FabSwingers.com forum: Kind rejection

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So you've swapped a few pleasantries, they've mentioned meeting and you ask to exchange face pics. Unfortunately you don't feel the attraction. I usually go with the "sorry you're not my type". It's been suggested I should have not messaged back or made an excuse of being busy as what I'd said was insulting, ill-mannered and disrespectful. I don't agree in the slightest, I prefer to be honest but it did get me thinking if my approach was blunt. Is there a kind way to to reject someone after swapping face pics?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So you've swapped a few pleasantries, they've mentioned meeting and you ask to exchange face pics. Unfortunately you don't feel the attraction. I usually go with the "sorry you're not my type". It's been suggested I should have not messaged back or made an excuse of being busy as what I'd said was insulting, ill-mannered and disrespectful. I don't agree in the slightest, I prefer to be honest but it did get me thinking if my approach was blunt. Is there a kind way to to reject someone after swapping face pics? "

Tell them in future when you ask for a face pic you mean a face pic and not a pic of their arse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're on a NSA sex site you should be adult enough to realise you're not for everyone, therefore rejection shouldn't be taken personally.

Blunt is fine as long as it's not rude.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Tell them in future when you ask for a face pic you mean a face pic and not a pic of their arse.

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By *hangovCouple
over a year ago

sheffield

We find it a nightmare!

I think your approach is spot on though, by saying they are not your type you are not denigrating them or criticising them in any way, just saying they are not for you. Rejection is hard to take but I guess you have to expect it if you approach people on a site like this, after all everyone's tastes are different.

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By *am-RaiderMan
over a year ago

Corby

I would prewarn them that there a few looks that appeal to me and not to be offended if they don't fall into that catagory.

They will still be miffed but you've done your best!

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By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

I'm all for being honest. If someone isn't my type or I don't like the look of them... I will say.

Unfortuntely, the last time I did this I was sent 7 follow up messages of them wanting a full explanation of why

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's always best to be honest without being offensive.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"If you're on a NSA sex site you should be adult enough to realise you're not for everyone, therefore rejection shouldn't be taken personally.

Blunt is fine as long as it's not rude."

I agree completely, apart from..... personally is the only way you can take it. It really can't be taken any way but personally.

There's no need to take offence though, anyone who thinks they can use a site like fab and not get rebuffed occasionally is deluded.

Cal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, a lot of people seem to not take it well but I still think honesty is the best approach. Well, tactful honesty. Not "You're a minger"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op your a tactful lady I am sure you can handle the situation with put bruising his ego

Mwah xx

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By *ugbystudsouthMan
over a year ago

milton keynes

"Yeah, a lot of people seem to not take it well but I still think honesty is the best approach. Well, tactful honesty. Not "You're a minger"

Brilliant! I agree honesty is best! I people can't take it maybe they shouldn't be here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id be happy with a message back saying "no your not my type" it's the block and delete I find exceptionally rude.....

Not everyone on here will find everyone else attractive. Man up and move on....... Simples

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op your a tactful lady I am sure you can handle the situation with put bruising his ego

Mwah xx"

I try lovely. Mwha back xx

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By *ushIronMan
over a year ago

a place with the cure for all

I always send a picture with My first correspondance.

That way if there is no reply over a period, the obvious is evidant. When no picture is sent initially, I too find this the process, however, some people like sugar, and others prefer honey, not all prefer None....Stick with your process, those that hurl abuse, aren't really grown or educated enough to accept the responsibility of integrity.

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

agree with you, it is hard to do it right but your approach is spot on and seems perfectly reasonable

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I always send a picture with My first correspondance.

I do prefer those who send a pic with the initial message, gets rid of this situation completely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok so I'm a coward ....

I usually say your lovely thank you for the pic, then say I'm really busy and can't actually meet anyone at the moment :-/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess rejection is never good for some whenever. Perhaps as you had been messaging they had their hopes up.

You are within your rights to reject at any point op and the way you do so I see nothing wrong with.

If they have fragile ego's, fab probably isn't the right place for them anyway.

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I always send a picture with My first correspondance.

I do prefer those who send a pic with the initial message, gets rid of this situation completely. "
so ask for one if they dont immediately..dont chat first, just get it out of the way x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry you are not my type, or no reply and block both get the message across.

Or you could hide under the stairs and not answer the door

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am with the o/p

I much perfer is someone says thanks but no thanks you just move on..,,it's better to know than not know..

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By *ushIronMan
over a year ago

a place with the cure for all

"Ok so I'm a coward ....

I usually say your lovely thank you for the pic, then say I'm really busy and can't actually meet anyone at the moment :-/"

Totally puzzling then...

