FabSwingers.com forum: ABUSE

By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

Im not going to name and shame,, but im sick of being abused and threatened by guys on here

do they actually think that by threatening me that i will still want to meet them

yes i appreciate that its frustrating that i dont do meets atm...

however after being on here for 3yrs and having done meets in the past, have had a genuine reason for not doing meets for a few months...

i have been considering coming back, but then these guys start messaging and its like "why have i bothered"

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done...i block but some just open up a new account and some get their "frinds" to contact me instead or keep an eye on me

whats the point...move on there are hundreds of women and couples on this site there is no need for the abuse and threats

enough is enough!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

How do they threaten you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant believe they can be so pedantic as to continually try to 'abuse' you, even after blocking them? are you sure its the same people all the time?

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

one of them .....by telling me he know where i go and that something i put on my status better not be about them even though it had noting to do with him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not going to name and shame...

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done..."

This seems to come up quite a lot lately despite the fact that there are so few single women here. Anyone who does this SHOULD be named and shamed...for the sake of others on the website! What do you say Admin?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh dear, maybe I should try tinder??

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Block guys and interact with the ones you trust

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/08/16 16:02:56]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are these actually fully grown men? If I'm honest some peoples statuses do have a sense of Facebook about them, where people write something but no names are mentioned. Hence why I'm not on face book. Keep your status informing or general instead of a rant as such. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not going to name and shame...

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done...

Omaha is a rude aggressive man who sends abuse to women who don't want to meet him. Not true? Sure? If naming and shaming was allowed then how would you stop people saying things like that about people who have done nothing wrong?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Block guys and interact with the ones you trust

I think this is the only way forward if you're getting consistent abuse.

We are lucky in that all our messages are polite and well mannered.

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

by the time one guy has been abusive it puts me off talking to others

and no i didnt name him on my status, my status was a general message asking guys to have patience because i wasnt meeting yet and that if they kept on asking i would have to block them.

i wrote it before he even messaged to of his last abusive messages

we're all human, all here for a reason and if someone doesnt want to meet you, you move on. ya dont nag or go on or get shitty....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd just block all single men and look for them yourself when ready to meet.x

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

trouble is its putting me off thenice guy im second guessing as to if they are going to suddenly get shitty or not

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

But your profile says you are not meeting so why even interact with new guys.

Does your filters reflect new, unverified, no pics ?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

People just love the drama, the attention and sadly even the grief,

It gives them a purpose to live on the net.

Good luck though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"by the time one guy has been abusive it puts me off talking to others

and no i didnt name him on my status, my status was a general message asking guys to have patience because i wasnt meeting yet and that if they kept on asking i would have to block them.

i wrote it before he even messaged to of his last abusive messages

we're all human, all here for a reason and if someone doesnt want to meet you, you move on. ya dont nag or go on or get shitty...."

Report him, block him and move on. Job done.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never understand where this level of abuse comes from cos I've been on and off here for over 5 years and have never experienced serious abuse. I turn down probably about 90% of messages that come through and they usually just agree with me when I say they aren't my type, they say stuff like yeah I didn't think I would be big worth a try.

Think it might be in the delivery and the way you turn people down that can make them turn nasty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block everyone hsing mail filters.

Hide your profile.

Delete everything off your 'looking for' list and it takes you off the searches.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never understand where this level of abuse comes from cos I've been on and off here for over 5 years and have never experienced serious abuse. I turn down probably about 90% of messages that come through and they usually just agree with me when I say they aren't my type, they say stuff like yeah I didn't think I would be big worth a try.

Think it might be in the delivery and the way you turn people down that can make them turn nasty. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your not meeting then use your filters its a lot easier. Still no excuse for abuse report and block x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not going to name and shame,, but im sick of being abused and threatened by guys on here

do they actually think that by threatening me that i will still want to meet them

yes i appreciate that its frustrating that i dont do meets atm...

however after being on here for 3yrs and having done meets in the past, have had a genuine reason for not doing meets for a few months...

i have been considering coming back, but then these guys start messaging and its like "why have i bothered"

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done...i block but some just open up a new account and some get their "frinds" to contact me instead or keep an eye on me

whats the point...move on there are hundreds of women and couples on this site there is no need for the abuse and threats

enough is enough!

Any threats made them they should be named and shamed and ran off the site..abusers get away with the abuse because of silence..name and shame

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think it might be in the delivery and the way you turn people down that can make them turn nasty.

