FabSwingers.com forum: How to ask for money

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

Want to ask my father for money, I know he's good for it, bought his house outright back in the 90's when he came back to the uk after working in Saudi and say from 94 onwards he's been in the steelworks he's just a welder not anything major. Thing is I've never had a relationship with my father ever, him and my mum weren't together when I was born but I did used to see him sometimes when I went over my nans (his mum) when he was home in the UK. I know he used to pay maintenance for me cos when I was younger every month my mum would keep me off school on her day off which was a Tuesday and we'd catch a train and she'd buy me loads of clothes and toys and whatever I wanted, he even gave money for her to take me on holiday and stuff so I know he used to give my mother a bit but obviously that stopped when I was 16. So that's technically 17 years I've not had anything off him, not even birthday cards which is fine but now I'm on my arse I want to tap him up for a new car cos mine is fucked and I don't have money for a new gearbox. I haven't spoken to my father since 2011 when my nan died (his mum) I saw him in the hospital and the funeral. He never had anymore kids though he did marry a woman who has 2 kids my age and a bit older. I know where he lives and he's got a 65 plate Audi with RS7 on the back and it looks quite sporty, his wife has a juke and I know it's hers cos it has a private plate with her initials. Is it acceptable to just knock the door and say look dad I know we haven't spoken but for a while but I'm on my arse can you buy me a car please or failing that just give me 600 quid to fix mine, I would want a new car though and also I want him to be a grampa to my child, she's nearly 7 and she's never even met him. Does he still have a duty to me even though I'm 33? I don't care about the cheek or the embarrassment but would like to know the most tactful way to ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

He owes you nothing monetary wise, and to be honest I think asking him is a cheek as you've not spoken for 5 years.

If he doesn't want to give you money, would you still want him to be a grandpa to your little one?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't do it because clearly you only want him for the money .

People move on , he and you clearly have .

If you didn't need the money , would you be considering this ?

It seems a bit one sided and dare I say selfish on your part to be honest . If I was your Dad I would see straight through this and see it for what it really is in seconds .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

He owes you nothing monetary wise, and to be honest I think asking him is a cheek as you've not spoken for 5 years.

If he doesn't want to give you money, would you still want him to be a grandpa to your little one? "

Yeah, she's asking about my father a lot lately wondering why I never speak about him and she understands where grampas come from and is asking why she doesn't have a grampa on my side, so yeah if he could be a grampa to her that would be great but I dunno how that would go about because he's technically a stranger to her an he's never been a dad so dunno how it would work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

He owes you nothing monetary wise, and to be honest I think asking him is a cheek as you've not spoken for 5 years.

If he doesn't want to give you money, would you still want him to be a grandpa to your little one?

Is it worth working on the relationship and forgetting about themoney?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think there is a tactful way to ask someone who you haven't spoken to in years for money.

First question - do you just want the money or do you plan on paying him back?

My husband and I have borrowed quite a bit from our in-laws to pay off student loans but we have written agreements on the payback terms. Presenting it like a business matter with everything laid out was the most tactful way for us - but then we never asked for the money, they offered it so it's a bit different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

He owes you nothing monetary wise, and to be honest I think asking him is a cheek as you've not spoken for 5 years.

If he doesn't want to give you money, would you still want him to be a grandpa to your little one?

Is it worth working on the relationship and forgetting about themoney?"

I think our ship has sailed, like when I saw him in 2011 in the hospital when my nan was dying and then when she did die he went to hug me and I was like woah this is weird I'm 28 now and haven't seen you since I was 11.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Couldn't ask nobody for money,even if i was starving ,my pride wouldn't let me , But each to there own i say .

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

"I wouldn't do it because clearly you only want him for the money .

People move on , he and you clearly have .

If you didn't need the money , would you be considering this ?

It seems a bit one sided and dare I say selfish on your part to be honest . If I was your Dad I would see straight through this and see it for what it really is in seconds .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His obligations to you ended when you became an adult, I'd imagine he's smart enough to see any approach from you now for what it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

I can see your point but if I was you I'd rather hold my head up high and carry on without his help. You've obviously done well up to now..good luck in whatever you decide xxx

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By *ohn MingoMan
over a year ago

Dublin

You're not asking him because he's your dad.

You're asking him because he's rich.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I dont think there is a tactful way to ask someone who you haven't spoken to in years for money.

First question - do you just want the money or do you plan on paying him back?

No I just want it, I know it sounds selfish but my nan made a new will in 2010 after my daughter was born and she had set aside money for her funeral and money for my cousins and my father and my two uncles and 28 grand for me. She showed me it but mysteriously when she died the will that was used was not the one she did in 2010 but the one in 2008 which just said leave all grand kids 500 quid, take out funeral costs and the rest go to her 3 sons.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"I wouldn't do it because clearly you only want him for the money .

People move on , he and you clearly have .

If you didn't need the money , would you be considering this ?

It seems a bit one sided and dare I say selfish on your part to be honest . If I was your Dad I would see straight through this and see it for what it really is in seconds .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I wouldn't go there. I haven't seen my father since I was 18 and even then that was after a 15 year gap. He didn't support my mum financially when she was bringing me up so I've never had any money from him. I'm 41 now. Even though I am not in a very good position myself financially I wouldn't lower myself to as my father for anything. He has never had anything to do with either of my children and has never showed any interest in doing so. I don't know the answer to your car dilemma but I wouldn't advise you going there personally

Kinky

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

Trying to re-form some sort of relationship is a good step ... but asking for money ..... no

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Couldn't ask nobody for money,even if i was starving ,my pride wouldn't let me , But each to there own i say ."

I'm much the same, very stubborn and I've been on my arse literally at times. I've not had no car for 7 months now as couldn't afford to get jobs done on it ontop of Xmas , my mum and dad are quite well off both retired and live abroad and my nan has a few bob. But I wouldn't dream of asking them for money.

OP, I don't think you should just assume he owes you money. Maybe try to form a relationship with him see how things go? X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't do it because clearly you only want him for the money .

People move on , he and you clearly have .

If you didn't need the money , would you be considering this ?

It seems a bit one sided and dare I say selfish on your part to be honest . If I was your Dad I would see straight through this and see it for what it really is in seconds .

I agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He owes you nothing monetary wise, and to be honest I think asking him is a cheek as you've not spoken for 5 years.

If he doesn't want to give you money, would you still want him to be a grandpa to your little one?

Is it worth working on the relationship and forgetting about themoney?

This pretty much sums up your attitude towards him and so going to him to 'tap him up' is, in my opinion, pretty disgusting.

He paid his way as you grew up. It's a shame you didn't have. Relationship with him and it's clear you only see him as a way to get money.

You're old enough to stand in your own two feet. Have a little pride and maturity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can pick up a cheap run around and I dare say you could probably get done money for yours too, wills aren't a given, shit happens, and I really can't see him giving you anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont think there is a tactful way to ask someone who you haven't spoken to in years for money.

First question - do you just want the money or do you plan on paying him back?

Well....I wouldn't do it then, personally. I couldn't just ask someone for money.

But, if you plan on going through with it regardless then just straight up ask him. I really think the whole situation is tactless so finding a tactful way seems incongruous. He will either give you the money because you're his daughter or he won't. There is no relationship there so the chances of the former are probably rather low.

That's just how I see it, though. Is there no other way for you to raise the £600 yourself?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Couldn't ask nobody for money,even if i was starving ,my pride wouldn't let me , But each to there own i say ."

Same here

I have gone without essentials rather than ask for money !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think there's any good way of asking this. You haven't spoke to him in 5 years and the only reason you're thinking about it is to ask for money.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I tried having a relationship with him when he came back to live in the uk when I was 11, I'd knock his door when I saw his car there and go in cos he always had mini dime bars and nice orange juice but a couple of years later he met his now wife and her kids moved in and I'd knock the door and he stopped inviting me in, just gave me a bag of mini dimes and sent me on my way. Beat his girlfriends daughter up then and that sort of fucked any future contact.

