FabSwingers.com forum: teenage son

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around

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By *rown ThunderMan
over a year ago

newport

"Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around "

Cane. Discipline. Or an ultimatum

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

"Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around "

He's not a teenage son. He's an adult.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around

He's not a teenage son. He's an adult. "
still a teenager

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should have skelped his arse when he was 3 x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him to buck his ideas up or he's out.

Thats what mine did with me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Tell him to buck his ideas up or he's out.

Thats what mine did with me."
thank u for advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Problem I found is that we can only guide kids on the path and can not force them . If they wander off the path it ultimately becomes their choice and we as parents can only offer advice,wisdom and guidance at that age.

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Tricky, since he is an adult, but also your son. He wants what life has to offer, and you want him safe.

Have you considered maybe going out for a coffee somewhere (neutral teratory, and not in the midst of an argument)? Perhaps you could explain your fears calmly, whilst acknowledging his adult-hood. Maybe break the news that mummies never stop worrying about their babies?!

Importantly, perhaps you could reach a compromise, that is agreable to both? Draw a line under what has happened, since it is done. Move forward. You might both consider a strategy such as him texting to let you know he is ok, and you allowing him the opportunity to explore life?? Possibly both of you set some boundaries? Not rules or limits, but an agreed point at which the behaviour of either of you causes concern?

...or he has discovered Fab?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's 18 I think you are a bit late he should have had the disapline installed at a much younger age. Only thing left for you now is the ultimatum improve or leave.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

He's a young adult and like most he will learn the hard way just like I did but at least he does have some family behind him. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too late now, the parenting needed to have happened over the last 18 years. He's a man now, accept who he is and of course he's going to be out late. Now is when you guide rather than discipline.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mines 17, just tell him the door will be locked at .... O'clock and he'll have to find somewhere else to sleep after that time if he's not home coz you're not a hotel

Thing is... You have to mean it

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By *eeeee7Woman
over a year ago

over yonder

"Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around

He's not a teenage son. He's an adult. still a teenager "
by your own admission (and the green arrow) you meet YOUNG guys, why would your son be any different. hes out sewing his wild oats just like most teenagers and every possibility, with women much older than he is.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Speak with him when emotions aren't frantic. Let him know what you want and expect for life in your home and separately what concerns if any, that you have.

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By *igjrvMan
over a year ago

blackwood

Sit him down and talk first reassure him your there for him and he can talk to you. (Theres always a reason). Then tell him how upset you are and make him aware that you won't tolerate it any more. Your house your rules. X

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By *ilvercharmCouple
over a year ago

Our gate

Mines 21, I could bloody kill him sometimes, drives me mad....he's so much like me lol. All I get his for god sake mum. Now and then he does surprise me tho, had some right ding dongs about this stuff, love him to bits tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Were you not out late sometimes at 18?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around "

He is 18 so is old enough to stay out late, this is normal behaviour for his age. He won't listen to you most likely because he is a grown up now, so feels he should be able to do his own thing.

Is he causing you a problem coming in late, do you have to let him in? Chat to him about your house rules and set down new boundaries. Generally youngsters go through this stage, I have 2 son's living home, 21,22 single parent also. I gave up worrying about them coming home late years ago. X

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By *ilvercharmCouple
over a year ago

Our gate

"Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around

He is 18 so is old enough to stay out late, this is normal behaviour for his age. He won't listen to you most likely because he is a grown up now, so feels he should be able to do his own thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around "

Love him, be straight with him, and try and understand what's going on for him. The rest will follow.

And with kids, it's a marathon, not a sprint...

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

Is he actually doing anything wrong? So long as he causing no harm....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the issue exactly? That he's out and you don't know where he is? I know he's your child but he's an adult now and is free to come home whenever he likes. So long as he's respectful and doesn't bang around and wake you up when he does so. If he pulls his weight around the home, contributes to his living costs and behaves in a respectful manner then I think you need to try to ease off a bit. If he doesn't do those things then perhaps it's time he moved out. As an adult he should fulfil the responsibities of one, and if he continually takes the piss it would be perfectly reasonable to give him an ultimatum.

