FabSwingers.com forum: Time wasters

By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

OK so someone tell me the answer. You have series of messages and they say that they want to meet. you get back and say thats great then silence. Your next message is marked as unread. Is it a game to string you along and build your hopes up. I know that as an older single male I'm not what most want but they tell me that I am what they are looking for It keeps happening and it can't be to just me can it. Then they carry on posing looking for meets. Help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe their offline or have several other dozen messages and yours gets lost in the influx.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come here and I'll hug you better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" OK so someone tell me the answer. You have series of messages and they say that they want to meet. you get back and say thats great then silence. Your next message is marked as unread. Is it a game to string you along and build your hopes up. I know that as an older single male I'm not what most want but they tell me that I am what they are looking for It keeps happening and it can't be to just me can it. Then they carry on posing looking for meets. Help"

I assume you used your big brain ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing wrong with people keeping their options open. I understand you might want a response but there is no obligation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nothing wrong with people keeping their options open. I understand you might want a response but there is no obligation. "

Yeah there is. If you don't want to meet, say so and if you're keeping your options open, tell that person. At least they then have the opportunity to arrange something else. It's common courtesy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nothing wrong with people keeping their options open. I understand you might want a response but there is no obligation.

Yeah there is. If you don't want to meet, say so and if you're keeping your options open, tell that person. At least they then have the opportunity to arrange something else. It's common courtesy.

I see your point but a lot of females on her are either bombarded with abuse or negativity for also saying no to people.

Would I like a yes or a no? Of course. But I'm not going to loose sleep over a deleted message either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nothing wrong with people keeping their options open. I understand you might want a response but there is no obligation.

Yeah there is. If you don't want to meet, say so and if you're keeping your options open, tell that person. At least they then have the opportunity to arrange something else. It's common courtesy.

I see your point but a lot of females on her are either bombarded with abuse or negativity for also saying no to people.

Would I like a yes or a no? Of course. But I'm not going to loose sleep over a deleted message either

It's one of those things where there is no right answer I suppose. In a perfect world everyone should be honest courteous, however as you say this isn't always taken well.

Oh well op, just have to put it all down to experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what did you say exactly? you don't have to post this, was just wondering because maybe it wasn't something they can respond to.

if you only said that's great then they know you want to meet up (which is usually what people want on here anyway) but also you have left all the planning and arranging the meet to them.

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

Just a back n fort of messages after they either contacted me or I them Even me responding to getting a wink. Then we agree to meet and they ask me for details or I ask them then nothing

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

My brain is obviously not working as I don't understand your response Cn you explain it clearly for my lack of intelligence to comprehend

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

[Removed by poster at 21/07/16 15:05:07]

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Maybe they didn't like what you told or showed them or maybe a meteorite hit their house or something so they can't answer.

My advice is not to worry about it. It's happened once and will happen again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just a back n fort of messages after they either contacted me or I them Even me responding to getting a wink. Then we agree to meet and they ask me for details or I ask them then nothing"

Just stringing you along...it's happened to most single men on here. Fab is pretty much a waste of effort for most of us tbh. I think all single men should boycott the site but not sure anyone would notice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My brain is obviously not working as I don't understand your response Cn you explain it clearly for my lack of intelligence to comprehend"

The +quote button would make it easier to follow your thread.

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"Come here and I'll hug you better"
Would love you to as I'm feeling unloved and unwanted but I'm outside your age range Sigh

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"My brain is obviously not working as I don't understand your response Cn you explain it clearly for my lack of intelligence to comprehend

The +quote button would make it easier to follow your thread."
Thanks got it now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Suck it up buttercup!!

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"Maybe their offline or have several other dozen messages and yours gets lost in the influx."
But they told me they want to meet and I'm replying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe their offline or have several other dozen messages and yours gets lost in the influx.But they told me they want to meet and I'm replying"

Had you exchanged pictures or chatted on Skype or been chatting for a while then they stop?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly think that some folk are on fab to simply boost their fragile egos!

