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Dating issues

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

If you go on a date with someone, do you date others or go exclusive from the start? And if you date others do you tell them?

I went on a date on Sunday and all going well until I told him I had another date last night. I want honesty in a relationship so hence being open about dating others. He said he wasn't expecting exclusivity so early but he lost it and went from passive aggressive to being a spoilt child and back again. Think I've had a lucky escape there

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By *idsAndyMan
over a year ago

Worcestershire

I agree, it sounds like you have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree to you had a very lucky escape how do you judge if this one is right I'm never exclusive unless we have had meny meets and both agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like that you were honest. I can't say I would be.

I can see it from 2 PoV. a) I wonder if he felt a bit like when you've had an interview and they go 'there's still a few folk to see'...

But b) you ARE single and its your prerogative. Lad should be all out to win you if he's that keen.

I too am overly honest (particularly about this site and the fact I have a regular female FB and that I love clubs) if they don't like it they're not the man for me as they don't fit my jigsaw. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there should be a period of say, I dunno, a month, if you start dating someone to get rid of all the men hitting up your phone and plans you'd made for weekends and stuff before you met until you can be COMPLETELY exclusive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Huge difference between dating, seeing and in a relationship. If seeing or dating, its not exclusive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I like that you were honest. I can't say I would be.

I can see it from 2 PoV. a) I wonder if he felt a bit like when you've had an interview and they go 'there's still a few folk to see'...

But b) you ARE single and its your prerogative. Lad should be all out to win you if he's that keen.

I too am overly honest (particularly about this site and the fact I have a regular female FB and that I love clubs) if they don't like it they're not the man for me as they don't fit my jigsaw. Xx"

I like this answer but if you told me i would of asked why and spoke about it if it bothered me that much but i wouldn't start acting like a d head about it coz i would expect you do a runner

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"Huge difference between dating, seeing and in a relationship. If seeing or dating, its not exclusive."

Yes I see it as seeing/dating finding out if someone's right for you then you transition to a relationship where you both agree the rules and boundaries. Not after only one 90 minute dinner date!

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Huge difference between dating, seeing and in a relationship. If seeing or dating, its not exclusive.

Yes I see it as seeing/dating finding out if someone's right for you then you transition to a relationship where you both agree the rules and boundaries. Not after only one 90 minute dinner date! "
We are both right haha You need to put your feelings first

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"I like that you were honest. I can't say I would be.

I can see it from 2 PoV. a) I wonder if he felt a bit like when you've had an interview and they go 'there's still a few folk to see'...

But b) you ARE single and its your prerogative. Lad should be all out to win you if he's that keen.

I too am overly honest (particularly about this site and the fact I have a regular female FB and that I love clubs) if they don't like it they're not the man for me as they don't fit my jigsaw. Xx"

Like a job it's a very specialist role I'm recruiting for so yes need to find the right applicant

It's good to be honest and glad to know I'm not the only one with a jigsaw. It's fun but hard being complex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd need a long,long time dating a man to be sure I wanted to stop seeing my regular sex partners. He would have to be very special for me to want monogamy. I wouldn't have a boyfriend and still see others for sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x"
why are more women not like you??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I did meet someone who was looking for a relationship I would say at the beginning it's not what I'm looking for,but if it happens it happens.

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x"

Just to clarify this was a date from fab, I seriously can't do vanilla! My profile is open about who I am and what I want so it shouldn't have been a surprise. I feel being honest is good and not wasting anyone's time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If I did meet someone who was looking for a relationship I would say at the beginning it's not what I'm looking for,but if it happens it happens."
That's the best way. Just let things develop. Its amazing to feel it develop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess it just depends on what you find acceptable?

I wonder how many other women he has dates lined up for or is texting etc?

Personally, until you've had "the conversation" you or I am free to do as you please with who you please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x

Just to clarify this was a date from fab, I seriously can't do vanilla! My profile is open about who I am and what I want so it shouldn't have been a surprise. I feel being honest is good and not wasting anyone's time."
Like I said put your feelings first. A guy should make your pussy wet not your eyes.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x why are more women not like you??"
cos they want something different to me and thats ok too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x why are more women not like you??cos they want something different to me and thats ok too"
Yeah I agree. Just that's exactly what I want to find and its mission impossible

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x

Just to clarify this was a date from fab, I seriously can't do vanilla! My profile is open about who I am and what I want so it shouldn't have been a surprise. I feel being honest is good and not wasting anyone's time."
i think its the word 'date' it has a meaning for people, like you are looking for a relationship.. thats why we call them 'socials'..right?..go on more 'socials' xx