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

So you are basically asking how to get money off of a complete stranger just because there is a biological connection.

I wouldn't.

I have never met my father, never wanted to as an adult. If I needed money for life saving medical procedure for my child, then maybe I would search him out. But for no other reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't ask simple as that.

If you haven't had a relationship with him for so long why should he now become your cash cow so to speak.

Can't you take a car on finance or a loan even if you can't get a mega top of the range some car supermarkets have decent cars that are a few years old.

By asking him you run the risk of your little un never having a relationship with him either it's just not worth it.

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By *ohn Wilson96Man
over a year ago

from inside your wardrobe

Clearly you've made a decision to seek financial help from your father. If it was me I'd start with building a relationship between your father and your daughter.

You may not have a relationship with (yet) but there's no reason why your daughter should miss out. Then you can decide where to go with it.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

I've two little ladies, I see them every other week, we speak regularly on the phone in between visits . in a few years if they needed the money I'd help them if I could,

If my relationship with my daughter's was non existent (your situation seems to be that) yep it seems very cheeky (other words could be used) I'd have some serious thinking to do.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

go to the bank and get a loan.

if you want a relationship for you and your daughter then get in touch with him but to just tap him up for money because you think he owes you or something is deplorable.

you are an adult and have had the opportunity to develop a relationship for many years but you have chosen not to, now just because you are on your arse you want to be a daddies girl? what sort of lesson are you teaching your child?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tried having a relationship with him when he came back to live in the uk when I was 11, I'd knock his door when I saw his car there and go in cos he always had mini dime bars and nice orange juice but a couple of years later he met his now wife and her kids moved in and I'd knock the door and he stopped inviting me in, just gave me a bag of mini dimes and sent me on my way. Beat his girlfriends daughter up then and that sort of fucked any future contact. "

And now you want his money !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And now you want his money !

Just wondering, but is this actually a wind up thread? Apologies if not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have 3 issues on the table,

1 You need £600

2 You think a will was fraudulently applied.

3 Does your biological father deserve a chance to be your father.

my answers are

1 You can find £600 with much less damage to your pride, asking a relitive stranger is just wrong.

2 If you knew there was a 2010 updated will why didn't you tell someone at the time? probably too late now.

3 Only you know the answer here, but grandchildren make all the difference, if it was me I would write a letter enclose a family photo and ask if he would like the job as granddad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have 3 issues on the table,

1 You need £600

2 You think a will was fraudulently applied.

3 Does your biological father deserve a chance to be your father.

my answers are

1 You can find £600 with much less damage to your pride, asking a relitive stranger is just wrong.

2 If you knew there was a 2010 updated will why didn't you tell someone at the time? probably too late now.

3 Only you know the answer here, but grandchildren make all the difference, if it was me I would write a letter enclose a family photo and ask if he would like the job as granddad."

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

What if you asked and he said no how would you feel?

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

I don't think that there is a tactful way to ask for money off someone that you've had no contact or relationship with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't do it because clearly you only want him for the money .

People move on , he and you clearly have .

If you didn't need the money , would you be considering this ?

It seems a bit one sided and dare I say selfish on your part to be honest . If I was your Dad I would see straight through this and see it for what it really is in seconds .

"
Isn't parenthood one sided by default?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't do it because clearly you only want him for the money .

People move on , he and you clearly have .

If you didn't need the money , would you be considering this ?

It seems a bit one sided and dare I say selfish on your part to be honest . If I was your Dad I would see straight through this and see it for what it really is in seconds .

Isn't parenthood one sided by default?"

Only when the child is a minor.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

All I saw as a child was my father now living with a woman and a kid my age and one a couple of years older and thinking why is he a father to them but not to me, I liked him when I was a child and the few occasions I used to see him in my nans, he used to be there and he looked quite cool cos he always wore Levi's and he used to smoke benson and hedges gold packet fags that he'd give me to make stuff out of (I know but this was the late 80's early 90's) he'd always have loads of weird shit and gadgets, he showed me my first ever cd disc. I used to like going to his house then when I was 13 it stopped and I used to see the step kid with a mobile phone when no one had them and she would be playing in his garden and stuff, I was jealous, I wanted my father but what can you do when you're 13. That's why my nan (his mother) used to give me everything to overcompensate for her son, didn't think she'd ever die. So yeah I want some compensation for lost years and mountains of issues I have, all probably father related.

I'm very selfish, this isn't new information for me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What if you asked and he said no how would you feel?"

She would be angry slate him because he's supposed to be her father no doubt argue with him state that fact and then there would be no open window for a reconciliation

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"All I saw as a child was my father now living with a woman and a kid my age and one a couple of years older and thinking why is he a father to them but not to me, I liked him when I was a child and the few occasions I used to see him in my nans, he used to be there and he looked quite cool cos he always wore Levi's and he used to smoke benson and hedges gold packet fags that he'd give me to make stuff out of (I know but this was the late 80's early 90's) he'd always have loads of weird shit and gadgets, he showed me my first ever cd disc. I used to like going to his house then when I was 13 it stopped and I used to see the step kid with a mobile phone when no one had them and she would be playing in his garden and stuff, I was jealous, I wanted my father but what can you do when you're 13. That's why my nan (his mother) used to give me everything to overcompensate for her son, didn't think she'd ever die. So yeah I want some compensation for lost years and mountains of issues I have, all probably father related.

I'm very selfish, this isn't new information for me!"

Get help for your father issues then. This isn't about being selfish it's about being entitled and vindictive.

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

I'm very selfish, this isn't new information for me!"

I think you are just making all sorts of excuses to justify you asking for his money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very selfish, this isn't new information for me!"

I think most people reading your posts know that.

The very epitome of beauty only being skin deep.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Do you know what if you have the balls then ask him,he's been a crap dad to you by the sounds of it. He doesn't deserve your daughters love though,ask him for the money then go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very selfish, this isn't new information for me!

Get help for your father issues then. This isn't about being selfish it's about being entitled and vindictive. "

I think it's more about having a vehicle capable of getting to work to make sure her child has a roof and food.

I've noticed that pride often isnt a luxury many single parents can afford

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By *allipygousMan
over a year ago

Leicester

If I were white, over 6 feet tall, lived in South Wales and had an extra half inch in length on my penis, the OP would be the first person I'd block as a result of their forum posts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I were white, over 6 feet tall, lived in South Wales and had an extra half inch in length on my penis, the OP would be the first person I'd block as a result of their forum posts."

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"If I were white, over 6 feet tall, lived in South Wales and had an extra half inch in length on my penis, the OP would be the first person I'd block as a result of their forum posts."

Well you're not so don't worry about it.

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By *allipygousMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"If I were white, over 6 feet tall, lived in South Wales and had an extra half inch in length on my penis, the OP would be the first person I'd block as a result of their forum posts.

Well you're not so don't worry about it."

Too late

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't do it because clearly you only want him for the money .

People move on , he and you clearly have .

If you didn't need the money , would you be considering this ?

It seems a bit one sided and dare I say selfish on your part to be honest . If I was your Dad I would see straight through this and see it for what it really is in seconds .

Isn't parenthood one sided by default?

Only when the child is a minor."

I guess we come from very differnt families then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think understandably you are very angry with your father. He doesn't sound like a nice guy. Have you thought about counselling and dealing with those issues.

I'm not sure why you would want a man in your life like that particularly around your daughter.

I think I would knock on his door and demand answers but be prepare that you will probably not get them. As for the car forget it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't do it because clearly you only want him for the money .

People move on , he and you clearly have .

If you didn't need the money , would you be considering this ?

It seems a bit one sided and dare I say selfish on your part to be honest . If I was your Dad I would see straight through this and see it for what it really is in seconds .

Isn't parenthood one sided by default?

Only when the child is a minor.

I guess we come from very differnt families then."