You have less chance of this crap happening if you message someone with a few verifications. If someone has been on fab a while with none then ask yourself why.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Come here and I'll hug you better"
I

can I have one too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Come here and I'll hug you better I

can I have one too"

Since OP is not messaging me, you can have his

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By *abrielle247Couple (FF)
over a year ago

PDI Gran Canaria

This sounds all too familiar, also the same when they text you to death and on the day of the meet nothing. put it down to dreamers and fantasists.

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By *litheroevoyeurMan
over a year ago

Clitheroe

"Maybe their offline or have several other dozen messages and yours gets lost in the influx."

Or maybe they are just taking the piss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nothing wrong with people keeping their options open. I understand you might want a response but there is no obligation.

Yeah there is. If you don't want to meet, say so and if you're keeping your options open, tell that person. At least they then have the opportunity to arrange something else. It's common courtesy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Come here and I'll hug you better I

can I have one too

Since OP is not messaging me, you can have his "

If there's hugs on offer

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

It's more likely to be a meteorite than an elephant falling on their head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is more likely that real life gets in the way of planning opportunities. Just because you want to meet someone, doesn't mean there is a suitable window in the diary to undertake it immediately. Give folks a chance to contact you. Anyone worth meeting will understand.

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"what did you say exactly? you don't have to post this, was just wondering because maybe it wasn't something they can respond to.

if you only said that's great then they know you want to meet up (which is usually what people want on here anyway) but also you have left all the planning and arranging the meet to them."
Twice now with two different fab bears have exchanged loads of messages Then messaged and said lets do it and suggested dates and times and those messages are marked unread and not responded to. So frustrating as I really am genuine

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"I honestly think that some folk are on fab to simply boost their fragile egos!

You have less chance of this crap happening if you message someone with a few verifications. If someone has been on fab a while with none then ask yourself why.

"
. If I can't get anyone to meet me I can't get verifications Cant get into clubs as a single male

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"Come here and I'll hug you better"
Would love to but I'm outside your age range. Sigh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"what did you say exactly? you don't have to post this, was just wondering because maybe it wasn't something they can respond to.

if you only said that's great then they know you want to meet up (which is usually what people want on here anyway) but also you have left all the planning and arranging the meet to them. Twice now with two different fab bears have exchanged loads of messages Then messaged and said lets do it and suggested dates and times and those messages are marked unread and not responded to. So frustrating as I really am genuine"

shame that. and london can be hard to get meets there i heard.

am sure if you keep trying you'll get somewhere. good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Poor chap, know exactly how you feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its best not to have any expectations just enjoy the chat and banter and anything else is a bonus. I have some great friends here some, who i may never meet but that is never problem or a reason to get down just keep smiling

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

People can't expect to get a match, even for a social, with most people they'll chat with.

It can take months for many of us to get around to meeting - and in that time perception of the other may change or they actually did change. Or someone changed their minds about what they want.

You may be filling a gap in others' lives - if the gap disappears, you're off the radar.

I don't eat the same food everyday, because I like variety - maybe I'm fickle.

No strings sex means there are few rules for each of us - it's different to dating - commitment is different to you emotionally.

Fab rules are really clear. If interest is shared and then suspended,it means that you don't pursue them. They can be 100% uninterested or uncertain etc - take it to mean that they're not pursuing any further.

Don't invest heavily in one person. Keep your options open and everything light and easy.

People have no Fab rule that means they'll ever tell you the outcome of expressions of interest or their motives for being here. It's an easy natural experience to want to understand why things are the way that they are.

You won't generally get that need fulfilled here. Stay upbeat and keep expectations low, so that you can get great surprises.

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"People can't expect to get a match, even for a social, with most people they'll chat with.

It can take months for many of us to get around to meeting - and in that time perception of the other may change or they actually did change. Or someone changed their minds about what they want.

You may be filling a gap in others' lives - if the gap disappears, you're off the radar.

I don't eat the same food everyday, because I like variety - maybe I'm fickle.

No strings sex means there are few rules for each of us - it's different to dating - commitment is different to you emotionally.

Don't invest heavily in one person. Keep your options open and everything light and easy.

