FabSwingers.com forum: Is swinging.... "demeaning"...?

By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

I have a lot of casual sex, much of it with super hot dudes who I consider to be "out of my league" - guys who I don't think would ever really consider me as a relationship option. But that's alright, because I'm only looking for NSA hookups and it's pretty cool for me that guys tend to have "lower standards" when engaging in NSA play than relationships. So I get to fuck a whole bunch of really fit men.

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't see any one as a loosing side here...

You get to fuck hot guys. The hot guys get to fuck you....

Oh....and for the record I am not out of your league

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This comes up whenever some butt hurt guy starts a thread about how he's so much more successful in the real world and that guys drop their standards and slum it on here just to get a meet. The person who 'loses out' so to speak is obviously the guy who is dropping his standards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Idk, basically you're a wank sock and nothing much else to a hot guy? That's how it sounds when you describe it like that anyway.

I've only ever lowered my standards once for a relationship (he seemed like a nice guy so why not i thought). I wouldn't even fuck someone if i didn't fancy them though.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

To who????

Both parties enjoy it and enter in to it willingly and happily. That's it in a tiny nutshell, surely????

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I don't see any one as a loosing side here...

You get to fuck hot guys. The hot guys get to fuck you....

Oh....and for the record I am not out of your league

You're in outta space darling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Idk, basically you're a wank sock and nothing much else to a hot guy? That's how it sounds when you describe it like that anyway.

I've only ever lowered my standards once for a relationship (he seemed like a nice guy so why not i thought). I wouldn't even fuck someone if i didn't fancy them though."

Haha. As much as I laughed at this, I have to agree with every word.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Idk, basically you're a wank sock and nothing much else to a hot guy? That's how it sounds when you describe it like that anyway.

I've only ever lowered my standards once for a relationship (he seemed like a nice guy so why not i thought). I wouldn't even fuck someone if i didn't fancy them though."

But I'm not lowering any standards...

And I feel I have a *tiny* bit more agency than a wank sock.

Lol. Last time I checked, wank socks aren't the ones picking up the guys to cum in them? =D =D =D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way I see what the guy meant is this;

Basically the guys just use you for sex, they don't think your good enough to date, but a fuck is ok.

That's how he see's it personally, and hasnt taken into account your _iew.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"To who????

Both parties enjoy it and enter in to it willingly and happily. That's it in a tiny nutshell, surely????

Exactly. Why does the lay man think women having agency over their own sexual exploits automatically = demeaning?! Fucks me right off.

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Nah. Swinging and ethical non monogamy is the future.

Baffles me the media are so negative about it when on the whole (and when you find the right people), it's open, sex positive and fun. Far more ethical than cheating.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...? "

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Well here's another question.

If a man had said to him, that he has NSA sex with stunning women 'out of his league' , he wouldn't have made the same comment.

Mr B

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Nah. Swinging and ethical non monogamy is the future.

Baffles me the media are so negative about it when on the whole (and when you find the right people), it's open, sex positive and fun. Far more ethical than cheating. "

Deffo!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I don't think swinging is demeaning, how you conduct yourself, your choices, your rational for your choices and whether you meet with your eyes wide open, probably not.

I bet some do find it demeaning and others think it so

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Idk, basically you're a wank sock and nothing much else to a hot guy? That's how it sounds when you describe it like that anyway.

I've only ever lowered my standards once for a relationship (he seemed like a nice guy so why not i thought). I wouldn't even fuck someone if i didn't fancy them though.

But I'm not lowering any standards...

And I feel I have a *tiny* bit more agency than a wank sock.

Lol. Last time I checked, wank socks aren't the ones picking up the guys to cum in them? =D =D =D"

but if you said it like that then he might have thought the same thing? that basically you could be anyone and the guy is just using you and doesn't think much of you other than to wank into.

i feel a lot of guys are like this, it might not be true but i'm very cynical and have been on here 2 years now and seen plenty of evidence for it.

i think it's ok to fuck whoever you want and both of you get something out of it. i'm just drifting away from the swinging mindset the longer i'm involved in it and see more things that make me feel sick. but as a recovering sex addict i also could have a skewed version of things (you know, like how ex-smokers become very anti-smoking to stop themselves starting again).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...? "

I think its phrases like 'lowering standards' and 'out of my league' that are confusing for your friend...and why he thinks it might be demeaning for you...

maybe if you has said that you lower YOUR standards then he might not have had a problem with it...

