FabSwingers.com forum: Is addiction lifelong?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A bit of a last resort asking here but does anyone have experience of living with addictions or even better living with someone with addictions? After years of trying to get this person off drugs I'm starting to lose hope. Any advice would be a great help, thank you x

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire

If they dont want get off drugs themselves they never will. they have to have the will power to want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't help. They have to help themselves.

My advice would be to leave them to it, whatever the outcome. You tried. x

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By *randMrs Spanish BrunetteCouple
over a year ago

home sweet home

"If they dont want get off drugs themselves they never will. they have to have the will power to want to."

I was going to post the exact same thing. You can be beside them but they need to want to change.

Big hugs

MrsSB

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

"A bit of a last resort asking here but does anyone have experience of living with addictions or even better living with someone with addictions? After years of trying to get this person off drugs I'm starting to lose hope. Any advice would be a great help, thank you x"

Addiction is life long however active addiction isn't.

*if* someone wants to get off their drug of choice help is out there. But the urge may always be there which is why they need more than methadone (for example)

However, you have to be careful as I have seen one addiction be exchanged for another many times too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're the type of person with a propensity towards drugs you're always going to be that person.

They're going to make the decision of have the desire to want to not take drugs, and that decision must be a long term one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My brother in law died last year, aged 54, being an alcoholic.

It damaged him so much that his organs basically became too weak to support him

Despite many efforts on his father's part, and family he couldn't cope without it.

He was always in denial that he had a problem, though deep down he knew his drinking was damaging himself.

Only he could have rectified his problems.

All we could give him was our love, compassion and understanding. And sadly that wasn't enough

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

It is possible though else I wouldn't have a job!

And personally my dad was an alcoholic for 40+ years. 5 years ago he made the decision to go to rehab and has been dry ever since.

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By *orn_ball11Man
over a year ago

Portrush

They not only need help... but they need to have the will power & want to quit... or they'll keep doing what they want

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If they dont want get off drugs themselves they never will. they have to have the will power to want to."

That's true he stops for a few days then as soon as he has money its straight back to square 1

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

No, ive seen people turn their life around coming off drugs and alcohol

Ive also seen more than my fair share of people dead before they are 50 because of drink and drugs.

The only time someone will stop is when they are ready

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You can't help. They have to help themselves.

My advice would be to leave them to it, whatever the outcome. You tried. x"

Yea i see what you mean thank you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If they dont want get off drugs themselves they never will. they have to have the will power to want to.

I was going to post the exact same thing. You can be beside them but they need to want to change.

Big hugs

MrsSB

Thanks sweets x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex. Pot head, it controls his life but he can't see it. I've given up. He won't even recognise that there is anything wrong so is never going to change.

There are several alcoholics in my family, after 6 weeks of hiding in the bottom of a bottle through grief 5 yrs ago, I now rarely drink, and never alone.

Some are more prone to addiction than others, but only the individual themselves can do anything about it. They an have help, but if they don't want to change, they won't.

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

"If they dont want get off drugs themselves they never will. they have to have the will power to want to.

That's true he stops for a few days then as soon as he has money its straight back to square 1"

Sadly money is a major trigger point. He needs to get himself referred to a drug service who can help with this kind of thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Addiction is life long however active addiction isn't.

*if* someone wants to get off their drug of choice help is out there. But the urge may always be there which is why they need more than methadone (for example)

However, you have to be careful as I have seen one addiction be exchanged for another many times too. "

Yes that's one route we've tried to avoid although the substitute was painkillers which didn't work at all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you're the type of person with a propensity towards drugs you're always going to be that person.

They're going to make the decision of have the desire to want to not take drugs, and that decision must be a long term one."

That's the problem we have he cant stick to getting off it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My brother in law died last year, aged 54, being an alcoholic.

It damaged him so much that his organs basically became too weak to support him

Despite many efforts on his father's part, and family he couldn't cope without it.

He was always in denial that he had a problem, though deep down he knew his drinking was damaging himself.

Only he could have rectified his problems.

All we could give him was our love, compassion and understanding. And sadly that wasn't enough

Im sorry to hear that sending hugs lovely xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is possible though else I wouldn't have a job!

