FabSwingers.com forum: A woman scorned

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

If a woman was mislead or a man even into thinking they were playing with a single but then they find out the person was actually married. Justified in telling his or her family?? Or just plain vindictive? Some say his wife aught to know or is that just an excuse to cover up a need for revenge??

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

The obvious target should be the straying partner, not the third party

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Personally I think it's disgraceful behaviour to interfere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i personally wouldn't tell them anything unless the wife/gf themselves asked me questions. i would not back up a liars lies.

if someone felt strongly that they had to tell her he is cheating (without being asked) and it's their morals telling them that then they're not being vindictive. but there will be vindictive people out there, idk why they would do that if it's all NSA though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The obvious target should be the straying partner, not the third party"

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By *eccymanMan
over a year ago

Gateshead

Dump the cheater and move on. The one being cheated will find out eventually and if they don't then what they don't know can't harm them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met 'single' men, who I've then found out were married. Instantly blocked. Not interested in being caught up in other peoples drama.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Personally I think it's disgraceful behaviour to interfere. "

I agree with this the cheating person was the wrongdoers not the partner nor the kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've met 'single' men, who I've then found out were married. Instantly blocked. Not interested in being caught up in other peoples drama."

so have i, and they talk about them to you like they mean nothing to them, it's sad. they call them their housemate or friend. seems a bit fucked up to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's by no means right but those are the risks you take.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I would keep quiet unless asked...but, if it is what I think you mean the person was in a relationship with the man for four years thinking it was going somewhere while he had a G/F and children born in that time, so I am not sure what I would do in that situation if I am totally honest.

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

Where do you draw the line?

Do you tell friends and family of a member's lifestyle if they are portraying a vanilla lifestyle in the real world?

Do you tell a potentially disapproving employer.

Personally, the only reason for involving an unwary 3rd party should be if there are true health or safety concerns. Otherwise it appears to be a question of an act of vengeance which may be understandable but in my opinion is not justifiable, no matter how much of an idiot the "single" person may be.

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

If you've lied then you take the risk that it will turn around and bite you. No sympathy at all..... Except for the innocent parties.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The obvious target should be the straying partner, not the third party"

Bingo! Not the wife or the children

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent

What others choose to do within or outside of their relationship /marriage is none of my business! If I discovered someone was lying to me, I would just get rid anyway. I certainly would not start running to their other half or their family or employer as some have alluded to! !!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you've lied then you take the risk that it will turn around and bite you. No sympathy at all..... Except for the innocent parties. "

Exactly - the priority in the scenario should be the innocent parties like the wife/gf or children involved.

Why involve them in needless suffering when you could just walk away quietly?

I personally think it's wrong to reach out to the rest of the family by involving them - it just spreads the misery.

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By *ubbykittenWoman
over a year ago

Kent

20 years ago, I discovered that the boyfriend of my then best friend was cheating on her and I told her.

WRONG DECISION! Because she accused me of lying to her and being jealous!!! Not only did they split up but we were no longer friends. I think she would probably have preferred I hadn't told her because I was the bearer of the bad news! I hated telling her but didn't want my friend being betrayed by this twat of a boyfriend. But I learnt!

I would think carefully about it if I found myself in a similar situation again. However the injured party was my best friend and not a total stranger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the "right" thing to do would be to inform the partner so they can make an informed choice about thier relationship.

But i wouldn't because i wouldn't want that drama in mt life.

What is an interesting thing thats just occured to me.

If the single person explicitly states that they will only sleep with the other person if they are single then it turns out they lied and they're actually married.

Would that be rape by deception?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, having been in a similar situation, I think if I had gone to the wife/gf and said.."I'm ever so sorry, I've been sleeping with your partner...but it's not my fault.I just didn't know"., it is unlikely that she would respond.."poor you".

You're always going to be the villain of the piece...best to just get out while you can..In my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Having started the post that ur talking about.... if it has been going on for a considerable period (yrs) then yes I notify his partner if I had the means to.... as I would hope someone would do the same for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"20 years ago, I discovered that the boyfriend of my then best friend was cheating on her and I told her.

I would think carefully about it if I found myself in a similar situation again. However the injured party was my best friend and not a total stranger. "

I bet if u asked her now all this time later she would thank u for that kindness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the "right" thing to do would be to inform the partner so they can make an informed choice about thier relationship.

But i wouldn't because i wouldn't want that drama in mt life.

What is an interesting thing thats just occured to me.