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP."

Hm....

I think there's a difference between being realistic and knowing the general pattern of women that men go for, and undervaluing oneself....

And he wasn't, he was being pretty judgy. Lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP."

this is a better worded version of how i partly feel.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Idk, basically you're a wank sock and nothing much else to a hot guy? That's how it sounds when you describe it like that anyway.

I've only ever lowered my standards once for a relationship (he seemed like a nice guy so why not i thought). I wouldn't even fuck someone if i didn't fancy them though.

But I'm not lowering any standards...

And I feel I have a *tiny* bit more agency than a wank sock.

Lol. Last time I checked, wank socks aren't the ones picking up the guys to cum in them? =D =D =D

but if you said it like that then he might have thought the same thing? that basically you could be anyone and the guy is just using you and doesn't think much of you other than to wank into.

i feel a lot of guys are like this, it might not be true but i'm very cynical and have been on here 2 years now and seen plenty of evidence for it.

*nodnod* Perhaps....

Yeah, I think it's pretty difficult to escape from generally quite toxic _iews about [esp female] sexuality.

My doctor thinks I might have a sex addiction. I'm currently avoiding a diagnosis. O_o

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

I think its phrases like 'lowering standards' and 'out of my league' that are confusing for your friend...and why he thinks it might be demeaning for you...

maybe if you has said that you lower YOUR standards then he might not have had a problem with it...

Ah! An issue of semantics! Got it!

Yeah.... Very interesting...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. If both parties have the sex they want I can't see the problem.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"No. If both parties have the sex they want I can't see the problem. "

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Well here's another question.

If a man had said to him, that he has NSA sex with stunning women 'out of his league' , he wouldn't have made the same comment.

Mr B

Yeah, exactly this.....

There would likely have been high fives over how lucky he was...?

But god forbid a woman sleeps with a man who society believes is above her station.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Idk, basically you're a wank sock and nothing much else to a hot guy? That's how it sounds when you describe it like that anyway.

I've only ever lowered my standards once for a relationship (he seemed like a nice guy so why not i thought). I wouldn't even fuck someone if i didn't fancy them though.

But I'm not lowering any standards...

And I feel I have a *tiny* bit more agency than a wank sock.

Lol. Last time I checked, wank socks aren't the ones picking up the guys to cum in them? =D =D =D

but if you said it like that then he might have thought the same thing? that basically you could be anyone and the guy is just using you and doesn't think much of you other than to wank into.

i feel a lot of guys are like this, it might not be true but i'm very cynical and have been on here 2 years now and seen plenty of evidence for it.

*nodnod* Perhaps....

Yeah, I think it's pretty difficult to escape from generally quite toxic _iews about [esp female] sexuality.

My doctor thinks I might have a sex addiction. I'm currently avoiding a diagnosis. O_o"

i'm very not submissive at all so being used is something i don't really care for.

it's why i don't like the internet for meeting men and why i whinge about men a lot.

it's kind of depressing that a lot of unattractive men think i'm in their league, without even talking to me first or anything, and act as if i'll open my legs to anything. it's very repulsive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...? "

I've had ladies want a fb and will I do it...not with me you ain't...

It's not just girls that can feel used so I know what matey means

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys tend to have lower standards for nsa

Think that says more about the guys op chooses to meet then guys in general.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

so, to explain further, to see men doing that is also repulsive. they'll drop their standards and fuck anything. don't even know how they can do that.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Guys tend to have lower standards for nsa

Think that says more about the guys op chooses to meet then guys in general."

Nah, I think I've seen it enough to be confident enough in saying that most men are like this.

Do I really need a #notallmen hashtag here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys tend to have lower standards for nsa

Think that says more about the guys op chooses to meet then guys in general.

Nah, I think I've seen it enough to be confident enough in saying that most men are like this.

