FabSwingers.com forum: To have kids or not to have kids..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

..there seems to be a stigma attached to saying with confidence "I don't ever want kids" I'm guessing that's even more the case for females, with other family presuming it'll occur at some point and maybe putting pressure on.

Just wondered for those with kids: is it as fantastic / rewarding as many people say? (Albeit energy / money draining)

Those whore child'less.. do you feel a stigma or feel you'll miss out in the future? Or are you happy not having the responsibility and having extra cash each month?

Apologies in advance if any upset is caused by this post as I know not everyone has the choice and it may be a sensitive topic.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Having children is horrible.

Life ends. You cease to exist. You are exhausted beyond belief and skint.

Wonderful things happen.

You begin to see the world through the eyes of others.

You are too busy and worried to give yourself a moment but in the end you develop into a better human being.

Less ego- more wisdom.

I'm unapologetic.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having children was the best thing in the world! !!!....just can't imagine my life without them xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unfortunately i lost my son an only child tradgely ,and i really wanted more children but it never happened,way to late now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I want kids. I think for a dating perspective it makes things a little more difficult finding a like minded partner.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm more than happy with the very close relationships I have with my nephew and nieces

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very rewarding to have children albeit very hard work on lots of areas.

Would I do it again? I always said no! But here I am doing it again for the second time 18 years later.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincessvenusCouple
over a year ago

Hull

best thing we ever did not havvening them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The first 25 years of parenthood are the worst then you can start easing off the worrying a bit. This isn't a joke.

I don't regret it for a minute and I'd do it again in a heartbeat (if I was younger) but I'm glad I didn't know what was in store when I peed on the stick.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having kids is great but having grandchildren is even better

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *llywalesWoman
over a year ago

"..there seems to be a stigma attached to saying with confidence "I don't ever want kids" I'm guessing that's even more the case for females, with other family presuming it'll occur at some point and maybe putting pressure on.

Just wondered for those with kids: is it as fantastic / rewarding as many people say? (Albeit energy / money draining)

Those whore child'less.. do you feel a stigma or feel you'll miss out in the future? Or are you happy not having the responsibility and having extra cash each month?

Apologies in advance if any upset is caused by this post as I know not everyone has the choice and it may be a sensitive topic. "

Pointless creatures.... Get a dog

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lbi niceMan
over a year ago

romsley

Don't mind kids when they are someone's else's

You can always give them back

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondered for those with kids: is it as fantastic / rewarding as many people say? (Albeit energy / money draining)

Those whore child'less.. do you feel a stigma or feel you'll miss out in the future? Or are you happy not having the responsibility and having extra cash each month?

Apologies in advance if any upset is caused by this post as I know not everyone has the choice and it may be a sensitive topic.

Pointless creatures.... Get a dog "

Stupid woman.

Im out of this thead.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Unfortunately i lost my son an only child tradgely ,and i really wanted more children but it never happened,way to late now."

Very sorry to hear that, Pamela.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

I love kids but never ever had any want, need or desire to breed.

Never understood it myself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Myself and my ex husband adopted our children all I can say is it's been one hell of a rollercoaster...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I never wanted kids and therefore didn't have them, and I don't regret that decision either some people may think that is strange but I love my life the way it is

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondered for those with kids: is it as fantastic / rewarding as many people say? (Albeit energy / money draining)

Those whore child'less.. do you feel a stigma or feel you'll miss out in the future? Or are you happy not having the responsibility and having extra cash each month?

Apologies in advance if any upset is caused by this post as I know not everyone has the choice and it may be a sensitive topic.

Pointless creatures.... Get a dog

Stupid woman.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Unfortunately i lost my son an only child tradgely ,and i really wanted more children but it never happened,way to late now."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondered for those with kids: is it as fantastic / rewarding as many people say? (Albeit energy / money draining)

Those whore child'less.. do you feel a stigma or feel you'll miss out in the future? Or are you happy not having the responsibility and having extra cash each month?

Apologies in advance if any upset is caused by this post as I know not everyone has the choice and it may be a sensitive topic.

Pointless creatures.... Get a dog "

So you were pointless then?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a wonderful feeling buying ya nipper there1st pair of adidas..then they go spoiling it wanting pocket money holidays driving lessons..a fucking horse ffs arghhhhh

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love my kids with all my heart and I would not change them for the world but it has been hard for me

I've been a single parent most if my life, when me and my ex split he offered no support at all, and I don't just mean money, I mean he never offered to help look after them, I went to uni while looking after three kids alone and have always worked round them as I had no help with childcare while I worked

Would I change anything

All the hard work has been worth it, I'm very proud of my kids, my eldest is going into her last year doing a veterinary digree, my middle daughter is a student pediactric nurse, my youngest is 15 so still at school, and I look at them and think......i bought up three intelligent women and I did it all alone

And every minute I struggled was worth it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately i lost my son an only child tradgely ,and i really wanted more children but it never happened,way to late now."

So sorry for your loss.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love having children the joys in my experience outweigh the sorrows. Those who choose not to have children that's the right decision for them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What I'm finding is it's rare to find a couple with kids and for them to genuinely say "don't bother!!!"

Couples seem to joke about "oh, don't bother!" but they don't actually mean it.

For me, I'm not too sure I want kids. But I think we take for granted the amount of friends / family we have throughout life, who by the time we're 80 they may not be around for one reason or another.

I've met a lot of lovely older people who seem to have lead awesome lives but literally have no one involved in their lives at that age other than paid carers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I dont even no where to begin.

Its the most challenging, demanding painful job in the world.

But the first time i saw my son hold his new born son and the love in his eyes.

First 16 years can be tough but when they reach adulthood thats the worstt. Having to sit back and watch them make there own mistakes but i cant begin to tell you the rewards, the unconditional love.

I wouldnt change having a child. Often been times ive wished i could bloody well send him somewhere like a desert island far away lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

My daughter is lovely, my son a nightmare. It was hard being a single parent. I am much happier now they are over 18. I love my grand daughter and am looking forward to a grandson being born. I don't think parenthood is for everyone. I have envied my childless friends in the past.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never wanted children and I do feel I have been stigmatized for it as a woman. I've had other women tell me I don't know what its really like to be a woman, I've been told I'm heartless, the list goes on.

