FabSwingers.com forum: Puzzling behaviour

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I'm just a bit puzzled by this. Just wondering what you guys think of it:

I meet a guy on here a number of times. We get on well, lots of texts/calls and the meets were great. He then cancels a meet one night and his excuse is he's having feelings for me and he doesn't want the complication (neither of us are single). Fair enough. Game over. His profile is hidden for a while. Then he randomly texts me to ask to meet. I agree. Then he blocks me on whatsapp. So i message him on here to ask if he's ok and again he goes on about not wanting to hurt the people he loves and he wants to give fab up. Fair enough. And since has racked up 3 veris in 2 days.

Not quite sure why he'd bother lying about why he doesn't want to meet....I've never wanted more than nsa from him. Just seems odd.

Now i know I'll get a load of "you're a cheat" aggro and "why do you even care" aggro....but other than that can anyone speculate on such odd behavior? Other than this I've never had any complications on fab.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Drama, block and move on

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

He started to fall for you so thought he'd meet (3) new people???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"He started to fall for you so thought he'd meet (3) new people??? "

Well it's obviously a lie (falling for me)...but why use that as a lie and not just "not bothered ta"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, you look very much like a popular actress. I can't think of the name, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz maybe?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like he was bullshitting cuz he didn't want to meet you for a while. Then he decided he did. Then he decided again he didn't.

Block and forget about him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know him so I'm completely guessing, but....

Maybe he is being honest, has feelings for you, only wants NSA with people he won't get feelings for and so met with other people and not you. I dunno. It doesn't mean he is lying about why he didn't want to meet you. If he is cheating on his wife then falling for someone who isn't interested in anything serious would be bad....and maybe he blocked you on whatsapp because he felt it was the only way he could stop himself from chatting with you and having his feelings grow?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm just a bit puzzled by this. Just wondering what you guys think of it:

Not quite sure why he'd bother lying about why he doesn't want to meet....I've never wanted more than nsa from him. Just seems odd.

If I was getting feelings for a lady I doubt I would cancel our meet so I would take that with a pinch of salt... Maybe he wants you to chase him?

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

I would guess given by what you wrote that he doesn't want to meet you anymore because he fears getting closer and fucking up his and your relationships. But he is happy to do random meets with women he cares nothing about.

Block him on everything, fab, whatsapp, phone etc and get on with your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He is keeping his options open, and keeping you in touch, just enough to keep you available. This is not no strings, and it doesn't sound like fun anymore. Walk away and find real fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't begin to guess what is the truth in what he has told you, however if I was in your situation I would take full control and block him on every point of access I had and move on. Then you can't see what he is up to or be subjected to his change of heart / whims

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't know him so I'm completely guessing, but....

Well maybe. Just don't see him as that...bothered if that makes sense. He was always kinda cold. But you can't judge that way i guess. My other thought is that he's scared cos i know "who" he is and that I'm a bit of a threat to his secret. Daft though I'd never do that.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"He started to fall for you so thought he'd meet (3) new people??? "

Sounds very plausible - nothing like having some random casual sex to get over someone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, you look very much like a popular actress. I can't think of the name, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz maybe?"

Lol...errr???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Drama, block and move on

Yeah' sounds like a drama queen. Move on.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

It's simple, he's a man and a man will lie about anything rather than say I don't want to meet you any more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand why him meeting other people means he was lying to you about developing feelings? If I felt I was getting inappropriately attached to someone, fucking a bunch of other people to take my mind off it is probably what I'd do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, you look very much like a popular actress. I can't think of the name, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz maybe?"

How can you say that? There's no face pics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, you look very much like a popular actress. I can't think of the name, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz maybe?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Drama, block and move on

Yeah' sounds like a drama queen. Move on.

Yeah he's been deleted everywhere and blocked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe maybe maybe....

move along now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He started to fall for you so thought he'd meet (3) new people???

Sounds very plausible - nothing like having some random casual sex to get over someone. "

Yep. Easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, you look very much like a popular actress. I can't think of the name, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz maybe?

How can you say that? There's no face pics

There was when I posted it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/08/16 21:48:22]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, you look very much like a popular actress. I can't think of the name, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz maybe?

How can you say that? There's no face pics

I've just changed it...I'll change it back for you to see. Although i disagree that i look like either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He sounds like a head fuck to me..best left well alone x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP have you tried asking him? Maybe he is genuinely getting feelings and he doesn't want that but still wants NSA as he has a partner hence the verifications. He obviously knows you know he's met as you can see his Veris? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yip I agree . Falling for you and trying to move on or forget you by sleeping with others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, you look very much like a popular actress. I can't think of the name, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz maybe?

How can you say that? There's no face pics

I've just changed it...I'll change it back for you to see. Although i disagree that i look like either"

Oh you look like that one out of coronation street. Eva I thinks her name. Very pretty x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP, you look very much like a popular actress. I can't think of the name, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz maybe?