I kind of agree

I pay my daughters rent for her most months, she's a student nurse so money is short for her, she's does her best and works long hours but if she's short I help her out because regardless of her being an adult in her 20s she will always be my little girl and I will always be there for her

Saying that you can't compare the two situations as I have bough my kids up and always been there for them so how you feel about your Kidd that you have always had isnt going to be the same as a parent who's never been there for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

Having read your dilemma and the reply's that you are receiving saying that this was not a good idea as he would know that you are only after his money and not a relationship, I was wondering if you had considered a sugar daddy?

As you are only 33 and from what I can see in your profile pic, you obviously have a hot body too.

I'm pretty sure that if you mention in your profile that you are looking for a sugar daddy then there would be plenty of older, well off guy gentleman that would love to have you hanging off of their arm as a trophy girlfriend and be more than happy to shower you with gifts and help you out.

Just a thought!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suggest counselling for your unresolved issues.

I would suggest that you do not ask him for financial help. (I am also a single mother btw so I know it's hard) but speak to the garage and see if you can set up a payment plan for the repairs Before approaching anyone else.

The attitude you have towards him Will brush off on your daughter if you let it- so be very careful (if you decide to seek reconciliation) about your motives.

I suspect that even as a child you were motivated by what people could give you from your comments about visiting because he had chocolate rather than wanting to see Him.

And lastly. A car is a luxury. Maybe you just can't afford one right now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

As you are only 33 and from what I can see in your profile pic, you obviously have a hot body too.

Just a thought!"

I was thinking this,but that sounds desperate aswell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just ask him. Be prepared for him to say no. Explain you need a car for work (I'm assuming there isn't adequate public transport where you live). If he says no there's no love lost,walk away and think of another option.

Change your physical standards for the man you want and look for a solvent one. You won't be beautiful forever,you'll always need money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

As you are only 33 and from what I can see in your profile pic, you obviously have a hot body too.

Just a thought!"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you know what if you have the balls then ask him,he's been a crap dad to you by the sounds of it. He doesn't deserve your daughters love though,ask him for the money then go."

That's what I'm thinking, I don't know how to go about getting him to be a grandfather or even what I'd want him to do, he doesn't do gardening I don't really know what type of wisdom he could give, all I remember of him when I was a child was that he looked cool and showed me like techy stuff and would let me solder things so I dunno what grampa things he could do. I don't know that much of him as a person do you know what I mean.

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By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

"Couldn't ask nobody for money,even if i was starving ,my pride wouldn't let me , But each to there own i say .

OP, I don't think you should just assume he owes you money. Maybe try to form a relationship with him see how things go? X"

I have very little but I would be mortified if my family were starving and didn't ask for help.

As for the OP's dilemma, no, I wouldn't ask him for money but if you think your daughter and your father deserve some sort of relationship, then try for that instead.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I'm very selfish, this isn't new information for me!

Get help for your father issues then. This isn't about being selfish it's about being entitled and vindictive.

I think it's more about having a vehicle capable of getting to work to make sure her child has a roof and food.

I've noticed that pride often isnt a luxury many single parents can afford

there are other ways of getting money....loans, credit cards etc without having to go asking a man she barely knows and has made no attempt at having a relationship with since she became an adult.

many single parents cope without their own transport. Every post she has written about this has dripped in entitlement, focusing on the fact he has an audi and his now wife has a nissan juke, the fact that his step kids had mobile phones back in the day etc.

Then there is the dragging the grandchild he has never seen into it....hasnt bothered her for 7 years yet all of a sudden, when she needs money for a car, she thinks its important for them to have a relationship? the word user is flashing in big neon letters above this thread.

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By *utieAndBootyCouple
over a year ago

SoCal

There's no right way to do it, and likely no way you'll get what you want. If he's so successful he's no idiot and will see right through you.

All you'll get for your trouble is embarrassment and your child will lose a grandfather.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very selfish, this isn't new information for me!

Get help for your father issues then. This isn't about being selfish it's about being entitled and vindictive.

I think it's more about having a vehicle capable of getting to work to make sure her child has a roof and food.

I've noticed that pride often isnt a luxury many single parents can afford

There's a line though

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Do you know what if you have the balls then ask him,he's been a crap dad to you by the sounds of it. He doesn't deserve your daughters love though,ask him for the money then go.

Yeah,it's incredibly sad. I'm lucky I have my father's time and love,maybe at times I take it for granted and it's hearing someone else's experience that I know I shouldn't. Thing is if he didn't show you much attention is he going to be the same with your daughter. If she has the love of her other grandad I would be tempted to stick with that. You don't want her to meet your dad for him to fuck off again,you know how it affected you you don't want that to happen to her as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe some counselling would be a better way of dealing with the issues rather than airing it on a sex site !!.. no-one is entitled to anything from anyone else once an adult.. your life.. you live it.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like a very nice lady.....NOT!

If you want money, go and bloody earn it! Your not entitled to anything from your father, I wouldn't blame him for slamming the door on your face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah. You'd use him for your own selfish reasons. Fuck the money. Get a loan or something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm finding it hard to believe you are for real!

However, in keeping an open mind I have to presume you are

You can probably tell by now, from the previous response, you're not getting very much sympathy on here, and that should be an indication of peoples opinions on this.

Of course, you may not actually care what other people think, and I respect your prerogative to do that, but if this is a true indication of the type of person that you are, then you shouldn't have too high an expectaion of how others will treat you.

I appreciate that 'desperate times need desperate measures' and that, as you say you 'are on your arse' but you seem to be approaching this from a point of view that he owes you something, simply by virtue of being your biological father.

In my mind, if you don't have any ongoing relationship with him now, then you might just as well go and ask one of your neighbours to buy you a car.

I understand your thoughts on your sense of injustice regarding your nans will etc but, to be fair, we are only able to see this from your point of view. If you genuinely believed there was good cause to challenge the will, then the opportunity to do so has probably well passed and you need to put that behind you too.

However, you did say you're not at all bothered about the embarassment of it, and that you accept you're being selfish so, at the end of the day, if you do go ahead and ask, what have you got to lose, he can only say 'No' at worst?

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Honestly.. ? you are kidding surely..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honestly.. ? you are kidding surely..

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple
over a year ago

near cardiff

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

Knock the door and just ask.That way you put him on the spot,and under pressure hopefully he'll buckle and buy you a new car.hopefully the guilt will come flooding back to him when he sees you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And now you want his money !

Just wondering, but is this actually a wind up thread? Apologies if not "

That's what I was thinking. Surely this can't be real?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honestly.. ? you are kidding. surely..

I'm thinking the exact same thing!! Can't believe someone can be so self centred and me me me blah blah. I'm a single mum of 2 there dads loaded but I wouldn't ask him for a penny!! And he's their dad!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honestly.. ? you are kidding surely..

My sentiment entirely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you know what if you have the balls then ask him,he's been a crap dad to you by the sounds of it. He doesn't deserve your daughters love though,ask him for the money then go.

How about writing him a letter putting in all the things that you've explained in your posts? All the reasons why he should be in yours and your daughter's lives, what you've all missed out on and how wounds can be healed?

If he responds positively decide if you want to take the next step and ask him for help. If he doesn't want to be part of your lives, you can always tell him you know there was a later will written by your nan and you want a fair share of your inheritance!

Not something I would do, but with the position you're in at the moment, you have nothing to lose x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like when you were small he more than provided for you're needs even though he was not there.

You are old enough to stand on you're own 2 feet so if it was me in his position then i would tell you to take a hike! After all you could not even give him a hug at the funeral

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If this is the worst thing in your life right now you're a very fortunate woman.

Good luck in your endeavours Teabags. Just pop something good in the karma bank. You never know when you may need it.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

My mum's alway's said you can have too much pride,she said she did and never asked for any help,she was a single parent with four kid's and didn't get a great deal of financial help from my dad. If you need help then ask for it that's all she is doing...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Honestly.. ? you are kidding. surely..

Bloody good on you, as we can see not everyone is like you and seems some can be bought.

Personally growing up I was bought all the time by my father and my parents were still together.

Now I'm older it means nothing material things which can be disposed of. I've had the guts now to stand up to him and say all he needed to do was take me for a walk or read me a story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you know what if you have the balls then ask him,he's been a crap dad to you by the sounds of it. He doesn't deserve your daughters love though,ask him for the money then go.