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By *ango0505Woman
over a year ago

Dumfries

I feel your pain. I am going through the same with my identical twin daughters. They are forever staying out past our agreed times and I can't sleep until I hear the car coming in the drive. The only thing that's worked so far is actually locking them out and them having to sleep in their car on the drive. They now realise I mean it rather than just threatening them x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I brought my son up on my own. The very first time he end his friend where allowed to go somewhere properly on their own ( they where about 10) they got a bit carried away with the freedom and where late coming home (by about 20 minutes) id gone looking for them. I sat him down and explained why he was given set times. Never until he left home was he late again.

He was a little shit at times but theres not many parents who can bring a child up without them doing some things they dissapprove.

But we are not talking about a child we are talking about an adult who can vote, get married and have kids..

What difference does it matter wnat time he comes in.

If he is really uncoooerative and abusing your home you can ask him to find somewhere else to live

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I am baffled at the comments of he should have been brought up better. How do you know how the child was brought up? And when you brought your children up did they always do as you said?

To the OP...he is an adult now so will want to act like one. Does it feel like he is using the place as a Hotel or a different issue as to why you don't like him staying out?

Either way it is your house too and if you are not happy with something he is doing you could set some ground rules

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard to comment as you know him much better than we all do. 18 is a funny age, I was a right moody teen from 15- 20 plus. Can someone eise talk to him for you? I used to listen to my step dad more than my Mum as I was too like my Mum so we clashed at the time.

Sarah

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

I feel for you on your own. You give very little info on anything for anyone to give good advice

Sometimes a child who has no contact with their father often take it out on the mother as teens. You're the only one there to vent on. Or take their anger out on themselves with alcohol and drugs and partying late

I feel for you and your boy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your house your rules. If he's got no respect for you then give him the ultimatum.

He's an adult now. Unfortunately life lessons aren't always easy.

I know because I was a right C U next Tuesday to my mum. Then I joined Army. Soon saw the error of my ways.

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

"Hard to comment as you know him much better than we all do. 18 is a funny age, I was a right moody teen from 15- 20 plus. Can someone eise talk to him for you? I used to listen to my step dad more than my Mum as I was too like my Mum so we clashed at the time.

Sarah "

His dad isn't around. Op didn't mention stepdad but I'm guessing she is single

It's a tough place to be on your own

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

It's normal behaviour for a bloke that age.

Does he pay his way? The rule in my house was you can stay as long as you are in full time education/employment. I also stopped being their slave (not that I ever ironed) and I made it clear that if they came home d*unk, any future nights out and they would have to doss on the floor of a mates house.

There was always one exemption; if they were in an unsafe situation or they needed to use the mum card, I had their back.

Remember though, the law states he's an adult but his brain is still developing. The last thing to happen to it is the understanding of consequence, that occurs at around the age of 21.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Remember though, the law states he's an adult but his brain is still developing. The last thing to happen to it is the understanding of consequence, that occurs at around the age of 41."

Fixed it for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Remember though, the law states he's an adult but his brain is still developing. The last thing to happen to it is the understanding of consequence, that occurs at around the age of 41.

Fixed it for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speaking from the perspective of when i was 18 ( yes i can just about remember that far back) the best advice i could give you eould be to NEVER tell him not to do something as that will make him want to do it even more . Talk to him about the issues and explain your concerns instead. Talk to him about how things he is doing upset you. Most boys big or small love their mother more than anything in the workd. They will rebel and do stupid things but ultimately they would never do anything that genuinely upsets of hurts their mom. Hope everything works out for you xxx

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Remember though, the law states he's an adult but his brain is still developing. The last thing to happen to it is the understanding of consequence, that occurs at around the age of 41.

Fixed it for you

That's the best funny I've seen for quite some time, thanks mate!