Luckily I found Marc, who also doesn't want kids, and we are happy together. Before my dad died he would always hush me when I said we didn't want children. And we can't even tell our in laws that Marc has gotten the snip because they always say we'll change our minds one day. It's just a topic we avoid, and everyone is happier for it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Oh and my sister never wanted children and married someone with the same ideas

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

No kids for me. Granted cancer had a hand in it but still. Fur babies all the way!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

i wasnt the mumsy type but had four..love my tribe, equally love the fact three are getting on with their own lives, although i am a part of that. we are a string bonded unit though...

when it comes to 'dating' or relationships, i cant have more kids ( sterilized) but i often dont like the emphasis, drama and ex battling bullshit, and parenting style. that goes along with other peoples kids...im too old to put up with it...one of the main reasons i dont want to settle down actually...i dont want that constant drama, in my life...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"What I'm finding is it's rare to find a couple with kids and for them to genuinely say "don't bother!!!"

Couples seem to joke about "oh, don't bother!" but they don't actually mean it.

I've met a lot of lovely older people who seem to have lead awesome lives but literally have no one involved in their lives at that age other than paid carers. "

It's a total myth that if you have kids they will visit/care for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i have mixed emotions about having children.

For a long while I was adamant I will never have children; I think it was more due to the fact that I am a mother without actually being a mother. In other words I have raised four children, I am still skint, I still run after them all day long, do everything for them etc, I think about them before myself and that influences my next move. Yes I am not their mum but I pretty much am the second parent.

After thinking about it I realised that actually although I may not want them as such I am open to the idea. It would be nice to have a child but then I am not fussed if it's my own or adopted.

If it happens I'm happy and I'm equally as happy if it doesn't ever happen.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found it hard work when my son was a baby, I didn't want to sit around talking to other mothers about our children, it bored me to tears.

I couldn't wait to get back to work and have some adult conversation.

My son is a teenager now and we get on very well. He tells me things that I would have never told my mum.

I wouldn't be without him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Just wondered for those with kids: is it as fantastic / rewarding as many people say? (Albeit energy / money draining)

Those whore child'less.. do you feel a stigma or feel you'll miss out in the future? Or are you happy not having the responsibility and having extra cash each month?

Apologies in advance if any upset is caused by this post as I know not everyone has the choice and it may be a sensitive topic.

Pointless creatures.... Get a dog

Stupid woman.

Im out of this thead."

Yes it was rather a silly remark,but she's entitled to it I suppose. On a lighter note when we were trying for a family of our own and it became clear it wasn't going to happen we used to joke whether we should get a dog or adopt. It took me a long time to come around to adoption and it hasn't been easy over the years,you don't generally have a well adjusted child arriving at your door. Anyway there's been many time's I've joked and said I should have chosen the dog,not infront of the girl's obviously. They are my heart and soul though,even when they're making me want to jump out of the window

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The impact of having children on my mental health was enormous and if I had the option of going back and making a different choice I would. Not because I don't love them, of course I do, but because I can't be the mother they deserve and I feel terribly sad for them because of it. I didn't know I was aspie back then (only diagnosed in 2014).

Some people seem to believe not wanting children is selfish, yet the drive to procreate is incredibly selfish. It's not for anyone else, just you. I had them because I wanted a child, not to do some greater service to the world.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The world is already over populated maybe these people who don't want kids are actually doing a good thing for the planet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What I'm finding is it's rare to find a couple with kids and for them to genuinely say "don't bother!!!"

Couples seem to joke about "oh, don't bother!" but they don't actually mean it.

I've met a lot of lovely older people who seem to have lead awesome lives but literally have no one involved in their lives at that age other than paid carers.

It's a total myth that if you have kids they will visit/care for you."

I'm not sure. I know it's not always the case that children will hang around. Some may move country. But I've seen older people who have lots of contact with their sons / daughters and nothing puts a smile on their face more! (Unless older person blames said son / daughter for their living / care arrangements ha)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondered for those with kids: is it as fantastic / rewarding as many people say? (Albeit energy / money draining)

Those whore child'less.. do you feel a stigma or feel you'll miss out in the future? Or are you happy not having the responsibility and having extra cash each month?

Apologies in advance if any upset is caused by this post as I know not everyone has the choice and it may be a sensitive topic. "

I have 2 daughter's who can't have children for medical reason, and my son is infertile from chemo, I,m sad for them, especially my son.

However I fully Understand that some people female or male, don't want children, there is nothing wrong whatsoever with not wanting children.

XXX

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

I love my son and am proud of him, thats the way it should be. However i wouldnt recomend having kids to anyone for hundreds of reasons. My brothers and sister never had any kids and quite a few people i have known and are quite happy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would recommend not having children.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

"The world is already over populated maybe these people who don't want kids are actually doing a good thing for the planet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kids are awesome.

You get to go to the cinema and see kids movied and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to go and play in the softplay areas at kids club and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to play with Lego, you get to sit and watch clouds in the sun.

Best of all, you can just forget about being a grown up for a while.

Kids are awesome.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mate of mines got almost everything..a Bentley a Cosworth a big house...but no kids..the ivf cost nearly 60 grand and it makes him wanna puke how some people can have loads and hate them and he can't even manage one and give it everything ..

They won't even let him adopt as he has a guest house but someone else could and stop there ...it's fucking mad

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For what it's worth, I think there are some parents who allow their children to take over their lives. These are the ones that never have anything to talk about other than little Johnny, only socialise with other parents and flare up on the forums whenever the subject of parenting is raised.

Then there are those who don't. We had dinner with some vanilla friends and their kids (at a guess 9 & 10). The kids were wonderful, we spent about 50% of the time on subjects the children could engage with (e.g. sports) and 50% digressing to stuff that probably went over their heads (e.g. politics). The kids didn't pull a strop when we went off topic and we made the effort to bring the conversation back to something they could engage in.

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

"For what it's worth, I think there are some parents who allow their children to take over their lives. These are the ones that never have anything to talk about other than little Johnny, only socialise with other parents and flare up on the forums whenever the subject of parenting is raised.

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head. "

It's very easy to be critical of other people's parenting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To the guy that just private messaged me saying I'm insensitive and crass for adding such a "horrible" topic because some people can't have children and they're having to read about everyone rubbing their nose in it...

