FabSwingers.com forum: Crappy jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

went to the doctor & and said I can't stop singing " The Green Green Grass Of Home"...........Doctor said I had "Tom Jones Syndrome" .............I said, I'd never heard of it, i it rare..........He said "It's Not Unusual"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My wife left me because I liked Rod Stewart songs- but i dont want to talk about it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My girlfriend told me to stop singing 'wonderwall'...........

.I said maybe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

these aren't crap.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"these aren't crap.

There not the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"these aren't crap.

There not the best"

do some more, wonderwall was the funniest. i also like dad jokes, if you;re taking requests.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"these aren't crap.

There not the best

do some more, wonderwall was the funniest. i also like dad jokes, if you;re taking requests."

There not mine I stole them from a popular social media site lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My computer is faulty. Keeps playing 'Hello' over and over. I think it's a Dell.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My computer is faulty. Keeps playing 'Hello' over and over. I think it's a Dell. "

Oh yeah haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"these aren't crap.

There not the best

do some more, wonderwall was the funniest. i also like dad jokes, if you;re taking requests.

There not mine I stole them from a popular social media site lol"

i don't care.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Jesus walked into an hotel, put 3 nails on the counter and said "Can you put me up for the night"?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've seenot the best joke ever but it's really long I'll post it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it."

lol, never heard that one before.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You think your job sucks? Let me tell you about the people I work with.

First, there's this supermodel wanna-be chick. Ok, I'll admit, she's pretty hot, but damn she is completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on her makeup. She is extremely self centered and never considers the needs of anyone other than herself. She is dumber than a box of rocks and I find it surprising that she has enough brain power to breathe.

The next chick is exactly the opposite- she might even be one of the smartest girls on the planet. She has endless career opportunities but she's still here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I doubt she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive past the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. The guy is baked before he comes to work, after work, and even during work. He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last 10 years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and, to make things worse, brings his fucking giant dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walking around half stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King every single fucking day.

Anyways, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’ She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’ She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"

Haha brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, ‘You.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is all the crappy jokes I can think of at the moment

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By *endrix30Man
over a year ago

dudley

A man goes to the doctor and says doctor i think i'm turning into a moth. The doctor says i think you need to see a psychiatrist, what made you come here? The man says "your light is on."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you get Pikachu on a bus ?

You Pokemon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the Teddy bear not eat at the Teddy bears picnic ?

He was stuffed.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

crappy jokes are the best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When do you kick a midget in the balls?

When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice...

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By *woOfaKindCouple
over a year ago

Lancaster area

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one... But the light bulb has to WANT to change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock

Who's there

Little old lady

Little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel

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By *woOfaKindCouple
over a year ago

Lancaster area

Why is 10 afraid if 7? Because 7 ate 9.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why didn't the terminator upgrade to windows 10?

I asked him and he said, "I still love vista, baby!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loving these, making me smile.

Can't resist posting another.

Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

What do you do if you see a spaceman?

Park in it, man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats long and hard and has cum in it?

a cucumber

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is long hard and full of seamen

A Submarine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the Internet's favorite animal?

The lynx.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's got 2 legs and bleeds

Half a dog

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's the Internet's favorite animal?

The lynx.

i don't get this one!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Farewell to Arms" is Ernest Hemingway's novel about an American soldier in Italy during World War I. He falls in love with a nurse in the hospital, decides to go AWOL, and rows all night with her in a boat from Italy to Switzerland to evade the authorities.

His girl friend was sitting in the stern of the boat, and he was rowing in the middle. At one point he said, "Cath, I love you."

She said, "Pardon?"

He said, "I said I love you."

She still didn't hear him, so he removed an oar from the lock, moved up to the stern, resumed steering the boat from that position, and said again, "I love you."

She said, "I love you too, but why are you standing there sculling when you can do so much better rowing where you were?"

He said, "You are undoubtedly right: I just sculled to say I love you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What dont you get about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who dont

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What dont you get about it"

what's a lynx got to do with the internet? loving all the other jokes though.

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By *kpartystartersCouple
over a year ago

Chester

How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler!

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By *kpartystartersCouple
over a year ago

Chester

There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lynx = links

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.."

haha quite like that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lynx = links"

ah, so obvious now. thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lynx = links

ah, so obvious now. thanks.

some of the best ones really are that obvious lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to the dr and said " I can't pronounce my "f"s and "th"s

He replied " you can't say fairer than that then"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dr I think I'm a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together man!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lynx = links

ah, so obvious now. thanks.

some of the best ones really are that obvious lol"

i mustn't have read it in my head, just as it was spelt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dr I think I'm a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together man!"

haha, so fucking cheesy it is awesome.

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By *endrix30Man
over a year ago

dudley

What is Rupert Bears middle name? The.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb,she tied it to a pylon.

10000 volts went up its ass and turned it's wool to nylon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Worst joke ever

Where do fish keep there money?

In a riverbank

Your welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .

TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!

I said " Oh thankyou sir

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .

TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!

I said " Oh thankyou sir "

How could anyone miss that arse?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .

TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!