How can you say that? There's no face pics

I've just changed it...I'll change it back for you to see. Although i disagree that i look like either"

It was just my opinion, and now I see it. Definitely Cameron Diaz, its meant as a compliment not an offence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He started to fall for you so thought he'd meet (3) new people???

Sounds very plausible - nothing like having some random casual sex to get over someone.

Yep. Easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else

I think we can all agree the guy is clearly a player and not a very stylish player either. There is no need for it but if he's cheating on his wife/gf what would you expect?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP have you tried asking him? Maybe he is genuinely getting feelings and he doesn't want that but still wants NSA as he has a partner hence the verifications. He obviously knows you know he's met as you can see his Veris? X"

I didn't want to ask for fear of looking like a bunny boiler...thought I'd just leave him be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, you look very much like a popular actress. I can't think of the name, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz maybe?

How can you say that? There's no face pics

I've just changed it...I'll change it back for you to see. Although i disagree that i look like either

It was just my opinion, and now I see it. Definitely Cameron Diaz, its meant as a compliment not an offence

Thanks

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I don't understand why him meeting other people means he was lying to you about developing feelings? If I felt I was getting inappropriately attached to someone, fucking a bunch of other people to take my mind off it is probably what I'd do."

Yup, me too, I see no reason to think he's lying.

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By *ason_silverMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

I think the key here is - (neither of us are single)

NSA is so much easier when you remove the potential of someone else pulling at those non existent strings

trying to figure out 3rd person parameters will drive you nuts - I understand you are both happy with your meets - but we all have that little ghost in the back of our heads that just adds confusion.

I'm afraid the only solution I can see is walking away, taking a deep breath - and then staying away (that includes _iewing his profile)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think we can all agree the guy is clearly a player and not a very stylish player either. There is no need for it but if he's cheating on his wife/gf what would you expect?"

Yeah which is why it was always just nsa. Just didn't really expect lies when there's no need. I'm ok with someone saying thanks but no thanks. I'm a big girl.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

he's using sex as a coping mechanism, that would explain the meets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This sounds legit to me and a fairly normal reaction from a guy!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

They are both players and both doing the same thing.

One possibly more than the other

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Chatting in here does make it clearer to me even though I've no resolution (only he can answer that).

Thanks forumites

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He sounds like a head fuck to me..best left well alone x"

and this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am puzzled by the OP being puzzled.

He may be married .............go figure

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"This sounds legit to me and a fairly normal reaction from a guy! "

Yes, except that there are women on this thread who said that they would probably do the same...

Although it appears not to matter. Apparently he's a player...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This sounds legit to me and a fairly normal reaction from a guy!

Yes, except that there are women on this thread who said that they would probably do the same...

Although it appears not to matter. Apparently he's a player...

I agree he's no more player than me. Just i didn't throw the feelings thing out as a way to bin him off (if that's the case).

Bottom line really is i have cut ties and he has me. But just wondered what the forumites thought about this behavior/reasons behind it.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

I think we can all agree the guy is clearly a player and not a very stylish player either. There is no need for it but if he's cheating on his wife/gf what would you expect?

Yeah which is why it was always just nsa. Just didn't really expect lies when there's no need. I'm ok with someone saying thanks but no thanks. I'm a big girl. "

Is he lying to his wife? I'm sure if he can lie to a woman he love's he can lie to you a woman on a sex site.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is he lying to his wife? I'm sure if he can lie to a woman he love's he can lie to you a woman on a sex site."

He lies to her so he doesn't lose her. He's no reason to lie to me. Just say "not bothered" and fair enough....its nsa after all. At least that's how i saw it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let it go, best for both of you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/08/16 22:10:40]

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Is he lying to his wife? I'm sure if he can lie to a woman he love's he can lie to you a woman on a sex site.

He lies to her so he doesn't lose her. He's no reason to lie to me. Just say "not bothered" and fair enough....its nsa after all. At least that's how i saw it."

Lies all round eh!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So are you broken hearted? Have you fallen in head over heels in love that you are going to throw in the towel and leave hubby and the kids?

It's a recreational sex site..........don't think too deeply about it?"

No. No I've no feelings for him and I suppose I'm just thinking out loud on here (forums are usually for that).

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

Looks like he wants to keep his relationship with his wife, so maybe an easy get out for him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 28/08/16 22:10:40]"
yeah it's only cheating when it means more than just sex!

Is this a controversial statement?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So are you broken hearted? Have you fallen in head over heels in love that you are going to throw in the towel and leave hubby and the kids?

It's a recreational sex site..........don't think too deeply about it?