Yes you can probably type 'sorry you are not my type' in a really malicious way

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I think the not meeting make people message more ,maybe as suggested block males and search for one yourself untill you feel better about it all.Miss

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By *fcdTV/TS
over a year ago

Southend

Some people are just broken. Block and ignore is all you can do and report to admin if needed. On here there are certainly some very predatory men who don't take no very well no matter how polite. Even I've had one or two and as you say, it's hardly going to make you change your mind and meet them. The fact they think this is a valid way to behave screams NO even louder.

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

i havent changed my filters becuase i was looking to get back to meets, but its the abuse that has stopped me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not going to name and shame...

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done...

Point taken BUT what if the offenders were faced with the prospect of having their offensive emails reproduced by Admin for all to see? They monitor these posts so they could monitor abusive emails in the same way?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really gets our back up when people talk about naming and shaming, let's just allow people to say anything about anyone eh! Without real evidence there is enough back stabbing, private message rumours on this site already for the sad, pathetic & bitter to use to bitch....

As for the OP block all single guys and just message the ones you like, simple really, in fact why don't ALL single women have there accounts auto blocked from anyone contacting them, end of the "I get too many messages, I get abuse etc etc" in one swoop we end all the hassle you single ladies get

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

and no i dont like the drama...

i have been on here for 3 years and met some amazing people have even recommended the site to mates, but this,,,its worse than i knew of in the past....

i used to just block and move on, but it seems to have risen a great deal in teh last 6 months

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

It does seem too simple for some to use the tools available ..

I read a thread a few days ago with a lady expressing similar sentiments, I pointed out use the filters stop it at source, block the genders etc... Her response I shouldn't have to..that's as maybe,.. my response then you have to accept others may not behave in the way you'd wish..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"i havent changed my filters becuase i was looking to get back to meets, but its the abuse that has stopped me

That's a shame. Can you turn a blind eye to the abusive ones at all and just concentrate on the decent ones? I bet you'll get a few nice messages after this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Really gets our back up when people talk about naming and shaming, let's just allow people to say anything about anyone eh! Without real evidence there is enough back stabbing, private message rumours on this site already for the sad, pathetic & bitter to use to bitch....

I don't get any hassle. I've had less than 5 abusive mails since I've been on here. I reply to all first messages and get nice replies even when I turn people down.

Zero angst zero hassle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think it might be in the delivery and the way you turn people down that can make them turn nasty.

Yes you can probably type 'sorry you are not my type' in a really malicious way

How do you know that's what she writes? Also if someone messages someone they think is below them then getting rejected by someone they deem less attractive is gonna be taken quite bitterly.

Any threats made them they should be named and shamed and ran off the site..abusers get away with the abuse because of silence..name and shame"

gotham69 was abusive to me he called me a slut and tried to put his hands up my dress without permission.

My word against yours, bull shit of course but you can see how naming and shaming could be used maliciously.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"Im not going to name and shame,, but im sick of being abused and threatened by guys on here

do they actually think that by threatening me that i will still want to meet them

yes i appreciate that its frustrating that i dont do meets atm...

however after being on here for 3yrs and having done meets in the past, have had a genuine reason for not doing meets for a few months...

i have been considering coming back, but then these guys start messaging and its like "why have i bothered"

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done...i block but some just open up a new account and some get their "frinds" to contact me instead or keep an eye on me

whats the point...move on there are hundreds of women and couples on this site there is no need for the abuse and threats

enough is enough!

the sad fact is this is all to common on sites like this and the sad fact is no one likes to talk about it because the fact it happens doesn't shine a positive light on the sex meets world .

I feel for you and fully understand what you and so many other woman go through on these types of site having had the pleasure of seeing the kind of messages a FB of mine received . plus I have first hand experience of trying organise some adventuress fun for the same FB.

free sites are the worst for this because guys pay nothing to be here so having their account suspended or removed cost them nothing where as on a paying site if his account is shut down due to him breaching rules of conduct he's out of pocket which does work as a deterrent from what I've been told .

just as you feel helpless when faced with such behaviour so do us who here about it for we can do nothing but offer our sympathy and you have mine .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none"

I have a theory which won't apply to everyone & I'm not saying it's the case now.

I see ranty profiles, I see people ranting in the forums, I see people saying they get abuse ~ like attracting like maybe?

