FabSwingers.com forum: I feel .... stuck

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think that's the best way to describe it.

Ive had a funny 6 months or so health wise and during that time fairweather friends have drifted away.

I'm a social creature (not wanting to have socials on fab btw) but have become very isolated. Now I like my own company but I miss having proper friends to go out with. Today for example I would love to spend an hour or two in a beer garden and have a few pints but when it came to the crunch and I went through my phone there wasn't one person that I could have text to say... get ur arse our here. So I'm stuck.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way and it def makes the weekends boring. All work and no play makes Blues bored. And with this the mojo has fluctuated so I even having fab fun hasn't improved the mood.

If anyone else told me this I'd say they were depressed. I don't think I am.... just stuck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try meetup dot com. Has social events like pubs and such like. No sex involved lol!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Nothing local to me unfortunately. I've tried them before. I'm quiet rural and not able to travel. Which is a shame cos they have some interesting ideas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nothing local to me unfortunately. I've tried them before. I'm quiet rural and not able to travel. Which is a shame cos they have some interesting ideas

I often go to my local pub on my own Infact I did last night, I'm so comfy going in now last night was in joggers and top.

You should try it people chat away before you know it you will be asked when your next in etc.

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By *urpurseCouple
over a year ago

North West

Sorry to hear you feel stuck, how about a night course at college or adult ed place in a new subject or return to one you used to do?

Join a local club, if you are rural then a rambling club?

Sports clubs often have lots of socials...........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get how you feel, I've just moved to a new village, don't know anyone and it's a bit out the way for my friends to come over for a drink, so I generally spend the weekends being a Billy no mates

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nothing local to me unfortunately. I've tried them before. I'm quiet rural and not able to travel. Which is a shame cos they have some interesting ideas

I often go to my local pub on my own Infact I did last night, I'm so comfy going in now last night was in joggers and top.

You should try it people chat away before you know it you will be asked when your next in etc. "

I do this all the time too.

I'm at the age where everyone has kids or commitments so I don't bother sending the texts out.

Try taking a book for the first couple times it'll help ease you in and you'll find its not so scary on your own. You always make new friends.

Sometimes. It's even nice just enjoying a drink on your own though. X

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By *urpurseCouple
over a year ago

North West

"Nothing local to me unfortunately. I've tried them before. I'm quiet rural and not able to travel. Which is a shame cos they have some interesting ideas

I often go to my local pub on my own Infact I did last night, I'm so comfy going in now last night was in joggers and top.

You should try it people chat away before you know it you will be asked when your next in etc.

I do this all the time too.

I'm at the age where everyone has kids or commitments so I don't bother sending the texts out.

Try taking a book for the first couple times it'll help ease you in and you'll find its not so scary on your own. You always make new friends.

Sometimes. It's even nice just enjoying a drink on your own though. X"

Combined with the book in pub thought how about a book club???? I have friends who do them and love them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live in a village too.

Most of my friends are married or have some sort of child commitment and rightly that is their priority . I hardly ever go out socially but would love too. I do live virtually next door to one of the pubs here but don't feel comfortable going on my own.

Occasionally go with neighbours but would be nice to have a mate or two to join me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's funny there was a time I would go to certain pubs on my own but I think as I have got older I've found it harder. A couple of yrs ago I went into a local for a couple of pints and sat on my own for a bit when a lady (half of a couple) came up to me and whispered "have you been stood up?". And all my bravado just went at the thought that everyone there was looking at me and thinking that.

I've never had masses of confidence although I'm not a shy wall flower either.

I'll look into local clubs... anything sporty has to be ruled out due to health. I am a member of a local book group and I also run a online support group so I'm not adverse to putting myself out there.

I can't help thinking that there should be an online friendship app (like a dating site app) to find like minded souls.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get how you feel, I've just moved to a new village, don't know anyone and it's a bit out the way for my friends to come over for a drink, so I generally spend the weekends being a Billy no mates"

It's a strange one cos men can go to pubs on their own and chat to other men. Women go to pubs on their own and attract weirdos (or is that just me)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

"I think that's the best way to describe it.

Ive had a funny 6 months or so health wise and during that time fairweather friends have drifted away.

If anyone else told me this I'd say they were depressed. I don't think I am.... just stuck"

I empathise. I live 70 miles from the majority of my friends, plus my new circle i've met here all have kids so it's a bit tricky to just go out and do stuff. I can get a bit lonely.

I've tried meetup but the local group seems to arrange things on the evenings i'm not around!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get how you feel, I've just moved to a new village, don't know anyone and it's a bit out the way for my friends to come over for a drink, so I generally spend the weekends being a Billy no mates

It's a strange one cos men can go to pubs on their own and chat to other men. Women go to pubs on their own and attract weirdos (or is that just me)"

Depends on the pub really.