Do I really need a #notallmen hashtag here? "

Glad to say im not most men

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

I can completely see where he's coming from, and it's quite sweet tbf. But at the same time, while well meaning, that very black-and-white way of looking at it doesn't take into account either YOUR mindset, or that of the oiled adonis you're banging the shit out of. Speaking as someone with no standards whatsoever (a wise man once told me "you can either have lots of standards, or lots of sex. You can't have both." and he was spot on) I've had plenty of tremendous fun with plenty of girls that aren't, shall we say, classically attractive. But I've mostly had an absolute whale of a time doing it, and crucially, respected them every bit as much as I did girls I then went on to have a relationship with. No strings doesn't have to mean no respect.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"so, to explain further, to see men doing that is also repulsive. they'll drop their standards and fuck anything. don't even know how they can do that. "

*shrug* I think it's pretty acceptable. I definitely have different criteria for "people I screw in an NSA context" and "people I'd date". And I don't think that's a problematic thing. I don't think I'd date any of the guys I've met for casual sex. It's just a different set of needs to meet. Again, not a bad thing, imo.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I wouldn't want to fuck someone who lowers his standards for NSA sex. (although I am sure I have probably have but they didn't give anything away to make me think it)

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Guys tend to have lower standards for nsa

Think that says more about the guys op chooses to meet then guys in general.

Nah, I think I've seen it enough to be confident enough in saying that most men are like this.

Do I really need a #notallmen hashtag here?

Glad to say im not most men

I think every guy would like to think that they are.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I can completely see where he's coming from, and it's quite sweet tbf. But at the same time, while well meaning, that very black-and-white way of looking at it doesn't take into account either YOUR mindset, or that of the oiled adonis you're banging the shit out of. Speaking as someone with no standards whatsoever (a wise man once told me "you can either have lots of standards, or lots of sex. You can't have both." and he was spot on) I've had plenty of tremendous fun with plenty of girls that aren't, shall we say, classically attractive. But I've mostly had an absolute whale of a time doing it, and crucially, respected them every bit as much as I did girls I then went on to have a relationship with. No strings doesn't have to mean no respect. "

OMFG that's what I say too!! Lol. Sex or standards.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP.

this is a better worded version of how i partly feel."

in my opinion the only way to avoid feeling related to self esteem in the sex meets world is to find regular play partners .who stay in touch take a interest in you past the sex meets. that way I have found one does not ever question ones worth as a human being .

the one thing I hate about the swinging world in general is it that at times one is often left thinking or feeling like a piece of meat not a living breathing human being .

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

To be honest op if you described it like that to a none swinger i can see where hes coming from. I dont find this lifestyle deameaning and i wouldnt describe it as the same way as you op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men dont have standards as women, the majority see it just as a shag lol.

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By *rotiquexxxMan
over a year ago

Unquenchable Desires

It's demeaning to eat ALL the chocolate

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"To be honest op if you described it like that to a none swinger i can see where hes coming from. I dont find this lifestyle deameaning and i wouldnt describe it as the same way as you op"

Interesting! See, I didn't think the way I described it made it seem demeaning, but it's clear that many people think it is.

Cos I feel I also have different standards.....

I'll have to rethink how I describe it to people. =D

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"It's demeaning to eat ALL the chocolate "

Eat ALL the things!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP.

this is a better worded version of how i partly feel.

the one thing I hate about the swinging world in general is it that at times one is often left thinking or feeling like a piece of meat not a living breathing human being .

yeah i'm very choosy who i meet now. seen a lot of offensive/derogatory _iews from people i have met already and feel sad i fucked that person. things like 'why are the fat birds fussy on here' and things like that. ugh, wish i could take my sex back.

i'm going for a relationship, i never realised how shallow and horrible promiscuous sex can be on the internet until this past year.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys tend to have lower standards for nsa

Think that says more about the guys op chooses to meet then guys in general.

Nah, I think I've seen it enough to be confident enough in saying that most men are like this.

Do I really need a #notallmen hashtag here?

Glad to say im not most men

I think every guy would like to think that they are.