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

i try to reply to all messages and i try to take a polite approach,, usually say thank you but i dont feel i am what you are looking for and visa versa i wish you luck on this site and for the future...not harsh not rude

have had a few messages where guys have made profiles and are expecting to have a meet within the hour..so get a little rattled when i say no i like to talk abit and point out reading my profile helps

yes i get what some of you are saying about filters, which as i say i would have used but id planned to get back to meets this month but now i am very put off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I have a theory which won't apply to everyone & I'm not saying it's the case now.

I see ranty profiles, I see people ranting in the forums, I see people saying they get abuse ~ like attracting like maybe?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"It does seem too simple for some to use the tools available ..

"
absolutly thats what the tools are for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I have a theory which won't apply to everyone & I'm not saying it's the case now.

I see ranty profiles, I see people ranting in the forums, I see people saying they get abuse ~ like attracting like maybe?

It's probably a case of choosing your victims carefully

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Am I understanding correctly? Is it being suggested that if someone says they're getting abuse they must be in some way to blame and the evidence for that is that abuse isn't experienced by everyone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should name and shame them I think. So people can recognise them and report them as soon as they come back as that behavious should not be tolerated at any time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am I understanding correctly? Is it being suggested that if someone says they're getting abuse they must be in some way to blame and the evidence for that is that abuse isn't experienced by everyone?"

Exactly what I was thinking..a lady gets abuse and because others haven't had the same experience it's less valid?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none"

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

yes that's what it looks like some are hinting at .

kind of makes me mad because it reminds me of the old adage if she was dressed like that she was asking for it .

anyone remember that old adage that used to be branded around to put everything on to the victim not the attacker .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it. "

Perhaps it's a case of who's in your area. A lot of fab members don't use the forums. I've actually encounterd some who don't even know the forums are there. So they must pick people who are in their nearby list

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

i havent met since january but i stopped coming on here

i came back on when i ready to look to meeting again

a few nice guys have messaged and some old meets are in contact...

im all up for second chances and trying new so thats why i did not change my filters.

i also thought that maybe id be a bit more open to who i meet and how i meet compared with the past

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Should name and shame them I think. So people can recognise them and report them as soon as they come back as that behavious should not be tolerated at any time"

I can't agree. Naming and shaming is useless because it's open to abuse, I could name anyone I chose to and there's not a damn thing they can do about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"trouble is its putting me off thenice guy im second guessing as to if they are going to suddenly get shitty or not"

as already suggested...use your filters and block single men, if you aren't meeting anyway atm then its no big deal for you and if you are chatting to anyone you can just contact them

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Exactly what I was thinking..a lady gets abuse and because others haven't had the same experience it's less valid?"
i never said that. The op seems to be getting a lot of abusive and threatening messages. Other women have said this on other threads. Some women get no abuse. I cant work out why this is. The odd one, but when its a regular occurance.

If it was happening to me i would be trying to work out why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none"

Was thinking the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Should name and shame them I think. So people can recognise them and report them as soon as they come back as that behavious should not be tolerated at any time

I can't agree. Naming and shaming is useless because it's open to abuse, I could name anyone I chose to and there's not a damn thing they can do about it."

I don't tolerate abuse. Even if it's given to the abuser. But if a select number of people know and recognise an abuser returning, then they can do something. The admin should have systems in place to recognise this, but that would be very very expensive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Should name and shame them I think. So people can recognise them and report them as soon as they come back as that behavious should not be tolerated at any time"

I dont agree..its open to abuse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though. "

Someone mentioned earlier that women rantinf in the forum may open themselves up as targets. That's why I added it

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Should name and shame them I think. So people can recognise them and report them as soon as they come back as that behavious should not be tolerated at any time

I can't agree. Naming and shaming is useless because it's open to abuse, I could name anyone I chose to and there's not a damn thing they can do about it.

Oh you mean a sort of behind the scenes thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

Someone mentioned earlier that women rantinf in the forum may open themselves up as targets. That's why I added it"

Ah ok, now I understand.

I don't rant in the forum either

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Name & Shame?? Admin would need to up their numbers to an army to deal with the petty, childish squabbles and drama.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you are being threatened...inform the police.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've not been unfortunate enough to be subjected to abuse - some pretty shirty emails from a few when I politely turn them down, but I wouldn't call it abuse. I'd get worse on a Friday night in Leeds

But systematic and sustained bullying shouldn't be tolerated. Keep blocking and report each time. At some point they will get bored and wander off to find other women to pester. After enough time, they'll get bored of the site as no one is giving them the attention they crave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not currently meeting and I've put every block known to Fab on.