I go to the local wine bars and you're much more likely to be left alone. Sometimes people have a little chat when they're at the bar but it's just a few minutes and they leave.

If I go to a weatherspoons or local people do feel the need to take you under their wing. Most of the time they're just tying to be nice I suppose.

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By *rotiquexxxMan
over a year ago

Unquenchable Desires

You're looking at pubs for entertainment. Try a dance class or something instead x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get how you feel, I've just moved to a new village, don't know anyone and it's a bit out the way for my friends to come over for a drink, so I generally spend the weekends being a Billy no mates

It's a strange one cos men can go to pubs on their own and chat to other men. Women go to pubs on their own and attract weirdos (or is that just me)

Depends on the pub really.

I go to the local wine bars and you're much more likely to be left alone. Sometimes people have a little chat when they're at the bar but it's just a few minutes and they leave.

If I go to a weatherspoons or local people do feel the need to take you under their wing. Most of the time they're just tying to be nice I suppose. "

Unfortunately being rural u don't have a wide variety of choice in pubs. They are all very much... stranger alert stranger alert!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You're looking at pubs for entertainment. Try a dance class or something instead x"

Thanks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could join a fitness class or a gym maby! Great place to meet new people, and it's a great stress relief!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got a text from an old friend a few years ago asking what I had been up to and we should catch up.....I would never in a million years have text them....it was surprising but lovely to hear from her and how she is getting on....we went out and was a brilliant night and we have kept in touch since. ......text some people on your phone and see what happens...it might come to nothing but it might just being you in touch with friends from yesteryear x

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I felt like this when I kicked my ex out. Those I thought would stick by me didn't - those I hadn't seen for ages stepped up.

I couldn't go out as I was a single mum & it took ages to establish a routine where I had a night to myself. Then I didn't know what to do. All my friends were married & had limited time.

It's a horrible position to be in & my social life was taking the kids to a social club with my parents!!

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By *urpurseCouple
over a year ago

North West

"I got a text from an old friend a few years ago asking what I had been up to and we should catch up.....I would never in a million years have text them....it was surprising but lovely to hear from her and how she is getting on....we went out and was a brilliant night and we have kept in touch since. ......text some people on your phone and see what happens...it might come to nothing but it might just being you in touch with friends from yesteryear x"

This is a brilliant idea..........I have just this last month been reunited with 2 old friends one from school other from uni that I thought would never see again, havent seen either in over 12 years.........and I am not even on Facebook. Get back in contact with old friends I feel so pleased to be reunited with these two old friends

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In not native to the area I live in so getting in touch with old friends won't help. I am on facebook and have contact with loads of old friends but no one within 100 miles of where I live. But a great idea for someone who lives where they were brought up.

I'm sure others will be reading this post and taking in these suggestions x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You could join a fitness class or a gym maby! Great place to meet new people, and it's a great stress relief!

Before I became unwell I was a member of a gym for 2 yrs and never met a soul there. I'm always amazed when people say they make friends there as I never did. Everyone is headphones in and heads down.

I may however go back to swimming once the schools go back. I haven't done it in ages and u are right it is good for distressing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I felt like this when I kicked my ex out. Those I thought would stick by me didn't - those I hadn't seen for ages stepped up.

I couldn't go out as I was a single mum & it took ages to establish a routine where I had a night to myself. Then I didn't know what to do. All my friends were married & had limited time.

It's a horrible position to be in & my social life was taking the kids to a social club with my parents!! "

I think that is where is starts for a lot of people with the breakdown of a relationship. I know that when I split from my last long term relationship I knew no one locally. Then I met someone through a work colleague and through her I met some more. Unfortunately very fair weather friends. So I am better off without them tbh

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Op im lucky i have a partner and friends but i love doing stuff on my own. If you repeatedly go to the same places you will start to get recognized and you will recognize others. Find a nice place to go for coffee or if youve got young children invite a couple of the mothers round for coffee.i go to pub/wine bar places on my own or swimming.

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By *urpurseCouple
over a year ago

North West

"In not native to the area I live in so getting in touch with old friends won't help. I am on facebook and have contact with loads of old friends but no one within 100 miles of where I live. But a great idea for someone who lives where they were brought up.

I'm sure others will be reading this post and taking in these suggestions x"

If you are still in contact with old friends then how about booking a weekend away to meet in the middle or go somewhere different together? If you have that in the diary to look forward to then doing other activities to meet local people???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do do that as and when I can. Last one was back in may.

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