Id like to think that most women wouldn't have your take on guys

Wont hold my breath thou

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so, to explain further, to see men doing that is also repulsive. they'll drop their standards and fuck anything. don't even know how they can do that.

mine are pretty similar. unfortunately the only difference is you can't tell who is a knobhead when it's NSA until it's too late sometimes, maybe the same for a relationship as well sometimes lol.

i just agree with your friend that's all. i'm not that shallow, did feel comfortable with being shallow for a while when i split up with someone and felt nothing emotionally for a while but now i'm back to being me and i feel things and shallow isn't for me.

nothing wrong with either of us, just we hold different _iewpoints.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Guys tend to have lower standards for nsa

Think that says more about the guys op chooses to meet then guys in general.

Nah, I think I've seen it enough to be confident enough in saying that most men are like this.

Do I really need a #notallmen hashtag here?

Glad to say im not most men

I think every guy would like to think that they are.

Id like to think that most women wouldn't have your take on guys

Wont hold my breath thou "

Ha ha ha. Maybe if the majority of guys didn't do it, then their opinions would change?

Women form opinions based on the evidence in front of them how dare they.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys tend to have lower standards for nsa

Think that says more about the guys op chooses to meet then guys in general.

Nah, I think I've seen it enough to be confident enough in saying that most men are like this.

Do I really need a #notallmen hashtag here?

Glad to say im not most men

I think every guy would like to think that they are.

Id like to think that most women wouldn't have your take on guys

Wont hold my breath thou

Ha ha ha. Maybe if the majority of guys didn't do it, then their opinions would change?

Women form opinions based on the evidence in front of them how dare they.

I tend to take people for them not based on others ive met

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Guys tend to have lower standards for nsa

Think that says more about the guys op chooses to meet then guys in general.

Nah, I think I've seen it enough to be confident enough in saying that most men are like this.

Do I really need a #notallmen hashtag here?

Glad to say im not most men

I think every guy would like to think that they are.

Id like to think that most women wouldn't have your take on guys

Wont hold my breath thou

Ha ha ha. Maybe if the majority of guys didn't do it, then their opinions would change?

Women form opinions based on the evidence in front of them how dare they.

I tend to take people for them not based on others ive met

You *never* form generalisations. Sure. OK.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Op, i have never met a guy off here i would date in the real world (i know ive just broke hearts

)

It has nothing to do with their looks or personality but just as people we wouldnt be compatable and as lovely as they are they wouldnt last a week without me wanting to kill them or vise verda. Its not about lowering your standards its about having different standards for recreational fun

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"To be honest op if you described it like that to a none swinger i can see where hes coming from. I dont find this lifestyle deameaning and i wouldnt describe it as the same way as you op

Interesting! See, I didn't think the way I described it made it seem demeaning, but it's clear that many people think it is.

Cos I feel I also have different standards.....

I'll have to rethink how I describe it to people. =D"

Different standards? What happened to NO standards?

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP.

this is a better worded version of how i partly feel.

the one thing I hate about the swinging world in general is it that at times one is often left thinking or feeling like a piece of meat not a living breathing human being .

i'm going for a relationship, i never realised how shallow and horrible promiscuous sex can be on the internet until this past year."

that all makes perfect sense to me .

I've watched many a lovely warm human being leave the sex meets world because of how the behaviour of others has changed towards them after they have got what they wanted which lets be honest is sex .

I somethings think in the mad rush to get ones sexual needs met people forget their dealing with complex feeling thinking human beings .

sadly that is the one fact that sometimes spoils what could be a perfect world of sexual fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP.

this is a better worded version of how i partly feel.

the one thing I hate about the swinging world in general is it that at times one is often left thinking or feeling like a piece of meat not a living breathing human being .

so I choose very carefully who I interact with and play with because ,I refuse to play if I feel I'm not being treated as human being first but instead as some sort of object to be used for my skill in a particular dynamic which I sometimes feel when dealing with some people in the swinging world . "
I feel compelled to say this you mention being treated like a human being and self esteem ,are you playing with your wifes consent ?

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By *XHNHWoman
over a year ago

Stokeish...

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

I think its phrases like 'lowering standards' and 'out of my league' that are confusing for your friend...and why he thinks it might be demeaning for you...

maybe if you has said that you lower YOUR standards then he might not have had a problem with it...