I think the only folk that can message me are those I've already interacted with. I've also changed the age search thing to something silly, just to double make sure.

Any problems report them to Admin.

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

"I've not been unfortunate enough to be subjected to abuse - some pretty shirty emails from a few when I politely turn them down, but I wouldn't call it abuse. I'd get worse on a Friday night in Leeds

thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not suggesting that but like with all these kind of threads we only know one side.

I don't condone abusive behaviour, from experience I know when I have conversed in a certain way it's going to stir up trouble ~ not my fault per se if he turns rude but I've learnt not to do it again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Name & Shame?? Admin would need to up their numbers to an army to deal with the petty, childish squabbles and drama."

I think someone being abused over message qualifies more than being childish I think

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

"I'm not currently meeting and I've put every block known to Fab on.

I think the only folk that can message me are those I've already interacted with. I've also changed the age search thing to something silly, just to double make sure.

Any problems report them to Admin."

thank you..yeah didnt change my filters as said wanted to get back to it,but now im put off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not the guys on here you should worry about.... there's people up high that seem to have it in for some of us!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

Someone mentioned earlier that women rantinf in the forum may open themselves up as targets. That's why I added it"

I mentioned ranting in the forums as this is a platform to _iewing how someone might behave in private.

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

well thank you all for making me feel better, and for showing me that there are still some nice people on here...

i know a forum isnt the best place to vent when someone has upset you but as ive commmented on others lately to help them felt i needed the feedback

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not currently meeting and I've put every block known to Fab on.

I think the only folk that can message me are those I've already interacted with. I've also changed the age search thing to something silly, just to double make sure.

Any problems report them to Admin.

thank you..yeah didnt change my filters as said wanted to get back to it,but now im put off"

Perhaps put your filters on an approach the men you find interesting? That may be the best way. However, people you have messaged before can still message you so if they haven't been blocked, they can still continue

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though. "

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

what's in her profile or not in her profile doesn't give anyone the right to abuse her she is innocent in my opinion the guilty here are those doing the abusing in my opinion not those being victimised .

or do you disagree with that statement .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"one of them .....by telling me he know where i go and that something i put on my status better not be about them even though it had noting to do with him"

It's not just guys that do this.

I've had a couple of really nasty emails from single girls.

The last one was along the lines of, my friend knows you from work, so we're going to circulate your pics through what'sapp and see what everyone thinks.

Though it's not a common thing, out does happen both ways. And that was from a verified single girl.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

another few ticked off the list

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

Where are they hinting?she simply made a comment how she couldn't work out how some get abuse and others don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

abuse in any form by anyone is uncord for,,, shame they cant just move on

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

I completely agree with it. In no way did I say it was her fault. I was stating that someone had said that she was being abused because of forum use, but it may just have been someone using nearby or updates. Some people are just out there to give abuse and need no excuse to victimise someone

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons"

Do both parties name and shame then

How do you suggest what version is the truth

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"abuse in any form by anyone is uncord for,,, shame they cant just move on "

True and it's disgusting to blame the victim

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure why I don't get abused so much. In 4 years I think I've had two messages with abuse on,and I've said no thank you to hundreds of men.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons"
reporting to adnin and the police may have more effect

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"abuse in any form by anyone is uncord for,,, shame they cant just move on

True and it's disgusting to blame the victim"

Has anyone blamed the victim?

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not going to name and shame,, but im sick of being abused and threatened by guys on here

do they actually think that by threatening me that i will still want to meet them

yes i appreciate that its frustrating that i dont do meets atm...

however after being on here for 3yrs and having done meets in the past, have had a genuine reason for not doing meets for a few months...

i have been considering coming back, but then these guys start messaging and its like "why have i bothered"

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done...i block but some just open up a new account and some get their "frinds" to contact me instead or keep an eye on me

whats the point...move on there are hundreds of women and couples on this site there is no need for the abuse and threats

enough is enough!

