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Date night

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've seen a lot of family and friends have taken up "the date night" once a month or something couples going out on a date.

Call me an old cynic, but surely having a designated night to spend time together is a bit false and forced, my first marriage lasted 13 years, we never had date night, instead we would go out on a whim, and do something we both liked, no set plan, no feeling of "oh god its date night, let's get it over with" I'm frightened to ask if these couples have a designated night for sex too.

Shouldn't life be spontaneous and fluid?

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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago

Beyond the shadows.

I think its more them setting a side time for them self's only. As life can get busy at times.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

It should but, I guess kids and life in general can get in the way. Thankfully we don't do date night, I would if I thought I needed to do that for him though.

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

Ah well you see mr butler, whilst it's all well and good to be spontaneous, it's like organising a gangbang in a nunnery here to get a free night together it just wouldn't happen without major planning, so I'm afraid date night is all good with us, mind you where we choose to spend our date night, well that's another story Mrs blue eyes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We call it date night if we are child free but like last night it usually turns into a social with people from here. We wish we could be spontaneous but with work and a toddler it's not that easy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I saw a meme this week that struck a chord with me about relationships

Relationship's:

Two people asking what the other wants to eat until one of them dies

I feel like most of my friends waited their whole life to find their "one".

Then waited to have kids.

Then wait for grand children

Then wait to die.

There's got to be more to life than comprising to keep someone else happy, I'm single, I'm happy that way, but people in couples can't leave me be, and have to try and set me up with someone, I don't try to break them up, so why do they try to force their life on me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We call our night/days out date night. We do spontaneous stuff too but its good to have time when we stop doing things for others and dont do housework etc and spend time together.

I think its good, especially for those who need to organise baby sitters.

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester


"I saw a meme this week that struck a chord with me about relationships

Relationship's:

Two people asking what the other wants to eat until one of them dies

I feel like most of my friends waited their whole life to find their "one".

Then waited to have kids.

Then wait for grand children

Then wait to die.

There's got to be more to life than comprising to keep someone else happy, I'm single, I'm happy that way, but people in couples can't leave me be, and have to try and set me up with someone, I don't try to break them up, so why do they try to force their life on me?

"
. I suppose like everything else in life, it's each to their own, you are happy as you are, we are happy as we are, some people don't understand you being happy and believe you are possibly lonely, they feel a need to help with that, I suppose you could see it as they care but I imagine it can become tedious, problem is I doubt you will ever change peoples mindset, so I'm not sure what the answer is, sorry Mrs blue eyes

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"I think its more them setting a side time for them self's only. As life can get busy at times."

Plus while spontaneous stuff is perfect, it's also nice to have a planned night that you can get excited about leading up to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this just a "have a dig at people in relationships" thread? It's what it sounds like. Sometimes relationships are tricky. Sometimes we do have to make that extra bit of effort, to compromise, to "force" if you like. That is how relationships work. There is no room for complete selfishness in a relationship. If couples feel the need to dedicate a night to just being together then i actually think that's healthy. I see it more as the couple being selfish for themselves. It's a night where they don't have to put the kids and family first. And it normally has to be well planned for when a family is involved. Spontaniety is great but not often practical.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think that when you've got small children, jobs, a house to run and everything that goes with those things having a designated day or evening that you both know about in advance is a great idea. It's ever so easy to lose your relationship in the grind of day to day life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you were still married, I'd be more inclined to listen to your advice.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is this just a "have a dig at people in relationships" thread? It's what it sounds like. Sometimes relationships are tricky. Sometimes we do have to make that extra bit of effort, to compromise, to "force" if you like. That is how relationships work. There is no room for complete selfishness in a relationship. If couples feel the need to dedicate a night to just being together then i actually think that's healthy. I see it more as the couple being selfish for themselves. It's a night where they don't have to put the kids and family first. And it normally has to be well planned for when a family is involved. Spontaniety is great but not often practical. "

Shouldn't every day be dredicatrdf to the person you are in a relationship with? Even through hard times?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you were still married, I'd be more inclined to listen to your advice."

Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this just a "have a dig at people in relationships" thread? It's what it sounds like. Sometimes relationships are tricky. Sometimes we do have to make that extra bit of effort, to compromise, to "force" if you like. That is how relationships work. There is no room for complete selfishness in a relationship. If couples feel the need to dedicate a night to just being together then i actually think that's healthy. I see it more as the couple being selfish for themselves. It's a night where they don't have to put the kids and family first. And it normally has to be well planned for when a family is involved. Spontaniety is great but not often practical.

Shouldn't every day be dredicatrdf to the person you are in a relationship with? Even through hard times?"

Dedicated? In what way?

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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago

Cheshire


"Is this just a "have a dig at people in relationships" thread? It's what it sounds like. Sometimes relationships are tricky. Sometimes we do have to make that extra bit of effort, to compromise, to "force" if you like. That is how relationships work. There is no room for complete selfishness in a relationship. If couples feel the need to dedicate a night to just being together then i actually think that's healthy. I see it more as the couple being selfish for themselves. It's a night where they don't have to put the kids and family first. And it normally has to be well planned for when a family is involved. Spontaniety is great but not often practical.

Shouldn't every day be dredicatrdf to the person you are in a relationship with? Even through hard times?"

You can still be dedicated to someone without dedicating every waking moment to them. But allowing allotted time together to step away from the daily grind together, like someone else said, I think is healthy. If the couple have children together then you could argue that good parents would predominately dedicate their time and focus on the kids.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?"

How similar were their lives to what tends to be the norm now?

Did they both work full-time? Were the pressures they faced the same as couples face now?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Is this just a "have a dig at people in relationships" thread? It's what it sounds like. Sometimes relationships are tricky. Sometimes we do have to make that extra bit of effort, to compromise, to "force" if you like. That is how relationships work. There is no room for complete selfishness in a relationship. If couples feel the need to dedicate a night to just being together then i actually think that's healthy. I see it more as the couple being selfish for themselves. It's a night where they don't have to put the kids and family first. And it normally has to be well planned for when a family is involved. Spontaniety is great but not often practical.

Shouldn't every day be dredicatrdf to the person you are in a relationship with? Even through hard times?

Dedicated? In what way?"

Always be in each others thoughts, and you can't go wrong g

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?

How similar were their lives to what tends to be the norm now?

Did they both work full-time? Were the pressures they faced the same as couples face now?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I said to ads when I move in we must make sure we have date night, not because our lives are that hectic, it was meant as a way to remember to still do the whole date, romantic thing and not get caught up in every day life and forget why we got together in the first place, it's important to do those things. It doesn't have to be a set night or whatever or even going out, just to have a special night that we both make an effort, no phones, just each other

G x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?

How similar were their lives to what tends to be the norm now?

Did they both work full-time? Were the pressures they faced the same as couples face now?"

I was actually now just imagining how perfect things would be if i didn't have to work. The house would be immaculate, i would always look stunning, I'd have time to go to the gym, I'd be less stressed, the kids would benefit, I'd be more inclined to look after hubby when he gets in from a hard day at work....Sadly real life isn't like that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?

How similar were their lives to what tends to be the norm now?

Did they both work full-time? Were the pressures they faced the same as couples face now?"

That brings up a good question, how come that generation had one household income, and got by, but now couples struggle to stay afloat with two Income's?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this just a "have a dig at people in relationships" thread? It's what it sounds like. Sometimes relationships are tricky. Sometimes we do have to make that extra bit of effort, to compromise, to "force" if you like. That is how relationships work. There is no room for complete selfishness in a relationship. If couples feel the need to dedicate a night to just being together then i actually think that's healthy. I see it more as the couple being selfish for themselves. It's a night where they don't have to put the kids and family first. And it normally has to be well planned for when a family is involved. Spontaniety is great but not often practical.

Shouldn't every day be dredicatrdf to the person you are in a relationship with? Even through hard times?

