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Funny Day....

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Tell us a joke - good or bad - doesn't matter!

Lets have a happy Monday

A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness.

He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?”

“Why, what have you got?”

“About £2 and a carrot”

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

Mum says to small child " do you understand why I had to put you on a timeout?" Small child replys " because I shaved the cat, but I only did it because I heard daddy say he likes shaved pussies!!" Mrs blue eyes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tell us a joke - good or bad - doesn't matter!

Lets have a happy Monday

A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness.

He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?”

“Why, what have you got?”

“About £2 and a carrot” "
()

Did you know 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not happy

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Knock Knock

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester


"Knock Knock "
. Who's there?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Little Tommy gets a train set for xmas so as the day goes by his mum hears him shouting"the train now approaching the station is on time, if your getting off fucking get off if your staying on stay the fuck on" she is so taken aback she listens again, shortly she hears "the train now approaching the station is on time, if your getting off fucking get off if your staying on stay the fuck on" She storms into the dining room and tells him to get to bed until he learns that swearing is not accepted for a boy of his age. An hour goes by and she takes pity on him allowing him back down stairs to play with his train set again. She suddenly hears him shout "Apologies, the train now approaching the station is severely delayed, any complaints please forward them to the cunt that sent me too my room"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Little Tommy gets a train set for xmas so as the day goes by his mum hears him shouting"the train now approaching the station is on time, if your getting off fucking get off if your staying on stay the fuck on" she is so taken aback she listens again, shortly she hears "the train now approaching the station is on time, if your getting off fucking get off if your staying on stay the fuck on" She storms into the dining room and tells him to get to bed until he learns that swearing is not accepted for a boy of his age. An hour goes by and she takes pity on him allowing him back down stairs to play with his train set again. She suddenly hears him shout "Apologies, the train now approaching the station is severely delayed, any complaints please forward them to the cunt that sent me too my room" "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together, we can stop this shit"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better.

Finally, the boy drops his shorts and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”

The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her knickers and says, “My mummy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Why did the semen cross the road?

Because you wore the wrong socks today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly, welcome back HP (profile active again)

How's this?

What's the difference between Abu Dhabi and Dubai?

Dubai don't like The Flintstones but Abu Dhabi do

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville


"Firstly, welcome back HP (profile active again)

How's this?

What's the difference between Abu Dhabi and Dubai?

Dubai don't like The Flintstones but Abu Dhabi do "

That's straight from the stoneage!!!!

And thank you, I'm not meeting again yet, but it's nice to be back x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guy walks into a barber's and asks for a Lionel Blair hair cut.....he gets it cut and is horrified.....Lionel Blair's hair looks nothing like this...the barber looks n says he does if he comes here x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A boy asks his mum, "Mummy, why am I black and you're white?"

She says, "Don't even go there. The way that party went, you're lucky you don't bark."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in one and a half minutes?

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"A boy asks his mum, "Mummy, why am I black and you're white?"

She says, "Don't even go there. The way that party went, you're lucky you don't bark.""

Hahaha, oooh I'm so glad I didn't have a mouthful of tea reading that one! !!

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/09/16 15:49:23]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I saw and amputee being hanged, I'd just start yelling out letters.

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Xxx

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

Little Apache boy days to his grandmother;

" Granny, why is my brother called Running Bear?"

" because it's our tradition that a baby is named after the first thing the fatherless after the baby is born; your father saw a bear running through the woods "

" and my sister is called Silver Moon?"

" yes, your father saw the Silver moon as he stepped out of the Teepee".

And my other brother is Howling Wolf? "

" yes, for the same reason; now that's quite enough questions for today, Two Dogs Fucking"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Saying I'm sorry and saying I apologise are the same thing... except at a funeral.

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By *orwegian BlueMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

Walking home the other night I got attacked by a couple of yobs.. "gis yer money cunt,or I'll fucking cut yer" shouted one..

Well, I did the first thing that came to mind.. I turned around and tried to knock one out...

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most appropriate time for a wank, but it could've been my last.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A rabbit walks into the butchers and asks for a pound of carrots. The butcher replies, I don't sell carrots, try the greengrocers next door. The rabbit thanks him and leaves.

Next day the rabbit returns and asks for a pound of carrots again to which the butcher says, look I told you yesterday I'm a butcher and I don't sell carrots. If you come in asking for carrots again I'll nail you to that fucking wall.

The next day the rabbit returns and asks for a bag of nails. The butcher says, I'm a fuckin butcher I don't have any nails, the rabbit replies well in that case I'll have a pound of carrots

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "nine"

Xxx

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

Doctor;

" I have some bad news; and some very bad news for you"

" What's the bad news?"

" you have 2 days to live"

" shit! What's the very bad news?"

" I should have told you this yesterday"

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change dentists?

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France


"Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change dentists? "

Probably; and beware proctologist who has both hands on your shoulder during a rectal examination

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By *ilthyDebaucheryWoman
over a year ago

Oswestry

What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?....

Chewing gum you filthy fuckers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?....

Chewing gum you filthy fuckers "

That's not what you said on Firday

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By *ilthyDebaucheryWoman
over a year ago

Oswestry


"What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?....

Chewing gum you filthy fuckers

That's not what you said on Firday "

True I think I said "You dirty filthy fucker!" and won the spanking wrestling too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous..."

You can have mine, I'm left handed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kid walks in on his mum while she's naked. He looks directly at her "lady area" curiously and asks "what's that mum?" Not knowing what to say she just snaps "oh that's where daddy caught me with his axe!" Kid replies "Good shot, he got you right in the cunt!!"

Sorry

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.I kept thinking to myself, please don’t get an erection, please don’t get an erection…but she did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.I kept thinking to myself, please don’t get an erection, please don’t get an erection…but she did.

"

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By *anky_Panky OP   Woman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

I was watching a film with my little boy earlier and he said 'Dad I'm scared, is that woman going to die'?

I said 'Judging on the size of that horses cock -yes'!

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