FabSwingers.com forum: lets have your best jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

paddy walks onto the building site,

one of the lads asks him " what's that you have got there paddy "

paddy replies " my missus bought me a new flask for work "

he tells them that it has got the latest technology " it keeps hot things hot. and keeps cold things cold "

so the lads on site ask him what he has got in there???

so paddy replies " coffee and a choc ice " lol

hope you like, plenty more where that come from

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re d*unk.”

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i like that one lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

whice cheese is made backwards..?

edam

boom boom boom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

people in dubai dont know the theme tune to the flinstones but those in ABu dhabi doo.............

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By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

An airline pilot finishes giving a message to the passengers and forgeting to turn off the intercom says to his co-pilot...

"That's us done for the next 3 hours, I'm off to have a shit then I'm going to shag the arse off that new blond stewardess"

In the cabin the stewardess hears him and rushes down the aisle to tell him to turn off the intercom.

Half way down an old lady grabs her arm and says...

"No need to rush love, he's having a shit first!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

fair play too you, a bit of humour is fantastic for friday evening lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just whay are pirates called pirates?

because they arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

how does a welshman eat his cheese..

caerphilly,,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the difference between light n hard?

you can sleep with the light on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Define Transvestite.

A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

why did the police dog climb the tree???

too join the special branch

boom boom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

knock knock,

whos there

lettuce..

pm me for rest (too rude for here)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"

"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."

"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.

"The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Americans orders for bin laden were the same as our bird flu " catch it, kill it, bin it"

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By *rT30Man
over a year ago

Munster

What is the diffrence between a sin and shame?

Its a sin to stick it in.

Its a shame to take it out!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tomorrow is Star Wars day ........

May the 4th be with you

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association.

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By *ll of a QuiverCouple
over a year ago

Douglas

The missus is pissed off with me again. Last night while she was asleep i swapped her Tampax for a Party popper. Honestly, NO fucking sense of humour whatsoever!!

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By *ll of a QuiverCouple
over a year ago

Douglas

For Sale - Complete set of Encyclopeadias. 45 volumes, excellent condition.

£1000 ONO

No longer needed as recently got married......Wife knows bloody everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Woman's reaction to dick sizes:

12"=BUMBOCLAAAT!!

11"=Are you trying 2 kill me??

10"=I'm screwed!

9"=Ouch that hurt's!!

8"=Wow that's is amazing!

7"=Heaven!

6"=Perfect!

5"=uhm!

4"=ok,push harder!

3"=no,this is fuckry!

2"=oh that tickles!

1"=just use yu tongue!

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By *ue care and attentionWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

"The missus is pissed off with me again. Last night while she was asleep i swapped her Tampax for a Party popper. Honestly, NO fucking sense of humour whatsoever!!"

Haha I can just imagain that one! Very good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association."

PMSL - the short ones are generally the best !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Irish SAS wanted to help the USA in the recent assault, but they made a mistake and raided Debenhams as they heard that's where you'd find summer bed linen.

Sigh...I'm going, I'll get me coat!

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

Did you hear about the dyslexic man that walked into a bra?

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

A woman in a cocktail bar asked the waiter for a Double Entendre so he gave her one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

two snowmen in a field and one says "can you smell carrots?"

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Woman has two Westies. A randy pair, can't stop them breeding and she's sick of puppies, so she goes to the Vet to ask advice.

Simple he says "Put the bitch at the top of the stairs."

"How will that help?" asks the woman.

"Ever seen a Westie climb the stairs with a hard-on?"

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Mushy's up in Court for having sex with a dog.

Judge " Despicable, really Mr Mushroom how low can a man get?"

"I've had a Dachshund , Your Honour"

PS Not actually true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A teenage girl was wearing a see thro top with no bra.

Her gran threw a fit. You can't go out like that.

Chill gran these are modern time's. You gotta let ya rose buds show.

The next day she come's in to find her gran topless.

Aaaaargh you cant do that gran. Gran say's if you can show your rose bud's. Then i can show my hanging basket's.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

geezer walk into a bar and says "ouch"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'm off

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

I can smell you from here.

but seriously :

How Hi is a chinaman.

Yes he is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead"The operator says how do you

know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

William Hill have released odds for next seasons English Premier League.