And personally my dad was an alcoholic for 40+ years. 5 years ago he made the decision to go to rehab and has been dry ever since. "

Wow well done to him that can't have been easy its nice to hear it cam be done x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My ex. Pot head, it controls his life but he can't see it. I've given up. He won't even recognise that there is anything wrong so is never going to change.

There are several alcoholics in my family, after 6 weeks of hiding in the bottom of a bottle through grief 5 yrs ago, I now rarely drink, and never alone.

Some are more prone to addiction than others, but only the individual themselves can do anything about it. They an have help, but if they don't want to change, they won't. "

It is difficult when people have addictive personalities, he admits he has a problem but he blames everything and everyone else for it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for the replies x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly drugs are everything to them,they choose drugs over everything,they are thinking of their next hit 24/7,a person has to want to come of drugs or forget it....thats the stark reality,trust me when i say i know about this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have a obssesive and compulsive mind once we have that first one we are fucked physically mentally and spiritualy we are powerless when we take that first one and we will do whatever it takes to get that next one and we are never satisfied we just want more and more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm proof it is not.

As an ex alcoholic (i feel confident i can call myself that) i haven't felt the need to get d*unk for over a year. Before then i never bothered drinking but on the very rare times that i did i was still a binge drinker, so drnk a couple of times a year at the most, many years i didn't drink at all.

Any addiction is part of a different problem as far as i'm concerned.

I drank to not remember, now my brain naturally has stopped remembering a long time ago. I want my memory back BUT also be able to cope with everything what comes back so i need to find a way to cope, i'm sure it will happen.

So it depends why someone is addicted really, that issue needs sorting and the person needs to want to sort it or believe that they can and start trying to.

There are other addictions a person can turn to when they stop one addiction as well. As far as i'm concened a person is only truly healed if they aren't addicted to anything and have better coping mechanisms in place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They will stop when they decide tp stop. Nothing you do will make a difference.

Walk away now and save yourself more heartache.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My brother in law died last year, aged 54, being an alcoholic.

It damaged him so much that his organs basically became too weak to support him

Despite many efforts on his father's part, and family he couldn't cope without it.

He was always in denial that he had a problem, though deep down he knew his drinking was damaging himself.

Only he could have rectified his problems.

All we could give him was our love, compassion and understanding. And sadly that wasn't enough

My dad was an alcoholic too

Some people just dont want to stop, even when my me and my sister was put into care he didnt stop

I think it is possible, i know a few people who have turned their lifes around and stopped drinking but you really have to want to, sadly some people just don't

Its not like my dad even tried, had he tried and failed i could have at least have given him some respect but his drink was the most important thing to him even above his children

It killed him in the end

But it was the choice he made so what can you do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They will stop when they decide tp stop. Nothing you do will make a difference.

Walk away now and save yourself more heartache."
You know what i call it the gift of desperation you have to be soo desperate to stop until they hit there rock bottom they will never stop i pray that every single addict or alcoholic reaches that place where they have had enough and even when you get clean and sober it's still a daily battle believe me i know we will never have it boxxed off addiction is the devil no other words could explain what addiction actually is. Its the devil controlling you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also if you have an addict in your life you must not be an enabler if you want to help them.

This might mean you have to cut them out of your life until a time when they have sorted themselves out. Which is hard if you really love them. But it's in their best interests as well as your own.

I have cut out 2 people and it is hard.

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By *orn_ball11Man
over a year ago

Portrush

Hopefully he gets off them...

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

"We have a obssesive and compulsive mind once we have that first one we are fucked physically mentally and spiritualy we are powerless when we take that first one and we will do whatever it takes to get that next one and we are never satisfied we just want more and more "

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

I don't think anyone is 'fucked physically mentally and spiritual'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also if you have an addict in your life you must not be an enabler if you want to help them.

This might mean you have to cut them out of your life until a time when they have sorted themselves out. Which is hard if you really love them. But it's in their best interests as well as your own.

I have cut out 2 people and it is hard. "
Definitely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They will stop when they decide tp stop. Nothing you do will make a difference.

