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Advice please

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I need to sort out care for my elderly parents. Where do I start? Neither of them wants to "make a fuss" which results in dangerous conditions.

Would social services speak to me and if not where do I need to go to make it happen? I know her doctor won't discuss her with me (quite rightly) but unless I step in and take over against their wishes one of them is going to hurt themselves again or worse.

What I'm after really is what questions should I be asking and who should I ask?

Thanks all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Contact your local council adult social services department to arrange a care assessment.

It does mean convincing your parents, but the assessment is about getting them enough help so they can stay where they are, so they don't have to be frightened they'll be forced to leave.

Age UK are very helpful and worth contacting for advice and support.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/07/16 12:16:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/07/16 12:16:32]

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By *awty nannaWoman
over a year ago

sheffield

Age U.K were very good when we needed help with my Parents, probably a good first contact, they give very good advice as to where to go from them x

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)


"Contact your local council adult social services department to arrange a care assessment.

It does mean convincing your parents, but the assessment is about getting them enough help so they can stay where they are, so they don't have to be frightened they'll be forced to leave.

Age UK are very helpful and worth contacting for advice and support. "

I had a similar issue (last week) and I rang mums drs they put me through to an intermediate care team, they had a physiotherapist call the same day to assess my mum , she sent mum straight to hospital.. I found the process infuriatingly difficult getting through to the right people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Age UK are a good place to start.

You can call Social Servies for advice on care in your area as I'm sure they will differ in each region.

A private care agency maybe worth considering if it's very specific care that's required.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Thank you all, I appreciate all your helpful advice and the pm advice too

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Contact your local council adult social services department to arrange a care assessment.

It does mean convincing your parents, but the assessment is about getting them enough help so they can stay where they are, so they don't have to be frightened they'll be forced to leave.

Age UK are very helpful and worth contacting for advice and support.

I had a similar issue (last week) and I rang mums drs they put me through to an intermediate care team, they had a physiotherapist call the same day to assess my mum , she sent mum straight to hospital.. I found the process infuriatingly difficult getting through to the right people."

It's almost impossible isn't it. I am wearing a crash helmet this afternoon to facilitate hitting my head agai st a brick wall

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)


"Contact your local council adult social services department to arrange a care assessment.

It does mean convincing your parents, but the assessment is about getting them enough help so they can stay where they are, so they don't have to be frightened they'll be forced to leave.

Age UK are very helpful and worth contacting for advice and support.

I had a similar issue (last week) and I rang mums drs they put me through to an intermediate care team, they had a physiotherapist call the same day to assess my mum , she sent mum straight to hospital.. I found the process infuriatingly difficult getting through to the right people.

It's almost impossible isn't it. I am wearing a crash helmet this afternoon to facilitate hitting my head agai st a brick wall "

I have to say it seems like a maze of bureaucracy and that at every turn it's a dead end .. good luck keep trying and verybest wishes. .

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Contact your local council adult social services department to arrange a care assessment.

It does mean convincing your parents, but the assessment is about getting them enough help so they can stay where they are, so they don't have to be frightened they'll be forced to leave.

Age UK are very helpful and worth contacting for advice and support.

I had a similar issue (last week) and I rang mums drs they put me through to an intermediate care team, they had a physiotherapist call the same day to assess my mum , she sent mum straight to hospital.. I found the process infuriatingly difficult getting through to the right people.

It's almost impossible isn't it. I am wearing a crash helmet this afternoon to facilitate hitting my head agai st a brick wall

I have to say it seems like a maze of bureaucracy and that at every turn it's a dead end .. good luck keep trying and verybest wishes. . "

Thank you. How is your mum doing?

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

I would be quite careful once social services are involved. Make sure you attend any visits or initial assessments and once set up, do occasional drop ins when they are due to arrive. Ask your parents too who has been round or if anyone has been round out of the ordinary. Get a small safe too for valuables.

