FabSwingers.com forum: Probably controversial

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What do you think of women who don't want children?

The majority of people that know my views, have seemed to recoil in absolute horror and either a) do the infuriating clichéd thing of saying 'oh, you'll want them later in life' or b) lambast me for being 'selfish' and 'unnatural'.

Not that I give a fig, I have my reasons for not wanting them.

So much so that I've even looked into permanent measures but alas, I'm too young, surprise surprise. Completely bypasses the fact that I'm a fully grown woman with her own mind and desires.

So, accepting my views and without using the clichéd phrase, what are your thoughts on it? (I'm sure you can't imagine a life without your own children and are about to gush how fabulous they are, but I'm more interested on HOW you view childless women, so please stay on topic here )

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By *mf4BxJCouple
over a year ago

edinburgh

How do I view childless women?

They'll have more disposable income, free time and a better social life than me and less stretch marks.

That's about it really. It's an individual choice and I actually respect someone who has put so much thought into their decision.

It's not as if we're under populated or anything!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

My sister is 43 never had children never wants children. My uncle had 3 children and none of them have children. Its getting more and more common these days as is one child families. When i was at school there was a girl in my year that was an only child, we thought it odd. When my son was at school there where 4 in his class.

Its obviously different if someone wants children but cant have them. But when i was little if someone was married and didnt have children you(as a child) made the assumption that they couldnt have children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perfectly acceptable, in my mind. I don't want kids either, and i don't think it matters tha i'm a guy, and your a girl, i know exactly how you feel. I don't believe our lives will be any less fulfilled because of it xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thats another thing that you reminded me of, I've also been called selfish because some couples cannot conceive.

As if childbirth on my part would make up for that fact!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i am a mum of 2 grown up kids and love um to bits but yet i can fully appreciate that some would choose not to

i most certainly do not think it is unnatural to not want kids and feel that those that judge otherwise are not doing so with an open mind everyone feels different about kids and have every right to do so

i genuinely feel had i reached this point in mylife childless i would of chosen to remain so

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By *edhotminxWoman
over a year ago

Turn left at the Singing Ringing Tree

My brother and SIL decided, when they got married 33 yrs ago, that they didn't want children. They approached both sets of parents and told them from the outset. Reaction from the families - one of support. Both mothers said that it was their decision and no-one else's business.

I've also worked with a lady who took the decision not to ever have children. Her choice, her life.

As to a permanent measure - once we had our two, we decided not to have any more children. It was easier for him to have a vasectomy rather than me be sterilised due to the recovery period. He was deemed too young (late 20s), but he argued his position and didn't give up, and the procedure was done before he was 30.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The world is overpopulated at the moment, and only going to get more so. If you don't want to have kids that doesn't say anything more about you than the fact that you don't want to have kids. Similarly you can have twenty kids and still be a cold-hearted bastard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats another thing that you reminded me of, I've also been called selfish because some couples cannot conceive.

As if childbirth on my part would make up for that fact!"

Selfish to who? How could anyone call someone selfish about their decision not to have kids???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wasn't aware it was still a controversial issue?!

the majority of my friends are childless...it's never even been discussed amongst us.

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By *obletonMan
over a year ago

A Home Among The Woodland Creatures

"Thats another thing that you reminded me of, I've also been called selfish because some couples cannot conceive.

As if childbirth on my part would make up for that fact!"

brings a whole new meaning to the word surrogate

I wonder what those people were expecting you to do?

Get yourself knocked up and give a heartfelt and tearful oscar-acceptance style speech prior to childbirth, dedicating the birth to all those couples out there who can't conceive perhaps?

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

Made a decision against having children cos of a serious hereditary disease.

I would have loved them

But couldn;t put them through what at the time was a 25% chance and is now a 50% chance of them getting it

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By *hocotreacleWoman
over a year ago

lost in the city of Atlantis

Its a personal choice and no one else's business

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats another thing that you reminded me of, I've also been called selfish because some couples cannot conceive.