I suspect it was your language too, I don't _iew anyone as "out of my league" . I see swinging as giving what I want or need at anyone time, certainly not demeaning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP.

this is a better worded version of how i partly feel.

the one thing I hate about the swinging world in general is it that at times one is often left thinking or feeling like a piece of meat not a living breathing human being .

i'm going for a relationship, i never realised how shallow and horrible promiscuous sex can be on the internet until this past year.

that all makes perfect sense to me .

I somethings think in the mad rush to get ones sexual needs met people forget their dealing with complex feeling thinking human beings .

sadly that is the one fact that sometimes spoils what could be a perfect world of sexual fun. "

yeah. i get how that works for some people but it just doesn't work for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I understand where you are coming from OP, as you quite rightly say you get to fuck some hot guys. But for me personally, if I thought soneone was lowering their standards with me to get sex that would really jar. I think I would find it demeaning. The men I play with are by and large no different from men that I might date if I were single. I've come across men on the swing scene, who are much younger than me with gym fit bodies etc, and I feel they are out of my league, ie they would not consider dating me in vanilla life. I don't pursue these men. I would feel very uncomfortable to be used just because I'm there. There is one exception, we did used to see a younger guy who looked like he'd stepped out of a Hollywood movie, and I used to wonder what he saw in me. But the three of us developed a mutual friendship, so I knew he liked me in a genuine way. For me, any sexual experience has to be mutually and equally beneficial for it to be enjoyable. I'm wondering if that's what your friend was getting at.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Op, i have never met a guy off here i would date in the real world (i know ive just broke hearts

)

This is exactly what I think. I think I definitely need to find new wording.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"To be honest op if you described it like that to a none swinger i can see where hes coming from. I dont find this lifestyle deameaning and i wouldnt describe it as the same way as you op

Interesting! See, I didn't think the way I described it made it seem demeaning, but it's clear that many people think it is.

Cos I feel I also have different standards.....

I'll have to rethink how I describe it to people. =D

Different standards? What happened to NO standards?

"No" is different to "some".

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP.

this is a better worded version of how i partly feel.

the one thing I hate about the swinging world in general is it that at times one is often left thinking or feeling like a piece of meat not a living breathing human being .

i'm going for a relationship, i never realised how shallow and horrible promiscuous sex can be on the internet until this past year.

that all makes perfect sense to me .

I somethings think in the mad rush to get ones sexual needs met people forget their dealing with complex feeling thinking human beings .

sadly that is the one fact that sometimes spoils what could be a perfect world of sexual fun. "

Holy crap that is such a shame.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

I think its phrases like 'lowering standards' and 'out of my league' that are confusing for your friend...and why he thinks it might be demeaning for you...

maybe if you has said that you lower YOUR standards then he might not have had a problem with it...

I suspect it was your language too, I don't _iew anyone as "out of my league" . I see swinging as giving what I want or need at anyone time, certainly not demeaning "

Got it! Mental note: change language used when describing consensual swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nah. Swinging and ethical non monogamy is the future.

Baffles me the media are so negative about it when on the whole (and when you find the right people), it's open, sex positive and fun. Far more ethical than cheating. "

Amen!

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I understand where you are coming from OP, as you quite rightly say you get to fuck some hot guys. But for me personally, if I thought soneone was lowering their standards with me to get sex that would really jar. I think I would find it demeaning. The men I play with are by and large no different from men that I might date if I were single. I've come across men on the swing scene, who are much younger than me with gym fit bodies etc, and I feel they are out of my league, ie they would not consider dating me in vanilla life. I don't pursue these men. I would feel very uncomfortable to be used just because I'm there. There is one exception, we did used to see a younger guy who looked like he'd stepped out of a Hollywood movie, and I used to wonder what he saw in me. But the three of us developed a mutual friendship, so I knew he liked me in a genuine way. For me, any sexual experience has to be mutually and equally beneficial for it to be enjoyable. I'm wondering if that's what your friend was getting at."

Ah, perhaps! Yeah, what you say makes a lot of sense. I think I just don't think about it so deeply...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think swinging is demeaning per se, but I won't go near anyone who I know wouldn't approach me in a bar, for example. And you can always tell. Someone I felt was lowering themselves to meet me would feel a bit demeaning and not make me feel good about it. And feeling good about it is why I'm here.

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By *XHNHWoman
over a year ago

Stokeish...