My aunt was needing support (which we got), we had to change workers a couple of times but eventually got the right ones, though we had issue with young managerial workers turning up to her house doing assessments unannounced. I think it was an attempt to stop the service and put her into care as she was a home owner.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I would be quite careful once social services are involved. Make sure you attend any visits or initial assessments and once set up, do occasional drop ins when they are due to arrive. Ask your parents too who has been round or if anyone has been round out of the ordinary. Get a small safe too for valuables.

My aunt was needing support (which we got), we had to change workers a couple of times but eventually got the right ones, though we had issue with young managerial workers turning up to her house doing assessments unannounced. I think it was an attempt to stop the service and put her into care as she was a home owner. "

I will bear all that in mind. My parents are of the generation that will accept what (they perceive as) authority tells them without question. I already have to point out areas that the cleaner misses then my mum uses me as an excuse to tell her rather than just say "you're not cleaning as I asked".

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

[Removed by poster at 27/07/16 14:10:47]

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"

I will bear all that in mind. My parents are of the generation that will accept what (they perceive as) authority tells them without question. I already have to point out areas that the cleaner misses then my mum uses me as an excuse to tell her rather than just say "you're not cleaning as I asked"."

Whether it is for cleaning, making sure they are eating, warm enough or just in good health they are good, and helps keep their independence. They are by no means authoritative (a couple had attitude) we more had issues with some not turning up on time so asked for different ones. In our case we were paying towards their costs in coming out. When we'd drop in to make sure they were turning up or when we'd just go to see her they would say things like 'if you are here we will go'. If assessments were done without our knowledge it was easily escalated and resolved, but you do have to communicate with whoever it is they are seeing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If either of your parents were in the forces, The British Legion were really good with my Gramps, lending him lots of home help equipment to make his life a bit easier as well as advice.

Hope it all works out well for you and your parents, it can be a really testing time.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Have no advice but wish you look. I think lots of us are at an age that we are going to be dealing with this soon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Beachy head is near by take them for a walk........Ooops problem solved. No only joking it must be an awful situation to face. Good luck and hope you get the best advice given.

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By *ex mad ladMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Don't ask a bunch of people on a Sex site for starters

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I work for a domiciliary care company, but others have already shown you the route to go down so won't repeat, just wanted to wish you well and hope you get things sorted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't ask a bunch of people on a Sex site for starters "

Why not?

Many of us are firm friends.

Many of us have made great friendships here.

Many fabbers will offer help and advice without prejudice and without any quid pro quo.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)


"Contact your local council adult social services department to arrange a care assessment.

It does mean convincing your parents, but the assessment is about getting them enough help so they can stay where they are, so they don't have to be frightened they'll be forced to leave.

Age UK are very helpful and worth contacting for advice and support.

I had a similar issue (last week) and I rang mums drs they put me through to an intermediate care team, they had a physiotherapist call the same day to assess my mum , she sent mum straight to hospital.. I found the process infuriatingly difficult getting through to the right people.

It's almost impossible isn't it. I am wearing a crash helmet this afternoon to facilitate hitting my head agai st a brick wall

I have to say it seems like a maze of bureaucracy and that at every turn it's a dead end .. good luck keep trying and verybest wishes. .

Thank you. How is your mum doing?"

Thanks for asking.. Mum is still in hospital, looking more promising I saw her Monday and she was very down might have been the antibiotics/ treatment that had knocked her off, she had an infection (sceptic arthritis?? The gp mis diagnosed as a pulled muscle ) she's muchmuch better today they're doing more tests I'm hoping she's well enough to come home next week the care plan needs sorting first .. hope you made headway

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Don't ask a bunch of people on a Sex site for starters "

I've had private messages with really good and useful information as well as the great advice given here.

I know it might seem a strange place to ask but I've met some of the people on here in real life and I think it's clear that everyone has contributed positively.

I haven't noticed you in the forum before so, welcome!

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I work for a domiciliary care company, but others have already shown you the route to go down so won't repeat, just wanted to wish you well and hope you get things sorted "

Thank you

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Contact your local council adult social services department to arrange a care assessment.