Name and shame

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

And we have rants on the forum before and the other party then posts their side of the story

That is funny seeing the OP squirming

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons

Do both parties name and shame then

How do you suggest what version is the truth

I suggest a name and shame thread where messages could be copy/pasted,admin could also check the validity of allegations and remove the guilty parties.Its not rocket science

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *annoo OP Woman
over a year ago

Hastings

thank you all

and thank you to those who have given me support...

i guess i should still give the site a try

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"abuse in any form by anyone is uncord for,,, shame they cant just move on

True and it's disgusting to blame the victim

Has anyone blamed the victim?"

Insinuations and inferences were made yes

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"abuse in any form by anyone is uncord for,,, shame they cant just move on

True and it's disgusting to blame the victim"

I was direct in my answer but I didn't blame anyone

I suggested ways to improve the experience

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not going to name and shame,, but im sick of being abused and threatened by guys on here

do they actually think that by threatening me that i will still want to meet them

yes i appreciate that its frustrating that i dont do meets atm...

however after being on here for 3yrs and having done meets in the past, have had a genuine reason for not doing meets for a few months...

i have been considering coming back, but then these guys start messaging and its like "why have i bothered"

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done...i block but some just open up a new account and some get their "frinds" to contact me instead or keep an eye on me

whats the point...move on there are hundreds of women and couples on this site there is no need for the abuse and threats

enough is enough!

Any threats made them they should be named and shamed and ran off the site..abusers get away with the abuse because of silence..name and shame"

Gotham is aggressive and sends abuse mail. Not true? What would stop someone naming and shaming you? You turn someone down, say something that someone doesn't like/takes the wrong way on forums, etc and they could slate you. 3 sides to every story, yours there's and the truth. Naming folk would just be abused and cause more bother.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons

Do both parties name and shame then

How do you suggest what version is the truth

I suggest a name and shame thread where messages could be copy/pasted,admin could also check the validity of allegations and remove the guilty parties.Its not rocket science"
there is away of doing this but not publicly. Admin can check all nessages

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"thank you all

and thank you to those who have given me support...

i guess i should still give the site a try

I think you should but I think you should take some of the suggestions on board.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons

Do both parties name and shame then

How do you suggest what version is the truth

I suggest a name and shame thread where messages could be copy/pasted,admin could also check the validity of allegations and remove the guilty parties.Its not rocket science"

No different to the report button, just less dignified

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not going to name and shame,, but im sick of being abused and threatened by guys on here

do they actually think that by threatening me that i will still want to meet them

yes i appreciate that its frustrating that i dont do meets atm...

however after being on here for 3yrs and having done meets in the past, have had a genuine reason for not doing meets for a few months...

i have been considering coming back, but then these guys start messaging and its like "why have i bothered"

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done...i block but some just open up a new account and some get their "frinds" to contact me instead or keep an eye on me

whats the point...move on there are hundreds of women and couples on this site there is no need for the abuse and threats

enough is enough!

Any threats made them they should be named and shamed and ran off the site..abusers get away with the abuse because of silence..name and shame

Gotham would then challenge you to copy and paste my abusive message,if you fake it then admin ban you. Easy

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons

Do both parties name and shame then

How do you suggest what version is the truth

I suggest a name and shame thread where messages could be copy/pasted,admin could also check the validity of allegations and remove the guilty parties.Its not rocket science

No different to the report button, just less dignified"

Dignified? Forget it I won't ask

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"abuse in any form by anyone is uncord for,,, shame they cant just move on

True and it's disgusting to blame the victim

Has anyone blamed the victim?

Insinuations and inferences were made yes"

Or were points made which were open to interpretation

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons

Do both parties name and shame then

How do you suggest what version is the truth

I suggest a name and shame thread where messages could be copy/pasted,admin could also check the validity of allegations and remove the guilty parties.Its not rocket science

No different to the report button, just less dignified

Dignified? Forget it I won't ask

"
seriously what would it achieve putting it on the forums.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been named and shamed in the Forum (a whole thread)...by the time the thread was taken down 20 mins later, it was a bit too late...so in my opinion naming and shaming is an extremely bad and dangerous idea

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people draw abusers to themselves by there attitude, wordings, replies etc, maybe they lack the skills to reject people effectively without causing offence, this in no way makes the abuser justified in their actions and in no way should anyone think the abused was asking for it!!!

But when it happens surely you should take all remedial action even to the point of closing your account, in the worst case, the very least blocking single guys, reporting etc, if we were ever subject to abuse we would do something about it...