As if childbirth on my part would make up for that fact!"

don't know who you hang around with, but your barely out of your teens so hardly old and past it...would consider 25 too young for children nowadays...too much to see and do

i don't get any of this....i was 32 when i had my first and everyone wondered what the hell i was doing....as did i! i certainly felt too young for the responsibility of parenthood

i wouldnt stress it. long way to go before you need to make any dramatic life changing decisions

go make a life, wait until you're settled and secure and then decide if you need them.

kids arent an obligation and there's only the jezza generation that think otherwise!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be selfish to have children if you didn't actually want them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a man who doesn't want children, I'm just glad women like you exist!

Never had the "recoil in horror" scenario yet, but I often get told I'll want them when I'm older. Maybe I will, who knows - but it's not going to happen any time soon.

But to answer your question - whether a woman want's children or not doesn't really affect my opinion of them. As long as your happy with it, and don't berate others for wanting them, then good for you - at least you can make your own mind up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think it is entirely your right to have that choice to not have children. I have one whos grown up, and i got sterilised at 24. Was hard to get done, but after persuading 2(!) psychaitrists they eventually done it. Never regretted it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How are you too young for a permanent fix.

I had a vasectomy at 24.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I view women that choose not to have children the same as those who do

Women with choices,I don't see it as controversial,I don't see it as selfish,its a choice thats all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I view women that choose not to have children the same as those who do

Women with choices,I don't see it as controversial,I don't see it as selfish,its a choice thats all "

i'd actually challenge that women without kids get an easier ride than those with.

you get labelled as a mom when you have kids and folk struggle to see past that sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever choices you make in life you have to live with. It doesnt matter what others think, they may all have opinions, but its you who has to live your life with you outcome of your decision.

If you dont want children then I personally cannot see why anyone would want to challenge it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its more selfish of people to have children they can't afford and bring them up in poverty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I completely agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think its more selfish of people to have children they can't afford and bring them up in poverty.

Definately. I used to work with someone who had a third kid so she didn't need to work. Her words. Grrr!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thats another thing that you reminded me of, I've also been called selfish because some couples cannot conceive.

As if childbirth on my part would make up for that fact!

don't know who you hang around with, but your barely out of your teens so hardly old and past it...would consider 25 too young for children nowadays...too much to see and do

i don't get any of this....i was 32 when i had my first and everyone wondered what the hell i was doing....as did i! i certainly felt too young for the responsibility of parenthood

i wouldnt stress it. long way to go before you need to make any dramatic life changing decisions

go make a life, wait until you're settled and secure and then decide if you need them.

kids arent an obligation and there's only the jezza generation that think otherwise!"

I'd hardly call neary 26 'barely out of my teens' but yes, Jezza is quite the contraception

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Glad its not just me, i've never wanted children and always get interrogated as to why or told i'll change my mind.

I respect mums but know its not for me.Thankfully we can all make a conscious choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I knew I do not want kids when I was 18, and have not regretted that decision.

They do not agree with me - I do not want to be tied down, not being able to do what I like/wish to do, due to financial/time constraints etc...

I would rather have pets than children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wasn't there a time when the word 'childfree' was commonly used to indicate someone who had CHOSEN not to have kids, as opposed to 'childless' (UNABLE to have kids) which tended to carry pejorative connotations?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Probably.

Whatever, Im not here to dwell on the semantics. You know what I meant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't give a flying feck what people think to be honest. My life, my decision to make, full stop!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I knew I do not want kids when I was 18, and have not regretted that decision.

They do not agree with me - I do not want to be tied down, not being able to do what I like/wish to do, due to financial/time constraints etc...

I would rather have pets than children.

i was totally the same (no, this isn't one of those...oh, but comments)...i got pregnant whilst on the pill in a long term relationship.

the idea of a termination didnt work for me and i had awful thoughts and wishes during my pregnancy.

i won't justify myself as a mother on here, but i don't think i would have regretted my life had i not had children. I loved being free of responsibility....and not ashamed to admit it

if the maternal instincts aren't there, it's nothing to do with ignoring your true instinct, it's just a fact

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd hardly call neary 26 'barely out of my teens' but yes, Jezza is quite the contraception

and six years from your teens is hardly a lifetime either.

i still feel a kid at 28...thankfully i don't think that's a bad thing like i did when i was younger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Probably.

