FabSwingers.com forum: should i make the effort and get back in touch...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know ultimately it's my decision and no one here really help but your thoughts would be good.

I've never had a good relationship with my father, he's been in out out of my life since I was 2 years old. I have been let down by him so many times, as a child and also as a young adult. For years I hated him and couldn't understand why he didn't bother with me. As I've gotten older ive moved on and it no longer bothers me that he didn't seem to care enough to make any effort.

Last October I saw him for the first time in years, when to came to my mums funeral, we didn't speak, I think he knew best and stayed clear, I was OK with him being here though, after all they were married at one point in ther lives. I've seen him 2/3 times since then and we have spoken and it's been OK, he even went in for a hug once as I was clearly upset having lost my mum, that was a very surreal moment but not as awkward as I might have thought.

Anyway, my point being, I bumped into him this morning and we chatted and it was nice, it's got me thinking whether I should text him (my brother gave me his number) and see if he wants to spend more time together. I'm so anxious of being hurt again or being made a fool of for trying again, having been let down so much in the past, but with my mum being gone, part of me thinks life's to short.

I've rambled on enough now.

Thanks for listening

Poppy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would text him,he is still your dad after all and the past should stay In the past. I don't speak to my dad and I too have lost my mum and I would love to re build some kind of relationship with him but don't see that happening.

Just take things slow with him and see how it goes. If there is even a hint that he is going to let you down and hurt you just walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me and my dad had a massive falling out, the last words I ever spoke to him were "Why can't you just fuck off"

We didn't speak for the two and a bit years prior to his death, and the only regret that I have in life is that I never got in touch again.

People can suddenly unexpectedly pass away, like my old man, so if you keep putting stuff off until tomorrow, like I did, you may find out that you suddenly run out of time and it's to late to talk.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

We all change as we get older as to how we think and what we do... maybe your Dad has too and won't let you down again. You may well have a great relationship from now but you will never know unless you take the chance. If you think it is going like the last time you spoke you can always walk away.

You asking the question means you could well want to get in touch, so don't let the past stop you as you may well regret it when it is too late

Good luck with whatever you choose to do

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By *ustinCredible.Man
over a year ago

whitecross/sankey valley

Me and my old man were never close until my mum passed away, the last few years of his life we became closer. If there's a chance to have a relationship even if its not spending time together but at least talking and texting I'd say go for it, you only get one set of parents

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh absolutely take the risk.. you only have one daddy and I'd you don't you may regret it.. better to regret the things you did do than the things you didn't do. xXx I hope it works out.

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By *osieWoman
over a year ago

Wembley

Hi Poppy

Only you can as answer this

I barely knew my father and have only recently started to get to know him. He is a control freak and he always finds something wrong with my life. At times I have felt like cutting off all dialogue with him

But,,,,, he is my father and I still love him; I can't help not loving the old so and so

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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago

North Herts

Ultimately only you can know the answer to that question OP, my blood father left us when I was 18 months to 2 years and apart from one picture I have never seen or heard of him since. I've always taken the view that if in the nearly 50 years since then he's not been bothered enough to make the effort to contact me, then why should I be in the slightest bit bothered about him. But that's just my own personal take on it, you've obviously had (albeit minimal) contact with him, and can understand why you might be thinking the way you are.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Mr G

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mr here

Only you can make that decision my dad left when i was 2 havent seen him since it doesnt bother me at all and i dont wish him any bad will but wouldnt give him the time of day should he appear i know where he lives (about 2 miles away lol) but i dont trust anyone who can walk out on their children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes if it was me i would life is way to short to have any regrets

i lost my Dad almost two years ago and i was lucky to have had him for 53 years id give anything to have him back

so go for it huni and good luck to you x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Baby steps,in the last couple of years of my dads life we kind of came to an understanding.

When my dad died he hadnt been ill and i took comfort knowing i wasnt just doing it out of duty.

It was as good as it was ever going to get.

But the best memory i have of my dad in my whole life was in those two years

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By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

I was estranged from my Dad for long time. In the end we started getting back together, difficult as he lived abroad. We arranged to meet and did do in the April. He died unexpectedly in the following August. I am eternally grateful God gave us that one last meeting. Sadly thing was he never saw his grand daughter who was born in September.

So my advice would be, keep up the contact, I doubt you will regret it....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say contact him.

It won't be you that's made a fool of if it doesn't work out as you've attempted to do the noble thing and rise above previous upset.

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Can't offer advice but I feel for you as my daughter is in a similar place.

Except she still hates him for the way he treated her when younger, even though he has no idea.

She's in counselling due to his behaviour

Good luck with whatever you choose.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Small steps but yes I would, you might regret it if you don't

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone you your words and advice, I knew posting on here would help, you're all amazing.

I think I already knew I should get in touch, just needed that little push, so I thank you again. Now to decide what to say in my first text

Poppy

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Thank you everyone you your words and advice, I knew posting on here would help, you're all amazing.

I think I already knew I should get in touch, just needed that little push, so I thank you again. Now to decide what to say in my first text

Poppy"

I hope it goes well. It's important to have a family network around you. I fell out with my sister and we didn't talk for 10yrs until I picked up the phone one day. We don't have a great relationship tbh but I know she's there if I need her x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you can answer that. I haven't spoken with ny dad in 4yrs and I often wonder how I'd feel of he became ill, what would I do. My dad is a very negative person and an emotional bully, who can be very manipulative. He will never admit being in the wrong and will make you feel like it's your fault. May seem like nothing big to fall out over, but when it has happened all your life and see the affect it has on others, I realised I didn't want that for my children, so when it happened again I just cut contact. I know it's not something I want in my life and know he wouldn't have changed, so decide to stay away.

You just have to think about what it was in the past that happened, what could have triggered it and what are the chances of it happening again.

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