Just on the topic of standards, I think it's important to remember that everyone has different taste. I swing with a guy my age who is pretty young looking, and I think handsome, we're good friends. Often watching TV or something online he'll say "God she's fit" and it will be someone 20 years older than us and a good bit bigger/more wrinkled than I am, and I'll sort of look at him and say "really" and he'll then explain what he finds sexy. It gives me great hope for when my face and body has another 20 years wear on it that I'll still find hot young men who fancy me

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"To be honest op if you described it like that to a none swinger i can see where hes coming from. I dont find this lifestyle deameaning and i wouldnt describe it as the same way as you op

Interesting! See, I didn't think the way I described it made it seem demeaning, but it's clear that many people think it is.

Cos I feel I also have different standards.....

I'll have to rethink how I describe it to people. =D

Different standards? What happened to NO standards?

"No" is different to "some".

Balls, I thought I was in there...

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I don't think swinging is demeaning per se, but I won't go near anyone who I know wouldn't approach me in a bar, for example. And you can always tell. Someone I felt was lowering themselves to meet me would feel a bit demeaning and not make me feel good about it. And feeling good about it is why I'm here."

I'll be honest, I'd be very surprised that anyone might consider sex with you as "lowering their standards" even remotely. I don't want to come across as a forum sychophant, but you are seriously SERIOUSLY hot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

According to my friend, my lifestyle is indicative of my low self esteem.

She may be right but I smile a lot more than she does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah thanks, there's a type I can spot a mile off though who I know wouldn't give me the time of day in the outside world.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

We have different perceptions of things to those who believe in monogamy being the ultimate pursuit. And they don't really get us.

It's not demeaning unless your values determine it to be. His are different.

Leaving the past behind, Victorian attitudes and prejudice against women, where men and women were _iewed with different standards, is a good thing. But some people are still caught up in the trails of warped morality.

Your consensual fun works for all parties. It's the perfect lifestyle if free of judgement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't shag anyone on here who I wouldn't have a relationship with, and I fully expect any guy I meet from here to walk around Asda with me or happily be seen with me in public.

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Ah thanks, there's a type I can spot a mile off though who I know wouldn't give me the time of day in the outside world. "

Perfect hair, chiselled abs, skips leg day? Unbecoming arrogance? That type thinks they're too good for everybody, avoiding them is best practice regardless.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

So, I told my non fab friend last weekend.

She had a whole _iew on it- are they all perverts

Are they going to skin you alive and so on.

Why are you doing that, just pull on a night out bla bla.

Felt more demeaning having to explain myself- then I showed her some photos and she said oh oh ok I get it now.

Like you OP- I reckon most of the guys on here are out of my league but it doesn't hurt to have a perv and flirt- if something comes of that then happy days.

We do what we do; like me for me not my actions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree with HandsonJon and Affectionate......

You both sound lovely.

There's no reason not to respect people and treat them kindly, like all human beings should be treated....just because it's a sex site.

Even if you're both up for a 10 min quickie you can be polite and considerate.

If you have a longer meet or something regular then emotions and feelings might come into play....purely because we're humans....not because we're needy or want to marry the other person!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The way I see what the guy meant is this;

Basically the guys just use you for sex, they don't think your good enough to date, but a fuck is ok.

That's how he see's it personally, and hasnt taken into account your _iew. "

But, this is not a DATING site!!! What the OP appears to want is NSA sex not a partner for life who will father her children.

The "hot" guys she fucks may think they are superior to her and playing below themselves but they are in fact just a cock and cum supply. Why do they demean themselves in that way?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe your friend thinks your worth more than that - its the nsa sex v sex with feelings thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, I told my non fab friend last weekend.

She had a whole _iew on it- are they all perverts

Are they going to skin you alive and so on.

Why are you doing that, just pull on a night out bla bla.

Felt more demeaning having to explain myself- then I showed her some photos and she said oh oh ok I get it now.

Like you OP- I reckon most of the guys on here are out of my league but it doesn't hurt to have a perv and flirt- if something comes of that then happy days.

We do what we do; like me for me not my actions.

I love you just for the way you are miss honey flirty no doubt a bit naughty I look for the mental side of women what they're like

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Yeh, I just really don't like this widely held idea that dating is better than "just" sex.