If the single person explicitly states that they will only sleep with the other person if they are single then it turns out they lied and they're actually married.

Would that be rape by deception?"

No it just means one is a liar.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I wouldn't be and wasn't interested in hearing front the other woman. I would prefer to sort it out with my partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn't be and wasn't interested in hearing front the other woman. I would prefer to sort it out with my partner."

As far as u would be concerned there would be nothing to sort as u wouldn't know about it.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

"I wouldn't be and wasn't interested in hearing front the other woman. I would prefer to sort it out with my partner.

As far as u would be concerned there would be nothing to sort as u wouldn't know about it."

I would find out about it without the other woman. I did when it happened to me. Then I deal with it. To me, I wouldn't even engage with the other woman. Any woman knows if she is being cheated upon, if she doesn't admit it, its to herself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Yes, the individual in question had been seeing this guy for some time & it was clear from your comments on that thread you disagreed with all she had done

However, you were not there & do not know the full extent of his lies & what damage he did to the women he dated, lied to, probably told her he loved her many times, shared many intimate nights, conversations & other senarios with her - you can not judge one persons actions on your own morals & beliefs - what action an individual will do when broken hearted is never planned & is a knee jerk reaction - whether right or wrong in your eyes it's going to differ in another's - what matters is HE should have disclosed to her from the start that he wa married then she could have made an informal choice as to carry on or not - her actions were what she felt were right at the time to gain her own closure on him after he had hurt her!

Nobody had a right to say if another persons actions are right or wrong but dishonesty is wrong & that's what he was

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my opinion, we have no right to interfere in other peoples relationships even if the guy is in the wrong & he was in this case, not the single girl.......

.... if that was me I'd have sent the guy packing, burnt all his belonging to rid him from my life.... It's on his conscience at the end of the day, it's not up to the third to say anything, there could be kids involved so, for me, in my opinion, it's best left alone...

It's a vindictive action but that's just my opinion...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the situation you've described I don't think there is justification for telling the *innocent party.

I would be pissed off if some random woman showed up out of the blue & started telling me things about my OH.

However, not all situations like marriages / relationships are the same so cannot apply the one rule fits all here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I was married & my other half was cheating on me I would like to know regardless of how it would effect me - I give honesty so expect it in return

I certainly wouldn't be one of those women who shove their heads in the sand & ignores it hoping it would go away

I don't believe she was being vindictive - she gave the wife the option to see what her lying husband was doing & at least the wife could then too make an informal choice with his dishonesty

Whether I would do the same or not - I could not say as I don't know how I would react in the same situation nor does any one else until they have been in the situation, so to say it was vindictive is judgmental - again you don't know what goes on behind closed doors so you can't judge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read this post and the other one with interest having been cheated on myself by someone I loved very much . The worst part and the part that hurts the most I think is being treated like a fool for months or even years . You know what's going on or at least suspect but your partner tells you you or crazy and turns things around on you . It's called gaslighting and is very mentally abusive .

So yes I wish I had known earlier at least then I could have made an informed desision and saved myself from actually thinking I was going nuts .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

I've never been in that position so I don't know how I would react in reality but in theory I wouldn't tell the other partner I strongly believe that unless physical or mental abuse is taking place you shouldn't interfere in someone else's marriage. However if you believe you are doing the right thing and you're doing it from the best of motives I think you should remain true to your own principles. Only the person concerned can know their motives and as has been said many times there's only one person really at fault.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I read this post and the other one with interest having been cheated on myself by someone I loved very much . The worst part and the part that hurts the most I think is being treated like a fool for months or even years . You know what's going on or at least suspect but your partner tells you you or crazy and turns things around on you . It's called gaslighting and is very mentally abusive .

So yes I wish I had known earlier at least then I could have made an informed desision and saved myself from actually thinking I was going nuts . "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about the other way around, woman married pretending to be single? XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What about the other way around, woman married pretending to be single? XXX

All the same dishonesty

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"What about the other way around, woman married pretending to be single? XXX

Same answer from me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What about the other way around, woman married pretending to be single? XXX

The she would no doubt get away with it as most men would keep their mouths shut and women as a whole would be more vindictive about it.

Sound sexist ? Sorry if it comes across like that but sometimes the truth is not pc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The one that really annoys me, is chatting to a man, who later casually says he is in a relationship and can host when f out......Er no thanks.