1. I can't reply as you've blocked the ability to do so.

2. I've put in the original post that I'm aware it's a sensitive topic. People don't have to read it, the title kind of gives away what it's going to be about.

3. I apologised in advance if it causes offence / upset.

4. It's something that other readers may find others views on to be quite interesting. People without children don't know what it's like.

5. Don't go round private messaging people just to be a tool and block their ability to reply to try to explain. It's a pretty troll'ish move chief.

6. I do genuinely apologise to anyone who this topic triggers upsetting thoughts. Obviously not my intention. I wouldn't say it's insensitive / crass but rather it's a delicate topic. Baby talk is a common topic, it can't just be avoided.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

"Unfortunately i lost my son an only child tradgely ,and i really wanted more children but it never happened,way to late now."

Sorry to hear that im sure hes still with you everyday though xxx Personally id love two one of each really as i always believed you live on beyond your years in your kids xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Kids are awesome.

You get to go to the cinema and see kids movied and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to go and play in the softplay areas at kids club and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to play with Lego, you get to sit and watch clouds in the sun.

Best of all, you can just forget about being a grown up for a while.

Kids are awesome.

You know that's true and a great point,that's definitely a positive

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

It's very easy to be critical of other people's parenting "

I didn't comment on their parenting. I commented on their inability to balance their parenting with anything else in their lives.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What I'm finding is it's rare to find a couple with kids and for them to genuinely say "don't bother!!!"

Couples seem to joke about "oh, don't bother!" but they don't actually mean it.

I've met a lot of lovely older people who seem to have lead awesome lives but literally have no one involved in their lives at that age other than paid carers.

It's a total myth that if you have kids they will visit/care for you.

Having had been in the care environment directly I can safely say this is not always the case. Whether the elderly person blames offspring or not, sometimes they have done nothing wrong to their children, yet their children never come.

I have had the phonecall to notify of a death and apologised for their loss only to get a 'he was old and it was going to happen anyway' back. Ummm? Really? I'm sure no matter how old my father is I would be a mess.

I don't understand people at times. I couldn't dream of putting my parents into care but maybe that's me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The first 25 years of parenthood are the worst then you can start easing off the worrying a bit. This isn't a joke.

I don't regret it for a minute and I'd do it again in a heartbeat (if I was younger) but I'm glad I didn't know what was in store when I peed on the stick."

My children are all 30 something's and I worry more now than when they were children. Plus,I now have grandchildren to worry about. My own children were a breeze compared to my grandchildren.

I respect anyone's wish to not have children. The urge doesn't get us all and some people have lives that a child wouldn't fit into. Some people don't want to bring a child into a world they don't feel is deserving.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never ever felt the need or want to have kids. I'm not maternal in any way..that doesn't make me a bad person..why should I bring a life into this world because it's expected? There are enough unwanted children in this world and if I was maternally inclined I would probably adopt.

I admire parents..I don't know how you do it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To the guy that just private messaged me saying I'm insensitive and crass for adding such a "horrible" topic because some people can't have children and they're having to read about everyone rubbing their nose in it...

1. I can't reply as you've blocked the ability to do so.

2. I've put in the original post that I'm aware it's a sensitive topic. People don't have to read it, the title kind of gives away what it's going to be about.

3. I apologised in advance if it causes offence / upset.

4. It's something that other readers may find others views on to be quite interesting. People without children don't know what it's like.

5. Don't go round private messaging people just to be a tool and block their ability to reply to try to explain. It's a pretty troll'ish move chief.

If you avoided all topics that where insensitive to some we would have nothing to talk about

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately i lost my son an only child tradgely ,and i really wanted more children but it never happened,way to late now."

Foster, adopt, as someone who knows, there's lots of children out there need a bit of parental stability in their lives, if you were so inclined? .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

It's very easy to be critical of other people's parenting "
i dont see it as being critical..i see the recognition that some people totally lose their adult individual identity when they have kids..which, when the kids leave home, creates other problems..i second that adults should be able to communicate about their kids but its not the be all, of life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

1. I can't reply as you've blocked the ability to do so.

2. I've put in the original post that I'm aware it's a sensitive topic. People don't have to read it, the title kind of gives away what it's going to be about.

3. I apologised in advance if it causes offence / upset.

4. It's something that other readers may find others views on to be quite interesting. People without children don't know what it's like.

5. Don't go round private messaging people just to be a tool and block their ability to reply to try to explain. It's a pretty troll'ish move chief.

Don't worry about him I couldn't have my own and I wasn't offended. When you want your own children and nature is telling you no even though nature is telling me to have them it's distroying,but that's my problem no-one else's.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm quite prepared to look after my parents in old age..and I do worry about what will happen to me when I'm old and decrepit but that's not a reason to have kids.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

It's very easy to be critical of other people's parenting

I didn't comment on their parenting. I commented on their inability to balance their parenting with anything else in their lives. "

As I say, it's very easy to be critical of others

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head. "

For some people their children are more important than having dinner parties and talking about politics.

I much preferred time with children than with adults. I still do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

Its a life choice you ethier do or you dont xx Or in case of a friend of mine by accident but hes got a great son now and a new gf with a two year old son so hes gone from single to attached with two sons in just over a year xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

It's very easy to be critical of other people's parenting

I didn't comment on their parenting. I commented on their inability to balance their parenting with anything else in their lives.

As I say, it's very easy to be critical of others

Who's to say they are unable to do it; they may prefer it their way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having children is horrible.

Life ends. You cease to exist. You are exhausted beyond belief and skint.

Wonderful things happen.

You begin to see the world through the eyes of others.

You are too busy and worried to give yourself a moment but in the end you develop into a better human being.

Less ego- more wisdom.

I'm unapologetic. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1. I can't reply as you've blocked the ability to do so.

2. I've put in the original post that I'm aware it's a sensitive topic. People don't have to read it, the title kind of gives away what it's going to be about.

3. I apologised in advance if it causes offence / upset.

4. It's something that other readers may find others views on to be quite interesting. People without children don't know what it's like.

5. Don't go round private messaging people just to be a tool and block their ability to reply to try to explain. It's a pretty troll'ish move chief.

Asking a question is not insensitive or crass, unless there is intent to be.