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x why are more women not like you??cos they want something different to me and thats ok too Yeah I agree. Just that's exactly what I want to find and its mission impossible"
then you need to hone your internal world and be very clear what you do and do not want..if you are unsure, you send out and receive mixed messages, people also get distracted by trying to change something 'kinda right' into what fits them..that rarely works imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x why are more women not like you??cos they want something different to me and thats ok too Yeah I agree. Just that's exactly what I want to find and its mission impossiblethen you need to hone your internal world and be very clear what you do and do not want..if you are unsure, you send out and receive mixed messages, people also get distracted by trying to change something 'kinda right' into what fits them..that rarely works imo

"
I agree. I want to stay in this lifestyle but share it x

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

The more niche your requirements the longer you'll have to search,

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"The more niche your requirements the longer you'll have to search, "
i dont believe that to be true..the more you are active, the more people you meet and chat too, the better the odds of finding what you want quicker. its down to the individual knowing what they want and then being at the right places, talking to the right people..

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By *hocoholicWoman
over a year ago

The big D

Wow, I agree OP that u did have a lucky escape. To me 'dating' is just that, u can go out on dates with every1 & any1 without any commitment or obligation. It wouldn't be until a decision to 'go out with' would I think of been monogamous.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"obviously your definition of 'dating' is different to the person you met.

dating normally means you are free to establish a relationship..if you have lovers and other commitments, i would think, that you werent in the position to claim you want to date..

those outside the scene think this about dating in my experience, they arent used to anything but the traditional monogomous relationship. Anything else is a total 'mind fuck' and they react, before they process what it means..

i dont date vanilla, because i dont want vanilla, so i would only consider a partner from within the BDSM or the swinger scene. if i happened to meet someone elsewhere then i would talk to them about what i want, right at the beginning. then i dont waste anyones time x"

Like yourself , we find ourselves looking for that next thing which will give us a buzz .

With respect to the op , we have begun a new journey which involves my wife approaching guys in a normal environment , flirting and seeing where it goes . I am around , but it's not obvious .

So the first time , she is sitting in a bench , a guy approaches her and they sit and chat for ten minutes . The flirting is clear , and then they kiss . This continues for ten minutes and they wander off somewhere quieter . Anyway to cut a long story short , an hour later she returns to me and says she performed oral and they had a great time , but he kept asking for her number . She hadn't told him she was a married swinger . That was our first mistake .

So from there on in she tells the guys she meets she is married and plays with her husbands permission . But the sheer horniness and genuine passion is not always there . She assesses the feel and so on now , as we don't want to give false hope or take the piss .

Guys who aren't into the scene are looking for a bit more in many cases , and most on a date wouldn't want to hear their date is having sex with others .

Honesty is the best policy , but be prepared to not always have the full experience when non swingers engage with people like us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The more niche your requirements the longer you'll have to search, i dont believe that to be true..the more you are active, the more people you meet and chat too, the better the odds of finding what you want quicker. its down to the individual knowing what they want and then being at the right places, talking to the right people.."

Spot on .

There's not been an night out where we haven't found what we are looking for .

Whilst sometimes it's just a kiss and a cuddle , mainly it's far more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is interesting like if i was to fall in love with someone i dont think id be able to handle her having sex with other men.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"It is interesting like if i was to fall in love with someone i dont think id be able to handle her having sex with other men.

"
dont fall in love with a swinger/ bi/ poly woman then xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is interesting like if i was to fall in love with someone i dont think id be able to handle her having sex with other men.

dont fall in love with a swinger/ bi/ poly woman then xx"

Think your right :D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, if I was properly interested in the other person, I would probably put seeing other people on the back burner at least til we saw how it was going to go.

I wouldn't necessarily expect the other person to do the same but I'd certainly be flattered if they felt that was a worthwhile strategy to go with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I left to try vanilla dating, it was a shockingly awful experience. Especially when bringing up sex and past history, their faces were quite a picture! Some would have given Phil Cool a run for his money.

This led me to the conclusion, that I could never date again in the vanilla world.

I would need someone from the scene, at least we wouldn't judge each others background etc. Also decided I would defo need someone who'd love "hotwifing"

Whilst I'm not actively seeking such a relationship nor does it state that on my peofile, but if it happens, it happens

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"I left to try vanilla dating, it was a shockingly awful experience. Especially when bringing up sex and past history, their faces were quite a picture! Some would have given Phil Cool a run for his money.