Not something I would do, but with the position you're in at the moment, you have nothing to lose x "

Hes probably on here reading about his Ohhh soo lovely daughter anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually I think your problem is not a father you've not seen or a car you don't have but what appears to be a fascination with owning shit! And not just any old shit but shit that comes with a designer label or some sort of social standing!.

You need to be comfortable with who you are before you can be comfortable with others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And now you want his money !

Moreover - he beat his girlfriend's daughter up but you want him to have a relationship with your child??

I'm confused! I can guess from many comments you've made on the forums that you don't have/haven't had a trouble free life - but inviting a potential abuser into your daughter's life for the sake of money seems utter madness!

Sit down, have a brew and think again!

Hugs - Peachy xx

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

And now you want his money !

Moreover - he beat his girlfriend's daughter up but you want him to have a relationship with your child??

Sit down, have a brew and think again!

Hugs - Peachy xx"

Oh! I read it as Teabags bear up his girlfriend's daughter!

Either way... I'd not ask for money from anyone. Earn it, don't expect it is my motto.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Do you know what if you have the balls then ask him,he's been a crap dad to you by the sounds of it. He doesn't deserve your daughters love though,ask him for the money then go.

Not something I would do, but with the position you're in at the moment, you have nothing to lose x

Hes probably on here reading about his Ohhh soo lovely daughter anyway. "

Yes probably,until the realisation she's probably like that as he was not a great father to her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/07/16 12:22:19]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And now you want his money !

Moreover - he beat his girlfriend's daughter up but you want him to have a relationship with your child??

Sit down, have a brew and think again!

Hugs - Peachy xx"

it was her who beat the daugher up not him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry but that is the biggest cop out ever. Issues all probably father related! If you were 12 then maybe bit you're in your 30's and a fully grown adult. Sounds to me like you are trying to get someone to agree with you (which I haven't seen anyone yet) by trying to get them to feel sorry for you.

My Mum died when I was 14, my stwo dad kicked me out at 15 and I moved into a hostel. My Dad was remarried and has paid for my step sister and half sis ter to go to uni and I haven't seen him since my youngest was born (8 years ago). Do I hold any grudges? No because you get out of life what you put in. I could have sat around and blamed everyone else but what would that have solved? Nothing.

Could your father done a better job.... most probaby.

Does he have any obligation to loan you £600 out of the blue? I think most would say no regardless of what the back ground story is.

It's not morally right to only bring up issues just because you're skint and want to use them to get money. If you had issues with your father you should have faced them a long time ago.

Like someone else pointed out you are only after tapping him up for money and from the sounds of it aren't interested in a relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You never know,on his death bed he could feel bad about cutting you off. I've known people to walk away from their children because the new partner gave the them or me ultimatum. One is now actually terminally ill and trying to catch up on the years he lost with his children and grandchildren.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And now you want his money !

Moreover - he beat his girlfriend's daughter up but you want him to have a relationship with your child??

Sit down, have a brew and think again!

Hugs - Peachy xx

Oh! I read it as Teabags bear up his girlfriend's daughter!

Either way... I'd not ask for money from anyone. Earn it, don't expect it is my motto.

Yeah I never thought of that - I've lived a sheltered life/not watched enough Jeremy Kyle!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And now you want his money !

Moreover - he beat his girlfriend's daughter up but you want him to have a relationship with your child??

Sit down, have a brew and think again!

Hugs - Peachy xx

it was her who beat the daugher up not him "

Oh sh*t I didn't realise that either. Blimey

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

You couldn't even hug your dad when his mother died and now you want money off him. Wow you are not a nice person.

I hate my dad and for justifiable reasons, I have him in my life for the sake of my children but I have as little to do with him as I possibly can. When his mum died I hadn't spoken to him for years yet I still hugged him then a few months later I found out I was pregnant with my first child and I decided to build so kind of relationship for the sake of my daughter. Nice people do things like that so in my opinion to just suddenly wany contact for money makes you not a nice person.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I think you'll do what you want. Just don't be surprised if he says no, to the loan and to being in your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you know what if you have the balls then ask him,he's been a crap dad to you by the sounds of it. He doesn't deserve your daughters love though,ask him for the money then go.

Not something I would do, but with the position you're in at the moment, you have nothing to lose x

Hes probably on here reading about his Ohhh soo lovely daughter anyway.

Yes probably,until the realisation she's probably like that as he was not a great father to her

My thoughts exactly...and I read it that the OP beat up the step daughter.

She wanted advice on how to ask for money and received a character assassination - I don't think for a moment she'll be bothered by people's opinions of her but some comments are overly spiteful!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah sounds a bit shitty on my part doesn't it and as Evie touched upon it earlier up the page, why now after almost 7 years am I wanting him to be in my daughters life. There is a good reason for that which I would explain to my father but not on here as it's just that little bit too personal but let's just say if I wrote down what had happened 3 months ago you'd all sort of say ahh right now I understand.

In a nutshell my daughter used to see her father an her grandparents every weekend, I'd get maintenance off her father and her grandparents used to pay for most of her classes. That's all stopped now along with my daughter being able to go to her grandparents house or her fathers, it's a decision from the authorities not me so I can't go into it, my daughter is fine but she's lost all her paternal family. That is why I've been considering wanting my father to be a gramps to her. Please don't get all fishy for details as it's a criminal case and the thread will be pulled and I want to be able to go over the replies again, there's been *some* useful responses so far so thanks.

As for me wanting a car from him, that's just me being a brat and feeling a bit alone lately and wanting help, I can sort myself out emotionally and don't feel like my father can offer any help on that side of things so he can help by offering his purse, that taken care of will lighten the load in all other areas.

As for not hugging him when his mother died, it was my nan that died too, my nan was like my mother to put in to context to how close we were, when I had to go to theatre to have my daughter I took my nan and my mother was in the waiting room. When she died that was the only person that loved me so it wasn't a eeew no I'm not hugging you, it was like I explained, woah this is too weird to hug someone I've not seen since I was 11 or 13 I think it was. It wasn't to be nasty I wasn't thinking about anything other than my nan just dying, it just felt weird to hug him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can not really put a price on a life time of emotional questions and curiosity of always wondering what your dad was like or how he thinks of you or if he has any similarites to you

My dad was in my life about the same amount as yours and I was a single child. I had a lot of questions about the world I had to find out for myself, nobody showed me the way and I feel like I have had a bit of a set back in life I made some wrong choices and everyone is different but thats what happened to me personally. I feel not having a role model or a strong charcter to say know you do not want to do that do it this way has left me at a slight disadvantage in life

So no money can not make up for it but when you are on your arse yeah fuck it give me some money lol it will not make up for money but still atleast do something in a time of need

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Do you know what if you have the balls then ask him,he's been a crap dad to you by the sounds of it. He doesn't deserve your daughters love though,ask him for the money then go.

Not something I would do, but with the position you're in at the moment, you have nothing to lose x

Hes probably on here reading about his Ohhh soo lovely daughter anyway.

Yes probably,until the realisation she's probably like that as he was not a great father to her

My thoughts exactly...and I read it that the OP beat up the step daughter.

She wanted advice on how to ask for money and received a character assassination - I don't think for a moment she'll be bothered by people's opinions of her but some comments are overly spiteful!

I agree they are!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP. don't do this. It's a really bad idea. A really, really bad idea. If you want support from your Dad then work at building a better relationship with him and his family.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

What an unattractive example of human nature this is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you know what if you have the balls then ask him,he's been a crap dad to you by the sounds of it. He doesn't deserve your daughters love though,ask him for the money then go.

Not something I would do, but with the position you're in at the moment, you have nothing to lose x

Hes probably on here reading about his Ohhh soo lovely daughter anyway.

Yes probably,until the realisation she's probably like that as he was not a great father to her

My thoughts exactly...and I read it that the OP beat up the step daughter.

