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For gods sake!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Got a second round interview on monday for a new job and have just found out I have to do a boring SWOT analysis for the presentation.

Why cant it be on something interesting like pole dancing or smartie tiddlie winks!!!

I have a feeling I am being pounded for market info grrrrrr

Someone distract me please Im bored

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ah soz hun you are bored. am in bed still poorley so best i can do is paste you a joke. its a bit of a crap one, but may cheer ya up

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends £5,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before

leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how

old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply."

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter! girl

the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store

on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints

and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to

her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I

was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It

sounds

very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.

Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the

best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around

very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently

pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against

each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How

old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says,

"Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you

tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't" she says.

"I was behind you at McDonalds."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"ah soz hun you are bored. am in bed still poorley so best i can do is paste you a joke. its a bit of a crap one, but may cheer ya up

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends £5,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before

leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how

old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply."

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter! girl

the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store

on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints

and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to

her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I

was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It

sounds

very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.

Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the

best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around

very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently

pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against

each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How

old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says,

"Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you

tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't" she says.

"I was behind you at McDonalds."

"

PMSFL xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sure I could distract you easily......

Should see how hot I look dressed as a Dave... Mmmmm Wanna see do ya lol.. do ya???

Then again... maybe not lol..

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."

The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.

Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

"I'm sure I could distract you easily......

Should see how hot I look dressed as a Dave... Mmmmm Wanna see do ya lol.. do ya???

Then again... maybe not lol..

"

yes yes yes we want to seeee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure I could distract you easily......

Should see how hot I look dressed as a Dave... Mmmmm Wanna see do ya lol.. do ya???

Then again... maybe not lol..

"

chicken..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure I could distract you easily......

Should see how hot I look dressed as a Dave... Mmmmm Wanna see do ya lol.. do ya???

Then again... maybe not lol..

yes yes yes we want to seeee

"

Girls.... I have to admit it.. Now I know how hard it is to look good all dressed up... Deep respect!

Seriously.. this make up malarky is a pain... My eyes have just started to focus again.. spent 40 mins trying to get lippy off last night.. then my tooth brush looked like i'd been to slaughter..

Lets not even mention the clothes...

Jeeze....... you girls make it look so easy!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure I could distract you easily......

Should see how hot I look dressed as a Dave... Mmmmm Wanna see do ya lol.. do ya???

Then again... maybe not lol..

yes yes yes we want to seeee

Girls.... I have to admit it.. Now I know how hard it is to look good all dressed up... Deep respect!

Seriously.. this make up malarky is a pain... My eyes have just started to focus again.. spent 40 mins trying to get lippy off last night.. then my tooth brush looked like i'd been to slaughter..

Lets not even mention the clothes...

Jeeze....... you girls make it look so easy!!!"

stop trying to get out of it and get your kit on!...lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its been on.... done, photos are in the bag. Too late to change lol...

Mrs Notts doing hers later lol..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its been on.... done, photos are in the bag. Too late to change lol...

Mrs Notts doing hers later lol.."

wahooo lol

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"Its been on.... done, photos are in the bag. Too late to change lol...

Mrs Notts doing hers later lol.."

oooooooooooooooh cant wait for the pics

xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its been on.... done, photos are in the bag. Too late to change lol...

Mrs Notts doing hers later lol..

oooooooooooooooh cant wait for the pics

xx"

Ohhh i see... Mention the Mrs and they all wanna look lol..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its been on.... done, photos are in the bag. Too late to change lol...

Mrs Notts doing hers later lol..

oooooooooooooooh cant wait for the pics

xx

Ohhh i see... Mention the Mrs and they all wanna look lol..

"

your point?????

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sure I could distract you easily......

Should see how hot I look dressed as a Dave... Mmmmm Wanna see do ya lol.. do ya???

Then again... maybe not lol..

"

yes please

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I gotta do an assignment that includes action plans and a swot analysis............wanna swap?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I gotta do an assignment that includes action plans and a swot analysis............wanna swap?