I just think everyone should be allowed to do what they want without being judged for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wave in and out of feeling like a free prostitute on this site if I'm honest!

But of course it depends on who you meet, how they treat you - and what expectations you have!

And of course how I feel about myself at the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its only demeaning if you allow yourself to be disrespected or meet people that see you as unworthy of meeting them. No one should ever allow that to happen to themselves regardless of gender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its only demeaning if you allow yourself to be disrespected or meet people that see you as unworthy of meeting them. No one should ever allow that to happen to themselves regardless of gender."

This.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Its only demeaning if you allow yourself to be disrespected or meet people that see you as unworthy of meeting them. No one should ever allow that to happen to themselves regardless of gender."

Right! And I don't feel like I ever do.

Maybe I just need to word it better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's never demeaning if you are choosing whatever it is you want to do.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Yeh, I just really don't like this widely held idea that dating is better than "just" sex.

I just think everyone should be allowed to do what they want without being judged for it. "

Exactly this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do what you want when you want as long as your not hurting anyone.

If someone thinks it's "demeaning" that's upto them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...?

he was talking about self esteem in my opinion he was asking you this in my opinion .

if you truly believe these guys would have nothing to do with you unless sex was on the table then aren't you under valuing yourself as a human being .

its a personal question and the answer will be different for every one but that's what I think he was hinting at .

and in my opinion he is a true friend because by asking you the question he was clearly saying in his opinion your worth more as a human being .

hope this helps OP.

this is a better worded version of how i partly feel.

the one thing I hate about the swinging world in general is it that at times one is often left thinking or feeling like a piece of meat not a living breathing human being .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you not see how you demean yourself? Just read back what you wrote. You have sex with men who would never be interested in you outside this site and that's so sad for you. I'd never see myself as not good enough, my standards are high and I expect those I'm having sex with to have high ones too. Self respect is a massive part and so many people, not all, have very little of this on here. The few that do are decent and out for what the site sets out to do, have fun.

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

This post does raise an interesting point about the human tendency to rank ourselves on imaginary league tables, though. Most people I know have at one time or another regarded someone as "out of their league." (I don't often hear people considering themselves as out of someone's league though, I don't know whether that's human nature or just that I choose to spend my time with less unpleasant people.)

It's a strange phenomenon, I don't quite understand why we feel the need to do it. I know I do it, but I'm also well aware that human attraction is far too complicated for things to be that simple. Take the young lady I complimented earlier, Rubywoo. Now, I wouldn't hesitate to rank her "out of my league." But who am I to make that call? For all I know, bad-tempered balding beardy misanthropes with a beer gut could be EXACTLY her type. But instinctively we put these ambiguous league tables in place, that don't really make sense in any sort of context. Let's say I see a girl and immediately rank her as out of my league. Perhaps I'm right. But then, if I'm right, and she thinks she's too good for me too, that arrogant attitude is enormously unattractive and she suddenly drops below me in the league. This renders the entire "league" construct demonstrably nonsensical, it's self contradictory. Yet still, knowing full well this is the case, I go ahead and do it anyway.

People are weird. Especially me.

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

AND I don't half talk a lot of waffly shite...

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Can you not see how you demean yourself? Just read back what you wrote. You have sex with men who would never be interested in you outside this site and that's so sad for you. I'd never see myself as not good enough, my standards are high and I expect those I'm having sex with to have high ones too. Self respect is a massive part and so many people, not all, have very little of this on here. The few that do are decent and out for what the site sets out to do, have fun. "

Do you think I'm demeaning myself? I don't.

How do you know how much respect I have for myself?

I don't ever see myself as "not good enough", so I don't see what that has to do with anything here...

I also have sex with people I would never be interested in outside of this site. Does that mean it's really sad for them?

Your words are very interesting...

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"This post does raise an interesting point about the human tendency to rank ourselves on imaginary league tables, though. Most people I know have at one time or another regarded someone as "out of their league." (I don't often hear people considering themselves as out of someone's league though, I don't know whether that's human nature or just that I choose to spend my time with less unpleasant people.)

People are weird. Especially me."

People *are* weird!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it lower standards or just different standards?