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons

Do both parties name and shame then

How do you suggest what version is the truth

I suggest a name and shame thread where messages could be copy/pasted,admin could also check the validity of allegations and remove the guilty parties.Its not rocket science

No different to the report button, just less dignified

Dignified? Forget it I won't ask

seriously what would it achieve putting it on the forums. "

It would be an opportunity to report abusive users and eithe

A, aggressive users could be removed

B, over sensitive users could be told to grow up a bit

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im not going to name and shame,, but im sick of being abused and threatened by guys on here

do they actually think that by threatening me that i will still want to meet them

yes i appreciate that its frustrating that i dont do meets atm...

however after being on here for 3yrs and having done meets in the past, have had a genuine reason for not doing meets for a few months...

i have been considering coming back, but then these guys start messaging and its like "why have i bothered"

i report to admin but i dont think much gets done...i block but some just open up a new account and some get their "frinds" to contact me instead or keep an eye on me

whats the point...move on there are hundreds of women and couples on this site there is no need for the abuse and threats

enough is enough!

Any threats made them they should be named and shamed and ran off the site..abusers get away with the abuse because of silence..name and shame

Gotham would then challenge you to copy and paste my abusive message,if you fake it then admin ban you. Easy"

But if people had seen the accusation but not the follow up, or the abuse was off site etc, it would wind up with people potentially being wary of you. Also people regularly leave and come back, so either false accuser/or the accused could be kicked off but then start a new profile. I've recently come back after a spell away, used my original name and pic and been recognised by a few in the forums, but new name and pic and they'd not have known.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people draw abusers to themselves by there attitude, wordings, replies etc, maybe they lack the skills to reject people effectively without causing offence, this in no way makes the abuser justified in their actions and in no way should anyone think the abused was asking for it!!!

Be careful you'll be accused for blaming the victim

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And we have rants on the forum before and the other party then posts their side of the story

That is funny seeing the OP squirming "

UNLOS

in extreme cases

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Maybe set your filters to not accepting mail and just mail the people you want to?

I will also paste onto the next post what Admin say they do with reports.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not assuming all reports of abuse are genuine,the point is if there was somewhere to address the issue then action could be taken against whoever is not playing by the rules

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"And we have rants on the forum before and the other party then posts their side of the story

That is funny seeing the OP squirming

UNLOS

in extreme cases

indeed

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I have never worked out why some women seem to get so much abuse and others none

I wasn't meeting for three months and didn't get any abuse about it.

Maybe only the nice guys message me, I don't know

I'm not sure I understand what the forum has to do with it though.

I can tell you what the forum has to do with it she has been abused and rightly so is looking for some moral support.

sadly somehow some people are hinting at it being her thought somehow .

which I don't get she's a victim and the only reason she is a victim is because she has joined a sex site.

or do you disagree with that statement .

The quickest way to end personal threats is name and shame the idiots put the cat among the pigeons

Do both parties name and shame then

How do you suggest what version is the truth

I suggest a name and shame thread where messages could be copy/pasted,admin could also check the validity of allegations and remove the guilty parties.Its not rocket science

No different to the report button, just less dignified

Dignified? Forget it I won't ask

seriously what would it achieve putting it on the forums.

It would be an opportunity to report abusive users and eithe

A, aggressive users could be removed

B, over sensitive users could be told to grow up a bit"
but thats what the report button is for on everyones profile

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe set your filters to not accepting mail and just mail the people you want to?

I will also paste onto the next post what Admin say they do with reports."

better being the hunter

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Here is an explanation from Admin from another thread on how they deal with reports.

******Just a quick note. If people report others and we can verify that they have broken site rules, we always take action (either a first and final warning, partially suspended account, fully suspended, mixture of the above).

Every single report sent via the REPORT link is re_iewed. Clearly it's not in our interests to have people on here who are bad for the site. Equally we need to verify what has been reported and be fair to those who have been reported.

Admin

PS. we never provide feedback on what has happened. It's just not practical given that we get 100s of reports a day.

Here is what the page says after a report has been submitted:

Your feedback has been saved.

A website admin will shortly re_iew your feedback and take the necessary action. After re_iewing the evidence available to us, we may disable an account, remove a user, disable certain aspects of that user's account or issue a warning.

By leaving feedback you help improve the site for everyone who uses it. Thank you.******

(thread closed by moderator)

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