She wanted advice on how to ask for money and received a character assassination - I don't think for a moment she'll be bothered by people's opinions of her but some comments are overly spiteful!

Jeez Bella I agree with you! I need a lie down!

I just assumed the beating up went from father to step daughter - not op to step daughter - but either way I'd imagine it's a huge barrier to a potential relationship!

Re the asking for money - whether we'd admit it on here or not - many of us have asked our parents for money on occasion when we know they have more than they need! I'm glad to say I'm still my 24 year old's first port of call when she's genuinely broke - I'd far rather she came to me than got ripped off by a pay day loan company - hence my comments were about a potential relationship rather than money!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah sounds a bit shitty on my part doesn't it and as Evie touched upon it earlier up the page, why now after almost 7 years am I wanting him to be in my daughters life. There is a good reason for that which I would explain to my father but not on here as it's just that little bit too personal but let's just say if I wrote down what had happened 3 months ago you'd all sort of say ahh right now I understand.

I think you need to delete this msg Hun you pretty much have told everyone the story or people could put two and two together and come up with 6.

If authorities have stopped her going you shouldn't even mention it on a site like this.

You asked a question and everyone gave u there opinions now your trying to justify it all.

Forget the money contact your father for emotional support nothing else and delete your last post.

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By *adyGardenWoman
over a year ago

LONDON (se)

He was probably trying to be there or you and hand an Olive branch to start building bridges. You didn't even give him a chance

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By *omersetfun15Couple
over a year ago

bridgwater

"Couldn't ask nobody for money,even if i was starving ,my pride wouldn't let me , But each to there own i say ."

Too right this post is way too shabby for me im off to cash converters !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Possibly time to let this thread die a death now?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you need to delete this msg Hun you pretty much have told everyone the story or people could put two and two together and come up with 6.

If authorities have stopped her going you shouldn't even mention it on a site like this.

You asked a question and everyone gave u there opinions now your trying to justify it all.

Forget the money contact your father for emotional support nothing else and delete your last post. "

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By *et a roomCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I dont think there is a tactful way to ask someone who you haven't spoken to in years for money.

First question - do you just want the money or do you plan on paying him back?

Did you challenge the will at the time? I'm sure there are procedures for this especially when you've seen a different will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some parents just don't like their kids, that's just a fact of life, I'm not saying this is one of those cases but you'd have to be prepared for the fact that he might not want a relationship with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever you do don't get a payday loan that's for sure!

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By *omersetfun15Couple
over a year ago

bridgwater

"Couldn't ask nobody for money,even if i was starving ,my pride wouldn't let me , But each to there own i say ."

Too right this post is way too shabby for me im off to cash converters !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why not ask for £2K, then leave your kid with him for 2 weeks and you can go somewhere for a boozy holiday ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think you need to delete this msg Hun you pretty much have told everyone the story or people could put two and two together and come up with 6.

If authorities have stopped her going you shouldn't even mention it on a site like this.

You asked a question and everyone gave u there opinions now your trying to justify it all.

Forget the money contact your father for emotional support nothing else and delete your last post. "

Just saying I didn't just wake up one day and think oh yeah let's see if a guy who hasn't been in my life for 20 years will now be an exceptional grandfather to my daughter. It's scraping the barrel to what family she has left.

I've never asked for anything off anyone I bought my own first car and all others since bought my own fake boobs! It's just I feel like I haven't got any battle in me and I need to reserve it for things to come. I am struggling since my daughters paternal family have stopped helping financially but not just that, my mother works full time and she doesn't drive so she can't take my kid to all the after school classes, she does one every day of the week, her father used to help in that respect cos he would take her to classes and I could work more. Now I'm restricted to only being able to work between the hours of 9 and 2:30, or the alternative is to get child care but that would stop all the classes she's done the last 3.5 years which she loves, I'm sorry I won't do that. I take her.

I don't want to borrow money in the way of a loan or credit card I've just looked at all my options and see my father driving round all fancy like and think hmm you wanker you haven't really done fuck all for me other than put your hand in your purse when I was a child, do it again for me and help me out now financially. Yeah it's selfish but I don't really give a fuck, I'm just clutching at straws.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want help, then ask him for a coffee and explain everything, you can ask about the cash (but don't hold your breath there), or just take the opportunity to tell him how you feel, because he's not a mind reader and won't know unless you tell him.

He can either say yes or no. You sound like you just want someone else in your corner for support, and I'm sure bridges could be mended given time.

You're a straightforward gal who says it how it is, so he'll know whether you are blowing smoke up his arse or not, but if you don't ask you don't get.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And now you want his money !

Moreover - he beat his girlfriend's daughter up but you want him to have a relationship with your child??

Sit down, have a brew and think again!

Hugs - Peachy xx"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm appalled reading this!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why not ask for £2K, then leave your kid with him for 2 weeks and you can go somewhere for a boozy holiday ?"

Ahh should I? Stop in London on my way and say hello to you, I'm kinda friendly like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you need to delete this msg Hun you pretty much have told everyone the story or people could put two and two together and come up with 6.

If authorities have stopped her going you shouldn't even mention it on a site like this.

You asked a question and everyone gave u there opinions now your trying to justify it all.

Forget the money contact your father for emotional support nothing else and delete your last post.

Just a thought

How do you not know that his cars etc aren't on finance

He may not actually have any cash money to give you

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

This post should be serialised and sent to ITV.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are selfish but you admitted that.

Many other single parents work between school hours, when you have a child you have to make sacrifices.

Many other single parents struggle to get buy on what they have and some don't have a car so use public transport etc.

Some parents go without food so they can keep warm and feed their children they don't have the option of even asking a parent no matter how much supper they have recieved.

To be honest you don't realise how lucky you are.

Money isn't everything in life but it seems to you it is your comments on the thread last night proved that.

As they are doing today, even if he did give you the money do you honestly think it will help the past?? It won't. Why not as I've previously said ask him for emotional support rather than asking for him to be your cash cow

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just a thought

How do you not know that his cars etc aren't on finance

He may not actually have any cash money to give you "

If he doesn't he doesn't, but my only experience of him is giving me money, I go to him asking for money, if he says no then I will unload all the shit that's been going on and hopefully from there he might do something which doesn't cost anything and that's be a grandfather or just give me advice or just say fucking hell that's a bit shit, anything I don't know. I was my nans two eyes and she would be tampin up there if she knew I was struggling and he wouldn't help.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

I think you need to delete this msg Hun you pretty much have told everyone the story or people could put two and two together and come up with 6.

If authorities have stopped her going you shouldn't even mention it on a site like this.

You asked a question and everyone gave u there opinions now your trying to justify it all.

Forget the money contact your father for emotional support nothing else and delete your last post.

Then just ask him... It seems to me you're looking for folk to come up with the guaranteed way of him not refusing you.

Run the guilt trip about your granddaughter missing out .

as for your "I missed out" .there's only your side of the story here.. who knows.. . me with the way you've posted about beating his partners daughter up..

I'd be prepared for a not a *ucking chance

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By *omersetfun15Couple
over a year ago

bridgwater

I think you need to delete this msg Hun you pretty much have told everyone the story or people could put two and two together and come up with 6.

If authorities have stopped her going you shouldn't even mention it on a site like this.

You asked a question and everyone gave u there opinions now your trying to justify it all.

Forget the money contact your father for emotional support nothing else and delete your last post.

Then just ask him... It seems to me you're looking for folk to come up with the guaranteed way of him not refusing you.

Run the guilt trip about your granddaughter missing out .

as for your "I missed out" .there's only your side of the story here.. who knows.. . me with the way you've posted about beating his partners daughter up..

I'd be prepared for a not a *ucking chance "

In the words of the beatles money cant buy you love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally id not ask him for any help financially but go the route of asking him if he wants to be in his granddaughters life if he says yes then let him see her for a few hours over the weekends til they have got to know each other and then see if he will help by looking after her so you can work more hours

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Has your daughter's father stopped paying support completely?

If so, persue him through the appropriate channels for it. He has a legal obligation to help support his child.