Dedicated? In what way?

Always be in each others thoughts, and you can't go wrong g"

Never knew it was that easy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this just a "have a dig at people in relationships" thread? It's what it sounds like. Sometimes relationships are tricky. Sometimes we do have to make that extra bit of effort, to compromise, to "force" if you like. That is how relationships work. There is no room for complete selfishness in a relationship. If couples feel the need to dedicate a night to just being together then i actually think that's healthy. I see it more as the couple being selfish for themselves. It's a night where they don't have to put the kids and family first. And it normally has to be well planned for when a family is involved. Spontaniety is great but not often practical.

Shouldn't every day be dredicatrdf to the person you are in a relationship with? Even through hard times?

Dedicated? In what way?

Always be in each others thoughts, and you can't go wrong g"

Yes always in each other's thoughts but not practical to act on those thoughts....hence why setting time aside is a great idea...so you actually have time to being those thoughts together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm single and even i (try) and have a date night with myself twice a month... life now is so full and although even likes to think they work to live not live to work.. it's not that simple. I've got to constantly work my arse off in order to live. That's just how it is now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?

How similar were their lives to what tends to be the norm now?

Did they both work full-time? Were the pressures they faced the same as couples face now?

That brings up a good question, how come that generation had one household income, and got by, but now couples struggle to stay afloat with two Income's?"

Because we are not so sexist these days...women are allowed to have proper jobs and aren't expected to stay at home. People like to have money so they can afford to do nice things, go on holiday...have date nights () etc. For most people that would be a struggle or impossible on a single income.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I saw a meme this week that struck a chord with me about relationships

Relationship's:

Two people asking what the other wants to eat until one of them dies

I feel like most of my friends waited their whole life to find their "one".

Then waited to have kids.

Then wait for grand children

Then wait to die.

There's got to be more to life than comprising to keep someone else happy, I'm single, I'm happy that way, but people in couples can't leave me be, and have to try and set me up with someone, I don't try to break them up, so why do they try to force their life on me?

"

Because they want you to suffer like they are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't always live spontaneously though.

And I don't think you are truly happy being single KB. I remember your thread when you started a relationship last year and how happy you said you were. I also remember the bitter, angry thread when it went south.

I am sorry things didn't work out for you on that occasion, but having a thinly veiled dig at couples does you a dis-service. You are better than that xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like the term 'date night'. It seems forced and false. I like the idea though. When people are dating they (usually) make an effort. It's nice to get those butterflies for a date. Maybe they are trying to recreate that feeling.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?

How similar were their lives to what tends to be the norm now?

Did they both work full-time? Were the pressures they faced the same as couples face now?

That brings up a good question, how come that generation had one household income, and got by, but now couples struggle to stay afloat with two Income's?

Because we are not so sexist these days...women are allowed to have proper jobs and aren't expected to stay at home. People like to have money so they can afford to do nice things, go on holiday...have date nights () etc. For most people that would be a struggle or impossible on a single income. "

I think you have misinterpreted what I was saying there, notice I said one income, and nothing about men going to work and women staying at home, I was looking at out from the perspective of how come one wage was enough to live on for my grandparents, but for my generation its hard to make ends meet with two wages, and possibly things like tax credits?

I didn't mean women (or men) should stay at home while the man (or woman) goes out to work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?

How similar were their lives to what tends to be the norm now?

Did they both work full-time? Were the pressures they faced the same as couples face now?

That brings up a good question, how come that generation had one household income, and got by, but now couples struggle to stay afloat with two Income's?

Because we are not so sexist these days...women are allowed to have proper jobs and aren't expected to stay at home. People like to have money so they can afford to do nice things, go on holiday...have date nights () etc. For most people that would be a struggle or impossible on a single income.

I think you have misinterpreted what I was saying there, notice I said one income, and nothing about men going to work and women staying at home, I was looking at out from the perspective of how come one wage was enough to live on for my grandparents, but for my generation its hard to make ends meet with two wages, and possibly things like tax credits?

