FabSwingers.com forum: Are Autistic people attracted to other Autistic people?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm curious to hear the experiences of other Autists?

I'm sure we're all aware that our minds work a little different from the norm, hence why we can often find it difficult to relate to people, and vice versa.

I'm curious as to whether or not, in your own experiences, you've met other Autists, and what was it like?

Really I'm thinking from a romantic/sexual perspective, but I'd also like to hear about how Autistic friends get along with each other, do you find them easier to understand and relate to?

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

I am neurotypical but my long term gf has aspergers syndrome. There is some evidence that people on the autistic spectrum are more likely to successfully embrace non-monogamy.

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

I know 2 couples where both are autistic I also know couples where only 1 is. I honestly don't think it matters

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex FWB was on the autistic spectrum and had ADHD and Aspergers. We got on very well, but he was definately not a people person.

I'm not. Although my youngest child has Dyspraxia so maybe I might have something but be undiagnosed. I just class myself as very shy and socially awkward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about you OP? You've asked the question but haven't given your own answer?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What about you OP? You've asked the question but haven't given your own answer?"

Excellent question.

OP, you seem to have a successful swinging life. How is it for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no idea, in the same way I don't know if short people are attracted to tall people, etc. That is the beauty of attraction, it is between two individuals and is very personal. But if autistic people are regularly in contact with each other, in the same way that offices romances occur due to proximity, I suspect there is a higher chance of romance blossoming if that makes sense.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

But isn't autism like bisexuality? It isn't that any one person "is" or "isn't", but more a question of where you appear on the spectrum.

There are various online tests one can do, and I doubt many would score a perfect 0.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know any adults who are autistic but my son is on the autism spectrum, having been diagnosed with aspergers and he also has ADHD. Within his social circle there are about 4 other children with similar diagnoses and he goes out of his way to avoid them, he would much rather hang out with the 'normal' kids...

His attempts to 'get' a girlfriend have also met with a lot of rejection, as he has no filters and says what he thinks and feels, and can't understand why no one wants him .. (he is only 12)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am neurotypical but my long term gf has aspergers syndrome. There is some evidence that people on the autistic spectrum are more likely to successfully embrace non-monogamy."

I have no experience of this, but Saga (autistic detective in The Bridge) exhibits those traits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know any adults who are autistic but my son is on the autism spectrum, having been diagnosed with aspergers and he also has ADHD. Within his social circle there are about 4 other children with similar diagnoses and he goes out of his way to avoid them, he would much rather hang out with the 'normal' kids...

His attempts to 'get' a girlfriend have also met with a lot of rejection, as he has no filters and says what he thinks and feels, and can't understand why no one wants him .. (he is only 12) "

Have you read The Rosie Project? It is a novel that gave me some insight into how it must be for some.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His attempts to 'get' a girlfriend have also met with a lot of rejection, as he has no filters and says what he thinks and feels, and can't understand why no one wants him .. (he is only 12) "

That must be incredibly difficult for him. Like many social activities, negotiating close personal relationships will always be hard work for someone on the spectrum. Hopefully things are improving now and people are getting a better understanding of those with Autism. So there interactions can be understood, rather than rejected. Sadly I think the reason must people don't know adults on the spectrum. Is because they have been forced to retreat from a society that doesn't understand them. I hope this will not be the case for your sons generation.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"But isn't autism like bisexuality? It isn't that any one person "is" or "isn't", but more a question of where you appear on the spectrum.

There are various online tests one can do, and I doubt many would score a perfect 0.

Mr ddc"

I think that's largely correct. If someone who's more standard in their traits has the sensitivity and flexibility to accommodate someone who's different and a little rigid, it can make for more successful satisfaction than if paired with another who's similarly inflexible.

Sexybrain, you're one of the most open people on here about this. I'm somewhat along the spectrum away from typical. I gravitate towards people who like me and I find greater ease in being with them - that can be anyone and I have great relationships with people who are both similar and not.

I think it's good to know what's often true but more importantly, what you need and works for you.

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By *rbane PlayerMan
over a year ago

London

"I'm curious to hear the experiences of other Autists?

I'm sure we're all aware that our minds work a little different from the norm, hence why we can often find it difficult to relate to people, and vice versa.

I'm curious as to whether or not, in your own experiences, you've met other Autists, and what was it like?

Really I'm thinking from a romantic/sexual perspective, but I'd also like to hear about how Autistic friends get along with each other, do you find them easier to understand and relate to?"

Thank you for the question and all the comments. My son is five and we are waiting (and waiting! ) for an assessment. I keep wondering how he will cope when he gets older ( i know it doesn't help, but I can't help it), so it is reassuring to be able to read about austistic individuals having a life, having partners, being married, etc. Who says you can't learn useful stuff on a swinging site, eh? lol Thanks again, everyone.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I see a guy from here that has Aspergers. He finds it difficult to read people and we have discussed the way other people have treated him. Not sure if people realise how hurtful they can be by their behaviour at times when all they had to do was explain things better.

More information and education about such conditions would help instead of avoiding the issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His attempts to 'get' a girlfriend have also met with a lot of rejection, as he has no filters and says what he thinks and feels, and can't understand why no one wants him .. (he is only 12)

I think it is more openly talked about, and dealt with better now than it ever was. My sons diagnosis was late, mainly because I had no understanding of autism and his teachers at his first school putting his behaviour down as 'naughty' but he was just bored!