Walk away now and save yourself more heartache. You know what i call it the gift of desperation you have to be soo desperate to stop until they hit there rock bottom they will never stop i pray that every single addict or alcoholic reaches that place where they have had enough and even when you get clean and sober it's still a daily battle believe me i know we will never have it boxxed off addiction is the devil no other words could explain what addiction actually is. Its the devil controlling you "

Ascribing your actions to mysterious forces outside your control is a cop-out, frankly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad is an active alcoholic my mom is too soft on him I'm just coming up to 2 years clean and sober he tryed to get sober when i stopped also but then he started again he's even worse now as a result i do try to show him an example of there is a way out but he doesn't want to stop he makes fake promises never keeps to them because that's what we do believe me nothing worse than seeing your own dad wasting his life away in alcoholicsm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

I don't think anyone is 'fucked physically mentally and spiritual' "
Its well said trying to explain this to someone who hasn't got an addiction it's not possible believe me i know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No sorry its no were near the same but when i quit smoking i could only do it when i was in the right mind set to say enough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Addicts are the most ruthlessly selfish people in the world,try to help as much as you can but not at the expense of your own life. Nobody needs to be an addict and it is personal choice at the end of the day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

I don't think anyone is 'fucked physically mentally and spiritual' "
We have a 3 fold illness and thats what it is physically can't stop can't put the drink or drug down mentally we think about it every single minute of the day and spiritually we don't care what we do to get it self centredness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Addiction is a battle of the will and the dependancy. If they truely want to stop their addiction, they can and will. But they have to really really want to.

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

I don't think anyone is 'fucked physically mentally and spiritual' Its well said trying to explain this to someone who hasn't got an addiction it's not possible believe me i know "

Actually it is. And ascribing it to something other than yourself is a cop out

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

I don't think anyone is 'fucked physically mentally and spiritual' We have a 3 fold illness and thats what it is physically can't stop can't put the drink or drug down mentally we think about it every single minute of the day and spiritually we don't care what we do to get it self centredness "

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also if you have an addict in your life you must not be an enabler if you want to help them.

This might mean you have to cut them out of your life until a time when they have sorted themselves out. Which is hard if you really love them. But it's in their best interests as well as your own.

I have cut out 2 people and it is hard. "

Correct

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish. "

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs. "

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Addiction is a battle of the will and the dependancy. If they truely want to stop their addiction, they can and will. But they have to really really want to. "

I agree to an extent but i feel if underlying issues aren't sorted then there is always that temptation to go back to your addiction, or find another one, when you can't cope.

I managed to quit drinking every day 20 years ago. I didn't bother drinking for years but if i did drink i was still a binge drinker (out of hbit more than anything i think), only once in all that 20 years did i ever want to get d*unk to escape my life and i did go on a 3 day drink and drug binge, and it surprisingly did me some good in a way.

But the issues that i had that caused me to be an alcoholic were stil there to a degree. I didn't even realise until last year that i still had them as i felt i'd been coping alright but a lot of things came up and i realised i hadn't actually sorted everything out.

I've done well since then working on them. And it's been a bit weird because even though i am the same person i feel a lot differently about some things now, i even feel a bit different in myself too in a way i can't really expalin but i guess i feel lighter, less weighted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times "

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs. "

You can't control it as far as i'm concerned. That's what addiction is basically, something you cannot control because you cannot control yourself.

But, not sure if i can explain this properly, you aren't really yourself when you're an addict. You're someone who isn't who they want to be but doesn't know how to change or see any way to change, or might not even care to because you don't really care about yourself.

Or it can go the other way and you become completely selfish. Probably both most of the time, both selfish but also don't give a shit about yourself.

You might not be able to control yourself because someone else has always controlled you and you have no idea how to do it for yourself any more. That was my case, i had a very controlling dad and eventually i just rebelled but in a way where i had no control over myself.

I'm highly independent but had to leanr self control, which happened when i got pregnant. All of a sudden i had all this responsibility (because i had no-one to rely on) and had to work out how to control myself then. I'm a fast learned luckily, not everyone has the skills to learn self control but with help they could learn but they'd also need to want to learn and sometimes you don't believe you're capable of that or even worthy of it and just give up, or don't even start to try.

People are complicated and very much not black and white.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

You can't control it as far as i'm concerned. That's what addiction is basically, something you cannot control because you cannot control yourself.

Or it can go the other way and you become completely selfish. Probably both most of the time, both selfish but also don't give a shit about yourself.

People are complicated and very much not black and white.