I didn't mean women (or men) should stay at home while the man (or woman) goes out to work"

No i was just pointing out that things were different then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't like the term 'date night'. It seems forced and false. I like the idea though. When people are dating they (usually) make an effort. It's nice to get those butterflies for a date. Maybe they are trying to recreate that feeling. "

impossible though. "Are you nearly ready for our date night darling?" "very nearly, I'm just wiping my arse, you might want to leave it 10 minutes if you want to do your make up in the mirror".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't like the term 'date night'. It seems forced and false. I like the idea though. When people are dating they (usually) make an effort. It's nice to get those butterflies for a date. Maybe they are trying to recreate that feeling.

impossible though. "Are you nearly ready for our date night darling?" "very nearly, I'm just wiping my arse, you might want to leave it 10 minutes if you want to do your make up in the mirror"."

Thanks for that little insight into our life darling ....I'll let you know when you can do your make up

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You can't always live spontaneously though.

And I don't think you are truly happy being single KB. I remember your thread when you started a relationship last year and how happy you said you were. I also remember the bitter, angry thread when it went south.

I am sorry things didn't work out for you on that occasion, but having a thinly veiled dig at couples does you a dis-service. You are better than that xx"

I am happy though, yeah I've had a relationship that I was happy with go tits up, and if yoiyoiu remember I was sceptical about getting into a relationship before I did, I should have listened to my gut, but yoiyoiu chalk it up to expoerience, I'm not having a dig at couples, if anything I'm having a dig at self help relationship books, and the load of pish that they pedal to unhappy couples just so they can charge £8.99 a time to (in a round about way) that you have to try harder

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?

How similar were their lives to what tends to be the norm now?

Did they both work full-time? Were the pressures they faced the same as couples face now?

That brings up a good question, how come that generation had one household income, and got by, but now couples struggle to stay afloat with two Income's?"

How many multiples of average salary are needed to buy an average family home now? How many were needed then?

Just as one example.

Things cost more, and we all want more.

In fact in some cases we actually need more. When kids have to do homework online, computers and broadband are essential. Public transport is virtually non-existent and unreliable, plus almost nobody works near home as used to be the case, so families need at least one car, usually two, just to get to their jobs, the second income is often badly dented by the expense of childcare. That used to be a family thing, often, when both patents worked but now everybody has to work and a lot can't retire until they are 120 (ok, I'm prone to exaggeration).

Things cost more, we need more and we want more.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"I don't like the term 'date night'. It seems forced and false. I like the idea though. When people are dating they (usually) make an effort. It's nice to get those butterflies for a date. Maybe they are trying to recreate that feeling.

impossible though. "Are you nearly ready for our date night darling?" "very nearly, I'm just wiping my arse, you might want to leave it 10 minutes if you want to do your make up in the mirror".

Thanks for that little insight into our life darling ....I'll let you know when you can do your make up "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Its not advice, its an observation, my nan and granddad were together for 66 years, thery never had date night, would you take advice from them?

How similar were their lives to what tends to be the norm now?

Did they both work full-time? Were the pressures they faced the same as couples face now?

That brings up a good question, how come that generation had one household income, and got by, but now couples struggle to stay afloat with two Income's?

How many multiples of average salary are needed to buy an average family home now? How many were needed then?

Just as one example.

Things cost more, and we all want more.

In fact in some cases we actually need more. When kids have to do homework online, computers and broadband are essential. Public transport is virtually non-existent and unreliable, plus almost nobody works near home as used to be the case, so families need at least one car, usually two, just to get to their jobs, the second income is often badly dented by the expense of childcare. That used to be a family thing, often, when both patents worked but now everybody has to work and a lot can't retire until they are 120 (ok, I'm prone to exaggeration).

Things cost more, we need more and we want more."

Even in my working life I've seen this.....when i started working my salary was £12k and our house cost £50k. 8 years later we sold our house and it had tripled in value. My salary hadn't....not anywhere near that.

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