -slight echo- down here..here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the handbreak has just gone. Pretty sure we've started moving."

Oops

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"My old habit was to say to my husband "wait until the adverts, I'm watching this""

This must be a wife thing

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

There was the one time when an ex and myself were getting seriously heated at this guys house - there were fingers and tongues everywhere before I said 'Fuck me' He said the line 'Have you got a condom as I haven't' and for once I didn't.....

It all went downhill from there

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"I think the handbreak has just gone. Pretty sure we've started moving.

Oops

Oops was not the word. We were in the back seat of a car with pants round our ankles rolling backwards down a hill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the handbreak has just gone. Pretty sure we've started moving.

Oops

Oops was not the word. We were in the back seat of a car with pants round our ankles rolling backwards down a hill

how did you get out of that situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never had those words said to me

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"I think the handbreak has just gone. Pretty sure we've started moving.

Oops

Oops was not the word. We were in the back seat of a car with pants round our ankles rolling backwards down a hill

how did you get out of that situation

Luckily it hadn't gone completely so I threw myself between the seats and pulled on the handbreak as hard as I could and the Mrs got in the drivers seat and put it into 1st gear lol

In the end only rolled back a few feet

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By *lue NarwhalMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

I think the condom split.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Have you ever considered voting for the Conservative Party?"

Don't mention them. They're at my workplace next week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry I just jizzed in your hair

Nooooooo.

Worst nightmare

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By *iforfun999Man
over a year ago

Haverfordwest

That reminds me, we need mouthwash.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the handbreak has just gone. Pretty sure we've started moving.

Oops

Oops was not the word. We were in the back seat of a car with pants round our ankles rolling backwards down a hill

how did you get out of that situation

Luckily it hadn't gone completely so I threw myself between the seats and pulled on the handbreak as hard as I could and the Mrs got in the drivers seat and put it into 1st gear lol

In the end only rolled back a few feet

phew! Not too bad then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry I just jizzed in your hair

Nooooooo.

Worst nightmare

I know right!

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"Sorry I just jizzed in your hair

Nooooooo.

Worst nightmare

I know right!

No, no it isn't.

"Errm, that's not my jizz"

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Ran out of condoms once and he went to put a used one back on!!! I was like it's ok, really it is....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry I just jizzed in your hair

Nooooooo.

Worst nightmare

I know right!

No, no it isn't.

"Errm, that's not my jizz"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ran out of condoms once and he went to put a used one back on!!! I was like it's ok, really it is....

Oh god lol

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By *inkySlinkyCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I went to a house for a meet. He asked if I would lay on the bed. When I did he said "that's my side. Can't you lay on the other side". During sex he said "my psoriasis is flaking off "

Sally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Met someone who kept saying "naughty" over and over while we were fucking which was a bit of a put off.

Someone I was dating for a short while said in a very child like voice "please don't hurt me" during sex - it wasn't rough sex and when I stopped she asked what was wrong?

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By *uddlybear2015Man
over a year ago

BEDFORD

""Is this your poo or mine?""

Think I'd rather hear the papa smurf line

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"I went to a house for a meet. He asked if I would lay on the bed. When I did he said "that's my side. Can't you lay on the other side". During sex he said "my psoriasis is flaking off "

Sally "

Ewwwwwwwww!!!!

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By *uddlybear2015Man
over a year ago

BEDFORD

""Have you ever considered voting for the Conservative Party?"

Don't mention them. They're at my workplace next week "

Years ago we had a visit by john carlisle,very right wing tory,my bosses took one look at the sandinista t-shirt I was wearing and sent me for lunch break. No sense of humour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not yet but I'm tryin.....

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had me ask me to hurry up and cum! I rolled over got up and left

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"Not yet but I'm tryin.....

xxx"

Ah the sound of one too many sherberts before hand

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

I didn't want to hear the thud of her head hitting the window sill d*unkenly knocking her out.