"

yeah babes

then we can write bollox for hours on here too

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

"I gotta do an assignment that includes action plans and a swot analysis............wanna swap?

yeah babes

then we can write bollox for hours on here too

"

stuff it all - put ya feets up and have a drink!!!!

Thats a much better action plan

xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone for a drink?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

bloody good idea cliggy...fuck i am bored off my magnifco tits here

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"Why cant it be on something interesting like pole dancing or smartie tiddlie winks!!!"

You'd rather turn up in a chicken suit and do karaoke for a selection panel? Depends what the job is I suppose. Club 18-30 rep, fair enough. High Court judge, well......

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sales Development Manager lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sales Development Manager lol"

Don't underestimate the sexual magnatism of a job like Sales Development Manager.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sales Development Manager lol

Don't underestimate the sexual magnatism of a job like Sales Development Manager.

"

thats what i bring to the role babes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any time you want to roll...........

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"Sales Development Manager lol"

Are you going to be a perfume counter girl?

I went to buy Mrs F perfume at Christmas and got a free sample, a kiss, and a phone number!

I think his name was Kevin......

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sales Development Manager lol

Are you going to be a perfume counter girl?

I went to buy Mrs F perfume at Christmas and got a free sample, a kiss, and a phone number!

I think his name was Kevin......

"

cheeky fooker pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"bloody good idea cliggy...fuck i am bored off my magnifco tits here"

You know whats missing from that statement... as in the magnifco..

It is I lol... No really I is missing he he ... Lucky me!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"bloody good idea cliggy...fuck i am bored off my magnifco tits here

You know whats missing from that statement... as in the magnifco..

It is I lol... No really I is missing he he ... Lucky me!"

dive in babes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"bloody good idea cliggy...fuck i am bored off my magnifco tits here

You know whats missing from that statement... as in the magnifco..

It is I lol... No really I is missing he he ... Lucky me!

dive in babes

"

I love it when you play hard to get..... just soooooo horny lol...x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

lol, im a trollop cant help it

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"I gotta do an assignment that includes action plans and a swot analysis............wanna swap?

yeah babes

then we can write bollox for hours on here too

"

ffs I just realised I gotta do a presentation as well!!!!

I can't wait for all this to be over......roll on august

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I gotta do an assignment that includes action plans and a swot analysis............wanna swap?

yeah babes

then we can write bollox for hours on here too

ffs I just realised I gotta do a presentation as well!!!!

I can't wait for all this to be over......roll on august

"

mine is just for 10 mins, recon i can talk shite for that long no probs

lol what we like babes, ive not even started mine yet

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"

ffs I just realised I gotta do a presentation as well!!!!

"

Colour handouts - free gifts - sing-a-long, it's a cinch!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"

ffs I just realised I gotta do a presentation as well!!!!

Colour handouts - free gifts - sing-a-long, it's a cinch!"

oooh thats a good idea, i could get them to colour it in

Hummmmm plan forming now, make it more interesting lol i can get them crayons and everything

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"Audience Participation"

Surely a swinger has an advantage???

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I may do it in the nude.........it will be the quickest presentation ever!!

True........we're lazy arses but we'll get it done in the end

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"I may do it in the nude.........it will be the quickest presentation ever!!

"

Sure would! 6.0's across the board.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I may do it in the nude.........it will be the quickest presentation ever!!

Sure would! 6.0's across the board....."

a perfect 10

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I was thinking more along the lines of........OMG don't slam the door on ya arse on the way out

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I was thinking more along the lines of........OMG don't slam the door on ya arse on the way out

"

PAH!!!! as if!!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"I was thinking more along the lines of........OMG don't slam the door on ya arse on the way out

PAH!!!! as if!!

"

xxx

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Buns that tight would never get stuck in a door!

[Do I win a prize?]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Buns that tight would never get stuck in a door!

[Do I win a prize?]

"

LOL what is it with you milton keynes guys

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Buns that tight would never get stuck in a door!

[Do I win a prize?]

"

Hahahah True has got some crayons and I have some spare rubber gloves and sticky tape

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Buns that tight would never get stuck in a door!

[Do I win a prize?]