It is a question, however people will interpret it according to their own sensitivities, sounds like you got a pm from a sensitive soul.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

It's very easy to be critical of other people's parenting i dont see it as being critical..i see the recognition that some people totally lose their adult individual identity when they have kids..which, when the kids leave home, creates other problems..i second that adults should be able to communicate about their kids but its not the be all, of life."

Glad someone got as far as the second paragraph.

As you say, those people tend to fall into all sorts of problems when their kids grow up.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

i had my first young and coped well but my second has aspergers and has been sectioned for over 5 years boy oh boy i deserve a medal but not sure id change things

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love my kids with all my heart and I would not change them for the world but it has been hard for me

Would I change anything

And every minute I struggled was worth it"
Well done you xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

"i had my first young and coped well but my second has aspergers and has been sectioned for over 5 years boy oh boy i deserve a medal but not sure id change things"

Well done though xxx We would be same if ours had any condition we would be there for them its what parents do for there kids xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always been sure from a young age that i never wanted them and I've never had them. I'm too selfish for them. I like that my life can just take different direction when i get bored and i can do as I please whenever i please.

i don't want to spend money on crap for them. I don't want my house full of children's crap. I don't want to have to take them to school and deal with all that rubbish, i couldn't be bothered dealing with them getting ill and needing to take them to the docs. In fact i can't think of a single reason i would want one of my own.

That's not to say i don't like kids, i love playing with my nieces and nephews and friends kids, i do fairly regularly. I just don't want the serious bits of parenting. It isn't for me. Of that i'm sure

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

Glad someone got as far as the second paragraph.

As you say, those people tend to fall into all sorts of problems when their kids grow up. "

What kinds of problems?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

It's very easy to be critical of other people's parenting

I didn't comment on their parenting. I commented on their inability to balance their parenting with anything else in their lives.

As I say, it's very easy to be critical of others

Who's to say they are unable to do it; they may prefer it their way. "

I think balance is healthy.

If they have nothing else in their lives that they want to balance their children's attention with then, in my opinion, that's unhealthy.

They are welcome to a different opinion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

Glad someone got as far as the second paragraph.

As you say, those people tend to fall into all sorts of problems when their kids grow up. "

The funny thing about kids is you don't know whether or not you've done a good job until it's too late to do anything about it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately i lost my son an only child tradgely ,and i really wanted more children but it never happened,way to late now.

Foster, adopt, as someone who knows, there's lots of children out there need a bit of parental stability in their lives, if you were so inclined? . "
I did try ok.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" I don't understand people at times. I couldn't dream of putting my parents into care but maybe that's me."

I think sometimes even with the best intention, it can be unavoidable. I'm mainly thinking about if an older person has advanced dementia. Wandering at night etc.

It's sad to see sons / daughters who show a complete lack of interest but it does happen. It also happens the other way; I've witnessed daily visits and the only time the older person will engage is when they see the familiar face of their child. All families are different I suppose.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Kids are awesome.

You get to go to the cinema and see kids movied and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to go and play in the softplay areas at kids club and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to play with Lego, you get to sit and watch clouds in the sun.

Best of all, you can just forget about being a grown up for a while.

Kids are awesome.

You know that's true and a great point,that's definitely a positive

I have lost count now of the times my son and I have laid out on a blanket in the sun and just watched clouds.

We started this when he was very small and it's just the best thing.

He is just a little boy and has the rest of his life to have grown up worries and already is teaching me things that i didn't know (or at least forgotten)

Grown up world isn't going away and will always be there with its unpaid bills and 60 hour working weeks but for a while I get to switch the lights off and just live in children's world with him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

Glad someone got as far as the second paragraph.

As you say, those people tend to fall into all sorts of problems when their kids grow up.

What kinds of problems?"

I've personally seen more than one mother go into a mental health crisis when their children left home. Effectively they were addicted to 'being needed' and didn't know how to live when they weren't needed enough to fulfil that feeling.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't have children and at this stage have no intention.

We did attempt to have children a few years back and had some difficulties with conceiving. Once we came across this problem we ended up having a good a think about our reasons for having children and realised they weren't the best reasons.

We're quite happy having 6 nieces and nephews. Attempting to have children brought up a lot of memories about our own childhoods which made us think parenthood wouldn't be the best thing. Plus with me being diagnosed with an autistic spectrum disorder that was the final nail in the coffin.

Funnily enough, the only time we've come across any negative judgement over not having children is from other swingers. But that was rare.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

"Kids are awesome.

You get to go to the cinema and see kids movied and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to go and play in the softplay areas at kids club and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to play with Lego, you get to sit and watch clouds in the sun.

Best of all, you can just forget about being a grown up for a while.

Kids are awesome.

You know that's true and a great point,that's definitely a positive

I have lost count now of the times my son and I have laid out on a blanket in the sun and just watched clouds.

We started this when he was very small and it's just the best thing.

He is just a little boy and has the rest of his life to have grown up worries and already is teaching me things that i didn't know (or at least forgotten)

Grown up world isn't going away and will always be there with its unpaid bills and 60 hour working weeks but for a while I get to switch the lights off and just live in children's world with him.

xx"

Awww thats so nice and thats why having kids if you want them is one of the most rewarding things in life well done to you xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately i lost my son an only child tradgely ,and i really wanted more children but it never happened,way to late now.

Foster, adopt, as someone who knows, there's lots of children out there need a bit of parental stability in their lives, if you were so inclined? .

I did try ok."

Adopting isnt that easy

My middle daughter had a hysterectomy when she was 18, people just say...oh it's ok you can adopt, like it's as easy as walking round a supermarket and picking a kid up and putting it in your trolley

There's a huge wait, some people sit in the list all their life and never get a child, and that's if your lucky enough to get on the list in the first place

It kind of annoys me when people say it to her

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask me when the school hols are over lol as at this time they are bloody hard work (7/5 yr old girls)but i am a single parent.

Saying that i am looking into being a surrogate, I love being pregnant and would love to give that 'gift' to someone who cant. I have donated my eggs before.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately i lost my son an only child tradgely ,and i really wanted more children but it never happened,way to late now.

Foster, adopt, as someone who knows, there's lots of children out there need a bit of parental stability in their lives, if you were so inclined? .

I did try ok.