Well said and among all the variables the individuals moral fibre or lack of it will have a big say in which way it goes. Some people have ambitions in life and some have 1 ambition to get out of their mind on drugs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh wow lots of replies thank you i shall read through them now x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

You can't control it as far as i'm concerned. That's what addiction is basically, something you cannot control because you cannot control yourself.

Or it can go the other way and you become completely selfish. Probably both most of the time, both selfish but also don't give a shit about yourself.

People are complicated and very much not black and white.

Very well said and well put i can relate to all of that

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen"

Whole different issue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

Whole different issue "

Hmmmm thought it would be...anyway....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish. "
like i said trying to explain addiction to someone who doesn't suffer from addiction is impossible do you really think that what we do in addiction is the real us when i was in addiction i was a horrible bastard today clean and sober I'm a loving caring person that would never try to hurt someone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish. like i said trying to explain addiction to someone who doesn't suffer from addiction is impossible do you really think that what we do in addiction is the real us when i was in addiction i was a horrible bastard today clean and sober I'm a loving caring person that would never try to hurt someone "

He's not the person he was when we first met which was bound to happen, his family have given up on him and now im the one picking up the pieces im trying so hard to understand that this isn't him but its hard not to take the hurt personally. I don't want to give up on him because he has no one else at the minute and god knows what hed do but im not happy with him. I wish he could see what its doing to us thank you all for the advice and support xx

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

Whole different issue

Hmmmm thought it would be...anyway...."

What's your problem?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

Whole different issue

Hmmmm thought it would be...anyway....

What's your problem?"

You seem like you are trolling to be honest

Ps it's not my problem it's yours

You are either ignorant or trolling

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

Drugs are not the problem but a symptom. What is the pain? What are they disconnected from? Google a video on rat park addiction plus a ted talk by Johann hari to start with. Feel free to message me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

Whole different issue

Hmmmm thought it would be...anyway....

What's your problem?"

Exhibit A

You:

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

Me:

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

You:

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

Me:

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

You:

Whole different issue

Yep she's trollin.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

You say he's not the person you met, and he might never be again. That's the reality.

I'd say if you're really stuck on having him in your life then you're gonna have to firstly get support for yourself. Find ways for you to be able to cope with everything he making you deal with.

He does have others he could turn to though, there are many groups out there that would help him. Also going to his GP for help would be a good start.

Never think you're anyone's only option, this country has a great network support if you can find it, but you can be someone best option because you're enabling them not to change and they don't really care to.

Sorry if that's harsh but that's the reality of things like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been a similar position to yourself and I can understand the losing hope feel. In the end I had to put it down to if they dont want to help themselves I cannot help them but reassure them that no matter what I was there for them in any capacity i could the only thing i would not torelate is them using me as a source for there addiction ie money etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Drugs are not the problem but a symptom. What is the pain? What are they disconnected from? Google a video on rat park addiction plus a ted talk by Johann hari to start with. Feel free to message me x "
Yes bang on just a sympton it can still manifest in other areas of our lives it's been said that we have a me problem not a drug problem we put down the drugs and we find something else to replace that whether it will be money food sex gambling trainers clothes absolutely anything

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

You say he's not the person you met, and he might never be again. That's the reality.

I'd say if you're really stuck on having him in your life then you're gonna have to firstly get support for yourself. Find ways for you to be able to cope with everything he making you deal with.

He does have others he could turn to though, there are many groups out there that would help him. Also going to his GP for help would be a good start.

Sorry if that's harsh but that's the reality of things like this."

Thank you no not harsh at all I need all the advice i can get I've never experienced any of it before so thanks for being honest I've argued with him about doctors and stuff but all he says is that they'll judge him instead of helping him sorry if im going on i just don't know where to turn x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

You say he's not the person you met, and he might never be again. That's the reality.

I'd say if you're really stuck on having him in your life then you're gonna have to firstly get support for yourself. Find ways for you to be able to cope with everything he making you deal with.

He does have others he could turn to though, there are many groups out there that would help him. Also going to his GP for help would be a good start.

Sorry if that's harsh but that's the reality of things like this.

He clearly doesn't wish to do the hard work. You're a young woman, don't waste your youth on this person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

You say he's not the person you met, and he might never be again. That's the reality.

I'd say if you're really stuck on having him in your life then you're gonna have to firstly get support for yourself. Find ways for you to be able to cope with everything he making you deal with.