I am single xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What about the other way around, woman married pretending to be single? XXX

The she would no doubt get away with it as most men would keep their mouths shut and women as a whole would be more vindictive about it.

Sound sexist ? Sorry if it comes across like that but sometimes the truth is not pc.

That is probably mostly correct, I wouldn't tell wife/partner though. XXX

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By *hoco DMan
over a year ago

Clapham

"I think the "right" thing to do would be to inform the partner so they can make an informed choice about thier relationship.

But i wouldn't because i wouldn't want that drama in mt life.

What is an interesting thing thats just occured to me.

If the single person explicitly states that they will only sleep with the other person if they are single then it turns out they lied and they're actually married.

Would that be rape by deception?"

Rape by deception seem a bit ott.... it's like someone having on their profile "cock must be 9 inchs or more" you meet do the deed and it then transpires your only 8 inch

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By *hoco DMan
over a year ago

Clapham

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Yes, the individual in question had been seeing this guy for some time & it was clear from your comments on that thread you disagreed with all she had done

Nobody had a right to say if another persons actions are right or wrong but dishonesty is wrong & that's what he was "

I thinks it wrong for her to in evolve the 3rd party just to spite, if she got an issue with him then it should him solely..... it this way of think is what's wrong with the world "you come to our home lands drop bombs and we come to your hurt the innocent"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Yes, the individual in question had been seeing this guy for some time & it was clear from your comments on that thread you disagreed with all she had done

Nobody had a right to say if another persons actions are right or wrong but dishonesty is wrong & that's what he was

You can say if it's right or wrong ...you was not involved so don't know the full details

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

I don't know I was thinking this myself earlier. My ex husband had to confess something before someone else got to me first (his bitches boyfriend). It was apparently over a few weeks previous,anyway I sometimes wonder now after the devastation that followed did I actually want to know... Don't know time makes you see thing's differently I suppose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know I was thinking this myself earlier. My ex husband had to confess something before someone else got to me first (his bitches boyfriend). It was apparently over a few weeks previous,anyway I sometimes wonder now after the devastation that followed did I actually want to know... Don't know time makes you see thing's differently I suppose

Yeah I see you point

What you don't know won't hurt you type of thing

I just think I'd rather know then I can make a choice & I suppose it falls in to the category of not feeling like a fool too, not seeing the signs ..stuff like that .....maybe I'm just control freak when it comes to my own life & being in control of myself & what happens to me which I don't think is a bad thing

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By *hoco DMan
over a year ago

Clapham

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Yes, the individual in question had been seeing this guy for some time & it was clear from your comments on that thread you disagreed with all she had done

Nobody had a right to say if another persons actions are right or wrong but dishonesty is wrong & that's what he was

You can say if it's right or wrong ...you was not involved so don't know the full details "

That's ture just like it was it right or wrong for him to lie....you was not involved so don't know the full details

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Yeah I see you point

What you don't know won't hurt you type of thing

I thought that at the time it happened that it was important I knew anything and everything that was going on then like you say you're more in control,but I lost a lot! There was signs,looking back afterwards I think I subconsciously ignored them,or like my sis said I trusted him so didn't think the worse. Anyway food for thought,don't know what I would do. It just makes me sad when people cheat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Yes, the individual in question had been seeing this guy for some time & it was clear from your comments on that thread you disagreed with all she had done

Nobody had a right to say if another persons actions are right or wrong but dishonesty is wrong & that's what he was

I agree here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

The other thread was clearly about vengeance and doing her utmost to destroy his life. I did actually think when reading it that it's true that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

I can honestly never imagine a scenario where the person having the affair is in the right in telling the partner about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So yes I wish I had known earlier at least then I could have made an informed desision and saved myself from actually thinking I was going nuts . "

This.

So many people on these threads seem to think it's black and white. That either the wife doesn't know and is blissfully unaware and happy.

Or she finds out and is distraught.

What if she's sort of unsure? What if she feels like she knows something is going on and feels like she's going crazy, checking on her partner and feeling like a jealous crazy person?

What if he's shagging around various people bareback and is exposing her to STDs?

What if the relationship consists of them screaming at each other daily in front of the kids and this is the push she needs to split up with him?

I can't understand why everyone thought that couple should stay together. The guy is obviously unhappy in the relationship or he wouldn't be cheating on her.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Our interactions are just between us - the only other party involved may be fab, if some wrongdoing that should be reported.

Anything outside of you and the person you're meeting is totally taboo. Discretion is everything.

