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It is EXACTLY the same

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Are any of you adopted or fostered to parents with natural children?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is exactly the same? I'm not fostered or adopted but cannot understand the thread, but I'm curious to know what you are asking

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"What is exactly the same? I'm not fostered or adopted but cannot understand the thread, but I'm curious to know what you are asking "

i'm with Jack, not to sure what the question is??

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

No but I have amazing respect for people who do adopt and foster.

Spoke to a young guy today at work.. he had been in care most of his young and adult life.. then fostered.

what a charming, respectful and positive young man..

credit to him and the system that is often knocked and of course.. his foster parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

arent all children "natural" ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"arent all children "natural" ??"

You havent met my ex mother in law's offspring

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being one of 8, I doubt it! However, I think fostering a child must be harder then adoption as the child could be moved away from you at any time. That must be heartbreaking.

But I agree, children are children and once you bond it would be exactly the same as your own progeniture in terms of relationships albeit not genes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sometimes find it hard work with my own children: don't know how I'd manage with a child that wasn't mine.

My brother in law has a natural sister, and his parents also adopted two boys when he was young. His parents didn't say anything, they just turned up. His mum said he was such a good boy the others were hard work: and continue to be. He said he was a good boy because he thought his parents would send him away as they had new sons. He lived in fear thinking he would be swapped if he wasn't good!

He and my sister never wanted their own children, they wanted to adopt and started the process over four years ago. They are off to Brazil next month to bring home their new daughter; she's eight.

Their honesty has made the process so long. They live in Italy and people adopt after they've exhausted every avenue of conceiving naturally. They said they'd never tried so had to undergo psychiatric evaluation for a year. They're the last of their group to get a child.

Every day I get photos of the toys etc they're buying for their daughter.

I wish them well and look forward to seeing my new niece later this year: it's not something I would want to do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you. I didnt want to say more until I got some feedback showing some interest. I didn't expand as it may have sounded like a rant or cry for sympathy, had I told the experience at the beginning. Plus I wrote it after someone upset me so cold light of day now. Im still upset but thats by the by I have put a lot of it into perspective.

Thank you for responding.

Sooooo. I have fostered children since my own natural children (not my expression the one used by the fostering/adoption societies to make the difference clear) were tots.

Twenty odd years on I have two daughters and one son who I just didn't give back lol. We never formally adopted them. Only one has contact with their natural family.

Its the youngest of these daughters who is getting married soon. I mentioned to a colleague that I was very nervous. Her response was well your 'own daughter' was married it should be easier. I said she is my own daughter too, to which my colleague said "yes but its not the same is it?"

I was appalled and replied she is my daughter full stop.

I never thought anyone around me made a distinction. I know I don't and I know my natural children and immediate family don't either.

Those of you who are adopted or fostered - were you ever made to feel different within your new family? Dis outsiders make that difference? I thought I had dealt with the schoolday prejudices and I never have doubt my children are all feel loved equally. Just didn't think a close colleague harboured such thoughts either.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/03/11 10:50:39]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Also... before anyone sidesteps the issue too early in the debate... Swinging lifestyle and children - never the twain, as I have said in other threads. So no, it never went on in my home at any point when any of my children were living with me. Plus you have to remember when I began fostering it was a different process to today which I have no experience of which I wont be able to answer personally - but know others probably will such is the wide ranging experience of other forum posters xxxxx

I went through the selection process years ago. Lots of different people who were not allowed to foster then (same sex couples for example) are considered now I believe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love is as love does. As the old Bible says love is unconditional whether given or received. When true maternal/paternal love permeates a parent/child relationship, a family, a home I would imagine bioligical considerations become less important.

I have no experience of fostering/adoption and realise that the above may seem pithy and simplistic. It does not account for the 'blood thicker than water' point of _iew nor the contingency of adopted children wishing to locate and find out about their biological parents. However, from my observations of freinds and their adopted/fostered children there does appear to be incredibly strong reciprocal bonds.

I would be interested to hear some first hand experiences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are any of you adopted or fostered to parents with natural children?

"

My mum was adopted and my dads sibling adopted. Mixed experiences but adopting kids can be massively rewarding..although fewer children are given up from birth now

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn

ok i may be slighty going off thread here but the person who i call my dad isnt my biological father. my dad raised me from i was about6 yrs of age and i couldnt of had a better dad if i looked for one. My biolgical father i dont remember and from what i hear from other members of the family im i got the better deal with my dad. sadly my dad passed away 6yrs ago and i miss him terribly. sorry going off reason for post, the long and short of it is anyone can father/mother a child but only a mum/dad can raise a child without unconditional love and that is what is most important to a child not who gave birth or donated the sperm.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"ok i may be slighty going off thread here but the person who i call my dad isnt my biological father. my dad raised me from i was about6 yrs of age and i couldnt of had a better dad if i looked for one. My biolgical father i dont remember and from what i hear from other members of the family im i got the better deal with my dad. sadly my dad passed away 6yrs ago and i miss him terribly. sorry going off reason for post, the long and short of it is anyone can father/mother a child but only a mum/dad can raise a child without unconditional love and that is what is most important to a child not who gave birth or donated the sperm. "

Not going off post at all it was the sort of response that I wanted to see. Your dad was your dad and an illustration of the love he felt and you returned - same as my three. My boy still sees his birth family but calls his biological parents by their christian names. I am only human and get pangs when he is with them and for a long time I worried he would go back but I'm over that fear now and keep out of the picture. It was difficult when I had to take him over there and leave him. Often I would just get away and he would cry to come back home. Thats the only time I questioned the authorities about visiting.

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By *oantrimcpl2010Couple
over a year ago

Lisburn


"ok i may be slighty going off thread here but the person who i call my dad isnt my biological father. my dad raised me from i was about6 yrs of age and i couldnt of had a better dad if i looked for one. My biolgical father i dont remember and from what i hear from other members of the family im i got the better deal with my dad. sadly my dad passed away 6yrs ago and i miss him terribly. sorry going off reason for post, the long and short of it is anyone can father/mother a child but only a mum/dad can raise a child without unconditional love and that is what is most important to a child not who gave birth or donated the sperm.

Not going off post at all it was the sort of response that I wanted to see. Your dad was your dad and an illustration of the love he felt and you returned - same as my three. My boy still sees his birth family but calls his biological parents by their christian names. I am only human and get pangs when he is with them and for a long time I worried he would go back but I'm over that fear now and keep out of the picture. It was difficult when I had to take him over there and leave him. Often I would just get away and he would cry to come back home. Thats the only time I questioned the authorities about visiting."

sometimes authorities see things in black and white, which in most cases that isnt true, as in most things in life there is the grey area

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