Whatever is going on in his family doesn't change that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Run the guilt trip about your granddaughter missing out .

as for your "I missed out" .there's only your side of the story here.. who knows.. . me with the way you've posted about beating his partners daughter up..

I'd be prepared for a not a *ucking chance "

What you have to remember is if he's married its their money and his wife will get a say in it too and there's no way I'd give money to somebody who beat my kids up no matter who they was

Getting past him is just your first hurdle you have to get through to her too

That's just me being honest

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

"This post should be serialised and sent to ITV."

Jezza .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think you need to delete this msg Hun you pretty much have told everyone the story or people could put two and two together and come up with 6.

If authorities have stopped her going you shouldn't even mention it on a site like this.

You asked a question and everyone gave u there opinions now your trying to justify it all.

Forget the money contact your father for emotional support nothing else and delete your last post.

Then just ask him... It seems to me you're looking for folk to come up with the guaranteed way of him not refusing you.

Run the guilt trip about your granddaughter missing out .

as for your "I missed out" .there's only your side of the story here.. who knows.. . me with the way you've posted about beating his partners daughter up..

I'd be prepared for a not a *ucking chance "

As for me beating up his partners daughter, we were both aged 13 and me and my friend were walking past the football field and her and her friends were walking through and she was saying things to me like look at my new trainers that (my fathers name) bought me and saying some quite mean things about me not being allowed in the house and just general mean shit that a 13 year old girl would say, so she was asking for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has your daughter's father stopped paying support completely?

If so, persue him through the appropriate channels for it. He has a legal obligation to help support his child.

Whatever is going on in his family doesn't change that."

Speaking from experience that's not as easy as it sounds

I split from my ex 9 years ago I have three kids who were all at school at the time

I have never had a penny off him, he's never bought a pair of shoes, a coat, a school uniform nothing

If you work nobodies that bothered your more or less left on your own to pursue it and that costs money

Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and bring them up yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you need to delete this msg Hun you pretty much have told everyone the story or people could put two and two together and come up with 6.

If authorities have stopped her going you shouldn't even mention it on a site like this.

You asked a question and everyone gave u there opinions now your trying to justify it all.

Forget the money contact your father for emotional support nothing else and delete your last post.

Then just ask him... It seems to me you're looking for folk to come up with the guaranteed way of him not refusing you.

Run the guilt trip about your granddaughter missing out .

as for your "I missed out" .there's only your side of the story here.. who knows.. . me with the way you've posted about beating his partners daughter up..

I'd be prepared for a not a *ucking chance

She was asking for it??? Jesus Christ that doesn't warrant a beating.

You really are not showing yourself in the best light at all, as a person or a responsible parent.

Seriously you have a warm home, food, a healthy child get a grip!. And also get help your putting all the blame on your father when maybe you also hold

Some of the blame yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Run the guilt trip about your granddaughter missing out .

as for your "I missed out" .there's only your side of the story here.. who knows.. . me with the way you've posted about beating his partners daughter up..

I'd be prepared for a not a *ucking chance

What you have to remember is if he's married its their money and his wife will get a say in it too and there's no way I'd give money to somebody who beat my kids up no matter who they was

Getting past him is just your first hurdle you have to get through to her too

That's just me being honest

Exactly. My step-dads kids only contacted him for money (his ex stopped him seeing them when kids and just took the maintenance) and in the end my mum had to sit him down and say they may be your kids, but they are of an age (30's) where if they had wanted to see you they would have done years ago, and now they are just using guilt tripping to get money. It was 100's of pounds each time. That money doesn't grow on trees.

He stopped giving cash and he didn't hear from them again. He eventually thought badly of them and it was sad to see.

They didn't even go to his funeral, despite his sister contacting them.

This reminds me of that to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Has your daughter's father stopped paying support completely?

If so, persue him through the appropriate channels for it. He has a legal obligation to help support his child.

Whatever is going on in his family doesn't change that.

Speaking from experience that's not as easy as it sounds

I split from my ex 9 years ago I have three kids who were all at school at the time

I have never had a penny off him, he's never bought a pair of shoes, a coat, a school uniform nothing

If you work nobodies that bothered your more or less left on your own to pursue it and that costs money

Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and bring them up yourself "

Also you have to pay to make a claim against them now and I believe he is on some kind of gardening leave or unpaid leave from his job at the moment whilst this stuff with his father is going on so there's no money to chase. His gf and his parents are supporting him financially and it's as if they have all said right cos you ain't on our side we ain't helping you with anything. It's like I ain't on any bastards side but my child's, they don't see it as spiting my child, they know I don't drink don't go out, they knew the things they paid cos they paid the direct debits to the clubs that she's a member of, I didn't even see the money. My ex would give me a piddly 25 quid a week which is fuck all really but I'm spending a good 200 quid a month easy on classes and the 100 a month I used to get in maintenance, fuck that's only 300 a month which sounds petty to some but I'm feeling the loss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has your daughter's father stopped paying support completely?

If so, persue him through the appropriate channels for it. He has a legal obligation to help support his child.

Whatever is going on in his family doesn't change that.

Speaking from experience that's not as easy as it sounds

I split from my ex 9 years ago I have three kids who were all at school at the time

I have never had a penny off him, he's never bought a pair of shoes, a coat, a school uniform nothing

If you work nobodies that bothered your more or less left on your own to pursue it and that costs money

Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and bring them up yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry to be judgemental, OP, but wanting advice on how to "tap" someone for money is never going to get anything but negative responses. It is just not a nice thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has your daughter's father stopped paying support completely?

If so, persue him through the appropriate channels for it. He has a legal obligation to help support his child.

Whatever is going on in his family doesn't change that.

My ex pays me £20 a week per child via csa, it's better than nothing just even if you put it in a trust fund! My ex is minted aswell and as I said I wudnt ask him for a penny bar the csa he pays as I'd really like to leave that to his consciousness

I'd be careful what you say if it's a legal thing going on you've already mentioned a few things , and now just then that it's your exs dad that's being investigated. People put 2 and two together.

Chin up and get on with it. Yes it's shit at times but as I know myself all your daughter needs you can give her!!! LOVE TIME AND SUPPORT

Speaking from experience that's not as easy as it sounds

I split from my ex 9 years ago I have three kids who were all at school at the time

I have never had a penny off him, he's never bought a pair of shoes, a coat, a school uniform nothing

If you work nobodies that bothered your more or less left on your own to pursue it and that costs money

Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and bring them up yourself

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By *eeeee7Woman
over a year ago

over yonder

"Has your daughter's father stopped paying support completely?

If so, persue him through the appropriate channels for it. He has a legal obligation to help support his child.

Whatever is going on in his family doesn't change that.

Speaking from experience that's not as easy as it sounds

I split from my ex 9 years ago I have three kids who were all at school at the time

I have never had a penny off him, he's never bought a pair of shoes, a coat, a school uniform nothing

If you work nobodies that bothered your more or less left on your own to pursue it and that costs money

Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and bring them up yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see Lolarosie is having trouble posting again

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry to be judgemental, OP, but wanting advice on how to "tap" someone for money is never going to get anything but negative responses. It is just not a nice thing to do."

I know but as with everything I only go by how I would be in a certain situation. If my child came to me when she was 33 or 63 and needed anything, money, a kidney, if I had it I would give it, no questions asked, she would always be my child.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I see Lolarosie is having trouble posting again

Sighs!! Yes I am, ha ha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" you managed to pay for a car and a boob job in the past so don't you have the same amount of money coming in now? if his payments didn't come anywhere near you and went on direct debits, you had disposable income then."

No I don't have the same money coming in as I did back then. 13 years ago when I bought my first car I still lived in my nan and grandfathers house and worked full time so all my pay was my own. When I had my boobs done 9 years ago I still lived at home so again no bills and worked full time an all my pay was my own. When I split with my child's father my daughter and I moved to a house which I'm solely responsible for, pay all bills and rent and I don't work full time anymore, I can't as reasons explained further up.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I haven't read the whole thread but if I were you I'd work on the possibility of your daughter getting to know her grandad a bit. It mind help with your situation but not straight away!!!!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Teabags I thought you was better than this, that man owes you fuck all now regardless of being your dad. A car is a luxury and one you are just going to have to do without for a while...I do think you need to speak with someone as you seem to have some unresolved deep seeded issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's s tricky situation, have you thought about selling those assets on ebay perhaps!!.