Adopting isnt that easy

My middle daughter had a hysterectomy when she was 18, people just say...oh it's ok you can adopt, like it's as easy as walking round a supermarket and picking a kid up and putting it in your trolley

There's a huge wait, some people sit in the list all their life and never get a child, and that's if your lucky enough to get on the list in the first place

It kind of annoys me when people say it to her

"
very true x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to be part of the latter crowd, not the former. If I ever become part of the former then I hereby give my consent to be shot in the head.

Glad someone got as far as the second paragraph.

As you say, those people tend to fall into all sorts of problems when their kids grow up.

What kinds of problems?

Turns out there is actually a term for this, it's called "empty nest syndrome".

It's got its own Wikipedia page and under "coping" it says "parents going through empty nest syndrome can ease their stress by pursuing their own hobbies and interests".

That's why, in my opinion, it's healthy to have a balance.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

Its a expectation of society and old traditions that almost dictate we should have children.

I don't have any myself. I did want children but not enough to seek medical intervention when it didn't happen. I always accepted that it happens for some people and not for others and was content to let nature take its course.

Because of societal expectation there is often a need to explain why you don't have children, which for me is no problem, but for those who have endured the heartbreak of losing them it is awful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

"Ask me when the school hols are over lol as at this time they are bloody hard work (7/5 yr old girls)but i am a single parent.

Saying that i am looking into being a surrogate, I love being pregnant and would love to give that 'gift' to someone who cant. I have donated my eggs before.

And that in itself is a selfless act of kindness i donated sperm when younger after watching a documentary on childless couples xx So i prob got a few kids out there now i dont know about but so long as they are loved and cared for by parents that love them,thats what matters xxx Well done to you for egg donating and surrogacy is great too xxx Plus as you say you get to be pregnant again too so everyone wins xxx But for me no more donations id like kids of my own xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its a expectation of society and old traditions that almost dictate we should have children.

Because of societal expectation there is often a need to explain why you don't have children, which for me is no problem, but for those who have endured the heartbreak of losing them it is awful"
Yes its awful the worst ever,my son was seven when he passed away,but these days i have to get on with my life,to much thinking would drive me crazy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Kids are awesome.

You get to go to the cinema and see kids movied and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to go and play in the softplay areas at kids club and no one thinks your wierd.

You get to play with Lego, you get to sit and watch clouds in the sun.

Best of all, you can just forget about being a grown up for a while.

Kids are awesome.

You know that's true and a great point,that's definitely a positive

I have lost count now of the times my son and I have laid out on a blanket in the sun and just watched clouds.

We started this when he was very small and it's just the best thing.

He is just a little boy and has the rest of his life to have grown up worries and already is teaching me things that i didn't know (or at least forgotten)

Grown up world isn't going away and will always be there with its unpaid bills and 60 hour working weeks but for a while I get to switch the lights off and just live in children's world with him.

xx"

Having children can make you grow up and be more responsible which can be scary,they can also remind you to enjoy the little thing's in life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I have never wanted children,ive often been asked whats wrong with me etc.I do feel many people feel its compulsory if you're female to have children.Miss

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can hand on my heart say having children was the best thing I ever did. We've been fortunate that parenting hasn't been a struggle for us (so far) and our children are happy and healthy. I feel so sad for the people who wanted children but were unable to have them, I have friends in that situation and it's heartbreaking.

But I also strongly believe if you don't want them, don't have them just to please others, i've met many children who feel unloved or unwanted and that's even more heartbreaking, they didn't choose to be born but the resentment their parent(s) have impacts hugely on their emotional wellbeing and/or behaviour. So I commend the people who have made the decision to not have children.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have 4 wonder kids aged from 27..my youngest being 8 ...love them immensely and wouldnt change my life for anything..very rewarding and can't wait for grandchildren x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are suited to raising children and some are not.

I am not. I really am too irresponsible to take on a task like that - and that would be unfair on the child.

I suppose I may have minor regrets but I know I have done the right thing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have 4 wonder kids aged from 27..my youngest being 8 ...love them immensely and wouldnt change my life for anything..very rewarding and can't wait for grandchildren x"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

"I have never wanted children,ive often been asked whats wrong with me etc.I do feel many people feel its compulsory if you're female to have children.Miss"

You have to have a maternal instinct mostly my gf has since the age of 5 xxx But if you dont you dont plus you dont have to feel complelled to have kids if your female just because you have the equipment to carry a child xxx Its personal choice so good on you for sticking to your guns on that one xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its a expectation of society and old traditions that almost dictate we should have children.

Because of societal expectation there is often a need to explain why you don't have children, which for me is no problem, but for those who have endured the heartbreak of losing them it is awful

Yes its awful the worst ever,my son was seven when he passed away,but these days i have to get on with my life,to much thinking would drive me crazy."

I lost my son when he was 20 months old, being honest I think it was only the fact that I had two other children at the time that pulled me through it

My middle daughter was his twin and I also had a two year old so looking after a two year old and a 20 month old does not really give you time to sit and think about things

I honestly don't think I'd have got through the early days without them

Keeping your mind occupied helps

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always wanted to have children but it doesn't seem to be on the cards for us, we've suffered two losses since december and I have added fertility issues.

Can't imagine not having any, but life is as it is!

Mrs xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand people at times. I couldn't dream of putting my parents into care but maybe that's me.

I think sometimes even with the best intention, it can be unavoidable. I'm mainly thinking about if an older person has advanced dementia. Wandering at night etc.

Aye they are. My aunt passed away two months ago and had dementia. She did become difficult at times but we managed it, all of us together. I just think maybe it's cos I'm Asian and in my culture nursing homes are frowned upon. Maybe that's why we all pull together and no matter how difficult it gets become carers.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any kids...yet. I would adore having children but circumstances mean I've not yet met anyone to have them with and my preference would be to be in a parenting partnership. I'm also conscious it may be too late to have my own soon enough which is heartbreaking but that's life. Would totally find an alternative route in that case, but again I'm not in a position to do it alone currently. It's odd to reconcile that it may just not happen. But I can't get overwhelmed by that as there's plenty of other joys in life even if I don't get to realise this one. I've a beautiful collection of God-children as am the friend that's always asked!

When I think about it though, I fear I am already grieving for a missed life avenue that I'd not previously anticipated may not happen.

Still, I'll grasp a semblance of optimism and hope and who knows?