It does mean convincing your parents, but the assessment is about getting them enough help so they can stay where they are, so they don't have to be frightened they'll be forced to leave.

Age UK are very helpful and worth contacting for advice and support.

I had a similar issue (last week) and I rang mums drs they put me through to an intermediate care team, they had a physiotherapist call the same day to assess my mum , she sent mum straight to hospital.. I found the process infuriatingly difficult getting through to the right people.

It's almost impossible isn't it. I am wearing a crash helmet this afternoon to facilitate hitting my head agai st a brick wall

I have to say it seems like a maze of bureaucracy and that at every turn it's a dead end .. good luck keep trying and verybest wishes. .

Thank you. How is your mum doing?

Thanks for asking.. Mum is still in hospital, looking more promising I saw her Monday and she was very down might have been the antibiotics/ treatment that had knocked her off, she had an infection (sceptic arthritis?? The gp mis diagnosed as a pulled muscle ) she's muchmuch better today they're doing more tests I'm hoping she's well enough to come home next week the care plan needs sorting first .. hope you made headway "

Glad to hear your mum's improving, I hope they're ensuring she gets physio and mental stimulation.

Two steps forward and one back at the moment here

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Beachy head is near by take them for a walk........Ooops problem solved. No only joking it must be an awful situation to face. Good luck and hope you get the best advice given."

Thank you...I think

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Have no advice but wish you look. I think lots of us are at an age that we are going to be dealing with this soon"

Thanks. Yes I count myself lucky to have both my parents but it does bring problems.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"If either of your parents were in the forces, The British Legion were really good with my Gramps, lending him lots of home help equipment to make his life a bit easier as well as advice.

Hope it all works out well for you and your parents, it can be a really testing time."

Thanks

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By *onbons_xxMan
over a year ago

Bolton

I'd also consult a lawyer and get a position on that, guardianship / power of attorney and the like, that way I think you'd have more say or at least be engaged with health services.

Good luck.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I'd also consult a lawyer and get a position on that, guardianship / power of attorney and the like, that way I think you'd have more say or at least be engaged with health services.

Good luck. "

Yes, thanks I'll look in to thst

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By *idsAndyMan
over a year ago

Worcestershire

Feel free to pm me, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I can't pm you.... x

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I'd also consult a lawyer and get a position on that, guardianship / power of attorney and the like, that way I think you'd have more say or at least be engaged with health services.

Good luck.

Yes, thanks I'll look in to thst"

It's much easier if they consent to a lasting power of attorney than waiting until they can't consent and having to apply to the Office of the Public Guardian.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd also consult a lawyer and get a position on that, guardianship / power of attorney and the like, that way I think you'd have more say or at least be engaged with health services.

Good luck.

Yes, thanks I'll look in to thst

It's much easier if they consent to a lasting power of attorney than waiting until they can't consent and having to apply to the Office of the Public Guardian.

"

This. We were able to get a PoA for my father while he still had his faculties.

It would have been very difficult and expensive for my mother. If I recall correctly it was around £1800 to set it up and get it registered and another £600 a year for "admin".

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By *ex mad ladMan
over a year ago

Sussex

Sorry I didn't know I needed and invite to say something on this forum.....I'm glad your getting positive feedback.....I genuinely find most people on here to be very shitty especially on forums....wish you all the best

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I'd also consult a lawyer and get a position on that, guardianship / power of attorney and the like, that way I think you'd have more say or at least be engaged with health services.

Good luck. "
ive just been made power of attorny for these reasons

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Sorry I didn't know I needed and invite to say something on this forum.....I'm glad your getting positive feedback.....I genuinely find most people on here to be very shitty especially on forums....wish you all the best "

You don't need an invitation.

It's a shame that you've had that experience, how about giving it another go?

Thanks for your good wishes.

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By *ex mad ladMan
over a year ago

Sussex

No I'll find a girlfriend this meaningless sex gets you nowhere

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