FabSwingers.com forum: Going off the "mental illness" thread...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you really wanted to meet someone but you learned that they had a psychological block on performing a particular sex act - say, blow jobs - would you still meet them and adapt to their difficulties or just write it off as a no go?

Why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course !!

I am not an asshole ! Well...

But I would never force anybody to do what they don't want or aren't confortable with!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn't be long term with someone who didn't give oral but for one offs or swinging it wouldn't matter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Certain things like kissing I wouldn't meet them but things like oral sex?

It would depend on how much I wanted to meet them I suppose. I'd want to know why they had a mental block against it though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I would.

They have a psychological block for a reason and it also makes them the person that they are - by saying no to meeting them, you're denying them as a person which isn't very nice.

We're all different people at the end of the day and what doesn't work with one person may work amazingly with another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there is something which the partner doesn't want to engage in then I would respect that. There are more ways than one to have fun.

I'm a bit concerned at the OP describing this as a 'difficulty', I would rather refer to it as a preference.

I guess the one only preference I would find difficulty accomodating is if the partner was opposed to an orgasm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I have ever asked someone to do something they didn't feel comfortable doing, they enjoyment is just as important as mine, probably more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think I have ever asked someone to do something they didn't feel comfortable doing, they enjoyment is just as important as mine, probably more."

Totally agree, I would never pressure someone but if someone is a "no never" to something you don't want to go without then you have to think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nope. Avoids those with mental health issues.

Worked in the field for years and you don't have a clue what your dealing with .

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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

[Removed by poster at 04/08/16 14:13:14]

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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

"If there is something which the partner doesn't want to engage in then I would respect that. There are more ways than one to have fun.

I'm a bit concerned at the OP describing this as a 'difficulty', I would rather refer to it as a preference.

I guess the one only preference I would find difficulty accomodating is if the partner was opposed to an orgasm

I'm not concerned at all with the OPs choose of words. As a person who has such a difficulty I would never describe it as a preference. In fact, I would prefer to be able to do it...I just have great difficulty in getting over my block."

choice...not choose...bloody autocorrect !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on what it was but I'd probably just avoid them completely. I'm not interested in dealing with other people's issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on what it was but I'd probably just avoid them completely. I'm not interested in dealing with other people's issues. "

If the other persons preference (or choice) is something you're not prepared to accomodate then I would suggest the 'issue' is yours, not theirs?

If, for example, you don't like Chinese food, I imagine you would call that your choice and expect it to be respected? I doubt you would consider it as an issue for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am bi polar when I am up I am horny and when I am down sex is the last thing I think about no sex drive at all x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 04/08/16 15:23:06]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I am not interested in anyone with psychological blocks in anyway shape or form.

I am here for my enjoyment and would rather focus on people with similar interests.

I wish them well though, but they can get support from other people

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well if there is something i dont want to do sexually i dont bloody do it whatever the reason. If its a common thing like blowjobs and they still want to meet they can meet others that do. I dont expect every guy i meet to want to do the same things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It kinda depends what you want from the site ?

For me it wouldnt be a problem at all. Variety, people being different , is what excites me.

The mind is a very powerful place

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By *vie RuthWoman
over a year ago

Just where the rainbow end.s . .

If you worked in mental health and didn't know what you was dealing with You didn't know your job

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As the OP is talking meeting someone I am going to use it in context to this site, rather than in life generally.

I am on here to suit myself so no, I love oral and if someone had an issue with it, for whatever reason actually, then I would not meet them.

If you are talking someone you are close to or want more from than a meet then that is different, but a meet has to give both parties what they need.

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By *illwill69uMan
over a year ago

moston

"If you really wanted to meet someone but you learned that they had a psychological block on performing a particular sex act - say, blow jobs - would you still meet them and adapt to their difficulties or just write it off as a no go?

Why?"

Surely, if we are all being honest, the answer is going to be yes.

After all this is a sex site, we are all here for the same reason, to get the sort of sex we want from the sort of people we want it from. Therefore we are all going to move on if we are not getting what we want. Any who say different are being dishonest, the question is are they being dishonest with themselves as well as us.

Now OP if your asking would we make allowances in real life when considering entering a relationship, then I would suggest the answer is that most of us would attempt to compromise. But I would also suggest that in that compromise are the seeds of frustration, deceit and the eventual breakdown of the relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/08/16 16:53:54]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on what it was but I'd probably just avoid them completely. I'm not interested in dealing with other people's issues.

If the other persons preference (or choice) is something you're not prepared to accomodate then I would suggest the 'issue' is yours, not theirs?