I was 17, she was my first. I had to finish........

I said to her in the morning as she was making me my bacon sandwich I carried on. She said "good for you. Glad you enjoyed it".

What a woman!!

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By *unandnaughty01Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Oh that's my bum what you doing !!

What do you think I'm doing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Things you don't want to hear during sex

Excuse me but...... how long are you going to be ! This was said to me once

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By *atisfaction91Man
over a year ago

Norwich

(Inserts penis) 'mm feels just like your mother,..

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By *sliceoflifeMan
over a year ago

Hell on earth

Ladies and gentleman Mr Conway twitty (she was a family guy fan and we both laughed our asses off)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eurrrrrrryuck Is that wee, just after Mrs N had squirted.

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"Do you actually know what your doing?" is one ive used

And we have a code word for when a meet goes bad, have shouted it on the past, several times

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By *ewryswingerMan
over a year ago

newry

Where's the condom? Whoops, still inside

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True story not long after we had met hubby to be was down between my legs and wondered why I had stopped moaning.............I had fallen asleep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Where's the condom? Whoops, still inside

That has happened to me more than once...........

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

""Do you actually know what your doing?" is one ive used

And we have a code word for when a meet goes bad, have shouted it on the past, several times "

I guess if you're ever asked that you're left with 2 answers.

Sorry, no.

Well I thought I did right up until you asked that

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

""Do you actually know what your doing?" is one ive used

And we have a code word for when a meet goes bad, have shouted it on the past, several times "

Just get off, I do a better job on my own

True story- useless boy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Push it all the way in' how was I supposed to know that he was referring to his willy in my throat and not my finger in his bum

must admit I did laugh when he squealed like a little girl

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"'Push it all the way in' how was I supposed to know that he was referring to his willy in my throat and not my finger in his bum

must admit I did laugh when he squealed like a little girl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'Push it all the way in' how was I supposed to know that he was referring to his willy in my throat and not my finger in his bum

must admit I did laugh when he squealed like a little girl

I like you more everyday

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

It's not a trough. Eat it properly or not at all.

You are like a hog searching for truffles

Yawning

I got my kindle out once while they were down there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you mean is it in I've already finished

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By *dinMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"'Push it all the way in' how was I supposed to know that he was referring to his willy in my throat and not my finger in his bum

must admit I did laugh when he squealed like a little girl

OMG

even I had to laugh at that!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'Push it all the way in' how was I supposed to know that he was referring to his willy in my throat and not my finger in his bum

must admit I did laugh when he squealed like a little girl

I like you more everyday

well the feeling is mutual as im sure you know by now

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By *axandbooCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

"'Push it all the way in' how was I supposed to know that he was referring to his willy in my throat and not my finger in his bum

must admit I did laugh when he squealed like a little girl

Pmsl awesome!... I might have to try that on dax

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"It's not a trough. Eat it properly or not at all.

You are like a hog searching for truffles

Yawning

I got my kindle out once while they were down there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'Push it all the way in' how was I supposed to know that he was referring to his willy in my throat and not my finger in his bum

must admit I did laugh when he squealed like a little girl

Pmsl awesome!... I might have to try that on dax

I like it, sorry Dax

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By *heCuriousCouple OP Couple
over a year ago

Costa Del Sol

"'Push it all the way in' how was I supposed to know that he was referring to his willy in my throat and not my finger in his bum

must admit I did laugh when he squealed like a little girl

Private note added. Be specific with requests

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

How about we see if you enjoy it first??

No?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'Push it all the way in' how was I supposed to know that he was referring to his willy in my throat and not my finger in his bum

must admit I did laugh when he squealed like a little girl

Private note added. Be specific with requests

You can never be too careful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A few years ago, wife giving me a bj.Half way through, she asks "will you take me to Chester shopping tomorrow?"

"No I'm working"

End of bj.Never been to Chester since or had a blow job ( from her) since!

So ' Chester' is one word I don't wanna hear during sex lol

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