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By *amelhunterMan
over a year ago

newcastle

"If you're on a NSA sex site you should be adult enough to realise you're not for everyone, therefore rejection shouldn't be taken personally.

Blunt is fine as long as it's not rude."

True, I chatted with a couple a while back, asked for and received pics.

Politely messaged back to say, sorry your not my type, and received a load of abuse back and was then blocked

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm all for being honest. If someone isn't my type or I don't like the look of them... I will say.

Unfortuntely, the last time I did this I was sent 7 follow up messages of them wanting a full explanation of why

Block after the first follow up asking for explanations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We find it a nightmare!

Definitely this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok so I'm a coward ....

I usually say your lovely thank you for the pic, then say I'm really busy and can't actually meet anyone at the moment :-/

Totally puzzling then...

I know :-/

But I hate hurting people's feeling

Told you I'm a wimp :-/

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Ok so I'm a coward ....

I usually say your lovely thank you for the pic, then say I'm really busy and can't actually meet anyone at the moment :-/

Totally puzzling then...

got a better pic of you to put in your public gallery..pretty please x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't worry me if people see my picture and think....yuek no thanks.

Coz I look like a horses arse!

XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Better than me OP. first time a guy i'd been chatting to and thensent me a face pic i blocked him coz i didn't fancy him, think i've done to to a few guys now.

send pics in the first message guys, it saves us the hassle of blocking or being tactful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always use the blunt approach and I will accept the same from those who don't think my face fits either... honesty is always the best policy IMO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if this happens and it has both ways - we write a sorry not for us happy swinging type message and thats it - once a couple kept pestering us saying but tell us exactly - well no we wont because we dont have to - so they got blocked - usually its fine - we are never bothered and its not happened that much that we think shit how do we look to others -

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always send a picture with My first correspondance.

That's exactly what I do. Photo/s with the first message sent. And if people don't want to talk or reciprocate. Take it on the chin and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honest and up front without being rude is the way we handle it, and prefer to be treated when the roles are reversed. We're all adults after all, this really isn't the site to be on if rejection is an issue.

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By *ushIronMan
over a year ago

a place with the cure for all

"Ok so I'm a coward ....

I usually say your lovely thank you for the pic, then say I'm really busy and can't actually meet anyone at the moment :-/

Totally puzzling then...

I know :-/

But I hate hurting people's feeling

Told you I'm a wimp :-/"
I wasn't poking fun, just saying that most people require smooth direction...fraustrastion often leads to anger and on. The op wanted a direction to help her situ...you can tell Me that MS needs you to light the candles...lol x

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

quite often one of us might be interested, but the other isn't. it is the same as being in a club, but slightly easier to say no! it is always best to be clear, sometimes we haven't been. we know we are not everybody's cup of tea, which is fine so we just move on - plenty of lovely fishes in this sea

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By *isa 59Woman
over a year ago

Newcastle

I tend to think along the lines of what would I want to hear. If someone says I'm not for them then I'll move on. If someone says they're not currently free to meet then that gives me the impression that they may be free a later date...this isn't good for either of us in the long term.

My profile requests a face pic with their first message unless there's one on their open profile. No face pic = no chat thus avoiding the awkwardness later on. If they get abusive or whiney then it just confirms that I've made the right decision. Continual messaging gets deleted and eventually blocked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer honesty. 'Sorry, I don't fancy you'. Problem is I've sometimes fancied some after talking and not immediately from what hey looked like. So I'm always worried about sending a face pic, (I'm not photogenic, better in person apparently. )

But to have closure with being turned down is what I would want.

[i was very wet behind the ears when I joined, I was asked for a pic, sent it, and she read-deleted-and blocked me. No explanation. That as far as I'm concerned is shear ignorance.]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just say thing like you did OP.

Or 'thanks but you are not for me'

Or just plain old 'thanks but no thanks'.

After that any grief and I just block them. Not my circus.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I won't chat without seeing a face pic if I'm looking for new people to meet. That way i don't waste time chatting to those i don't find physically attractive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get your very handsome but not for me

Or your not what im looking for this time but maybe next time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd always prefer to know the truth over The "I'm busy" That way it stops the back and forth knowing it isn't going anywhere. I do try to be diplomatic with the old "sorry it's not what I'm looking for at the moment"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we did have a bit of a laugh once - a woman we had met and lets just say the only time conversation had been awkward (we can both chat for england btw) - well a couples profile looked at us and chatted - it was obviously the male as she was away and we kept saying well wait until the lady has seen etc and then arrange - oh no she trusts me and i know what she likes - anyway we left it - then one day blocked and lady had obviously returned - funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A no thank you with a sympathy blow job is nice.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A no thank you with a sympathy blow job is nice."

Ha ha in a perfect world hey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I get your very handsome but not for me

Or your not what im looking for this time but maybe next time

I get "cute"....you know that the minute that word is used it's a non starter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you reject me politely or rudely. Just expect a torrent of abuse from me. If you block me , I'll create more profiles and continue my abuse , until I have had my pound of flesh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im honest and say sorry your not my type, usually i get a reply saying thanks but most of the time they spit the dummy and im all the fat sluts under the sun and they didnt want to meet me anyway

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I ask for a face pic fairly early on as the longer you leave the more awkward it is I find because you have already started building a bit of a rapport

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you reject me politely or rudely. Just expect a torrent of abuse from me. If you block me , I'll create more profiles and continue my abuse , until I have had my pound of flesh.

Your do well on here

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I've sent my face pic and all contact stopped. Too ugly to fuck. It's a curse. At times. And others, a blessing by the gods.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you reject me politely or rudely. Just expect a torrent of abuse from me. If you block me , I'll create more profiles and continue my abuse , until I have had my pound of flesh.

Your do well on here

You never know ,,,, I might get a hate shag

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

Unfortuntely, the last time I did this I was sent 7 follow up messages of them wanting a full explanation of why

When they do this, demand an explanation why several times then I tell them. Honestly tell them.

A simple no thanks or you are not my type should suffice, if they can't take a polite rejection maybe they will accept a blunt one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seems totally fair to me to say a polite thanks but not for me.

I wouldn't be insulted by it and it's a sex site after all there needs to be a level of attraction

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/07/16 17:43:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's best that everyone knows where they stand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually get, you are too fit for me and good luck, no doubt as I am above their league lol.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

'come back on Red Nose Day, I may do charity then...'

usually works for me.

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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

My stock response ..

Thank you for the picture you're very kind for sharing, I find honesty the best policy it's not always the easiest way, I wish you well in your search however I'm not for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a hook up site where you can all pick and choose those who you have an attraction to .

Messages received may be lovely , and the rapport will be engaging , but if there's no physical attraction it's going nowhere .

So make it clear on your profiles that unless you see a face pic , you won't reply to messages .

Saves all the hassle .

Simple .

And if you get a message from someone you don't find attractive , delete and block .

End of

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I usually get, you are too fit for me and good luck, no doubt as I am above their league lol."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd rather not be told straight that I am an ugly fucker but someone telling me that I am not their type is fine and I accept it and move on....I think I must be used to it Lol x

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By *requent_FerryersCouple
over a year ago

Norwich to Great Yarmouth (by river)

We have always tried to be polite. Sometimes it is a strain and many times my tongue has suffered from the necessary "bite".

I once told a couple that they were "far to heavy" for me and then spent the next few hours apologising for being so rude!

We, especially me (Polly) have come in for some serious abuse following one or two of our polite "thanks, but no thanks" type of messages. I fully understand that we are all involved in very adult activities in and around this site, but rudeness is well, just plain rude and unnecessary!

As far as we are concerned, we remain firm in the opinion that being polite and having good manners is something we will always try to aspire to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd rather not be told straight that I am an ugly fucker but someone telling me that I am not their type is fine and I accept it and move on....I think I must be used to it Lol x"

that's it though, you can't really call someone ugly just because you don't fancy them. it just means they don't appeal to you, tey might be the hottest thing to someone else.

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

There is no nice way to reject someone so you may as well stop looking for one. It always feels a bit shit for the person being rejected especially if the rejection is on looks alone. There is no getting around that. That being said, if you've made up your mind that your not going to see someone after you've been chatting to them a while it's probably better to let them know sooner rather than later and, whilst not being nasty or belittling, it may as well be blunt and clear so you're probably doing the right and best thing OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone with an ounce of common sense can see they're gettin the brush off when responses amount to 'lol' 'cool' or 'x'

That tells me enough to know it's headed nowhere

Cut your losses and move on

It's really not worth getting hung up on

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"I usually get, you are too fit for me and good luck, no doubt as I am above their league lol."

I often get that very same message to.

All these single women and couples must be using the same 'cut & paste' messages these days.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I ask for a face pic fairly early on as the longer you leave the more awkward it is I find because you have already started building a bit of a rapport

It is awkward, and that is why I wish men would send a face pic early and have a cock pic on their profile - it's even worse to have to reject someone you're getting on with because his pride and joy does not appeal when it is suddenly revealed way down the line!!