If, for example, you don't like Chinese food, I imagine you would call that your choice and expect it to be respected? I doubt you would consider it as an issue for you?"

Sure call it choice or issues or preference.

My choice is not to meet them. I'm not going to meet someone that I don't want to.

How is me not meeting them not respecting them?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Depends on what it was but I'd probably just avoid them completely. I'm not interested in dealing with other people's issues.

If the other persons preference (or choice) is something you're not prepared to accomodate then I would suggest the 'issue' is yours, not theirs?

If, for example, you don't like Chinese food, I imagine you would call that your choice and expect it to be respected? I doubt you would consider it as an issue for you?"
hang on why is it the other persons issue. If you really want to do something and someone else doesnt you just find someone that does. If i dont want to do anal and someone does they meet someone else no issues on either side just lack of compatability

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I respect people's boundaries but potentially wouldn't play with someone who's boundaries conflicted with my preferences. Mental health and mental blocks wouldn't influence that decision though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on what it was but I'd probably just avoid them completely. I'm not interested in dealing with other people's issues.

If the other persons preference (or choice) is something you're not prepared to accomodate then I would suggest the 'issue' is yours, not theirs?

If, for example, you don't like Chinese food, I imagine you would call that your choice and expect it to be respected? I doubt you would consider it as an issue for you?hang on why is it the other persons issue. If you really want to do something and someone else doesnt you just find someone that does. If i dont want to do anal and someone does they meet someone else no issues on either side just lack of compatability"

Exactly - that was the point of my post. This was about the use of phrases such as 'their difficulties' or 'issue'. I find these to be unjustifiably judgemental (IMHO) rather than just different strokes for different folks

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Depends on what it was but I'd probably just avoid them completely. I'm not interested in dealing with other people's issues.

If the other persons preference (or choice) is something you're not prepared to accomodate then I would suggest the 'issue' is yours, not theirs?

"
but it was the op that mentioned difficulties thats why other people did. if she had simply said she didnt do a particular sex act(same as most of us) i dont think anyone else would of used the phrases issues or difficulties

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why?"

I've enough on my own plate to be honest.

I can't, no, won't meet people with issues surrounding sex.

I'd guide them in the right direction for help though.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Sure I'd meet someone who's matched. We all are somewhere along some mental health spectrum or other -we're human.

I've hesitated about guys who don't kiss as I generally need that to be satisfied and connected to someone.

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

I've met plenty of people who won't do this or that. Unless it's particularly silly I bend to their peccadillos.

Don't see what that has to do with mental health, tho'?

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By *am88Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

I agree, mental health issues are less likely to manifest themselves in any type of relationship, fab or not, as just the issue or preference of not performing a particular sexual act.

Much more likely to manifest in terms of depression, inablity to meet, inability to go outside, unable to talk on the phone, these are more likely to have an effect on any kind of relationship, even NSA ones... rather than what happens in the bedroom.

Been there, done that

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

Have no probs with ppls boundaries in anyway but when I hear of mental health issues I think mostly of depression and I run a mile from depression. If it's someone I know no better person to help you out than me but if it's someone I meet casually like on fab it's a no no. I surround myself with positive ppl only and I know from experience depressed ppl often don't want help and drag others down with them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've met plenty of people who won't do this or that. Unless it's particularly silly I bend to their peccadillos.

Don't see what that has to do with mental health, tho'?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've met plenty of people who won't do this or that. Unless it's particularly silly I bend to their peccadillos.

Don't see what that has to do with mental health, tho'?"

I was thinking the same

As for would I meet them, well it would depend on what the act they didnt want to do was, some things I can take or leave others things I need during a session to make it good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why?"

A no go as we prefer meets which don't have major limits .

We would never play bare , but other than that we like to go with the flow .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on what it was but I'd probably just avoid them completely. I'm not interested in dealing with other people's issues.

If the other persons preference (or choice) is something you're not prepared to accomodate then I would suggest the 'issue' is yours, not theirs?

I won't meet anyone that gets huffy about my choice of words. It's their issue. I won't deal with other people's shit.

I really couldn't give a flying fuck if people think that makes me judgemental.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Why?"

No I wouldn't meet them as I'm here to meet like minded people to fulfil my fantasy. I'm not here to counsel or cajole.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Depends on what it was but I'd probably just avoid them completely. I'm not interested in dealing with other people's issues. "

Exactly!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"As the OP is talking meeting someone I am going to use it in context to this site, rather than in life generally.

I am on here to suit myself so no, I love oral and if someone had an issue with it, for whatever reason actually, then I would not meet them.

If you are talking someone you are close to or want more from than a meet then that is different, but a meet has to give both parties what they need. "

This!

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