FabSwingers.com forum: Being the bigger / better person

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is it always the best thing to do ? When you need to speak to someone about something , but have to accept their opinion and just move on , because you know you are right . So even tho you know you are right , you just drop it , leave it and move on ...

Or is it best to confront to say , no hold on ... Actually you've got this all wrong ...

Aggghhhh

Make sense ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life is too short, just move on we all have different opinions right or wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the situation...if it a person close to you...a person that will continue to figure in your life...then yes....best to speak up....if they passing through your life...then perhaps it's best to leave your thoughts to yourself...I guess only you know...x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are no blanket rules that cover every situation.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

It depends.

With one person I used to let things go. He was a passive aggressive bully and would still poke and poke until I would respond and then he could claim the moral high ground because I would lose my temper. Being the bigger person in this case meant stopping all communication. He's happy. I'm happy that I'm not his doormat anymore.

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

If it is someone that is passing through my life then I'd leave it be. They don't matter!!! I've got lots more Fab things to do with my time!

If it's a work scenario then, I've learnt that it's not good to back down, they will continue to do the same thing but on larger issues. So I'd stand firm. Both heels dug in, with back up in triplicate for them to digest.

In a social setting, I'd not be as harsh, I'd walk away, but then reproach at a near future time (but depending on the subject matter, as sometimes what is the point of bad feelings)

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

It depends on the circumstances, but as a rule of thumb if it comes to ego vs relationship - always choose relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends. If it's going to eat you in the future, get it off your chest. If not, walk away.

One caveat though. If saying it will have overly adverse affect on them then perhaps keeping your counsel would be best.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It depends upon how you value the relationship. We don't need to be a walking encyclopedia that corrects everyone's inaccuracies. It would likely impair the quality of how we get along.

We could have umpteen arguments concerning who's right and wrong. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A friend , has a new man , he's said something which is a lie and now she won't speak to me . We was BEST friends for ten years until he came along and now she has blocked me from her life .

So I know it's wrong but do I just hold my head up and think well it's her choice and she's happy with him so let her go , or do I fight my ground with it , because I know I've done nothing wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it always the best thing to do ? When you need to speak to someone about something , but have to accept their opinion and just move on , because you know you are right . So even tho you know you are right , you just drop it , leave it and move on ...

Or is it best to confront to say , no hold on ... Actually you've got this all wrong ...

Aggghhhh

Make sense ?"

I actually had to do this yesterday...

I was like 'whaaaaaat?' (In my head of course)

I'm just consoling myself with the fact that I am correct because I always am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let her know your side and then leave it up to her. If your friendship is important to her she'll work through it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blimey what could a new man say to an established friend to make her block you out of her life?!

You can't make her believe you, she's made up her mind. I would send one last message and say your here for her if / when she wants to discus the matter as you value her friendship.

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By *entle giraffeMan
over a year ago

Minehead

No, I don't think being the better person is always the right thing to do.

Sometimes it is important to be honest and speak up for your friendship, although timing and the words you choose can be crucial.

Whichever you decide this is a difficult situation for you. It may be important just to be there for your friend if she has a change of heart in the future.

Thoughts and best wishes with this.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you x il have to write her a letter because she's blocked all ways of me contacting her .

They are gettin married soon , known each other a year now .

Il send the letter and then il leave it .

I know I've not done anything so I can hold my head up

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No, I don't think being the better person is always the right thing to do.

Sometimes it is important to be honest and speak up for your friendship, although timing and the words you choose can be crucial.

Whichever you decide this is a difficult situation for you. It may be important just to be there for your friend if she has a change of heart in the future.

Thoughts and best wishes with this."

Thank you .

Think the letter may be the best way

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By *cduck and Blue eyesCouple
over a year ago

nr chester

I think writing the letter is such a good idea, but be sure that you remind her in ways that you will know how, that you have been best friends for so long and that she knows in her heart that you haven't done anything wrong, because I'm sure she probably does know in her heart, but as we all know it's really hard to back down sometimes, and the more you argue your case, the more she will dig her feet, putting some time between you, will encourage her to reflect, hopefully it will work out, if not you know you have been true too yourself ,and I'm sure you will be around if she ever needs you to pick up the pieces, because to be close to someone for so long, you will never really truly cut ties

good luck with it all,mrs blue eyes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think writing the letter is such a good idea, but be sure that you remind her in ways that you will know how, that you have been best friends for so long and that she knows in her heart that you haven't done anything wrong, because I'm sure she probably does know in her heart, but as we all know it's really hard to back down sometimes, and the more you argue your case, the more she will dig her feet, putting some time between you, will encourage her to reflect, hopefully it will work out, if not you know you have been true too yourself ,and I'm sure you will be around if she ever needs you to pick up the pieces, because to be close to someone for so long, you will never really truly cut ties

good luck with it all,mrs blue eyes

Thank you xxx time to think what to say x

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By *entle giraffeMan
over a year ago

Minehead

"No, I don't think being the better person is always the right thing to do.