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Remember though, the law states he's an adult but his brain is still developing. The last thing to happen to it is the understanding of consequence, that occurs at around the age of 41.

Fixed it for you

That's the best funny I've seen for quite some time, thanks mate!"

Take a look at my latest Farceberk status. It made my morning!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's too late now to expect him to start listening to you.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

i used to stay out all night when i was that age my family used to tell me off and make me feel really guilty, they were worried and thought it was wrong.

So i sort of let my son do it because thats what i always wanted to do.

not just him though some of his friends as well. Looking back i think i was wrong. He is an adult though so not like he is still at school. No good if he cant get up on time for work or college though.

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By *al2001Man
over a year ago

kildare

I stayed out all night drinking and drugging as a teen but I have 2 young teen boys and I'm not going to let them do it

Am I a hypocrite? No. I was a mixed up young lad and self destructive mainly from father abandonement issues and Iv done everything I can to make sure they don't have those same issues

I explain this to them and why I was like that. I don't just lay down the law

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i dont have kids hun but one of my gawjus godsons is 19 and was driving his mum to distraction with the same sort of behavior and he viewed any kind of intervention by her as in his words " a killjoy pussy whipping from mummy dearest"

In the end it was a man to man chat with his favorite uncle over a cpl of pints that brought him round god alone knows what he said to him but it worked because they have a strong bond of mutual respect and as meladdo said after "sometimes only a man can understand how hard it is trying to find yourself as a man"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's an adult so it's a bit late to be laying down the law and insisting he listens to you.

If he's just staying out late and not getting into trouble what's your problem? That's what young lads do!

You haven't said whether he works and pays his way at home, but if he doesn't I would have presumed you to have added that detail to your post?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Find a compromise. Give him his freedom, he's 18, am adult, but as he lives under your roof he needs to respect that, so let you know when he's home or set a curfew, if him coming back late is disturbing you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Speaking from the perspective of when i was 18 ( yes i can just about remember that far back) the best advice i could give you eould be to NEVER tell him not to do something as that will make him want to do it even more"

If that's true then just tell him not to come home before 9pm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have sent you a more supportive pm, but it occurs to me that you should change your profile to can accomodate, after all if he is out all the time...

Also if you have a regular string of dates set up sods law says he will be home on all of those nights

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around "

Has he got a job ? Staying out late every night wouldn't be such an option if he had to get up early for work.

Tell him you need £x per week towards upkeep, washing, food or stop doing things for him(if you do).

If he's just staying out late but still works and treats you well as his mum I'd be happy with that(most teenagers do the ignore thing but that can work both ways) !!

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By *ikki ShooterTV/TS
over a year ago

Epsom

Take him for a pint. Sit and chat to him like an adult. Tell him he needs to pull his weight now that he is indeed an adult, able to vote, marry, move out!. Lay some new ground rules. But don't treat him as a kid. Respect goes both ways.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Am a single parent to my teenage son who is 18 he stays out late every nite and wont listen to what i say .any advice would be appreciated. Hes dad isnt around "

Being the parent of teenagers is a very tough job, your previous parenting will impact on how he behaves but not necessarily in a bad way. The problem is that they think they know it all, think they have the right to behave exactly how they please and that you know nothing. Trust me they do become more mature eventually but it's horrible while you're going through it.

If you can have an honest talk with him, lay down a couple of boundaries then leave him to it as far as possible. Your previous good influence will stay with him and steer him in the right direction.

He might appear to be a belligerent oaf but underneath he probably feels like a child so unless he is seriously undermining your health or a danger to you I wouldn't recommend turning him out.

Good luck, it will come to an end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he's just drinking with friends, has a girlfriend should be no problem.

However like my son started down that slippy road of drug taking problems start. Stuff goes missing from home, money disappears. In the end you have too cut the cord permanatly. Their character changes and get abusive.

Get that mother son talk and rules done now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sign him up to the army.

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