If you're the sort of person who would communicate with a meet's contacts, including married partner, I think you should give up this lifestyle for good.

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

The other thread was clearly about vengeance and doing her utmost to destroy his life. I did actually think when reading it that it's true that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

I can honestly never imagine a scenario where the person having the affair is in the right in telling the partner about it

Excuse me, that is utterly untrue and you have no right to talk about me like that in public. How very dare you.

I've kept off this thread for now, but you're wrong.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

So yes I wish I had known earlier at least then I could have made an informed desision and saved myself from actually thinking I was going nuts .

This.

So many people on these threads seem to think it's black and white. That either the wife doesn't know and is blissfully unaware and happy.

Or she finds out and is distraught.

What if she's sort of unsure? What if she feels like she knows something is going on and feels like she's going crazy, checking on her partner and feeling like a jealous crazy person?

What if he's shagging around various people bareback and is exposing her to STDs?

What if the relationship consists of them screaming at each other daily in front of the kids and this is the push she needs to split up with him?

I can't understand why everyone thought that couple should stay together. The guy is obviously unhappy in the relationship or he wouldn't be cheating on her.

I think people should have staying power. I think many give up too easily and move on to the next relationship. If someone cheats, it is an indication something is wrong, but not that it can't be solved. It isn't the end of everything. I dont think so anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Yes, the individual in question had been seeing this guy for some time & it was clear from your comments on that thread you disagreed with all she had done

Nobody had a right to say if another persons actions are right or wrong but dishonesty is wrong & that's what he was

I agree here.

How do you know it was done out of spite

Maybe she needed to clear her concience

Maybe she thought the wife should know that she had a deceitful husband

Could have been for many reasons not necessarily Out of spite - that's just your opinion

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

So yes I wish I had known earlier at least then I could have made an informed desision and saved myself from actually thinking I was going nuts .

This.

So many people on these threads seem to think it's black and white. That either the wife doesn't know and is blissfully unaware and happy.

Or she finds out and is distraught.

What if she's sort of unsure? What if she feels like she knows something is going on and feels like she's going crazy, checking on her partner and feeling like a jealous crazy person?

What if he's shagging around various people bareback and is exposing her to STDs?

What if the relationship consists of them screaming at each other daily in front of the kids and this is the push she needs to split up with him?

I can't understand why everyone thought that couple should stay together. The guy is obviously unhappy in the relationship or he wouldn't be cheating on her.

Sure, if someone has a one night stand. But if someone has a 4 year full relationship behind your back? Ok then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

The other thread was clearly about vengeance and doing her utmost to destroy his life. I did actually think when reading it that it's true that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

I can honestly never imagine a scenario where the person having the affair is in the right in telling the partner about it

Again you can only imagine

You can't say how you would react until you're in that scenario you're just judging someone from your beliefs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

another reason i'd want to know is because the person cheating on you might slag you off to the person they're cheating with. that's what i found about one ex anyway, he had told 2 women about me but was slagging me off to them like he was perfect. i hacked his accounts and saw everything he'd said to these women but that pissed me off the most.

why would i want to stay with someone like that? he's a cheeky bastard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just feel that there are better ways of dealing with the situation than the third party informing the wife of the cheating husband, especially when the girl didn't know the wife in any way shape or form.... but that's just my opinion...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not mental. I don't want to invite drama into my life so I'd say nothing and let them sort out their own shit. Not my problem and none of my business.

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By *ilmissplumpyWoman
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Sour grapes it sounds like to me. If a man tells me he has a partner then i wouldn't meet him, if he doesn't tell me it's none of my business to meddle after the fact...

LMN

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By *hoco DMan
over a year ago

Clapham

"Having read a response on a post earlier it prompted me to post .

Yes, the individual in question had been seeing this guy for some time & it was clear from your comments on that thread you disagreed with all she had done

Nobody had a right to say if another persons actions are right or wrong but dishonesty is wrong & that's what he was

I agree here.

How do you know it was done out of spite

Maybe she needed to clear her concience

Maybe she thought the wife should know that she had a deceitful husband

Could have been for many reasons not necessarily Out of spite - that's just your opinion "

Your right it my just my opinion as is an opinion she may with hurt the 3rd party to make her self feel better by clearing her concience.

In my opinion I would consider this to be utter selfishness but hey that's just my opinion has none of us were not involved so don't know the full details.

For all we know she could of fully aware of his marriage from the start, they had fun having decided that's enough fun for now and call it a day.

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