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Can someone rescue me?!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A giant bloody spider just abseiled from my ceiling right next to me whilst I'm lying in bed.

My dog is useless, fast asleep on the end of my bed, I woke him to see if he would eat it but he huffed off and went back to sleep.

Now said spider is on the floor next to my bed and I can't sleep with it there. *cry*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Burn it, burn it with fire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I shall bring my dog. He just ate a huge moth at my bidding.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Man up.

It's only a spider.

None of them are poisonous in the UK. It'll probs just scuttle off but if you're that excised use a slipper or rolled up newspaper to solve your problem permanently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Okay to have 2 choices.

1. Woman up & catch it with the ole cup & paper method or 2. splat it.

Personally I'd for no 1 & I am shit scared of them. Top tip use a plastic cup & chuck the whole lot outta the window.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I shall bring my dog. He just ate a huge moth at my bidding. "

Sigh. Can he have a word with mine? He's cute but useless. Just looked at me and clearly couldn't be arsed to rescue me at all! (Wo)mans best friend....pffft!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Also you know the thing about spiders climbing in your mouth when you're sleeping?! This is weirding me out, but apparently it's not true!

Who knew?!

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"I shall bring my dog. He just ate a huge moth at my bidding. "

Do you loan this dog out for moth catching? I cant have any windows open after dusk now as they freak me out!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just remember to keep your mouth shut as you sleep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away

And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Man up.

It's only a spider.

None of them are poisonous in the UK. It'll probs just scuttle off but if you're that excised use a slipper or rolled up newspaper to solve your problem permanently. "

If it had stayed on the wall/ceiling, it would have been fine. It's the sudden movement that freaks me out.:/

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

If all else fails, scream through the open widows and help will come.

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By *oncupiscentTonyMan
over a year ago

Kent


"A giant bloody spider just abseiled from my ceiling right next to me whilst I'm lying in bed.

"

On the upside it didn't abseil down and crawl into your cake hole while you were snoring

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"Also you know the thing about spiders climbing in your mouth when you're sleeping?! This is weirding me out, but apparently it's not true!

Who knew?!"

Squish it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away

And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep "

Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.

But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/09/16 00:26:19]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away

And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep "

That's all lies!

OP you'll be fine, if you're still scared then put something over it and get your dog to eat it in the morning.

Beard

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"I shall bring my dog. He just ate a huge moth at my bidding. "

My last Border Collie was called Spider

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away

And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep

Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.

But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now! "

Is that good for your skin?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away

And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep

That's all lies!

OP you'll be fine, if you're still scared then put something over it and get your dog to eat it in the morning.

Beard"

I live in an old house. I've got visions of upside down glasses all over the floor every night whilst my lazy ass dog sleeps through my spider infestation!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not the best thing to read as I'm about to head to bed........now,do I need to get some pro plus to keep my dog awake and on guard!? ;-P lol.

Hope you catch it soon x.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away

And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep

Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.

But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now!

Is that good for your skin? "

Lmao! Next time a guy pesters me about a facial, I'll remind him he could have convinced me by telling me it's good for my skin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away

And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep

Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.

But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now!

Is that good for your skin?

Lmao! Next time a guy pesters me about a facial, I'll remind him he could have convinced me by telling me it's good for my skin "

Can't believe that nobody tries that...it's pure gold even the spider likes it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good way to get rid of the interlopers is a dustpan and brush, if you can't face squishing them !

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By *itzhallMan
over a year ago

birchington

If I'd read this earlier then I could have got my son to pop round and assist..... he's currently being a drain on my resources at Chester uni

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff


"If I'd read this earlier then I could have got my son to pop round and assist..... he's currently being a drain on my resources at Chester uni "

I suspect he'd be "draining his resources" after getting home from helping the OP .

Sorry, that's a crude, crap pun and it doesn't help with your predicament at all.

It's no use for now, but buy one of those spider/bug catcher things - incredibly cheap, good investment.

Right, I'm off as I've developed a bizarre jealous hatred of a dog

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Starve the dog until he'll eat his own foot and let him loose on the spider.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just for the record the person posting about british spiders not being poisonous all native British spiders kill there prey with venom ie poisoning either they are too small to bite through human skin or its insufficient to cause serious harm....