For sale, one set of used but not abused tits, still in good shape and plenty of life left in them!.

3k or will swap for golf GTi similar!.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Teabags I thought you was better than this, that man owes you fuck all now regardless of being your dad. A car is a luxury and one you are just going to have to do without for a while...I do think you need to speak with someone as you seem to have some unresolved deep seeded issues. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I haven't read the whole thread but if I were you I'd work on the possibility of your daughter getting to know her grandad a bit. It mind help with your situation but not straight away!!!!

It's a ball ache is what it is, drama like, kind of shoe horned in something I've been wanting to ask advice on for months but still can't discuss it in it's entirety. Kind of sad that my outlet is a bunch of strangers on a swinging site but it all helps in some way.

More advice maybe along the lines of how do you go about getting someone to want to be a grandparent when they've failed as a father. Do I even want him to or am I just creating drama for myself to take my mind off other things that's going on. I dunno, as bad as I come across I think there's people on here that are worse, I'm a what's in it for me sort of person but I wouldn't take delight or make a joke of someone's misfortune.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Working tax credit helps!! Also are you not entitled to help with rent !! Or social system is there to hell genuine people.

I get WTC and the childcare eiement as I have no one like yourself to look after kids after school so I pay a childminder.

There are ways around your situation. Do what I do walk kids to school do online shop. Not the end of the world

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I haven't read the whole thread but if I were you I'd work on the possibility of your daughter getting to know her grandad a bit. It mind help with your situation but not straight away!!!!

What's in it for you? Dear god you need to take a look in the mirror and have a word with yourself

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Having a young child makes a car a bit more than a luxury for most people tbh.

Depending on where someone lives, and how close they are to the school and the clubs and things their kids go to can make it more of an essential.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Working tax credit helps!! Also are you not entitled to help with rent !! Our social system is there to help genuine people.

I get WTC and the childcare element as I have no one like yourself to look after kids after school so I pay a childminder.

There are ways around your situation. Do what I do walk kids to school do online shop. Not the end of the world "

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Having a young child makes a car a bit more than a luxury for most people tbh.

Depending on where someone lives, and how close they are to the school and the clubs and things their kids go to can make it more of an essential."

I know plenty who live in quite rural places and fair well without a car...just my opinion after all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I haven't read the whole thread but if I were you I'd work on the possibility of your daughter getting to know her grandad a bit. It mind help with your situation but not straight away!!!!

I really think that the best thing to do is just ask him. I won't comment on your pesonal situation. I have major issues with my own family and wouldn't even give others the opportunity to comment on it because I don't care to hear their opinions. I know how difficult these things can be from the inside.

If you want to ask him for the money then ask him. Either face to face or hand him a letter explaining things if that feels more comfortable. He might say no, but I doubt that would be a surprise for you. Tell him that it's is really difficult for you to ask and it's anladt resort then let him make the decision. He won't help if he doesn't want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/07/16 14:08:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having a young child makes a car a bit more than a luxury for most people tbh.

Depending on where someone lives, and how close they are to the school and the clubs and things their kids go to can make it more of an essential."
.

Yeah.... How could any self respecting single mother working between 9 and 2 cope without the essentials of an Audi and the latest must have tattoo!!

This is exactly what happens with no EU to protect our human sufferings

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Having a young child makes a car a bit more than a luxury for most people tbh.

Depending on where someone lives, and how close they are to the school and the clubs and things their kids go to can make it more of an essential.

I know plenty who live in quite rural places and fair well without a car...just my opinion after all "

True but you don't actually know teabags' situation. A car might be a luxury but not necessarily. Because some can manage without one doesn't mean everyone could.

I think teabags knows what she does and does not need better than we do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say forget the car and money for now and introduce your child to him. He should have made an effort

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Having a young child makes a car a bit more than a luxury for most people tbh.

Depending on where someone lives, and how close they are to the school and the clubs and things their kids go to can make it more of an essential..

Yeah.... How could any self respecting single mother working between 9 and 2 cope without the essentials of an Audi and the latest must have tattoo!!

This is exactly what happens with no EU to protect our human sufferings

Who mentioned her wanting an Audi or a tattoo?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having a young child makes a car a bit more than a luxury for most people tbh.

Depending on where someone lives, and how close they are to the school and the clubs and things their kids go to can make it more of an essential..

Yeah.... How could any self respecting single mother working between 9 and 2 cope without the essentials of an Audi and the latest must have tattoo!!

This is exactly what happens with no EU to protect our human sufferings

hey im a singke mum who works 12 hour shifts and i cant even drive

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There is no tactful way. I have no idea of the dynamic between your parents, the reasons your dad didn't see you or anything that has led you to consider asking your dad for money. My suggestion therefore is knock on his door and ask, he can say "yes", "no" or "maybe".

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

"I'm sorry to be judgemental, OP, but wanting advice on how to "tap" someone for money is never going to get anything but negative responses. It is just not a nice thing to do.

Totally agree my kid doesn't stop being my child when she turns 18 as I haven't to my parents if I need help I go to them I'm 36 and I always will.

Kids are for life not just for Christmas lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be blunt this is ridiculous. You haven't had contact for years and because you are now skint you want to hold him to ransom for everything he did/didn't do?!

He may have failed in his duties as a father but as soon as you mention money after not having anything to do with him for years and all because you are currently skint then you lose any moral high ground you had. I have a feeling that doesn't bother you though as you "just want the money"!

Like I said previously you're an adult, maybe you should stop blaming every one else as it isn't going to justify what you are asking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not for me to poke my nose into others domestic situations.

All you can do is ask, and see what the answer is.

Good luck

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I obviously don't know your full story but from my perspective and keeping it simple.....Both of my parents died when I was relatively young I would do anything so my kids had that relationship in their lifes. I can't believe that anyone would not want to make the effort with grandchildren.

I guess what I'm saying is don't leave it too late. You could start by writing a letter. I bit the bullet with a sister of mine after no contact for 10 yrs. It's not easy but I'm very glad I was the one who initiated contact again x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Teabags~ not too sure how you'd thought this was going to pan out by asking this question, did you think everyone was going to come up with tips & hints?!

Only you know what you can / need to do.

If you're that desperate than ask him outright face to face & don't use your daughter as a bargaining chip.

Look into full time work, childcare, working tax credits that kind of help.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

im going to be a little bit different with this op..i think your little one is bringing up feelings for you about what it might be like to have your Dad in your world. what you may have or are missing out on..i dont believe its about the money, i believe its the feeling on ones own and that it might make payment for him not making an effort since his monetary obligations stopped.

his money was nice as a child you felt loved by him..maybe you dont now..

as adults we decide who we develop relationships with and what they are based on.

dont base it on money meaning happier easier times. thats not the case.. but feeling you dont know how to make him part of your world again, feeling loved and cared for by your dad, or the fear of rejection of you and your family is understandable.

i feel this is your inner world and your child is bringing up your own inner child.

a relationship with him may mean more to you than a new car..if it doesnt you have no right to that relationship..if it means so much more than a new car than its worth pursuing on its own grounds..much love with your decision xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Teabags~ not too sure how you'd thought this was going to pan out by asking this question, did you think everyone was going to come up with tips & hints?!

Only you know what you can / need to do.

If you're that desperate than ask him outright face to face & don't use your daughter as a bargaining chip.

Look into full time work, childcare, working tax credits that kind of help."

I agree with the comment above. If you are that hard up then ask outright, don't use the past or you kids as a tool because like I said previously you lose any moral high ground and he or his wife will more than likely shit the door in your face. I get the feeling that if they did you would go ballistic and get abusive (I may be wrong) which would probably result in the police being called and resolve nothing.

