FabSwingers.com forum: Corporate speak

By *hyllyphylly OP Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Let's brainstorm an idea, roll it up the flagpole and then lock it in.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

Now that's some blue sky thinking that's pushing the envelope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's touch base in the morning and circle back

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By *hyllyphylly OP Man
over a year ago

Bradford

That's a good idea there, but at the end of the day, we need a great one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread really needs some traction.

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

Corporate cunts love to say the methodology they used as it sounds more impressive than methods which is the correct word. Methodology is the study of methods which shows how fucking stupid they are in their attemps to impress us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lets park this discussion

Then take it offline

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By *MaleMan
over a year ago

Corporate speak....turns my stomach. Whats hiding behind buzzword & abbreviation over kill makes me cringe.

Thankfully in my profession being a corporate droid is not an option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/08/16 20:49:06]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's ensure we're all in synergy before we change the situation paradigm.

That one was actually used by a manager to me and my team, each one of us gave him a look of, just STFU !

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By *hyllyphylly OP Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"Let's ensure we're all in synergy before we change the situation paradigm.

That one was actually used by a manager to me and my team, each one of us gave him a look of, just STFU !"

Remember, there's no I in team

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is really a game changer

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By *kgeminiMan
over a year ago

Southampton

I'd love to think inside your box

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By *izbitMan
over a year ago

St Helens

More swings and roundabouts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm actually a bit annoyed that I wasn't sent the agenda for this thread and I sincerely hope someone is taking the minutes because those are really important

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By *eneral HysteriaMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

This thread is making me feel a bit sick.

That's not one of your corporate bullshite-bites. It's for real.

Stop. Please stop.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Pick the low hanging fruit and get some quick wins out on the ball park

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Such talk leaves me .....dead.

The people who speak it are on 4 gramms of a day ....

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Let's have a solution based focus on these challenges and get my people to call your people. Inbox me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we reach out to IT they may be able to leverage a quick win with existing delivery architecture.

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By *herbert fountainWoman
over a year ago

Hanley

I once had a boss whose favourite words were 'proactive' and 'dynamic'. Every time I hear them now it makes me cringe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In terms of.......

Moving forward........

As a team we ( meaning you )........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We need a belt and braces approach to find out holistic solution

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

A deep dive and a wing to wing altos have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's the acronyms that do me...the NHS is rife with them...I bet the TWAT that dreams them up earns my entire salary in a week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's the acronyms that do me...the NHS is rife with them...I bet the TWAT that dreams them up earns my entire salary in a week"

So many of them have sexual meanings too, I'm always the only one in the room giggling at Delivery Assurance Plan (DAP)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

glad im a carer - nothing corporate about what is said in my day at work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The pencil needs sharpening on them prices don't forget to dot the I's and cross the T's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ugghh the corporate bullshit

I work for a huge company and the managers can't seem to understand the concept of Murphy's law and won't accept that something will go wrong eventually

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Behaviour frameworks

Vision statements

Clear desk policy

Hot desking

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By *bovethekneeCouple
over a year ago

Hampshire / Herefordshire

"Let's ensure we're all in synergy before we change the situation paradigm.

That one was actually used by a manager to me and my team, each one of us gave him a look of, just STFU !

Remember, there's no I in team"

But there is in winner.

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By *ichpickingsMan
over a year ago

London and Essex

Let's monetize our assets...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Corporate cunts love to say the methodology they used as it sounds more impressive than methods which is the correct word. Methodology is the study of methods which shows how fucking stupid they are in their attemps to impress us."

The methodology of your statement needs certainty going forward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/08/16 22:46:14]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lets socialise this with the teams.

Its all downstream activity."

Typos amended

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Before I can get on with being thrusting and dynamic I'll need to take 5 and reconvene in the morning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lets stick that in the cranial toaster and see what pops out

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By *vbride1963TV/TS
over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

"Let's ensure we're all in synergy before we change the situation paradigm.

That one was actually used by a manager to me and my team, each one of us gave him a look of, just STFU !

Remember, there's no I in team"

There is me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Moving forward out of the pipeline before we park the idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know lets have a meeting about a meeting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I'd stay long at a company that encouraged this kind of bullshit tbh, but...

"I know lets have a meeting about a meeting

This one really pisses me off!

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By *effrey45Man
over a year ago

Lytham

" is this an amazing arms and legs issue?"

Yes hire a couple of decent part time staff

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By *effrey45Man
over a year ago

Lytham

[Removed by poster at 17/08/16 22:54:23]

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lean, agile !!!!!