Whatever, Im not here to dwell on the semantics. You know what I meant."

It wasn't intended as a criticism of your OP. It just seems that we used to have a perfectly sensible way of differentiating and that, for some reason, it's fallen into disuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Glad its not just me, i've never wanted children and always get interrogated as to why or told i'll change my mind.

I respect mums but know its not for me.Thankfully we can all make a conscious choice."

My oldest daughter is very unsure about having children as she worries what sort of world she is bringing them into. I am sure a lot of people think the same way. Shes been married five years and I make daft comments to satisfy my 'granny urge' but also deep down I worry that by the time she makes up her mind it may be difficult for her to conceive at an older age and has the freedom of choice she took for granted ie a simple do I or don't I taken away from her. Either way shes not interested in what anyone thinks of her choices.

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By *oe_Steve_NWestCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

It's actually got nothing to do with anyone else whether a woman wants to have children or not, I wouldn't be aghast or upset or pass any kind of judgement whatsoever, what really makes me fume are the women who just keep having one after the other, different fathers, don't work, don't give a shit - you get the picture! Who's the most responsible? Z

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"What do you think of women who don't want children?

You talk to narrow-minded twats.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple
over a year ago

hexham

Agree with the above,

Why on earth should i have a view on whether someone else chooses to reproduce.

i assume my childless friends have their reasons,one i know is not through choice,she is the only one i have discussed it deeply with.Currently embarking on adoption i know her medical problems.The others will have their own personal reasons.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Not comparing children to pets for one moment but I view the decision to have or not to have in the same way...

It is a totally personal choice and does not say anything (negative or positive) about the person who chose.... it is their own business and they will have their own (very good) reasons?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You talk to narrow-minded twats."

best answer by far!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Neither myself or Ric have ever wanted kids,we just can't imagine it.

In the 25 years we've been together no one has managed to convince us it's a good idea,apart from maybe financially lol.

However,from what we've seen of friends with kids,we're certain we made the right decision.

Yes,we've had the "selfish" comment before now,then they have the gall to follow it with "Who will look after you when your old?",who's being selfish then?

No,we live on a small island on an overpopulated planet,so you could say we're being Eco Friendly by being childless.

XXXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i also decided not to have kids. I'm 42 now and don't regret it. i asked a mate once if she could imagine me having children. a single mum with three kids on benefits she replied that i was too selfish to have kids!

i know my mum's disappointed i never gave her grandkids, but she has got several from my brothers and sisters. when it was suggested by a medic that i may be going into menopause my mum turned round and said 'good', it's not like you need your womb!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not comparing children to pets for one moment but I view the decision to have or not to have in the same way... "

There is no comparison..........give us pets every time!

XXXX

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Not comparing children to pets for one moment but I view the decision to have or not to have in the same way...

There is no comparison..........give us pets every time!

XXXX"

pmsl... I did not want to offend lovers of pets or kids ...;-)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't want children and would like to be sterlised then use the system and lie to them. Tell them you despise the horrible little shits and that you feel they'd be nothing more than a drain on your resources and a severe hindrance to your lifestyle. Tell them they children stink, cause arguments, drive you to despair, and prevent you from going swinging at the drop of a hat.

I think they'll see that you really really don't want children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"when it was suggested by a medic that i may be going into menopause my mum turned round and said 'good', it's not like you need your womb!'"

What an awful thing to say. I hope she was joking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you don't want children and would like to be sterlised then use the system and lie to them. Tell them you despise the horrible little shits and that you feel they'd be nothing more than a drain on your resources and a severe hindrance to your lifestyle. Tell them they children stink, cause arguments, drive you to despair, and prevent you from going swinging at the drop of a hat.

I think they'll see that you really really don't want children.

you don't have to lie.

marie stopes do the procedure if you cannot prove to your doctor that it is in the persons best interest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think they'll see that you really really don't want children.

I tried that- it still hasnae worked for me- buggers!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think they'll see that you really really don't want children.

Haha brill!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hell a woman who doesn't want kids would be great for me... I'm a big enough child for any woman to look after!

But anyhow not a problem for me.

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