I'd say the only way you would stand a chance is by being up front and tell him he is the last person you wanted to ask and that you are only asking as he's your last resort and you are desperate. In other words swallow your pride and pretty much roll over although I also get the feeling you are not that type of person either.

Alternatively look how much you can get for scrapping your current car. Speak to whatever creditors you currently have to have a potential payment break or to reduce your payments. Go through your wardrobe and have a good clear out and list anything you don use/wear that is in good condition on an auction site, you'd be surprised how it all adds up. I imagine you are like most women that has wardrobes full of clothe that haven't seen the light of day for months but you need to keep just incase.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I haven't read the whole thread but if I were you I'd work on the possibility of your daughter getting to know her grandad a bit. It mind help with your situation but not straight away!!!!

If you want advice on how your daughter could re connect with your father you should have asked that question. However you chose to ask advice how to get money out of him. You even mentioned emotionally blackmailing him for the past.

No one I've seen is makeing a joke out of anyone's misfortune they are stating an opinion on a question you asked.

From what you have stayed you have been quite fortunate to have nice things whilst living at home I couldn't have that as still payed rent to my parents.

As per my previous post stop makes good excuses and laying blame on others get some help for the issues you have with your father, once that's been resolved contact him to try work things out.

Till then don't cash cow him as it will make the situation much worse and then your daughter may never have a relationship with her grandfather.

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By *uessWhosBackAgainMan
over a year ago

London

"He owes you nothing monetary wise, and to be honest I think asking him is a cheek as you've not spoken for 5 years. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Teabags~ not too sure how you'd thought this was going to pan out by asking this question, did you think everyone was going to come up with tips & hints?!

Only you know what you can / need to do.

If you're that desperate than ask him outright face to face & don't use your daughter as a bargaining chip.

Look into full time work, childcare, working tax credits that kind of help."

I can only work full time if my daughter stops going to her after school classes, child care wouldn't do that they don't have the insurance to be driving children back and forth to classes neither would I want someone showering and dressing her after swimming or getting her dressed for her classes, gymnastics, ballet, kickboxing, everything requires her to be changed. I only trust myself to do these things so therefore I can't work later than school hours. I could but then I have to say to my kid yeah well we've done these things which you love for 4 years but now they have to stop. I won't do that. If things really get bad I'll have to but I want things to be normal for my child and remain the same. She's had a shock to the system in that she doesn't see her father or his family so I'm trying to keep things normal.

I don't deal with stress very well it makes me not have patience, everybody knows you need patience in abundance when you have a lively child. Something as simple as jumping in the car and going to asda would be replaced with having to get a bus or taxi or relying on someone else, that would stress me out and my head would be bouncing off the walls. I need to keep a cool head ready for when my real battles start.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My tip to you is this: don't rock up to his door and ask for the money, you need to build some kind of relationship first, this isn't the answer you want, I know first hand how hard it is not to have money and a car but sometimes we have to bypass the first need to settle something deeper, if you do want your little one to have her grandfather in her life, that comes first then asking for money.

I imagine he would probably be a little annoyed if he opened the door and one of the first things you asked for after so many years and a hello is money, he might have those expensive things but you don't actually know his financial situation, his car could be a company one, his wife's may be hers (in which case if the money is hers you won't have a chance in hell getting any), we can all look like we have stacks of cash but that isn't always the case.

Try building a relationship first and I know it means you won't get the real thing what you want right now and I think judging by what I have read, that is all you really want at the moment, money for a car and if anything else comes of it, then it's a bonus.

What happens if he doesn't agree to giving (lending) you the money? Would you not want your little one getting to know him? Would you still want a relationship with him? Because from what I read it seems you wouldn't want one without the other.

Good luck with what ever choice you make but I would personally do as others have advised, the getting the money from elsewhere/go without a car and try and build something that would last much, much longer

G x

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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago

Hertford

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

"
I think all parents have a responsibilty to look after their children from cradle to grave . He should be proud to have a daughter like you in addition to having a grand daugher.

You have worked hard in the past and clearly now you have put all your efforts into bringing up your daughter and if working part time your earnings potential are limited.

On occasions we all need help in life and that is what family are for .

You are asking for money for something that is essential for transporting your daugher . It is not as if you are asking for a luxury holiday .

My advice is to re establish contact even if it means knocking on his door and asking for the money .

He is older now and might even be really pleased that you have attempted to re establish the relationship.

I have adnire you for being so open and honest on a public forum

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By *corpiomanMan
over a year ago

harrogate

Why don't you hold a swingers party and charge "entrance fee", since this is purely about money.

Could suggest another employment for you but that involves selling, clue is body is needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse

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By *et a roomCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Teabags~ not too sure how you'd thought this was going to pan out by asking this question, did you think everyone was going to come up with tips & hints?!

Only you know what you can / need to do.

If you're that desperate than ask him outright face to face & don't use your daughter as a bargaining chip.

Look into full time work, childcare, working tax credits that kind of help.

Online shopping is stress free and might be a solution until you can afford a car.

If you and your daughter have a close and loving relationship she would understand some activities being suspended.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why don't you hold a swingers party and charge "entrance fee", since this is purely about money.

Could suggest another employment for you but that involves selling, clue is body is needed."

Right so asking my biological father for money is in your eyes worse than prostituting myself?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you get the money somewhere else? I understand if you want to build a relationship with him, although he doesn't sound like he's made it easy for you. If he says no? How would you feel?

Sarah

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By *ewels74Woman
over a year ago

Dundee/Angus/Blackpool

To be honest

Look up Citizens Advice Bureau within your area

They have excellent advice,and more options

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right first what do you think is the best way to go about this and second do you even think it will work.

I think all parents have a responsibilty to look after their children from cradle to grave . He should be proud to have a daughter like you in addition to having a grand daugher.

You have worked hard in the past and clearly now you have put all your efforts into bringing up your daughter and if working part time your earnings potential are limited.

On occasions we all need help in life and that is what family are for .

You are asking for money for something that is essential for transporting your daugher . It is not as if you are asking for a luxury holiday .

My advice is to re establish contact even if it means knocking on his door and asking for the money .

He is older now and might even be really pleased that you have attempted to re establish the relationship.

I have adnire you for being so open and honest on a public forum

Interesting ....

Have you got any children Pat ?

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By *ovfuncoupleCouple
over a year ago

Coventry cv6

I'm very selfish, this isn't new information for me!

Get help for your father issues then. This isn't about being selfish it's about being entitled and vindictive.

I think it's more about having a vehicle capable of getting to work to make sure her child has a roof and food.

I've noticed that pride often isnt a luxury many single parents can afford

there are other ways of getting money....loans, credit cards etc without having to go asking a man she barely knows and has made no attempt at having a relationship with since she became an adult.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you do get in touch with him be prepared for it to go spectacularly sideways.

I got in touch with my dad after nearly 20 years because I saw him walking down the road and he looked like he had one and a half feet in the grave. Just let him know I was married and happy and he had grandchildren. Didn't think anything would come of it as he was a shit dad when I occasionally saw him.

Fast forward 6 months, he comes to visit 2/3 times a week, just turns up, usually when my mum has already just turned up and she still hates him (awkward) He's talking about moving into our village so he can see us more often and would probably have moved in if we didn't have so many stairs that he can't get up

Is it a can of worms you really want to open for the sake of a car??

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don't you hold a swingers party and charge "entrance fee", since this is purely about money.

Could suggest another employment for you but that involves selling, clue is body is needed.

Right so asking my biological father for money is in your eyes worse than prostituting myself? "

So it all comes down to the money.

The relationship stuff is all subterfuge.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

I'm very selfish, this isn't new information for me!

Get help for your father issues then. This isn't about being selfish it's about being entitled and vindictive.

I think it's more about having a vehicle capable of getting to work to make sure her child has a roof and food.

I've noticed that pride often isnt a luxury many single parents can afford

there are other ways of getting money....loans, credit cards etc without having to go asking a man she barely knows and has made no attempt at having a relationship with since she became an adult.

I agree with this.

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