Reach out to somebody, engage with somebody

Happy medium

Just speak English FFS

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know lets have a meeting about a meeting

But we will need a meeting to arrange it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear what you say ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know lets have a meeting about a meeting

But we will need a meeting to arrange it

Event created as we speak!

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By *hyllyphylly OP Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?"

The KPI is that everything is in SLA and that the quality is above 90%

(From my call centre days)

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Let's monetize our assets..."

Be prepared to take a haircut though.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?"

I'm not sure we're ready for an SLA, we should probably consider an MOU just to cover us.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?

The KPI is that everything is in SLA and that the quality is above 90%

(From my call centre days)"

Which QAS are we using to assess the 90%?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This thread is delivering a powerful message.

Also, does anyone else automatically hear HOTWIFING when someone says HOTDESKING? Or am I the only pervert in this office?

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

My boss hates it because I always get stuck in the s rather than looking at the big picture.

Thats because the big picture doesn't fucking work!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to one of those new age type meetings (my office hired a private company for it) where everyone is supposed to get creative and network...We had to draw a picture of where we get most of our "big ideas." And we had to do group brainstorming. It's like pre-school.

Now everyone, say your name and something interesting about yourself

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?

I'm not sure we're ready for an SLA, we should probably consider an MOU just to cover us.

I think perhaps we should engage with some key stakeholders first?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok "guys"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?

I'm not sure we're ready for an SLA, we should probably consider an MOU just to cover us.

Are you applying this to EMEA, BRICK & MINT too....?!

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"I went to one of those new age type meetings (my office hired a private company for it) where everyone is supposed to get creative and network...We had to draw a picture of where we get most of our "big ideas." And we had to do group brainstorming. It's like pre-school.

Now everyone, say your name and something interesting about yourself

"My name's Courtney, and I'm a swinger"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now everyone, say your name and something interesting about yourself

My name is Roxi & I'm on FabSwingers ~ Fancy a Fuck...

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"This thread is delivering a powerful message.

Also, does anyone else automatically hear HOTWIFING when someone says HOTDESKING? Or am I the only pervert in this office?"

You're the only one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we should enthusiastically architect goal-oriented manufactured products

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Now everyone, say your name and something interesting about yourself

Did you use Playdough or Lego? If not, you were robbed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok "guys" "

Arghhhhh!!!!!!!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?

I'm not sure we're ready for an SLA, we should probably consider an MOU just to cover us.

I think perhaps we should engage with some key stakeholders first? "

I'll get Stakeholder Engagement to put something together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?

I'm not sure we're ready for an SLA, we should probably consider an MOU just to cover us.

Are you applying this to EMEA, BRICK & MINT too....?!"

I've applied it to APAC, not sure what MINT is though.

Gotta love the BRIC economies, disposal income powerhouses that they are

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a meeting.. Ideas they have no answer to are written on post it notes on flip chart paper.

The flip chart paper is headed up "car park".

I die a bit every time I hear it.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?

I'm not sure we're ready for an SLA, we should probably consider an MOU just to cover us.

Are you applying this to EMEA, BRICK & MINT too....?!"

MINT isn't ready for this. Stick to BRIC for now and consider FIGS.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On a similar note...I hate words that are completely made up...yesterday I saw the word Healthful on a poster about veganism...for fucks sake it's fucking Healthy you millet eating hippies!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eugh could we get some coffees over here eugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now everyone, say your name and something interesting about yourself

Did you use Playdough or Lego? If not, you were robbed.

Playdough. How did you know?!?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Now everyone, say your name and something interesting about yourself

Did you use Playdough or Lego? If not, you were robbed.

Playdough. How did you know?!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We need to engage in some bricks-and-clicks partnerships

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear what you're saying but...

Translation = I don't give a flying fuck Im doing it my way

...

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By *entenTeaCouple
over a year ago

Buckley North Wales

On the basis of the TIP (tactical implementation plan) We will establish an MFT (multifunctional team), led by a six sigma blackbelt the will undertake a series of bench marking visits to underpin and fule a Iskikawa analysis of the challanges along side a Pareto Analysis with and crosspolinated with outputs from a FMEA. This will result in a redifition of the fundamental modus operandi in line with DIAMC philsophy. The KPI will be an trend revesal of the Cp / Cpk indicies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On the basis of the TIP (tactical implementation plan) We will establish an MFT (multifunctional team), led by a six sigma blackbelt the will undertake a series of bench marking visits to underpin and fule a Iskikawa analysis of the challanges along side a Pareto Analysis with and crosspolinated with outputs from a FMEA. This will result in a redifition of the fundamental modus operandi in line with DIAMC philsophy. The KPI will be an trend revesal of the Cp / Cpk indicies."