He does have others he could turn to though, there are many groups out there that would help him. Also going to his GP for help would be a good start.

Sorry if that's harsh but that's the reality of things like this.

Tell him to look at the state of himself and to admit he needs help/judging whatever. Ask him if his life is working out fine and does he think it needs to change?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

You say he's not the person you met, and he might never be again. That's the reality.

I'd say if you're really stuck on having him in your life then you're gonna have to firstly get support for yourself. Find ways for you to be able to cope with everything he making you deal with.

He does have others he could turn to though, there are many groups out there that would help him. Also going to his GP for help would be a good start.

Sorry if that's harsh but that's the reality of things like this.

I don't like being harsh when it comes to personal problems but sometimes what we want to happen is so far from actual reality that we don't face reality, and then stuff never gets dealt with.

This is why you now need to get help for yourself. It is a lot to deal with and just by you asking in here does make it look like you're not coping. All the things he should be dealing with you probably are dealing with them for him and that's really not fair on you and is why you can't cope. You actually seem to be doing all the right things as well, so if it was you with the drink problem i think you'd be on your way to sorting yourself out, unfortunately it's not you.

He will make excuses, there's a reason why he is an alcoholic in the first place, addiction helps people to maintain avoidance, and that reason is what is stopping him.

Not sure how you push someone into getting the help they need, as has been said by others it doesn't seem possible. I do think you've probably become his carer, psycholgist and gos knows what else he needs now, so you need to find some support for yourself. Preferably with people who can relate and will let you vent and know exactly where you're coming from.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think as well if you get more personal help then people will get to know you and your situation better and be better able to advise you or help you figure out what you need to deal with everything.

I wish you all the luck in the world because i've seen drugs kill people, i've seen people get better themselves, i've been through it myself and wouldn't want to go through any of it again. I've got to the point now where i am zero tolenrant because i've got to get myself sorted properly and just haven't got it in me to sort out everyone else right now. You just get that way eventually.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I think you live with it for the rest if your life, you just control it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that addiction is life long. Even if you have been successful in giving up something the want is always there and it's all too easy to slip back into using again. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think as well if you get more personal help then people will get to know you and your situation better and be better able to advise you or help you figure out what you need to deal with everything.

When it comes down to it you need to realise just as well as you are telling the addict to get a grip and take control you yourself need to take control over how much positive energy you channel in a negative direction. Care for others but don't forget yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't get them off drugs, they have to make that decision for themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

You say he's not the person you met, and he might never be again. That's the reality.

I'd say if you're really stuck on having him in your life then you're gonna have to firstly get support for yourself. Find ways for you to be able to cope with everything he making you deal with.

He does have others he could turn to though, there are many groups out there that would help him. Also going to his GP for help would be a good start.

Sorry if that's harsh but that's the reality of things like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any advice except make sure you look after yourself whilst you're worrying about him.

Hugs gorgeous girl xx

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By *igandy123Man
over a year ago

old trafford

Addiction is life long however active addiction isn't.

*if* someone wants to get off their drug of choice help is out there. But the urge may always be there which is why they need more than methadone (for example)

However, you have to be careful as I have seen one addiction be exchanged for another many times too. "

I have also seen people replace one drug with another, I've seen it in the past where they replace an addiction with running or exercise in general or some sort of hobbit to enjoy but again it starts with them wanting to quit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Dad was an Alcoholic for over 20 years, he tried to stop numerous times and was in rehab and such and I and my then partner helped him repeatedly offering support and such.

Unfortunately none of it helped and he always returned to the bottle, losing two marriages and finally me as well when I just couldn't go through it anymore

From my experience its not just the addiction and wanting to be free of it, it's also making a change in life style, maybe changing the people around them and or the situation.

You can only help them if they are willing to do so, but you can't live their life for them, they need to do things for themselves as well.

I truly believe that if my dad had change d the people around him he may have finally have been able to quit for good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a horrible situation to be in,both for those addicted and their loved ones.

First as has already been said,he can have all the help n support in the world but this is useless unless he genuinely admits to himself he has a problem n wants to stop.

He'll also have to swallow his pride n seek medical help to be weened off/ease withdrawl symptoms.

And unless he has superhuman willpower he needs to stop mixing in the same social circle with aquaintances who use,ideally for good but at least until he is strong enough to say no.....after all,ex alcoholics still have to walk past pubs.

Addicts will lie to n deceive those closest to them n pull the wool over their eyes to hide the truth and also to squeeze cash out of them by either making them feel sorry for them or out n out lying,n you have to really ask yourself if you are there for him or just enabling his behaviour and addiction.

There's obviously a lot more to it than that,but those are some of the main aspects to recovery.

Good luck n stay strong if you decide he's worth going through hell for.

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

Whole different issue

Hmmmm thought it would be...anyway....

What's your problem?

You seem like you are trolling to be honest

Ps it's not my problem it's yours

You are either ignorant or trolling "

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

Whole different issue

Hmmmm thought it would be...anyway....

What's your problem?

Exhibit A

You:

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

Me:

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

You:

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

Me:

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

You:

Whole different issue

Yep she's trollin.....

How dare you call me a troll. Idiot

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

People can change most things about themselves and our brains have incredible neuroplasticity, enabling reformulation.

As others state, individuals drive their own change and it can be so very tough for them and others who are involved.

I think others holding belief that someone can change is a great enabler. Wishing you all the best op.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Hi.

Despite the many responses here, it's a little more nuanced than the replies suggest. Essentially it's dependant on a number of factors:

* what kind of addiction?

* how long?

* does the person recognise the addiction and do they wish to change?

* what support is available?

The bottom line is that the individual wants to change.

Doesn't mean it's entirely their decision or that there's nothing you can do... for instance, do not enable an addiction passively or actively, either with money or emotional succour... challenge the sufferer about their behaviour, health and its impact on others...

You clearly care for this individual.

They have to take the first step through the door and take help for themselves. But you can find the door, tell them about it and even open it.

Addiction is not for life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

Whole different issue

Hmmmm thought it would be...anyway....

What's your problem?

Exhibit A

You:

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

Me:

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

You:

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

Me:

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

You:

Whole different issue

Yep she's trollin.....

How dare you call me a troll. Idiot"

I went to the trouble of pasting the exchange that convinced me you were trying to troll and yet you ask me how I dare? Idiot indeed

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off"

Heroin.. He smokes it

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it"

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all so much for your replies I truly appreciate it. I've taken what you've said on board and I think I'm going to look into seeking some support for myself so that I can cope a lot better with it all. I didn't realise there was support for families and loved ones.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?"

At least 5 years to my knowledge

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

See this is the mind set of someone who blames separate entities for addiction.

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

Whole different issue

Hmmmm thought it would be...anyway....

What's your problem?

Exhibit A

You:

Cut out all the floofy words and say it as it is. Here is sounds like you're saying you have no control of it. Which is rubbish.

Me:

I'm not sure you can generalise and say everyone is in control of their own destiny,many have been despicably manipulated by evil individuals with the use of drugs.

You:

still in control if they want to stop. Depending on the situation. Ive seen it, many times

Me:

There are child prostitutes who are not in control and adults who have learning difficulties and they aren't in control either. You can't generalise 100% of the population based on what you have seen

You:

Whole different issue

Yep she's trollin.....

How dare you call me a troll. Idiot

I went to the trouble of pasting the exchange that convinced me you were trying to troll and yet you ask me how I dare? Idiot indeed

Yes. Yes you are. I have no interest in conversing with you. You are the troll as im sure people who follow the green arrow will see. I, in steading of calling you as I see it I shall block you and save myself a ban from he forums. Good day to you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing with addiction is if they get over drink/drugs they usually move onto something else....it's like the addiction is inside you and moved from one thing to the next.....I didn't know that till a few years ago x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Addiction is a battle of the will and the dependancy. If they truely want to stop their addiction, they can and will. But they have to really really want to.

I agree to an extent but i feel if underlying issues aren't sorted then there is always that temptation to go back to your addiction, or find another one, when you can't cope.

There is a case study of a village in the middle east where men made their wives addicted to Opium. The red cross moved to that village and every woman went their to cure their alcoholism. They all were cured because they wanted to be. That is the power of the mind. But this was a case of forced addiction instead of having an addicting nature

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thing with addiction is if they get over drink/drugs they usually move onto something else....it's like the addiction is inside you and moved from one thing to the next.....I didn't know that till a few years ago x"

Aye,it's very common to replace a taboo addiction with a more socially acceptable and legal one,like alcohol.

As feir said,the addiction is only the symptom of the underlying problem that needs to be addressed before he can truly move forward,otherwise the only thing that will change is the drug he uses as his coping mechanism.

I'd even go so far as to say things could get a lot worse.With alcohol,a lot of folk might think It's the lesser of two evils (depending on how he handles his drink) and be less inclined to see it as a problem,making him think he's doing really well.

I'm not saying that's what would happen,but it's one of the possible outcomes.

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By *quirrelMan
over a year ago

East Manchester

The biggest hurdle with living with someone who is an addict is to get them to acknowledge that they have a problem with their addiction and its caused or causing them health problems. Both my brothers were addicted to substances hazardous to their health. One had to go into prison to get straightened out, the other hand to see his marriage disintegrate, his home repossessed, and his kids taken away and refusing to see him before he decided that he had a problem. When an addict comes to terms with their addiction and knows what they must do then and only then can you work together to sort out their problems, until then you're there to pick up the pieces and limit their damage to themselves and their families and friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you all so much for your replies I truly appreciate it. I've taken what you've said on board and I think I'm going to look into seeking some support for myself so that I can cope a lot better with it all. I didn't realise there was support for families and loved ones. "

You need support for yourself, whether he gets it or not is a separate matter. There is an organisation called Al-anon, it's for family, friends and people who have been affected by having alcoholics in their life. There must be something similar for drug addiction (just googled nar-anon)!! Al anon helped me with understanding, I never blamed myself, however I have certain behaviour traits that are attributed to having an alcoholic in the family. One thing I learned was you are not the only person this is happening to and weirdly you will here others stories that sound exactly the same as yours.

This is a difficult and emotive topic and there are many different opinions. Remember opinions are like bum holes........... Everybody has one!!!!!!

You have to do what is right for you, this is not a selfish act, whatever you decide your course of action is, it's the right decision for you (at this time) look up the Serenity prayer, it mentions God, but don't see this as religious if you don't want. I'm far from religious but use the principle. Good luck on your journey and I hope you find inner peace for yourself, and your friend finds peace within.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Fab outrage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No matter what you say to them is going to go in one ear and out the other.....when they lie and make excuses they actually believe what they are saying and when you try and make them see your ways it just makes the situation worse and it will probably just escalate and you will be the one who's in the wrong in their eyes.....it's really hard to do but if it's a partner you really need to take a step back and think about yourself x

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?"

Very unusual for a heroin I agree

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?

Very unusual for a heroin I agree "

Why is it unusual. Not everyone injects.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?

Very unusual for a heroin I agree

Why is it unusual. Not everyone injects. "
Because when that doesn't take much effect they turn to injecting more of a buzz ive heard

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?

Very unusual for a heroin I agree

Why is it unusual. Not everyone injects. "

Obviously not but think you'll find most heroin user do

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?

Very unusual for a heroin I agree

Why is it unusual. Not everyone injects. Because when that doesn't take much effect they turn to injecting more of a buzz ive heard "

A lot do. But a lot are happy with smoking. Obviously in my limited knowledge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?

Very unusual for a heroin I agree

Why is it unusual. Not everyone injects. "
See with heroin you need to detox becuase it's actually a physically wanting/needing it also with alcohol thats physical

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?

Very unusual for a heroin I agree

Why is it unusual. Not everyone injects. Because when that doesn't take much effect they turn to injecting more of a buzz ive heard

A lot do. But a lot are happy with smoking. Obviously in my limited knowledge

"
Yeah wait until that starts to wear off first they may like it now but once they inject game over that's all im going to say around that

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

May I ask what the drug is, that he is addicted to? haven't seen anyone ask this, and various drugs have different addiction symptoms as well as the way to come off

Heroin.. He smokes it

Unusual, for a heroin addict.

How long for?

Very unusual for a heroin I agree

Why is it unusual. Not everyone injects. Because when that doesn't take much effect they turn to injecting more of a buzz ive heard

A lot do. But a lot are happy with smoking. Obviously in my limited knowledge

Yeah wait until that starts to wear off first they may like it now but once they inject game over that's all im going to say around that "

And I'm saying that not everyone who uses heroin injects. A lot do. A lot are happy enough with smoking.

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