Total respect for everyone else's life choices, should go without saying.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never wanted children,ive often been asked whats wrong with me etc.I do feel many people feel its compulsory if you're female to have children.Miss

I never felt maternal before i had kids. Saying that i had my first by ivf and knew i wanted another. Didnt plan on neing a single mum though and may have decided to stick to one, had i known

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't have any kids...yet. I would adore having children but circumstances mean I've not yet met anyone to have them with and my preference would be to be in a parenting partnership. I'm also conscious it may be too late to have my own soon enough which is heartbreaking but that's life. Would totally find an alternative route in that case, but again I'm not in a position to do it alone currently. It's odd to reconcile that it may just not happen. But I can't get overwhelmed by that as there's plenty of other joys in life even if I don't get to realise this one. I've a beautiful collection of God-children as am the friend that's always asked!

When I think about it though, I fear I am already grieving for a missed life avenue that I'd not previously anticipated may not happen.

Still, I'll grasp a semblance of optimism and hope and who knows?

Total respect for everyone else's life choices, should go without saying.

Theres still time. I had mine at 46 and 38 x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I think about it though, I fear I am already grieving for a missed life avenue that I'd not previously anticipated may not happen.

Still, I'll grasp a semblance of optimism and hope and who knows?

Total respect for everyone else's life choices, should go without saying.

Theres still time. I had mine at 46 and 38 x"

36!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have 4 wonder kids aged from 27..my youngest being 8 ...love them immensely and wouldnt change my life for anything..very rewarding and can't wait for grandchildren x"

Technically,in a year's time I could be a great grandmother. I've told my children I will not be babysitting their grandchildren. I bet I will though. I love being around children; the best time of my life was when my children were young. I didn't have to be needed,I enjoyed bringing them up and spending lots of time with them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Having children is horrible.

Life ends. You cease to exist. You are exhausted beyond belief and skint.

Wonderful things happen.

You begin to see the world through the eyes of others.

You are too busy and worried to give yourself a moment but in the end you develop into a better human being.

Less ego- more wisdom.

I'm unapologetic. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I think about it though, I fear I am already grieving for a missed life avenue that I'd not previously anticipated may not happen.

Still, I'll grasp a semblance of optimism and hope and who knows?

Total respect for everyone else's life choices, should go without saying.

Theres still time. I had mine at 46 and 38 x

36!!"

Awww thanks, I'm about to turn 40 and still not met anyone!! But I live in hope -- and I'm not searching for a "parent" as it were, certainly not leading with this as a need/necessity etc -- I'm gentle with myself that it may not happen and I'd still rather find a wonderful partner in crime first and foremost -- they may not want kids, and I may not find them in the first place either!!! There is still so much awesomeness in life so it will all be okay!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I was told I couldn't have children which really got to me at the time as I ran a nursery. So I didn't feel that bad after I while as I still had the interaction with children daily.

Then to my surprise I feel pregnant. Two wonderful children later they have changed the way I look at life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

When I think about it though, I fear I am already grieving for a missed life avenue that I'd not previously anticipated may not happen.

Still, I'll grasp a semblance of optimism and hope and who knows?

Total respect for everyone else's life choices, should go without saying.

Theres still time. I had mine at 46 and 38 x

36!!"

Too many are forced to have kids too young my gf is 25 but doesnt want to start having kids till her 30s have sometime for us first xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a very maternal person and always swore I didn't want kids... however when it happened (just the once) I was over the moon about it and I love him to bits..I also love all my nephews and nieces to bits too...

I am very glad I was given the opportunity at such a late age (I was 39) but 1 is definitely enough!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago

Pleasuretown

"I'm more than happy with the very close relationships I have with my nephew and nieces

Same here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too many are forced to have kids too young my gf is 25 but doesnt want to start having kids till her 30s have sometime for us first xxx"

Who's forceing people to have kids too young?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I think about it though, I fear I am already grieving for a missed life avenue that I'd not previously anticipated may not happen.

Still, I'll grasp a semblance of optimism and hope and who knows?

Total respect for everyone else's life choices, should go without saying.

Theres still time. I had mine at 46 and 38 x

36!!

Too many are forced to have kids too young my gf is 25 but doesnt want to start having kids till her 30s have sometime for us first xxx"

That's how I was ... I had a great life before I settled down and felt mature enough to take on the responsibility of having children.. also I had a good job so was financially secure as well ...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andy6677Man
over a year ago

crewe

Too many are forced to have kids too young my gf is 25 but doesnt want to start having kids till her 30s have sometime for us first xxx

Who's forceing people to have kids too young? "

Some parts of the country you see girls in there 20's getting peer pressure to do it because they have xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

1. I can't reply as you've blocked the ability to do so.

2. I've put in the original post that I'm aware it's a sensitive topic. People don't have to read it, the title kind of gives away what it's going to be about.

3. I apologised in advance if it causes offence / upset.

4. It's something that other readers may find others views on to be quite interesting. People without children don't know what it's like.

5. Don't go round private messaging people just to be a tool and block their ability to reply to try to explain. It's a pretty troll'ish move chief.

It is sensitive but your OP was clear and the reader may just be feeling it more today.

I wanted children so much I tried 8 times. I had one son who died.

I spent a lot of time mourning my inability to do something so basic. When dating it meant being dismissed in ways that made me feel like a failure as there was no possible way for me to say I could provide a genetic child for those men.

I get judged as being a selfish career woman and I'm going to be one of those elderly people who won't have any obviously available to look after me - the next and growing burden on the state. I won't allow that to happen.

I have children in my life I am able to parent, without the responsibility of having to pack their school lunch every day. They are everything to me and I relish the time I have with them, even those early years of nappy changing because it was help and not duty. They grow fast and I'll soon be an irrelevance to them so they get priority now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's scary being a parent. I worry about the future for her, bullying, being financially secure, ability to have healthy relationships. I'm gonna fuck my daughter up in my own way because she's never seen me have a relationship with a man. I'm worried I might make her a man hater even though I don't hate men but all of her 6 years she has seen mammy is the one that does everything, gets rid of spiders, puts furniture together, fixes things, knows that everyone listens to mammy and that I overrule everything and that Daddy has told her mammy scares him. She has been in the gym with me and seen me spar with men, knew I worked in a prison where bad men were. I know she'll have a healthy respect for women but not sure how that will impact adult relationships.