Sometimes it is important to be honest and speak up for your friendship, although timing and the words you choose can be crucial.

Whichever you decide this is a difficult situation for you. It may be important just to be there for your friend if she has a change of heart in the future.

Thoughts and best wishes with this.

Thank you .

Think the letter may be the best way "

Hope it goes well x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It depends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever you write remember she may show it to her new man and others so word it carefully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A friend , has a new man , he's said something which is a lie and now she won't speak to me . We was BEST friends for ten years until he came along and now she has blocked me from her life .

So I know it's wrong but do I just hold my head up and think well it's her choice and she's happy with him so let her go , or do I fight my ground with it , because I know I've done nothing wrong "

Has she still got other friends around her? If a man breaks up best friends that rings alarm bells for me. Early stages of an abusive relationship - to break all ties with her friends and therefore her exit route.

I'd send a letter saying I'd always be here if she needed me.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"A friend , has a new man , he's said something which is a lie and now she won't speak to me . We was BEST friends for ten years until he came along and now she has blocked me from her life .

So I know it's wrong but do I just hold my head up and think well it's her choice and she's happy with him so let her go , or do I fight my ground with it , because I know I've done nothing wrong

I'd send a letter saying I'd always be here if she needed me. "

Me too.

I don't think the letter should play out the argument again or set out what you know/believe and that you're right.

Set out how much you miss her, remind her of times when you've had each other's backs, tell her you love her and wish her nothing but joy and love and that you will always be there if she wants to talk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It depends on the circumstances, but as a rule of thumb if it comes to ego vs relationship - always choose relationship.

Wise words xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bigger/better thing is another way of being full of pride, to my mind.

Maybe you are right. Is it enough to know that in your own mind, swallow it, and make it up with her?

It will probably make you a bit more guarded in your interactions with her in the future though xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A friend , has a new man , he's said something which is a lie and now she won't speak to me . We was BEST friends for ten years until he came along and now she has blocked me from her life .

So I know it's wrong but do I just hold my head up and think well it's her choice and she's happy with him so let her go , or do I fight my ground with it , because I know I've done nothing wrong

I'd send a letter saying I'd always be here if she needed me. "

No , she doesn't really see her other friends either .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in a similar situation. A friend thought I was after her chap - I really wasn't I was trying to help him and actually went out of my way to help at her request.

I sent her email saying I had no interest in him and would never risk a friendship over a man, told her how much I cared. We had supported each other loads over the previous few years.

She ignored my email and I have never heard from her since. Do you may not get the response you want if any

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

If I consider them worthy of an explanation, I may try

If they aren't, I wouldn't bother

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"A friend , has a new man , he's said something which is a lie and now she won't speak to me . We was BEST friends for ten years until he came along and now she has blocked me from her life .

So I know it's wrong but do I just hold my head up and think well it's her choice and she's happy with him so let her go , or do I fight my ground with it , because I know I've done nothing wrong "

Can I guess that he has said something like you came on to him which is untrue...? Nothing much you can do if she is in love with him and due to marry, at the moment she will take his side no matter what, even if she knows deep down he's lying.

I would state *your* truth, that *you* have done nothing wrong, and say you hope in time she will come round and get back in touch. Good luck.

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By *onbons_xxMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Contacting them to offer an olive branch is a good choice. Wouldn't mention the 'I'm right you know' (not in so man words) angle but get down the words, leave it for a day or so and re-read it before changing/sending it. I realise that sounds quite basic but it's something I don't do often enough and when I re-read stuff I have written previously I wonder what I was talking about or it not sounding like I had thought.

Good luck.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Contacting them to offer an olive branch is a good choice. Wouldn't mention the 'I'm right you know' (not in so man words) angle but get down the words, leave it for a day or so and re-read it before changing/sending it. I realise that sounds quite basic but it's something I don't do often enough and when I re-read stuff I have written previously I wonder what I was talking about or it not sounding like I had thought.

Good luck. "

Yes, good idea!

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

For me it would depend on the situation and the person.

If it's a safety matter, like don't let your 10 year old have a Facebook account, then I might carry on a bit. If it's trivial then I'd accept their opinion as different.

Though sometimes Google can solve these issues

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By *ackett1962Man
over a year ago

harrow

Both of you will have to agree to disagree.

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