This led me to the conclusion, that I could never date again in the vanilla world.

I would need someone from the scene, at least we wouldn't judge each others background etc. Also decided I would defo need someone who'd love "hotwifing"

Whilst I'm not actively seeking such a relationship nor does it state that on my peofile, but if it happens, it happens "

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Personally, if I was properly interested in the other person, I would probably put seeing other people on the back burner at least til we saw how it was going to go.

I wouldn't necessarily expect the other person to do the same but I'd certainly be flattered if they felt that was a worthwhile strategy to go with "
i wouldn't give up whom i was already seeing, for someone new, that's just the way it would be...if it was to get more 'exclusive' later on, that is different. im not changing the way i aqm and the way i live, for anyone x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally, if I was properly interested in the other person, I would probably put seeing other people on the back burner at least til we saw how it was going to go.

I wouldn't necessarily expect the other person to do the same but I'd certainly be flattered if they felt that was a worthwhile strategy to go with i wouldn't give up whom i was already seeing, for someone new, that's just the way it would be...if it was to get more 'exclusive' later on, that is different. im not changing the way i aqm and the way i live, for anyone x"

That's all fair as you are obviously in a different situation to me, I think it's one of these things that one way of doing it won't fit for everyone and each case has to be looked at individually.

I believe that the whole foundation of a relationship is that two people can be who they are confidently and comfortably while supporting each other to do and be who they want to be.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Personally, if I was properly interested in the other person, I would probably put seeing other people on the back burner at least til we saw how it was going to go.

I wouldn't necessarily expect the other person to do the same but I'd certainly be flattered if they felt that was a worthwhile strategy to go with i wouldn't give up whom i was already seeing, for someone new, that's just the way it would be...if it was to get more 'exclusive' later on, that is different. im not changing the way i aqm and the way i live, for anyone x

That's all fair as you are obviously in a different situation to me, I think it's one of these things that one way of doing it won't fit for everyone and each case has to be looked at individually.

I believe that the whole foundation of a relationship is that two people can be who they are confidently and comfortably while supporting each other to do and be who they want to be."
love is freedom for me that is true xx be well and be happy in your choices xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Personally, if I was properly interested in the other person, I would probably put seeing other people on the back burner at least til we saw how it was going to go.

I wouldn't necessarily expect the other person to do the same but I'd certainly be flattered if they felt that was a worthwhile strategy to go with i wouldn't give up whom i was already seeing, for someone new, that's just the way it would be...if it was to get more 'exclusive' later on, that is different. im not changing the way i aqm and the way i live, for anyone x

That's all fair as you are obviously in a different situation to me, I think it's one of these things that one way of doing it won't fit for everyone and each case has to be looked at individually.

I believe that the whole foundation of a relationship is that two people can be who they are confidently and comfortably while supporting each other to do and be who they want to be. love is freedom for me that is true xx be well and be happy in your choices xx"

xx

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"If you go on a date with someone, do you date others or go exclusive from the start? And if you date others do you tell them?

I went on a date on Sunday and all going well until I told him I had another date last night. I want honesty in a relationship so hence being open about dating others. He said he wasn't expecting exclusivity so early but he lost it and went from passive aggressive to being a spoilt child and back again. Think I've had a lucky escape there "

If you were clear from the start and he was from fab I would agree!! I have met guys on here who wanted me to go exclusive straight away, and I did at the time, but I think I would be far more cautious now.

I am vanilla dating, and I think you have to accept that there are a number of people 'out there' who expect that you will only date one person at a time. I would have to tell them I will not go exclusive again until I was very sure of someone.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

The posts here are really good. On the opposite side I have advised fab friends that if they want a relationship to work and their partner is vanilla then they should give up the site. One friend now has a daughter and in a long term relationship. He was reluctant at first and took it slow with her, taking time before sleeping together.

He was young enough to want a family and I on the other hand have my kids already and not having any more. I'd live to meet someone that could fulfil the more social side, cuddles, walks hand in hand, dinners, but I don't see me living with someone 24/7.

Never say never on here. I have lovely friends on here and you never know what your next meet will like. Love hits you when you least expect it.

Good luck to everyone. If you want a soul mate I'm sure you'll find them and they'll want to be with you whatever your lifestyle choice.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)


"The more niche your requirements the longer you'll have to search, i dont believe that to be true..the more you are active, the more people you meet and chat too, the better the odds of finding what you want quicker. its down to the individual knowing what they want and then being at the right places, talking to the right people..

Spot on .