I'm doing everything I can to set her up for life, she has piano lessons because the ability to read music helps your mathematic ability, she does drama so her confidence for a little girl is through the roof, hoping that will help in the future with interviews and the ability to speak in public. Her swimming is incredible she's only 3 stages away from being able to start life guards, she does gymnastics, jazz, tap dancing so I'm hoping the ability to dance when you're straight will stop her wanting to get off her face d*unk or take drugs on a night out like I used to take ecstasy. She does Krav Maga and kick boxing and in October she can start boxing, I want her to be an ultimate fighting machine and able to handle herself, hopefully the early dedication to fitness will discourage her from smoking when she's older and the ability to protect herself will stop bullying and give me peace of mind when she's out there on her own. There's even a driving school here on private land that allows children to have driving lessons at the age of 11 so when she's 11 I'll start her on that so she has 6 years experience before having official driving lessons.

I'm just one big blob of worry, if I could carry her round in my pocket like a kangaroo for the rest of her life I would.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I can hand on my heart say having children was the best thing I ever did. We've been fortunate that parenting hasn't been a struggle for us (so far) and our children are happy and healthy. I feel so sad for the people who wanted children but were unable to have them, I have friends in that situation and it's heartbreaking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really am too irresponsible to take on a task like that - and that would be unfair on the child.

The world would be a much better place if more people could be honest about this and act accordingly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had all my 3 by the time I was 24

Yes it is fuckng hard work working and bringing up 3 kids on your own but it is more than worth it

Saying that, I cannot think of anything worse than having another one at my age

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I am a good Uncle and not too bothered if it stays that way. I've seen my neices and nephews grow up as they all live locally. I've always been involved in the 'looking-after' and taking them out which suits me fine at the moment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm more than happy with the very close relationships I have with my nephew and nieces

This exactly!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a mother is the high point in my life i was 1 of 4 siblings and always wanted a large family to

ive got 4 great kids and ten amazing grandkids

so to me its a huge yes to having kids

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Having children is horrible.

Life ends. You cease to exist. You are exhausted beyond belief and skint.

Wonderful things happen.

You begin to see the world through the eyes of others.

You are too busy and worried to give yourself a moment but in the end you develop into a better human being.

Less ego- more wisdom.

I'm unapologetic. "

Spot on granny as usual.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

I wouldn't change them for the World, but our first turned our World upside down and life will never be the same.

Distress, complications and medical negligence left him with severe physical and mental disabilities and he will need pretty much constant care for the rest of his life.

ALL of our life plans were stripped away that day. - Going back to work, simple every day tasks, holidays, etc are all going to be incredibly difficult, if possible at all.

Life is an emotional roller coaster which should've been full of reaching milestones trips to the park, days out and getting into mischeif but instead it's full of hospital/therapy appointments and being stuck indoors because he almost always sick.

But I guess it's a risk you take when having a baby. It's not always the magical fantasy story but he's alive and he's happy, so I guess that's all that matters.

People thought we were stupid to have another (wasn't planned!) with all the care our Son will need but she completes our little family and I think, in a way, we needed her.

I'd probably go back and change the way his birth went if I had a chance but I certainly don't regret having them.

- Amy. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand people at times. I couldn't dream of putting my parents into care but maybe that's me.

I think sometimes even with the best intention, it can be unavoidable. I'm mainly thinking about if an older person has advanced dementia. Wandering at night etc.

The thing is, we don't know how those adult children who don't visit those elderly parents were brought up. Not all parents have their children's best interests at heart, some are neglectful, some are abusive in various ways. For example, 1 in 20 children will be sexually abused, 1 in 14 will have experienced physical abuse, and in most cases it's a family member. I've cut off my abuser completely and if he ever gets sent to a home he can rot there for all I care.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand people at times. I couldn't dream of putting my parents into care but maybe that's me.

I think sometimes even with the best intention, it can be unavoidable. I'm mainly thinking about if an older person has advanced dementia. Wandering at night etc.

100% agree

We don't know peoples back grounds so we have no rights to judge

Maybe this elderly person wasn't much of a parent that their son/daugher now wants to look after

I haven't had contact with my parents for about 25 years and there is no way I'd look after them, if fact I wouldn't even sort a home out for them and I feel no shame in saying that, because I know how they treat me, others don't so will judge me for that comment

I suppose if you had loving parents its hard to understand why anybody wouldn't want to care for their parents but not everybody had that luxury

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/08/16 14:28:52]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never wanted children but not long after meeting my ex I fell pregnant. I hated every moment of being pregnant but never once did I think about abortion because I could of been aborted. Two daughters later I love my girls to pieces but it hasn't been easy. I have my social issues that have hindered my ability to be a good mother. One of the main reasons I left my ex and my daughter's last year was to make thier life happier and I'm so glad i did because my daughter's and I have an amazing relationship now. They sleep over at mine separately because they have better quality mum time that way and I cope better. I'm so proud of the young women my daughter's are becoming and they are both individuals. They are infact chalk and cheese. R is such a beautiful young lady with a strong head on her shoulders. H is my tomboy infact she's a Boss.

As for me I'm glad I wasn't aborted but adopted instead and I totally respect all the parents out there who do foster and adopt. Your invaluble. I'll fuck off now cos I'm getting emotional. Xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I don't understand people at times. I couldn't dream of putting my parents into care but maybe that's me.

I think sometimes even with the best intention, it can be unavoidable. I'm mainly thinking about if an older person has advanced dementia. Wandering at night etc.

100% agree

We don't know peoples back grounds so we have no rights to judge

Maybe this elderly person wasn't much of a parent that their son/daugher now wants to look after

I suppose if you had loving parents its hard to understand why anybody wouldn't want to care for their parents but not everybody had that luxury "

This is understandable.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never wanted children,ive often been asked whats wrong with me etc.I do feel many people feel its compulsory if you're female to have children.Miss"

I didn't have a maternal bone in my body until I was 30 & then it hit me & I wanted them. Prior to that I was always being questioned as to why I didn't want them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"I never wanted children but not long after meeting my ex I fell pregnant. I hated every moment of being pregnant but never once did I think about abortion because I could of been aborted. Two daughters later I love my girls to pieces but it hasn't been easy. I have my social issues that have hindered my ability to be a good mother. One of the main reasons I left my ex and my daughter's last year was to make thier life happier and I'm so glad i did because my daughter's and I have an amazing relationship now. They sleep over at mine separately because they have better quality mum time that way and I cope better. I'm so proud of the young women my daughter's are becoming and they are both individuals. They are infact chalk and cheese. R is such a beautiful young lady with a strong head on her shoulders. H is my tomboy infact she's a Boss.