You won't generally get that need fulfilled here. Stay upbeat and keep expectations low, so that you can get great surprises."
Thanks appreciate your reply

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"what did you say exactly? you don't have to post this, was just wondering because maybe it wasn't something they can respond to.

if you only said that's great then they know you want to meet up (which is usually what people want on here anyway) but also you bhave left all the planning and arranging the meet to them. Twice now with two different fab bears have exchanged loads of messages Then messaged and said lets do it and suggested dates and times and those messages are marked unread and not responded to. So frustrating as I really am genuine

shame that. and london can be hard to get meets there i heard.

am sure if you keep trying you'll get somewhere. good luck."
Thanks for your words of encouragement really appreciate it

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"People can't expect to get a match, even for a social, with most people they'll chat with.

It can take months for many of us to get around to meeting - and in that time perception of the other may change or they actually did change. Or someone changed their minds about what they want.

You may be filling a gap in others' lives - if the gap disappears, you're off the radar.

I don't eat the same food everyday, because I like variety - maybe I'm fickle.

No strings sex means there are few rules for each of us - it's different to dating - commitment is different to you emotionally.

Don't invest heavily in one person. Keep your options open and everything light and easy.

You won't generally get that need fulfilled here. Stay upbeat and keep expectations low, so that you can get great surprises."
Thanks for that much appreciated

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Being positive and having a healthy mental attitude can be a good thing

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

[Removed by poster at 22/07/16 08:34:42]

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

"Nothing wrong with people keeping their options open. I understand you might want a response but there is no obligation.

Yeah there is. If you don't want to meet, say so and if you're keeping your options open, tell that person. At least they then have the opportunity to arrange something else. It's common courtesy.

Common courtesy? On here? Lol. To quote one lady that eloquently schooled me sometime back, "It's swinging hun, my pussy, my choice: I don't owe you anything".

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

shame that. and london can be hard to get meets there i heard.

am sure if you keep trying you'll get somewhere. good luck."

London IS extremely difficult to arrange meets. The last couple of years for me have either been travellingoutside London or with people that visit from outside London.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are amongst us

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By *uperock99Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Time waisters are everywhere in life not just on here, don't let them bother you and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men do it too, there are loads of people on here for whom meeting is a fantasy, both sexes do it. I,'ve had my fair share of men who got cold feet and disappeared. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is more likely that real life gets in the way of planning opportunities. Just because you want to meet someone, doesn't mean there is a suitable window in the diary to undertake it immediately. Give folks a chance to contact you. Anyone worth meeting will understand."

This!

There are loads of people and loads of meets I'd love to have. But I have (mainly) one night in 14. And nights out with friends, time to myself, women's stuff, they all eat into that. The chatting online is great, I'm much more available for that.

I don't think my situation is all that unique, either

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

You say you swap messages..both say you want to meet.. Then nothing.

What about pictures? At what point are pictures shown?

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"You say you swap messages..both say you want to meet.. Then nothing.

What about pictures? At what point are pictures shown?"
If they ask then straight away

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Now you see, your definition of "time waster" differs to mine.

If I arrange to meet and the other party doesn't turn up: timewaster. If I'm chatting, they don't respond/read message either I've inadvertently offended them, they're talking to someone who can "meet now" or they've simply changed their mind.

People can change their mind without being labeled "timewaster", comes across as entitled.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with the above comment.

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

Now you see, your definition of "time waster" differs to mine.

People can change their mind without being labeled "timewaster", comes across as entitled. "
If they just send a message that I've changed my mind and now don't want to meet. I'm an adult and can accept that. Still think if you string someone along promising to meet then nothing my time has been used by them and it is wasted

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"Still think if you string someone along promising to meet then nothing my time has been used by them and it is wasted"

Fab is different to the wider world - we all have to accept that, or we'll be unsure, disappointed or in perpetual critical stupor about things.

You're at a potential turning point in your Fab life right now. You could continue, with expectations that others should adhere to the social norms that are in your circle, or recognise as fact that Fab is completely differently and likely to remain that way; possibly it will forever.