There's not been an night out where we haven't found what we are looking for .

Whilst sometimes it's just a kiss and a cuddle , mainly it's far more "

Found any dwarfs yet ?.. if it's a fumble with anyone you'll find that anywhere..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that's a horrible thing to say on a date.....it's like running it in their face.....if someone said that to me on a date I would tell them to fuck off x

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"The more niche your requirements the longer you'll have to search, i dont believe that to be true..the more you are active, the more people you meet and chat too, the better the odds of finding what you want quicker. its down to the individual knowing what they want and then being at the right places, talking to the right people..

Spot on .

There's not been an night out where we haven't found what we are looking for .

Whilst sometimes it's just a kiss and a cuddle , mainly it's far more

Found any dwarfs yet ?.. if it's a fumble with anyone you'll find that anywhere.. "
no ive found two beautiful fwb's though, some sexy as hell women and, a few couples who are just awesome to be around. fumbling or just shagging doesn't do it for me, unless im doing fet in a club, oh i found someone to do that with me too. not too shabby for following my own advice..but don't listen to me, i don't know shit, i just do what seems to work for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're entitled to see who you want. You are single. Who's to say he's not dating others too and just not being as honest as you?

Kinky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to swing before I met Paul. When I started dating the amount of men that judged me on my past was ridiculous. They also expected me to jump straight into bed with them, which I wouldn't do when dating.

I think swinging and kinks etc are still very much taboo in this country, as a country we are uptight about sex, active woman are still classed as slags where as men are studs if they are getting a bit

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)


"The more niche your requirements the longer you'll have to search, i dont believe that to be true..the more you are active, the more people you meet and chat too, the better the odds of finding what you want quicker. its down to the individual knowing what they want and then being at the right places, talking to the right people..

Spot on .

There's not been an night out where we haven't found what we are looking for .

Whilst sometimes it's just a kiss and a cuddle , mainly it's far more

Found any dwarfs yet ?.. if it's a fumble with anyone you'll find that anywhere.. no ive found two beautiful fwb's though, some sexy as hell women and, a few couples who are just awesome to be around. fumbling or just shagging doesn't do it for me, unless im doing fet in a club, oh i found someone to do that with me too. not too shabby for following my own advice..but don't listen to me, i don't know shit, i just do what seems to work for me "

My comment wasn't aimed at you, I'm pleased you've found what you're looking for.. glosswingers were at one time trying to find a dwarf.. very niche and likely thdyre having a long search..

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"The more niche your requirements the longer you'll have to search, i dont believe that to be true..the more you are active, the more people you meet and chat too, the better the odds of finding what you want quicker. its down to the individual knowing what they want and then being at the right places, talking to the right people..

Spot on .

There's not been an night out where we haven't found what we are looking for .

Whilst sometimes it's just a kiss and a cuddle , mainly it's far more

Found any dwarfs yet ?.. if it's a fumble with anyone you'll find that anywhere.. no ive found two beautiful fwb's though, some sexy as hell women and, a few couples who are just awesome to be around. fumbling or just shagging doesn't do it for me, unless im doing fet in a club, oh i found someone to do that with me too. not too shabby for following my own advice..but don't listen to me, i don't know shit, i just do what seems to work for me

My comment wasn't aimed at you, I'm pleased you've found what you're looking for.. glosswingers were at one time trying to find a dwarf.. very niche and likely thdyre having a long search.. "
didnt they find him?

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By *ecretlyASoftie OP   Woman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"The more niche your requirements the longer you'll have to search, i dont believe that to be true..the more you are active, the more people you meet and chat too, the better the odds of finding what you want quicker. its down to the individual knowing what they want and then being at the right places, talking to the right people..

Spot on .

There's not been an night out where we haven't found what we are looking for .

Whilst sometimes it's just a kiss and a cuddle , mainly it's far more

Found any dwarfs yet ?.. if it's a fumble with anyone you'll find that anywhere.. no ive found two beautiful fwb's though, some sexy as hell women and, a few couples who are just awesome to be around. fumbling or just shagging doesn't do it for me, unless im doing fet in a club, oh i found someone to do that with me too. not too shabby for following my own advice..but don't listen to me, i don't know shit, i just do what seems to work for me

My comment wasn't aimed at you, I'm pleased you've found what you're looking for.. glosswingers were at one time trying to find a dwarf.. very niche and likely thdyre having a long search.. didnt they find him? "

I got criticised for once saying I've always wanted to peg a dwarf. Apparently it's not PC to use that term. But it well ok to fuck someone up the arse though

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