As for me I'm glad I wasn't aborted but adopted instead and I totally respect all the parents out there who do foster and adopt. Your invaluble. I'll fuck off now cos I'm getting emotional. Xxx"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest

OP. This is only a sensitive topic for people that are sensitive about it.

For everyone else this is a personal choice, just as everything else is. For the few that are upset because they've been unable to, well there's plenty of things in other people's lives that they've not been able to do either.

Trouble is it's pretty much a binary decision, but if you're in any doubt probably don't do it.

I haven't got kids and nothing makes me more pissed off than the superior attitude adopted by people that do. How many times can you hear "your life just changes... But for the better!" Or, "you just don't understand, you can't until you've had kids!'?

Your life as a result of not having kids can be amazing, look at my photos. I think that society is only just beginning to accept that not having children is an option. It should be a choice, not an inevitability. Maybe then the negative stigmatisation of childlessness (what a horrible phrase!) will ease.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not a superior attitude, it's just something you only know if you do have a kid. Having a kid is amazing and you'll only know that if you have a kid.

I pretty much disliked most kids who weren't related to me and didn't know how I'd be with a kid of my own, but it really is fantastic.

Don't think it's changed me too much though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wondered for those with kids: is it as fantastic / rewarding as many people say? (Albeit energy / money draining)

Those whore child'less.. do you feel a stigma or feel you'll miss out in the future? Or are you happy not having the responsibility and having extra cash each month?

Apologies in advance if any upset is caused by this post as I know not everyone has the choice and it may be a sensitive topic. "

There Is a stigma- I have had more than one friend accused of being heartless/uncaring/ unfeminine for not wanting children.

I respect their choices. I came to parenting relatively late but it has been a blessing to me.

No, it's not always easy/fun/rewarding but few things are constant with any relationship, but so very very worth it to me.

I have family and friends with fertility issues so I consider myself fortunate to have had a choice.

And a side note- adoption. Having been adopted after being orphaned at the age of 6, it's not an easy solution either.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I don't understand people at times. I couldn't dream of putting my parents into care but maybe that's me.

I think sometimes even with the best intention, it can be unavoidable. I'm mainly thinking about if an older person has advanced dementia. Wandering at night etc.

100% agree

We don't know peoples back grounds so we have no rights to judge

Maybe this elderly person wasn't much of a parent that their son/daugher now wants to look after

I suppose if you had loving parents its hard to understand why anybody wouldn't want to care for their parents but not everybody had that luxury "

100% this! My sisters and I could have written this!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love my children dearly although I do wish I'd had them when I was slightly younger (had my first at 36 and my second at 38 as I think my patience has worn thin over the years).

They're hard work, emotionally draining, and test my last nerve on a daily basis, but they are full of charachter, provide great joy and their sense of fun is infectious. They also give the best cuddles in the world.

I'm very lucky and I wouldn't change them.

That being said, I'm not particularly motherly and don't really like other people's children.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love my children dearly although I do wish I'd had them when I was slightly younger (had my first at 36 and my second at 38 as I think my patience has worn thin over the years).

I'm very lucky and I wouldn't change them.

That being said, I'm not particularly motherly and don't really like other people's children."

This sums up my views exactly

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

I am maternal and do get broody only i just didnt want anymore kids, i obviously like my own more than other peoples though, some kids arent so bad if they have good parents who bring them up properly and teach them good manners.

i prefer to be with adults and think that parenthood is overrated.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

I don't want children. I have never been maternal. I am brilliant with kids, I love playing with them, and teaching them. However, I also love handing them back at the end of the day.

My sister would love children, but identifies as A sexual, and so has neither the inclination nor the 'need' to have sex even to reproduce. She has just started to go through the process to adopt.

Both of us are always being asked by family when are we having children, and even now at 37 years old I get told I'll change my mind!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never felt broody, and never wanted kids. To be honest I don't want the responsibility.

When I get asked if I have children I guess my retort stops anyone daring to give me any of the more insulting responses!!

I think I'd tear strips off anyone telling me I'm selfish or missing out etc etc.

I do get those sad sympathy looks, as if I should be pitied lol. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I've never felt broody, and never wanted kids. To be honest I don't want the responsibility.

When I get asked if I have children I guess my retort stops anyone daring to give me any of the more insulting responses!!

I think I'd tear strips off anyone telling me I'm selfish or missing out etc etc.

I do get those sad sympathy looks, as if I should be pitied lol. X

Look up AWOC. We're a thing now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't change them for the World, but our first turned our World upside down and life will never be the same.

Distress, complications and medical negligence left him with severe physical and mental disabilities and he will need pretty much constant care for the rest of his life.

ALL of our life plans were stripped away that day. - Going back to work, simple every day tasks, holidays, etc are all going to be incredibly difficult, if possible at all.

But I guess it's a risk you take when having a baby. It's not always the magical fantasy story but he's alive and he's happy, so I guess that's all that matters.

People thought we were stupid to have another (wasn't planned!) with all the care our Son will need but she completes our little family and I think, in a way, we needed her.

I'd probably go back and change the way his birth went if I had a chance but I certainly don't regret having them.

- Amy. x"

Similar experience to you Amy. I have a child with extensive medical issues after botched labour and delivery. I didn't plan anymore after him, but went on to have another when he was 4. They are both at FT school now, I have been sterilised and can't have more. I don't want to either. I'm at peace with that choice. Life is complicated enough already! Wouldn't swap them for the world tho

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

"The world is already over populated maybe these people who don't want kids are actually doing a good thing for the planet

Great point.

I'm doing my bit for mankind by not having any.

Never wanted kids. 100% not interested.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

"OP. This is only a sensitive topic for people that are sensitive about it.

Trouble is it's pretty much a binary decision, but if you're in any doubt probably don't do it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/08/16 00:44:11]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Childfree by choice.

No regrets. A very healthy and happy decision for me.

I get occasional kiddie fixes from my nieces and nephews x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread