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Going to the toilet at work...lesson learned folks

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Apologies if this is a disgusting subject

I was talking to someone earlier about using the works dunnies and how they only like to poo at home so.... it got me thinking..

I ALWAYS poo at work and here is why.

Based on my salary and hours spent at work (excluding holidays) i have worked out that my company pays me an average of £2.40 pence per cack. This is based on an 8 minute crap (includes wipe and post shit afterthought). From this i have ascertained that this company pays me £48 a month to poo and read the paper on their premises. ( i always make sure i get an 8-10 min trip to the works dunny every day)

Take out 5 weeks for hols and the company pay me £516.00 a year to dump on their time. Can't be bad eh.

Lesson to be learned here folks is always make sure you crap at work.

Out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Also

Can we just be clear about something here because maybe i didin't make myself understood at the outset (just in case anyone mentiones it)

I DO NOT spend the whole 8 mins in 'active crap' mode if you like. I might do all of the crap in the first minute and then relax and read the paper and if any other crap wants to come out during the 8 to 10 mins then so be it.

The actual 'crapping' part of the dunny visit does in no way make up the whole 8 mins. You've also got to factor in the post crap relax, afterthought and bottom wipe.

That said this is an average.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

ha ha, bowel movements is my new obsession. Think its wearing abit thin with Jay now lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Apologies if this is a disgusting subject

I was talking to someone earlier about using the works dunnies and how they only like to poo at home so.... it got me thinking..

I ALWAYS poo at work and here is why.

Based on my salary and hours spent at work (excluding holidays) i have worked out that my company pays me an average of £2.40 pence per cack. This is based on an 8 minute crap (includes wipe and post shit afterthought). From this i have ascertained that this company pays me £48 a month to poo and read the paper on their premises. ( i always make sure i get an 8-10 min trip to the works dunny every day)

Take out 5 weeks for hols and the company pay me £516.00 a year to dump on their time. Can't be bad eh.

Lesson to be learned here folks is always make sure you crap at work.

Out "

Absolutely brilliant Cairy. I've also found that it prevents stinking out your own abode. Work dumping is a much more pleasurable experience these days. Heating, lighting, no more San Izal but proper bog roll [cheap, double up to twenty sheets to compensate, but proper]. The only annoying thing for the post pooh paper reading contemplative phase is those bleeding energy saving eco friendly lights. Have to wave your arms around like a maniac every three minutes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hate hate hate the word "cack"

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By *ominantPerv85Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

Is someone just talking a load of shit? :P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Il never understand people who read in the bathroom while using the loo

i much prefer to get the hell out of there rapid stylee like

after washing my hands of course

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I don't do poop talk...... sorry.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

You are bang on about those eco friendly lightbulbs haha

The way i look at it is...i don't smoke So why should i feel bad about having overly long shits during working hours when smokers are popping out every hour for a fag.

At least i am getting rid of shyte and not taking it in.

The worst kind (and there are a few about) are the smokers who have fag breaks every half hour AND who spend too much time on the throne aswell.

If you factor in pee breaks aswell thats an awful lot of time we spend in the dunny during the working day.

As an additonal thought on crapping at work. If you walk into the dunnies and you take the far end trap. Why oh why when someone comes in to crap do they take the cubicle RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO YOU when there are 4 other cubicles free.

There should be a notice on the door into the toilets titled 'shitting etiquette' which details what is and isn't done cos some people are just rude.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

haha love this thread!!!

i dont get people who wont go to the loo at work - when i gotta go i gotta go its unhealthy to hold it in - plus i get fab time on my phone

i know a guy who has to go home (he only lives round the corner) to go to the loo as he hates creasing his clothes and so gets fully naked to go

do you have a favourite loo?? i use the disabled toilet if i can - if not its the middle one in the ladies lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"haha love this thread!!!

i know a guy who has to go home (he only lives round the corner) to go to the loo as he hates creasing his clothes and so gets fully naked to go

"

Are you having a laugh?

Seriously?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

far too much information sorry!!!!!!!!!!!1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

cant beat a bit of colonic iragation haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

should save yourself for a double time shit on a sunday

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"Apologies if this is a disgusting subject

I was talking to someone earlier about using the works dunnies and how they only like to poo at home so.... it got me thinking..

I ALWAYS poo at work and here is why.

Based on my salary and hours spent at work (excluding holidays) i have worked out that my company pays me an average of £2.40 pence per cack. This is based on an 8 minute crap (includes wipe and post shit afterthought). From this i have ascertained that this company pays me £48 a month to poo and read the paper on their premises. ( i always make sure i get an 8-10 min trip to the works dunny every day)

Take out 5 weeks for hols and the company pay me £516.00 a year to dump on their time. Can't be bad eh.

Lesson to be learned here folks is always make sure you crap at work.

Out "

well i know of big high street chemist who time there staff in there warehouses and there only a loud 5 mins for a crap per 8 hour shift so they would dock you money

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do a google for toilet etiquitte game...

S.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol this made me giggle x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lol this made me giggle x"

Me too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

£2.40 for an 8 minute turd fest could be considered a shit rate of pay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lol this made me giggle x

Me too x"

and me

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon

In one of the cubicles where I work there's a sticker warning people, "Bog roll CCTV in action - please use sparingly"

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"In one of the cubicles where I work there's a sticker warning people, "Bog roll CCTV in action - please use sparingly" "

5p per shit oh ment per sheet times are hard

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon


"In one of the cubicles where I work there's a sticker warning people, "Bog roll CCTV in action - please use sparingly"

5p per shit oh ment per sheet times are hard "

Indeed... doncha know there's a recession on!

Actually, I should just clarify - I don't work in a toilet cubicle. I meant in one of the cubicles at the office where I work I don't stand there all day trying to sell imitation after shave or packs of mints.

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"In one of the cubicles where I work there's a sticker warning people, "Bog roll CCTV in action - please use sparingly"

5p per shit oh ment per sheet times are hard

Indeed... doncha know there's a recession on!

Actually, I should just clarify - I don't work in a toilet cubicle. I meant in one of the cubicles at the office where I work I don't stand there all day trying to sell imitation after shave or packs of mints. "

can i have my shoes cleaned and some ck1 please be quick about it

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By *arambarMan
over a year ago

swindon


"can i have my shoes cleaned and some ck1 please be quick about it "

And maybe something for the weekend, sir?

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By *andy muncherMan
over a year ago

Nottingham


"can i have my shoes cleaned and some ck1 please be quick about it

And maybe something for the weekend, sir?"

you a bit a late for that you got any nice fems to share

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dont foget you make it in their time and get rid in theire so bouble pay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Also

Can we just be clear about something here because maybe i didin't make myself understood at the outset (just in case anyone mentiones it)

I DO NOT spend the whole 8 mins in 'active crap' mode if you like. I might do all of the crap in the first minute and then relax and read the paper and if any other crap wants to come out during the 8 to 10 mins then so be it.

The actual 'crapping' part of the dunny visit does in no way make up the whole 8 mins. You've also got to factor in the post crap relax, afterthought and bottom wipe.

That said this is an average. "

Does the 8-10 minutes trouser/ankle warming episode also include reading all of the Shithouse Poet's musings at least three times whilst trying to construct and equally witty response only to find you left your pen on your desk?

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