We could apportion responsibilities to others, for not meeting our expectations or standards etc, or we could take the position that the rules that would underpin those expectations 100% do NOT apply - and thus it is 100% a waste of time and energy to go there.

Once we completely accept that the rules here apply, when they don't in our other lives, then we can venture to stretch ourselves, so that we start to take on this world, in ways that fit it.

Some people aren't particularly flexible, they'll claim that their behaviour is who they are, when their behaviour is one of many options that they'll be able to do. Think of it as a bit like being a Dodo, but the Dodo is our response and behaviour with the world. Sadly the Dodo became extinct, probably because it couldn't adapt to a new environment: when sailors introduced themselves and predators to its isolated island habitat.

Now, we're all in the position of the isolated Dodo, suddenly finding the rules of this world have changed. Are we going to continue to live the Dodo lifestyle, or adapt so that we can make the greatest for us, in the new and changed environment that we now inhabit?

I think the answer that will give you most contentment is to give the new world your fullest shot. Your survival instinct can kick in. The last Dodos likely didn't slope off, thinking they couldn't live in this new world - the very last were probably better at learning how to manage to adapt to the new struggles they faced.

So, it's about your determination to be here and to endure, getting the sexual pleasure and enhancement to your life, that I'm assuming that you brought here.

Step 1 : realising it's different to elsewhere. And accepting it.

The next steps are down to you.

I wish you the best of fortune, however you decide!

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

"You say you swap messages..both say you want to meet.. Then nothing.

What about pictures? At what point are pictures shown?If they ask then straight away "

Ok.. So on this occasion.. When were pics shown to her?

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

For me, a time waster is someone that commits in principle to meeting, but on said date and time, no shows and doesn't call ahead to cancel, and in some occasions doesn't get in touch afterwards to offer explanation.

As far as stringing people along, that's unfortunate but we all face that, even from supposedly legit swingers.

I say supposedly as I put it down to them simply not being adult enough to say "thank you for the offer, but not for me" instead if all this "being polite, didn't wanna hurt your feelings" nonsense,... which I actually think is worse than timewasters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'd say a time waster is also someone who chats to you and gives you the impression they want to meet you, when they really do not want to. i'm not talking about people changing their mind, i mean people who really had no intention from the start of talking about meeting.

but at least they haven't made you get ready for a meet and turn up somewhere, this would be the only reportable time waster to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hold on!

I was speaking to a lady on here and we were getting on famously and decided to go friendly. Her pictures were somewhat explicit but we chatted some more. I was perving the hot pictures and there she was but not as a single lady but a couple from the other end of the country.

Told the couple that they had someone using their photos and they contacted the other lady. It was a bloke messing around wasting time and effort.

Its a lottery this FAB lark of that there is no doubt!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think this happens to everyone every now and again. Don't let it get you down, it probably is a bloke pretending to be a woman or a couple, and once he realises it's time to put up or shut up, he chooses the latter. I would chat early on on the phone, that way you waste as little time as possible.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I have never encountered anyone that has wasted my time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

fakes or women only looking for attention to feel themselves better than what they are

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"For me, a time waster is someone that commits in principle to meeting, but on said date and time, no shows and doesn't call ahead to cancel, and in some occasions doesn't get in touch afterwards to offer explanation.

As far as stringing people along, that's unfortunate but we all face that, even from supposedly legit swingers.

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

Thanks that's really good advise. Will take that on board

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By *inglenfree OP Man
over a year ago

london

"Still think if you string someone along promising to meet then nothing my time has been used by them and it is wasted

Fab is different to the wider world - we all have to accept that, or we'll be unsure, disappointed or in perpetual critical stupor about things.

Once we completely accept that the rules here apply, when they don't in our other lives, then we can venture to stretch ourselves, so that we start to take on this world, in ways that fit it.

So, it's about your determination to be here and to endure, getting the sexual pleasure and enhancement to your life, that I'm assuming that you brought here.

Step 1 : realising it's different to elsewhere. And accepting it.

The next steps are down to you. Thanks

I wish you the best of fortune, however you decide!"

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