Man Utd are 4/6

Arsenal are 9/2

For those who don't understand betting that means if you place £6 on Man Utd you could win £4. If you place £20 on Arsenal............you'll lose £20.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

whats green and hangs from trees??

leaves !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what has kate middleton and osam bin laden got in common

they both had their back doors smashed in by a naval officer and had something shot in their face

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By *anny PepperoniMan
over a year ago

Matlock

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out yer undies

Yer mum!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well we all know osama bin laden is dead well who would have thought to have buried him at sea well to b honest that was easy it was in his name where to bury him

lob man in sea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If Osama bin Laden could hear the sick jokes being told about him, he would be turning in his wave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If Osama bin Laden could hear the sick jokes being told about him, he would be turning in his wave "

thats better than mine hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Woke up bald this morning,

My girlfriend didn't get it when i said,"Shave your Twat"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you got to feel for the japenese but all those earthquakes and homes lost

after 11 aftershocks a cany find ma way home either

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By *BCBlondeCouple
over a year ago

DURHAM

After a visit to a whore house, a man notices green lumps on his cock so he goes to the doctor.

"That's serious!" says the doctor.

"How serious?" asks the man, worried.

"You know how Rugby players get cauliflower ears?" asks the doctor.

"Yes", says the man seriously.

"Well", says the doctor, "You've got brothel sprouts"!!!.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was trying my hardest to chat up a woman at a bar last night when suddenly she turned round and said

"Look mate, I dont like you and I wouldnt cross the road to piss on you if you were on fire."

I said with a cheeky smile

"What if I wasnt on fire!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the defination of Indecent

When its long enough

Hard enough

Wide enough

And in far enough

Its In Decent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the definition of Indefinitely

When their balls are smacking your arse

Its In Definitely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best jokes you say ok

* points @ self *

* creEps roUnd graVeyaRd * -|-

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big Bad Wolf says to Little Red Riding hood "lift up your top so I can suck your tits".

Little Red Riding Hood pulls her panties down and said "fuck off and eat me like the fucking books says"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the similarity between women and prawns?

Their heads are full of shit but the pink bits are very tasty.

As told to me by a gentleman!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a short clairvoyant on the run from the police???

A small medium at large..!

...Thanks, I'm here all week. Try the veal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The government have hinted that there might another bank holiday for the death of Bin Laden so, altogther now

Were all going on Osama holiday ......

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

The DNA of Bin Laden has come back with ...

24% Cocoa

52% Coconut

18% Sugar

and 6% Milk

.... experts say this is probably due to the Bounty on his head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

23 people have been found glued to the ceiling of a train in Dublin, police believe it was Irish Muslims in the first ever case of a no more nails bomb attack

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

A nurse finds a mental patient rubbing hs cock between two biscuits.

She asks, "What are you doing?"

He smiles and replies, "I'm f****ng crackers!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i wish to place it on record that, unlike ryan giggs, if you catch me shagging a glamour model with massive tits you can tell anyone you fkin like !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Met a really big girl off fab ! was going down on her i said " my god your fanny is big isnt it ! isnt it ! isnt it " she said " there's no need to repeat yourself " I wasnt it was an echo ?

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

hmmmm, could think of a few, but not allowed to name and shame

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went out for a night on the town. The Englishman spent £30, the Irishman spent £20 and the Scotsman spent a very enjoyable evening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The RealIRa decided to ramp up their campaign on the UK mainland so they nicked an airship and bounced it off Canary Wharf three times....

... meanwhile, the Irish equivalent of the SAS flew over to Heathrow and invaded Tie Rack.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"23 people have been found glued to the ceiling of a train in Dublin, police believe it was Irish Muslims in the first ever case of a no more nails bomb attack"

That tickled me no end.

Nice tits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two tramps were walking down the street one day when one of them sniffs the air and says to the other, "Have you shit your pants?"

"No I bloody ain't!" replies the other.

"It's fucking horrible, are you sure?" says the first tramp.

"Look, I'm fucking telling you, I haven't shit my pants!" says the second tramp.

"I don't believe you cos the smell is following us. Drop your fucking trousers and prove it!" the first tramp says.

The second tramp drops his kecks and sitting there in his underwear is a huge turd.

"You dirty fucking bastard. You HAVE shit your pants!" says the first tramp.

The second tramp replies, "No I haven't, it was there when I found them!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what's the deference between a nun and a nymphomaniac in the shower?

The nun has a soul full of hope.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/06/11 12:55:28]

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