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By *obwithkiltMan
over a year ago

Belton

Prevent spiders with piles of conkers in a corner. ..They don't like them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes but IS it a British spider or did it come from abroad in a crate of bananas, have you been to the supermarket lately OP, maybe it got in your bag and hitched a lift home to terrorize you in your boudoir XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We can loan our spider assassin kitties.

Costs a cuppa and a biccy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away

And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep

Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.

But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now! "

Just call me spider....

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Apparently it's the male spiders that this time of year are a wandering looking for a mate.. even single guy spiders have it tough..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you make it through the night?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deodorant and a lighter makes an excellent flame thrower

*disclaimer, no responsibility shall be taken for the curtains going on fire**

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whack it with the nearest thing you can find !

Kinky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Apparently it's the male spiders that this time of year are a wandering looking for a mate.. even single guy spiders have it tough.. "

And then the bitch eats them after they have sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" just remember to keep your mouth shut as you sleep "

That ruins the element of suprise for s partner or any volenteer that's gone to execute it for her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Deodorant and a lighter makes an excellent flame thrower

*disclaimer, no responsibility shall be taken for the curtains going on fire**"

*mental image

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll come and deal with your spiders if you come and deal with my motherfucking moths

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you make it through the night? "

*A few thousand horny souls wait with baited breath on Kiannas well being*

It's like waiting for news about the pope!

Beard

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"Did you make it through the night? "

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pA5MekKYJVM

OP: The best way to teach them not to surprise you, is to repeatedly pound them into the carpet using the heal of your largest shoe.

They never do it again.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you make it through the night?

*A few thousand horny souls wait with baited breath on Kiannas well being*

It's like waiting for news about the pope!

Beard"

Well why didn't you hot foot it over there and rescue the maiden then?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

It's still alive? Braver than me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'll come and deal with your spiders if you come and deal with my motherfucking moths "

Deal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah"

Phew, incey wincey didn't eat you then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away

And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep

Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.

But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now!

Is that good for your skin?

Lmao! Next time a guy pesters me about a facial, I'll remind him he could have convinced me by telling me it's good for my skin "

Only if the said guy is Spider-Man!

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

[Removed by poster at 23/09/16 08:51:41]

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Pick it up, put it in your mouth and swallow it, warning though, it'll wriggle and tickle inside you and, you'll then have to swallow a bird to eat the spider, I know it sounds obsurd to swallow a bird but that's what you'll have to do but then youre going to have to swallow a cat to eat bird, I know, fancy that, and then you'll have to swallow... see if you can guess - clue, your pet isn't going to like the answer to this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you make it through the night?

*A few thousand horny souls wait with baited breath on Kiannas well being*

It's like waiting for news about the pope!

Beard

Well why didn't you hot foot it over there and rescue the maiden then? "

My white charger is in for a service and my armour needs polishing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah"

Where are the party popper emojis?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A giant bloody spider just abseiled from my ceiling right next to me whilst I'm lying in bed.

My dog is useless, fast asleep on the end of my bed, I woke him to see if he would eat it but he huffed off and went back to sleep.

Now said spider is on the floor next to my bed and I can't sleep with it there. *cry*

"
i would hapilly come and remove it for you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah

Where are the party popper emojis? "

Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deodorant n a lighter....get it from arms length x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nobody offered to go and help. The best was - 'I'll get my dog to do it!'

My time to shine.

Pm me your address, I'll come and sort that big scary spider out for you. Pick it up, put it outside.

Lucky spider, it would be fun being in your room, I just wish I had 8 arms as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah

Where are the party popper emojis?

Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it "

Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah

Where are the party popper emojis?

Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it

Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?"

It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah

Where are the party popper emojis?

Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it

Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?

It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside "

Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

they get splatted here - theyd get a whole heap of abuse too for scaring me too

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah

Where are the party popper emojis?

Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it

Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?

It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside

Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates "

You and I are going to fall out..!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah

Where are the party popper emojis?

Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it

Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?

It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside

Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates

You and I are going to fall out..!! "

This happened to me the other night, luckily Luba is a well trained spider catcher!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah

Where are the party popper emojis?

Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it

Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?

It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside

Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates

You and I are going to fall out..!! "

Oops! Sorry. I'm sure you'll be fine

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah

Where are the party popper emojis?

Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it

Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?

It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside

Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates

You and I are going to fall out..!!

This happened to me the other night, luckily Luba is a well trained spider catcher! "

Yeh, my mutt needs some lessons...

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Have a tin of "firm hold " hairspray at hand ...... at all times .... that will stop him in his tracks ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just use the vaccum.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just use the vaccum."

That was downstairs and I was pinned to the bed with fear

It's ok tho, because my cleaner has saved the day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get the slipper out lmao don't see why girls are afraid of spiders though they're nothing lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Get the slipper out lmao don't see why girls are afraid of spiders though they're nothing lol "

Ita the sudden movement I dislike. Same with rodents, I've had mice as pets as a kid, no problem. But one running across the floor would shit me up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just use the vaccum.

That was downstairs and I was pinned to the bed with fear

It's ok tho, because my cleaner has saved the day "

How very upmarket

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just use the vaccum.

That was downstairs and I was pinned to the bed with fear

It's ok tho, because my cleaner has saved the day

How very upmarket "

Well I couldn't ask the butler, I've given him the weekend off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get the slipper out lmao don't see why girls are afraid of spiders though they're nothing lol

Ita the sudden movement I dislike. Same with rodents, I've had mice as pets as a kid, no problem. But one running across the floor would shit me up! "

Yeah bet it does they do go fast must admit lol I'd just squish it though once had a spider on my face before went through a web when I was a kid and the spider crawled on top of my head right down to my face just flicked it off and squished it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just use the vaccum.

That was downstairs and I was pinned to the bed with fear

It's ok tho, because my cleaner has saved the day

How very upmarket

Well I couldn't ask the butler, I've given him the weekend off"

How the other half live

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a feckin mahuusive beast of a spider here just the other day.

It was that big the rolled up Daily Mirror I was hitting it with just wasn't having any effect. I ended up jumping on it's hairy back and it took me crashing into the utility room. Luckily there was an ironing board in there so I ended up slaying it with that.

I was patched up at my local A+E for some minor injuries.

I never used to be scared of spiders but I am now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was a feckin mahuusive beast of a spider here just the other day.

It was that big the rolled up Daily Mirror I was hitting it with just wasn't having any effect. I ended up jumping on it's hairy back and it took me crashing into the utility room. Luckily there was an ironing board in there so I ended up slaying it with that.

I was patched up at my local A+E for some minor injuries.

I never used to be scared of spiders but I am now."

You got lucky. The spider I had the other day was chasing me with the yellow pages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yay, you're alive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was a feckin mahuusive beast of a spider here just the other day.

It was that big the rolled up Daily Mirror I was hitting it with just wasn't having any effect. I ended up jumping on it's hairy back and it took me crashing into the utility room. Luckily there was an ironing board in there so I ended up slaying it with that.

I was patched up at my local A+E for some minor injuries.

I never used to be scared of spiders but I am now.

You got lucky. The spider I had the other day was chasing me with the yellow pages "

Spiders very rarely go in the offensive, even less so with a weapon so I'm kinda questioning your credibility. You sure it just wasn't some bad acid?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There was a feckin mahuusive beast of a spider here just the other day.

It was that big the rolled up Daily Mirror I was hitting it with just wasn't having any effect. I ended up jumping on it's hairy back and it took me crashing into the utility room. Luckily there was an ironing board in there so I ended up slaying it with that.

I was patched up at my local A+E for some minor injuries.

I never used to be scared of spiders but I am now.

You got lucky. The spider I had the other day was chasing me with the yellow pages

Spiders very rarely go in the offensive, even less so with a weapon so I'm kinda questioning your credibility. You sure it just wasn't some bad acid? "

Nope definitely real. It was the same night I watched Chamber of Secrets. Oh. It may have been a nightmare

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By *oachman 9CoolMan
over a year ago

derby

Its surpriseing how many types of spiders there are thou most are out doors there are a few money spiders about presently they suppose to give you good luck, and a garden spider in the garage with a web twice the size of a dinner plate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's nice to see the Daily Mirror is useful for something!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's nice to see the Daily Mirror is useful for something! "

It wasn't useful at, just ended up in tatters after about 20 strikes!... Useless!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yay, you're alive "

Oh well nice to see it took you so long to check in on me BG...what kind of friend are you?!

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