FabSwingers.com forum: You've gotta laugh hey? The crap jokes thread ..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So much misery around with events recently. We need some crap jokes to cheer us up

I was shocked to see a few of the England players taking out their frustration by playing football with a hedgehog .. I was going to call the RSPCA but then the hedgehog went 1-0 up ..

(The old 'uns are the best, hey?)

I'm sure you can do so much better than that ..

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By *parkly MittensWoman
over a year ago

My own little world

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

Tea bag stays in The cup longer....

Yeah I'll get my coat

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By *J StathamMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Knock knock

Whos there?

Yoda layhe

........

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My friend drowned in the local lake recently. At the funeral we made him a wreath in the shape of a life belt.

It's what he would have wanted ..

I've lost over half a stone on the Adam Ant diet. It's really easy .. Don't chew ever, don't chew ever ..

What's the difference between a chick pea and a potato?

You wouldn't pay to have a potato on you..

I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day.

All it was doing was gathering dust!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a snail with a train on its back........squashed!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many "brexiteers" does it take to change a lightbulb?

We didn't say there was a lightbulb.

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By *utterflyandArtificeCouple
over a year ago

Trowbridge

Two guys were sat in a pub, one says to the other

" Eh I had one of those Freudian Slips the other day",

the other replies " what are you talking about?".

So matey explains " Me and our lass were stood in the railways station queue and in my mind I wanted to ask for two tickets to Pittsburgh please and when we got to the counter there was this lass with huge knockers and i opened my mouth and out came 'two tits to tittsburgh please'".

His mate then says " Oh one of them, I had one of them at breakfast this morning, in my mind I wanted to ask our lass to

'pass the toast and butter please',

but when i opened my mouth and I actually said

'you fat bastard you've ruined my fucking life'".

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bought a box of animal crackers it said dont consume if seal is broken. I opened the box and guess what

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why did god give women legs

have you seen the mess snails leave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo...

Ones heavy whilst the others a little lighter

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls?

Sparky

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

Brexit... Pmsl... Oh, wait a mo'...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Brexit... Pmsl... Oh, wait a mo'...

You realise that your not allowed to say that in the lounge anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was walking through debenhams by perfume aisle when shop assistant said "oh u smell nice is it ,obsession by calvein klein " . I said "no its lynx by.. one get one free"

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By *herbert fountainWoman
over a year ago

Hanley

An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man in a bar.... there is usually a Welsh man too but he's still in France.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Incidentally I've had a crap joke at the bottom of my profile for AGES now in the forlorn hope that someone will actually blow the cobwebs off my inbox and message about it .. shows how often it gets read though dunnit - not one solitary message!

Btw : "look at me!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Two guys were sat in a pub, one says to the other

" Eh I had one of those Freudian Slips the other day",

the other replies " what are you talking about?".

His mate then says " Oh one of them, I had one of them at breakfast this morning, in my mind I wanted to ask our lass to

'pass the toast and butter please',

but when i opened my mouth and I actually said

'you fat bastard you've ruined my fucking life'".

I'm in stitches here!!!

Mr.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

8 cows in a field, which one is in holiday?

The one with the wee calf

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By *ethnmelvCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

"An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man in a bar.... there is usually a Welsh man too but he's still in France."

Brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man in a bar.... there is usually a Welsh man too but he's still in France."

No comment

Good

But no comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a snail with a train on its back........squashed!"

That's my face haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian with long nails?

Single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a snail with a train on its back........squashed!"

I took the shell off my racing snail thinking "lighter equals faster..."

Just made it sluggish

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What do you call a snail with a train on its back........squashed!

I took the shell off my racing snail thinking "lighter equals faster..."

Just made it sluggish

What did the snail say when it jumped on the tortoise's back?

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went into the butchers and said a pound a fillet...he handed me a binbag and said a pound you don't

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By *parkly MittensWoman
over a year ago

My own little world

What does a nosey pepper do?

Get jalapeño business

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Two blondes walk into a building..

Well you'd have thought one of them would have seen it ..

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By *parkly MittensWoman
over a year ago

My own little world

how did the blonde try to kill a fish?

Drowned it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A blonde and a brunette fell of a cliff.

Which one hit the ground first??

The brunette of course.

The blonde had stop and ask for directions

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