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high expectations

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x"

Isn't that why you are here?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x"

Could it be that your expectations are too low? You expect people to let you down so won't let them in?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can have high expectations its not a crime and results in a better fit, however wanting someone punctual, that is just standard expectations surely?

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Is this a novel by dickens about someone with vertigo?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think of Fab as a kind of transit cafe, many singles come in, after leaving a long relationships or in between relationships until they find what they seek. Then they move on generally.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x

Could it be that your expectations are too low? You expect people to let you down so won't let them in?"

I think so just don't know how to let my guard down been let down so many times that they are always up x

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By *asokittyWoman
over a year ago

Nr Worksop


"Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x

Could it be that your expectations are too low? You expect people to let you down so won't let them in?"

That's my issue. Know exactly what it is. Don't know how to fix it.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

You say you can't get close to 'anyone', which suggests that you're perhaps aware that you're wanting different things but each of them won't give you full satisfaction until you're either ready or find the right match.

Things are only an issue if we can't get what we need. That's only something that we can answer for ourselves. If I was certain that I had an issue then I'd probably talk it over with friends or seek professional support.

But sometimes we need time Imo, just being ourselves, kind of freewheeling in life but also becoming stronger. Within a relationship we are ourselves but also have a couple's identity. I like both but don't yearn to recouple, as my single life is busy and satisfying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/07/16 17:34:07]

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

A bit like Shag says, patience can be key. Our guard, our protection, is important and valuable. Trusting again is something to take at an appropriate pace. And others need to earn it too. It's not an all or nothing, just incremental pieces that fit and are right for you.

A good thing is to compare ourselves less to others, as our needs are different.

Some uncertainty is absolutely fine.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Been a single mum for so long eldest being 18 don't think I would know how to be in a relationship and yes need to work on my issues but its good to talk x

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

There may be some raw pain that we hold, as well as being somewhat fearful. It's understandable when a relationship that we'd perhaps had invested in, assuming that it was for life - but then wasn't.

If we pressure ourselves, after we've had a rough time, it's almost criminal - we don't deserve this.

I'm perhaps stabbing in the dark op, as I don't know too much about you - forgive me if I'm off course.

The predicament seems somewhat that you'd like to sail a new course in life but realise that it's daunting, you're perhaps not ready and you're not certain where you'll be going. That's a lot to contend with for anyone.

Anything that you can do to build your self-esteem and confidence is likely to be really helpful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There may be some raw pain that we hold, as well as being somewhat fearful. It's understandable when a relationship that we'd perhaps had invested in, assuming that it was for life - but then wasn't.

If we pressure ourselves, after we've had a rough time, it's almost criminal - we don't deserve this.

I'm perhaps stabbing in the dark op, as I don't know too much about you - forgive me if I'm off course.

The predicament seems somewhat that you'd like to sail a new course in life but realise that it's daunting, you're perhaps not ready and you're not certain where you'll be going. That's a lot to contend with for anyone.

Anything that you can do to build your self-esteem and confidence is likely to be really helpful. "

I you.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

No I think youre right, its the best way to be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x

Could it be that your expectations are too low? You expect people to let you down so won't let them in?"

Great question

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside


"Been a single mum for so long eldest being 18 don't think I would know how to be in a relationship and yes need to work on my issues but its good to talk x"

finding an individual identity can be difficult after such a long time..take your time..its trial and error..only focus on what you want today, knowing than in a week or so you can aand its ok to change your mind..see it as a process of eliminating what you dont want, instead of directing attention to no thats not what i want, but you can use your experiences to hone in on what makes you happy..control over positive if fleeting choices..your journey lies in your hands..it could be fun, if you see it, in this be gentle with yourself/ self discovery attitude x plus people tend to push away what scares them..break it down so your fight or flight defence system doesnt kick in..just i hope some friendly suggestions x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x

Could it be that your expectations are too low? You expect people to let you down so won't let them in?"

And I you too.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

My expectations are realistic. That's why I live alone.

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By *aramelMINXWoman
over a year ago

West Yorkshire


"Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x"

Im exactly the same

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Been a single mum for so long eldest being 18 don't think I would know how to be in a relationship and yes need to work on my issues but its good to talk x

finding an individual identity can be difficult after such a long time..take your time..its trial and error..only focus on what you want today, knowing than in a week or so you can aand its ok to change your mind..see it as a process of eliminating what you dont want, instead of directing attention to no thats not what i want, but you can use your experiences to hone in on what makes you happy..control over positive if fleeting choices..your journey lies in your hands..it could be fun, if you see it, in this be gentle with yourself/ self discovery attitude x plus people tend to push away what scares them..break it down so your fight or flight defence system doesnt kick in..just i hope some friendly suggestions x"

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

possibly looking and trying too hard - these things tend to find you when you least expect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x"

When you meet the right person your guard will automatically come down and you wont even realise it. Keep the faith because when it finds you it hit you with a bang

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are your expectations too high. I cant settle or get close to anyone. Can have sex but love or letting anyone in cant seem to do it. Plus let me down once and I go cold. Am I fucked up or expectations too high sometimes I do not know what I want x"

I connected with the first bloke I met my FWB, still seeing him. But I have not managed to connect or settle with any of the other 16 men I have met. That's in 2.5 years. XXX

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