Hahahah True has got some crayons and I have some spare rubber gloves and sticky tape

"

and that eye light thingy-ma-jig..im still blind in my left eye BTW lol

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Honeypot!

You swore you would never bring up the Rubber Gloves episode again! I swear I am only just walking straight and wearing Y-fronts again.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Buns that tight would never get stuck in a door!

[Do I win a prize?]

Hahahah True has got some crayons and I have some spare rubber gloves and sticky tape

and that eye light thingy-ma-jig..im still blind in my left eye BTW lol"

Just checking you were still with me.......good pupil reactions I must say pmsl

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Buns that tight would never get stuck in a door!

[Do I win a prize?]

Hahahah True has got some crayons and I have some spare rubber gloves and sticky tape

and that eye light thingy-ma-jig..im still blind in my left eye BTW lol

Just checking you were still with me.......good pupil reactions I must say pmsl

"

lmao im surprised we had any pupil reactions!!! bloody banana sambucas

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Buns that tight would never get stuck in a door!

[Do I win a prize?]

Hahahah True has got some crayons and I have some spare rubber gloves and sticky tape

and that eye light thingy-ma-jig..im still blind in my left eye BTW lol

Just checking you were still with me.......good pupil reactions I must say pmsl

lmao im surprised we had any pupil reactions!!! bloody banana sambucas

"

Mmmmmmmmm I feel ready to take on the banana sambucas again,the memory of the hangover is fading now......next time can we have the shots before we drink 8 pints of cider??? better idea don't ya think

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Buns that tight would never get stuck in a door!

[Do I win a prize?]

Hahahah True has got some crayons and I have some spare rubber gloves and sticky tape

and that eye light thingy-ma-jig..im still blind in my left eye BTW lol

Just checking you were still with me.......good pupil reactions I must say pmsl

lmao im surprised we had any pupil reactions!!! bloody banana sambucas

Mmmmmmmmm I feel ready to take on the banana sambucas again,the memory of the hangover is fading now......next time can we have the shots before we drink 8 pints of cider??? better idea don't ya think

"

its a deal hun

bring it on

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Cider drinkers??

I have died and gone to heaven.....

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Cider drinkers??

I have died and gone to heaven.....

"

I was,but have been scared of it since that night

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Cider drinkers??

I have died and gone to heaven.....

I was,but have been scared of it since that night

"

the cider or me

night guys im bolloxed mwah xxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

long live cider

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"Cider drinkers??

I have died and gone to heaven.....

I was,but have been scared of it since that night

the cider or me

night guys im bolloxed mwah xxxxxx

"

Noooo!! luvs ya.....cider is scary

night night sleep tight xxxxxx

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I should have verifications from:

Strongbow

Copperhead

Scrumpy Jack

Max

K

Blackthorn

Woodpecker

Merrydown

Frosty Jack

and praise be...... Diamond White!

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

did someone say cider ...mmmmm

savannah is my fave at the mo x

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"did someone say cider ...mmmmm

savannah is my fave at the mo x"

Ahh, South African, and the staple cider of Nandos!

I really should get out more.... any offers?

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Aspalls which is made near here is really nice,but makes me fall over

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By *lirty14uMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

That will be "Aspalls No.1 Knicker Dropper"

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

a glass of tom putt or tydeman early is good too, but only seen those at the cider festival

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"That will be "Aspalls No.1 Knicker Dropper""

Ill have a bottle of ice cold knicker dropper please sounds quite good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That will be "Aspalls No.1 Knicker Dropper"

Ill have a bottle of ice cold knicker dropper please sounds quite good

"

i love any cider as long as there is blaccurrant in it...yeah am a wuss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought you scousers where top drinkers but then again i proved my mate wrong on that lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That will be "Aspalls No.1 Knicker Dropper"

Ill have a bottle of ice cold knicker dropper please sounds quite good

"
what a great name for a drink ...should be compulsory at parties lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought you scousers where top drinkers but then again i proved my mate wrong on that lol

"

yeah we do have a rep for being boss drinkers....just never said i was one

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