I don't share face pics straight away so I never ask for one up front, but I feel for the guys who set themselves up for rejection later, the ladies have a lot of choice on here.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I ask for a face pic fairly early on as the longer you leave the more awkward it is I find because you have already started building a bit of a rapport

I don't share face pics straight away so I never ask for one up front, but I feel for the guys who set themselves up for rejection later, the ladies have a lot of choice on here."

And if we have chatted I always express regret and say I am really sorry but you are not my type.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"Honest and up front without being rude is the way we handle it, and prefer to be treated when the roles are reversed. We're all adults after all, this really isn't the site to be on if rejection is an issue."

Exactly this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a simple no thanks is what we do then if they get pissy they get blocked job done don't have the time to sit and explain why we said no to anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I usually get, you are too fit for me and good luck, no doubt as I am above their league lol.

I often get that very same message to.

All these single women and couples must be using the same 'cut & paste' messages these days.

"
That is right and I also think they got it on cut and paste lol.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Sorry you're not my type is kind rejection.

You could have told him you're not interested because he's hideous, or asked if it hurt when he fell out of the ugly tree. Or you could have laughed.

Sorry you're not my type is about as nice as you can be in those circumstances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you reject me politely or rudely. Just expect a torrent of abuse from me. If you block me , I'll create more profiles and continue my abuse , until I have had my pound of flesh.

Your do well on here

You never know ,,,, I might get a hate shag

Angry fucks are fun.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I go with thanks but no thanks and then wish them good luck on the site.

If I suggest they're not my type I get asked why, a simple but polite no is sufficient and no explanation is necessary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's best that everyone knows where they stand."

I hate it when people say they're busy right now but maybe some other time. It just keeps it hanging on. Will they.. won't they..?

"You look lovely but not what I'm looking for sorry. Hope you find someone nice." -works for me. Never had angry mails back, but I honestly think they are just relieved. People get pissed off at rejection when they *really* want to shag that person.

That might not help people that get abusive replies, but it probably really is a warped compliment folks.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

It's akward I did have a few face pics on my profile but since hidden them

I have my body and bum and cock on profile and I have enough veris some play some social for people to see I am a decent bloke and do meet

I know that I am not everyone's type - either to young, not stocky enough, don't have a 6 pack, not a model. I know I am decent enough looking chap, with a cheeky chatty personality

It's funny because people have told me I look better in real life than photos lol - which I think I do

Sometimes if I say sorry I am busy it is genuily because I am busy, football or social life or work

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By *piritsonfabCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I always send a picture with My first correspondance.

Absolutely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you're on a NSA sex site you should be adult enough to realise you're not for everyone, therefore rejection shouldn't be taken personally.

Blunt is fine as long as it's not rude.

True, I chatted with a couple a while back, asked for and received pics.

Politely messaged back to say, sorry your not my type, and received a load of abuse back and was then blocked "

No doubt they were expecting you to be grateful for anybody, being a single man here.

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop

"I've sent my face pic and all contact stopped. Too ugly to fuck. It's a curse. At times. And others, a blessing by the gods. "

Yeah me too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is absolutely nothing wrong in your way of 'rejecting' them.

I don't see it as a rejection first of all but if you aren't attracted to me physically, pointless to lie about it.

If I get that from of message, I usually answer with a polite reply and wish them to find what they are looking for.

No need to be nasty either.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I believe honesty is the right option.

I try to get a face pic asap to stop convo going too far but with good messages I can forget to do that.

Most guys seem to be ok, a few get funny and they get a block.

Often a no guy will come back again and assume you'll have forgotten you said no. I say no thanks again and then block.

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By *aptivatingWoman
over a year ago

Chester

I am also honest, there's absolutely no need not to be. I'd rather not mess someone around, so if I don't like them, then I'll say. I think it's far kinder than just ignoring someone you've been chatting to.

For me the people who strop at these messages just get blocked, they need to learn to handle their own shit - I can't stand emotional manipulation...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've tried your not my type but thanks for your message but most want an explanation so my latest ones seems to be accepted without much come back its.....

it's a polite no but thank you for your message

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I know I'm not your type but it's your turn to send me your face pic now. A retort that is sometimes returned.

I think it's important to be clear to others when rejecting them, to prevent any uncertainty or false hopes. But rejecting as sensitively as possible is thoughtful.

I usually explain that it wouldn't work for me and so won't meet. And wish them luck.

One doesn't want memorable meets for the wrong reasons, so end interaction as quickly as possible if there's no interest.

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By *ushIronMan
over a year ago

a place with the cure for all

"Ok so I'm a coward ....

I usually say your lovely thank you for the pic, then say I'm really busy and can't actually meet anyone at the moment :-/

Totally puzzling then...

got a better pic of you to put in your public gallery..pretty please x

"
Done

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