No. No I've no feelings for him and I suppose I'm just thinking out loud on here (forums are usually for that)."
if you constantly meet the same person for fun he must mean something?? Or am I wrong..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So are you broken hearted? Have you fallen in head over heels in love that you are going to throw in the towel and leave hubby and the kids?

It's a recreational sex site..........don't think too deeply about it?

No. No I've no feelings for him and I suppose I'm just thinking out loud on here (forums are usually for that). if you constantly meet the same person for fun he must mean something?? Or am I wrong.. "

It's a person you forge a bond with. That's it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" if you constantly meet the same person for fun he must mean something?? Or am I wrong.. "

I like repeat meets and as I'm not single once I've found someone i think i can trust to meet i prefer to meet them more than once. Maybe that goes against what Some people define as 'swinging' but i follow my own rules thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" if you constantly meet the same person for fun he must mean something?? Or am I wrong..

"
well good for you, each to their own!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would just assume the same thing that I assume if anyone doesn't like me anymore....that they are mad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would just assume the same thing that I assume if anyone doesn't like me anymore....that they are mad.

"
are there a lot of mad people knocking around?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would just assume the same thing that I assume if anyone doesn't like me anymore....that they are mad.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

So are you broken hearted? Have you fallen in head over heels in love that you are going to throw in the towel and leave hubby and the kids?

It's a recreational sex site..........don't think too deeply about it?

Not necessarily, it depends on the person - some people may mean a very great deal while others are entirely free of emotion and valued for that fact - good sex and a loose friendship is enough for an fb.

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By *ason_silverMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

"No. No I've no feelings for him and I suppose I'm just thinking out loud on here (forums are usually for that)."

"I'm afraid the only solution I can see is walking away, taking a deep breath - and then staying away (that includes _iewing his profile)"

Dare I say it a second time -

You created an entire web page based on him - no feelings for him?

WALK AWAY!!!!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Sometimes we have to leave others behind, not fully understanding what's gone on for them. It kind of goes against our desire to understand and not have unfinished business but is still a necessary thing to do.

Your objective is no strings fun. This guy brings complications and so is trouble in the making. He's told you enough, whether truthfully or not, which is that he's not issue free for you.

He's done some blocking and I suggest you complete the process.

You'll perhaps never know more but let your primary life objectives take priority. Maybe chat sometime to a swinging friend about it. Or let it fade into the distance.

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By *erfectman122Man
over a year ago

from somewhere nice

Problem child

move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

he could be seeing others to push back feelings for you as that is the advice the forum throws at people when they get like that - he could be just fucking about with your head - either way id get rid - and as others say - block and ignore - no need to say move on as in your case nowt to move on from

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

"He started to fall for you so thought he'd meet (3) new people???

Well it's obviously a lie (falling for me)...but why use that as a lie and not just "not bothered ta"

Cos he's had a sex change: cunt to asshole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes we have to leave others behind, not fully understanding what's gone on for them. It kind of goes against our desire to understand and not have unfinished business but is still a necessary thing to do.

Some questions will never be answered.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You wanted NSA did you not? So just move on. It sounds like it's become complicated for both of you.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"He started to fall for you so thought he'd meet (3) new people???

Well it's obviously a lie (falling for me)...but why use that as a lie and not just "not bothered ta"

Cos he's had a sex change: cunt to asshole."

All based on 1 side of the story of course.

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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

Is he lying to his wife? I'm sure if he can lie to a woman he love's he can lie to you a woman on a sex site.

He lies to her so he doesn't lose her. He's no reason to lie to me. Just say "not bothered" and fair enough....its nsa after all. At least that's how i saw it."

We feel he is telling you the truth.

He is becoming attached to you and is fighting that feeling.

There is no reason to think otherwise.

He still wants sex outside of his marriage so he is having sex with new people he feels no attachment too.

If you want NSA sex then block him as he has told you clearly he is developing feelings for you and sex with you is no longer NSA

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely it s all about fun and if it gets complicated better to just block everyway and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So I'm just a bit puzzled by this. Just wondering what you guys think of it:

Not quite sure why he'd bother lying about why he doesn't want to meet....I've never wanted more than nsa from him. Just seems odd.

He's playing you. And using the old chestnut of he is getting feelings for you is utter tosh.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Why seek a truth that won't take you forward?

The WHY he did it isn't the crux.

The WHAT you are going to do next is.

I suspect you want him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel the 'im getting feelings for you' malarkey is just an excuse, it's to keep you onboard when he can't get other women to meet.

He will use the excuse of only having sex with others that he feels nothing for, to merely keep his options open. If he can't get others he will come back to you and say he just can't keep away from you.

He hasn't developed feelings, he's just ensuring he has a selection of women to choose from.

Men will always say what they think women want to hear, whether this is the case or not. If you are happy to be there as and when he asks then do it, you use him for your own needs too, but don't be under any illusions.

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