You win!!;

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now everyone, say your name and something interesting about yourself

Did you use Playdough or Lego? If not, you were robbed.

We used Lego in a recent training course to learn Agile and Scrum methodologies ??

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Now everyone, say your name and something interesting about yourself

Did you use Playdough or Lego? If not, you were robbed.

We used Lego in a recent training course to learn Agile and Scrum methodologies ?? "

Wouldn't Minecraft have been better for your team?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In a meeting.. Ideas they have no answer to are written on post it notes on flip chart paper.

The flip chart paper is headed up "car park".

I die a bit every time I hear it."

None of them have gone back to them, ever, always "running over so lets put this to bed now and revisit another time "... fucking useless cos you'll never be allowed to ask again

...

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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago

Pleasuretown

" There is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team..."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?

I'm not sure we're ready for an SLA, we should probably consider an MOU just to cover us.

Are you applying this to EMEA, BRICK & MINT too....?!

I've applied it to APAC, not sure what MINT is though.

Gotta love the BRIC economies, disposal income powerhouses that they are

Heads will roll re BRIC auto carrot not picked up!!

(MINT ~ Mexico, India, Nigeria, Turkey)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't buy a dog and bark yourself.

Thats what I tell my subordinates when I get them to do all the mundane stuff I can't be arsed with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You win!!;"

and despite all that bollox they still wont actually fix what's not working (usually their own appalling management and complete failure of delivering any contribution to anything)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?"

Far too many tla's there for me

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"What KPIs did you set for this thread, OP?

Is there an SLA already in place. Which business partner should we reach out to?

Far too many tla's there for me

Would you prefer a FLA instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is an i in team, Google it.. more importantly team takes ME and screws it up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's tic tac..

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By *urious and lookingCouple
over a year ago

cork

Hey guys! Teamwork makes the dream work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm only interested in the quick wins. This also applies to fab haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When The Office was first shown there were _iewers who thought it was a documentary on a real company which initially made people laugh... reading this thread it just proves so many have worked for the real life David Brents of the world

...

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"When The Office was first shown there were _iewers who thought it was a documentary on a real company which initially made people laugh... reading this thread it just proves so many have worked for the real life David Brents of the world

...

xx"

David Brent would struggle with it all now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...

David Brent would struggle with it all now.

will find out in new film; -)...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

loving WTF and LOL posting here - first thing in the morning made me smile

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By *tephenBunChowMan
over a year ago

Haywards heath/Waterlooville

There's also the new age corporate that wants to adopt the digital made up bullshit marketing buzzwords

Omnichannel, Martech, adtech, ROI

We had some luddite c level execs thinking that using snapchat and instagram would improve their digital knowledge.

More like the CEO sending pics of his cock to the HR director

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/08/16 07:56:19]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi "all"

Let's dial in the numbers here. Our verification results for the first quarter for single males is way off target and down 40% year on year. I want a root and branch analysis and a deep dive on this to see what's going on. Going forward, we need to take this team off-site for a day to plan a recovery and increase the hit rate. Let's get all of the team to go through psychometric testing and after that train the the ones who have potential and cull the weaker ones. If you are not prepared to fire the weak, be prepared to be fired yourself.

If we are going to make this work then those with the biggest balls win.

Let's get out there and secure the beachhead, capture the low hanging fruit and fuck the competition over a barrel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi "all"

If we are going to make this work then those with the biggest balls win.

Let's get out there and secure the beachhead, capture the low hanging fruit and fuck the competition over a barrel.

Do you have cost certainty on that? I think we need to value engineer the process.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi "all"

If we are going to make this work then those with the biggest balls win.

Let's get out there and secure the beachhead, capture the low hanging fruit and fuck the competition over a barrel.

Do you have cost certainty on that? I think we need to value engineer the process."

The value stream manager is on it as we speak. We need to lean this process, tighten the minimum acceptable metrics for candidates to ensure a strong second quarter.

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By *hyllyphylly OP Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Let's work as a team and strive to hit our targets of 110 parts in this topic. You can need good KPI scores this quarter to get your bonuses.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I have made a living from it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't mention the word "Cohesion" you are not down with the corporate arsehole speak

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Did anyone say "passionate" yet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

given the nature of this forum we should all assume things, as to assume makes Ass of U and Me and we could all do with more asses in our lives.

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