I'd never have a relationship with anyone I met on here. But that's because I'm not what they would be looking for.

I don't care if someone just wants me for sex as long as they play the game. My game. It can work out great.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Is it lower standards or just different standards?

I'd never have a relationship with anyone I met on here. But that's because I'm not what they would be looking for.

I don't care if someone just wants me for sex as long as they play the game. My game. It can work out great.

Ya.... Definitely different, rather than lower....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

Your only mistake was to try to explain it to someone who will never get it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are weird. Especially me."

I love this.

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

People are weird. Especially me.

People *are* weird!

Also, you're well out of my league, but I'd still smash your back doors in given half a chance.

Oxymoron and proud...

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Also, you're well out of my league, but I'd still smash your back doors in given half a chance.

Oxymoron and proud...

THERE ARE NO LEAGUES

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are weird. Especially me."

Well now I'm fucked, I either have bizarre taste in men or I'm arrogant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are weird. Especially me.

Well now I'm fucked, I either have bizarre taste in men or I'm arrogant

And now I've called balding bearded men bizarre, goddamit stop making me look like a cunt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are people who I would play with, but not date. It's not that I think I'm better than them.

Compatibility for play is just the 2 (or more) people's sexual preferences. Dating take's into account a whole lot more factors.

I'm not here to date.

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By *r H and Good Pet OP Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"There are people who I would play with, but not date. It's not that I think I'm better than them.

Compatibility for play is just the 2 (or more) people's sexual preferences. Dating take's into account a whole lot more factors.

I'm not here to date.

OK so yes this is what I should have said instead. Lol

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

People are weird. Especially me.

Well now I'm fucked, I either have bizarre taste in men or I'm arrogant

And now I've called balding bearded men bizarre, goddamit stop making me look like a cunt

Hahahahah! I've never wanted you more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are people who I would play with, but not date. It's not that I think I'm better than them.

Compatibility for play is just the 2 (or more) people's sexual preferences. Dating take's into account a whole lot more factors.

I'm not here to date.

OK so yes this is what I should have said instead. Lol"
I read the post when it 1st went up, it's taken me a while to think how to word it concisely.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its only demeaning if you allow yourself to be disrespected or meet people that see you as unworthy of meeting them. No one should ever allow that to happen to themselves regardless of gender.

Right! And I don't feel like I ever do.

Maybe I just need to word it better. "

If youre having fun and don't feel as if you're being disrespected than who cares what anyone thinks? Hold your head high and have fun x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are people who I would play with, but not date. It's not that I think I'm better than them.

Compatibility for play is just the 2 (or more) people's sexual preferences. Dating take's into account a whole lot more factors.

I'm not here to date.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its only demeaning if you allow yourself to be disrespected or meet people that see you as unworthy of meeting them. No one should ever allow that to happen to themselves regardless of gender.

Right! And I don't feel like I ever do.

Maybe I just need to word it better.

If youre having fun and don't feel as if you're being disrespected than who cares what anyone thinks? Hold your head high and have fun x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging itself isn't, attitudes of some people can be. Seem to have some sense of entitlement and that many are all talk no action. I've been told I am today. Which I've had to say, women are heavily outnumbered and even if we shagged every minute of every day , the demand would still outstrip supply.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

[Removed by poster at 05/09/16 18:41:46]

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I see it the other way around, I'm a fairly average guy that, whilst not having many meets (when I was on here before - only social this time around), the few that I've had, have been with very sexy and very attractive woman.

Now, I'm not saying that I was out off my league (I don't think like that) but had I not met them through fab, I just know that I'd never had got to enjoy them under normal circumstances.

I don't think it's demeaning at all (for either party) - it's liberating and rewarding.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

The Wild Wetness

"I was talking about swinging, over the weekend, to a guy I know (who doesn't swing) and one of the ways I explain the way *I* personally swing goes like this:

And he kinda cringed a bit and said "Isn't that kind of.... demeaning...?" and I got a bit confused, kinda just said "No, not at all" and the conversation moved on.

Question is.... I don't really understand why this arrangement would be demeaning? Who loses out here...? "

The only thing I would say is who told you that anyone was out of your league?

Unless you have played everyone home and away you can't tell which league you are in.

The rest is irrelevant.

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