I said " Oh thankyou sir

How could anyone miss that arse?

"
Haha you saying my arse is big

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .

TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!

I said " Oh thankyou sir

How could anyone miss that arse?

Haha you saying my arse is big

No I'm saying it is exquisite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .

TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!

I said " Oh thankyou sir

How could anyone miss that arse?

Haha you saying my arse is big

No I'm saying it is exquisite

"
Thankyou

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .

TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!

I said " Oh thankyou sir

How could anyone miss that arse?

Haha you saying my arse is big

No I'm saying it is exquisite

Thankyou

Anytime

no really, any time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .

TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!

I said " Oh thankyou sir

How could anyone miss that arse?

Haha you saying my arse is big

No I'm saying it is exquisite

Thankyou

Anytime

no really, any time

"
Haha mwah xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the clown who got sacked from the circus? He's suing them for funfair dismissal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The circus are after a new human cannonball, after the old guy retired. They are looking for someone of the same calibre

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By *rinkydonkyMan
over a year ago

Hinckley

"The circus are after a new human cannonball, after the old guy retired. They are looking for someone of the same calibre

"
...... I heard that the old guy got fired boom boom !

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By *andm_69Couple
over a year ago

Stevenage

What do you a ginger bread man with one leg?

Limp Bizkit

This joke has got me a many of drinks at gigs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a lemon flavoured condom?

Cums in a Jiffy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Queen Elizabeth amd dolly parton both die on the same day and go before St Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately there's only one space left that day so St Peter has to decide which of them gets in.

He asks dolly if there's some particular reason why she should enter heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says "look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it would please God to be able to see them every day for eternity".

St Peter thanks dolly and asks Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of perrier out of her handbag, drinks the lot of it then takes a piss and pulls the lever.

St Peter says, "ok your majesty, you may enter".

Dolly is outraged and asks "what was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pisses into a toilet and she gets in! Care to explain that to me?"

"Sorry dolly", says St Peter,"but even in heaven, a royal flush beats a pair......no matter how big they are"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't ants get sick?

Because they have little anty-bodies

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By *rMrs-Luv-ItCouple
over a year ago

cwmbranish

Two guys walked in to a bar

Would have thought the 2nd guy would have seen it ......

Two guys walking down the road when a stone comes flying towards them one guy said RUN the other said why ? I didn't throw it ....

(Jo)

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By *.nottsbloke..Man
over a year ago

the vale

I have been told to stop doing flamingo impressions. I'm putting my foot down

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

I once bought a second hand computer from Bill Clinton. It had a six inch hard drive and no memory...

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By *rozacMan
over a year ago

london

What do you get if you mix pink and blue together?

The worst fucking pop song EVER

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/07/16 12:00:31]

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By *kpartystartersCouple
over a year ago

Chester

Did you hear about the baker that got electrocuted?

He stood on a bun and a currant shot up his leg.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

The Ultra sound guy

Who's coolest on his day off?

The Hip replacement guy

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By *rozacMan
over a year ago

london

The fastest cake in the bakery?

Scone!

(gone!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get off you cross eczema with a vagina?

An irritating cunt

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By *kpartystartersCouple
over a year ago

Chester

"Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

The Ultra sound guy

Who's coolest on his day off?

The Hip replacement guy"

Wes played sir, well played.

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By *resh and dirtyMan
over a year ago

liverpool/wirral

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Megasawarse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the giraffe graduate early?

He was head and shoulders above the rest.

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By *endrix30Man
over a year ago

dudley

Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you having a go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to the doctor and said. Doctor I keep dreaming of these beautiful girls who keep coming towards me, and I keep pushing them away, they try again and I push them away, doctor says what do you want me to do, I said break my arms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"went to the doctor & and said I can't stop singing " The Green Green Grass Of Home"...........Doctor said I had "Tom Jones Syndrome" .............I said, I'd never heard of it, i it rare..........He said "It's Not Unusual""
how do you get pecachew on a bus... you pokemon.....

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

"Jesus walked into an hotel, put 3 nails on the counter and said "Can you put me up for the night"? "

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By *ORTH MAN1000Man
over a year ago

Northumberland

What's the fastest fish in the river?.....

Motor pike...& side carp

Yeh...chap!!

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By *argaryen starkCouple
over a year ago

pinxton

why do elephants have big ears .... noddy wouldn't pay the ransome

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By *argaryen starkCouple
over a year ago

pinxton

why does bugs bunt have big ears ..... cos hes a rabbit

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By *argaryen starkCouple
over a year ago

pinxton

bugs bunny not bugs bunt

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By *endrix30Man
over a year ago

dudley

A man goes to the doctors and says,"Doc i've broken my arm in 3 places." The doc said, "Don't go to those places."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

there's 10 types of people in the world, those who understand hexidecimal and f the rest.

i learned some maths today.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the three legged dog say when he walked into the sherrifs office?

I've come for my paw.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lawyer: anything you say, will be held against you.

Guy: titties.

Lawyer: fuck, he's good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My computer is faulty. Keeps playing 'Hello' over and over. I think it's a Dell. "

Best joke on here....lol

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