I just thought he was unique (his sense of smell is amazing, for instance) but he wont look you in the eye and his social cues are way off and now it all makes sense (to me anyway) ...

its a steep learning curve but its one we are now on together.. he knows what his diagnosis means and we discuss it openly and hopefully I can guide him in the right direction

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By *omez42Man
over a year ago

gloucester

All three of my kids have an ASD, as does their mother.

The call me "the undiagnosed one"!

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

For what it's worth my lovely long term gf (also on fab) has Aspergers and not only snagged me but a husband too.

I know several aspies in the London polyamory scene plus two very old school friends. All living successfully, some with a little assistance.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Sadly I think the reason must people don't know adults on the spectrum, is because they have been forced to retreat from a society that doesn't understand them."

Good Lord, what a depressing thought! I suspect the truth is that many simply learn coping mechanisms as they get older, and so blend in better, albeit still considered slightly shy or eccentric.

I can guarantee that almost everyone knows someone on the spectrum if they only knew the signs.

One of these days I'll dig out an allowable link to one of the tests, and get everyone to play along and post their score.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Meanwhile OP, I realise I didn't answer the second part of your question: many of my family are on the spectrum, some of us clash, some of us get on very well. Much as with most families I suspect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find people on the spectrum as diverse and unique as neurotypicals, some I can relate to and some I can't. Sometimes I find some autists way too intense and I feel overwhelmed by them. Generally, I've found that people with ASC's are less susceptible to social conditioning, less concerned with what other's think, and more open to exploring their sexuality. Most of my friends, both neurotypical and neurodiverse, are pretty non-judgemental people, which is just as well as they all know that I'm on here with MrWho.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im not the most educated person around and Autistic, the hardest part is striking up a conversation with someone who isn't on the spectrum. Once I'm seen as the person I am then it's a good bit easier. Am I shy or just conscious of the things I have to say ?

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By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

"Im not the most educated person around and Autistic, the hardest part is striking up a conversation with someone who isn't on the spectrum. Once I'm seen as the person I am then it's a good bit easier. Am I shy or just conscious of the things I have to say ?"

As you are autistic, you probably find social interaction is something that does not come naturally to you. So jumping into a conversation will be something that doesn't come easy for you, and knowing this you might also find it a bit scary and be anxious.

It's so difficult to explain something that comes naturally...so I am not the person to do that...but my friends on the autistic spectrum all tell me that what I described above is how they feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My 23 year old son is A Typical autistic. He had trouble finding a girlfriend , although he is a handsome young man. He joined a local social autistic group and suddenly got more dates than he could handle !

He met a lovely girl and they got married in July.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's great news , good on them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My 23 year old son is A Typical autistic. He had trouble finding a girlfriend , although he is a handsome young man. He joined a local social autistic group and suddenly got more dates than he could handle !

He met a lovely girl and they got married in July."

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Speaking as the parents of a young man on the low end of the spectrum when he has not got his own filters on he speaks his mind which even for us can be pretty tiring. To begin with girls find his honesty charming but not for long.

Going back to the OPs question think it depends on where a person is on the spectrum our son avoid other child with autism when at school.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My ex FWB was on the autistic spectrum and had ADHD and Aspergers. We got on very well, but he was definately not a people person.

I'm not. Although my youngest child has Dyspraxia so maybe I might have something but be undiagnosed. I just class myself as very shy and socially awkward."

My ex fwb had it too .. he wasn't a nice person..

My little girl has gdd and I have an inkling I may also be undiagnosed but have always assumed the same as you that's I'm just not socially confident.

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

"My ex FWB was on the autistic spectrum and had ADHD and Aspergers. We got on very well, but he was definately not a people person.

I'm not. Although my youngest child has Dyspraxia so maybe I might have something but be undiagnosed. I just class myself as very shy and socially awkward.

My ex fwb had it too .. he wasn't a nice person..

My little girl has gdd and I have an inkling I may also be undiagnosed but have always assumed the same as you that's I'm just not socially confident."

I find myself shy and feel aqward socially (if I do not know someone / people). Never been tested and never will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My ex FWB was on the autistic spectrum and had ADHD and Aspergers. We got on very well, but he was definately not a people person.

I'm not. Although my youngest child has Dyspraxia so maybe I might have something but be undiagnosed. I just class myself as very shy and socially awkward.

My ex fwb had it too .. he wasn't a nice person..

My little girl has gdd and I have an inkling I may also be undiagnosed but have always assumed the same as you that's I'm just not socially confident.

I find myself shy and feel aqward socially (if I do not know someone / people). Never been tested and never will. "

I struggled thru school.

But like you won't be tested. Why label it? It's not gonna help me now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I received my diagnosis at the age of 32 and it's REALLY helped me understand myself. I now know why I find certain things that NT people do effortlessly are soul-destroyingly difficult. I know what my limits are and how to plan and organise life so that stress and anxiety is kept to a minimum. I've stopped trying to force myself to function the way a 'normal' mid-30's mother is expected to, because I just don't work like that. I realise a diagnosis wouldn't help everyone but for me it's been invaluable.

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