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The other man or woman.... when the shit hits the fan.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've had pregnant gf turn up at my work and shout and bawl in the street at me..... I didn't know the man I had been seeing wasn't single.

Another time I did know he wasn't single but it was just a straight forward nsa fab meet and his wife appeared at my door because of the post code in the sat nav..... I got yelled at and I had to threaten her with the police. It took days to find or who she was.

What's the worst that's happened to u when a partner found out about u and their partner.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i'd say 90% of the men i meet have a female at home. hasn't happened yet but it is in my back of my mind. don't know what i'll do until that time.

good that you handled those incidents well.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts "

The first one was as much cheating on me as cheating on her.. and yes it hurt. The second one was a married man on fab. I knew he couldn't accommodate but it was a fab meet not an affair

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts "

It's the cheater's fault not hers.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts

It's the cheater's fault not hers."

There's no mileage in that

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *nfamyMan
over a year ago

Goole

What an interesting web people weave.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I now make it absolutely clear I only meet single people. Unfortunately that doesn't stop liars.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I now make it absolutely clear I only meet single people. Unfortunately that doesn't stop liars."

Yep agree completely. Just be honest and let people make a choice knowing the full facts.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A women I met told me that a guy she met for a social turned up at hers with his wife cause she had found out about the meet through his kik messages, she was threatened with assault and having her house trashed cause the guy had told his wife he was seduced, they hadn't even had sex and the messages on kik proved this, from what she's said it sounded like the guy was making it out to be her fault and he was the innocent victim in it all, he arranged to meet her!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I've managed to winkle out all the attached men so far but it is hard work, there is so much deliberate deception of all kinds on fabs, even amongst forumites, it turns my stomach at times.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A women I met told me that a guy she met for a social turned up at hers with his wife cause she had found out about the meet through his kik messages, she was threatened with assault and having her house trashed cause the guy had told his wife he was seduced, they hadn't even had sex and the messages on kik proved this, from what she's said it sounded like the guy was making it out to be her fault and he was the innocent victim in it all, he arranged to meet her! "

I never understand why people invite strangers to their homes.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe pick chaps who have a modicum of sense about them if you're meeting attached ones.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A women I met told me that a guy she met for a social turned up at hers with his wife cause she had found out about the meet through his kik messages, she was threatened with assault and having her house trashed cause the guy had told his wife he was seduced, they hadn't even had sex and the messages on kik proved this, from what she's said it sounded like the guy was making it out to be her fault and he was the innocent victim in it all, he arranged to meet her!

I never understand why people invite strangers to their homes. "

Agree, my Mrs done it once a couple of weeks back while I was out, turned out to be a successful meet but she suspects the guy is attached, needless to say she has cut all ties with him now, my profile is pretty open so others can make informed choices, my wife has her own profile and we also have a couples profile too. Couldn't be more transparent really.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts

It's the cheater's fault not hers.

There's no mileage in that "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A women I met told me that a guy she met for a social turned up at hers with his wife cause she had found out about the meet through his kik messages, she was threatened with assault and having her house trashed cause the guy had told his wife he was seduced, they hadn't even had sex and the messages on kik proved this, from what she's said it sounded like the guy was making it out to be her fault and he was the innocent victim in it all, he arranged to meet her! "

That's horrific.....a quick call to the police I think.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The second one was a married man on fab. I knew he couldn't accommodate but it was a fab meet not an affair "

You make your choices and have to live with the consequences.

Zero sympathy and really fail to see why you are trying to justify that it was a one off and not an affair

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh yes been there now I'm even more wary of men I chat to never mind meet! It started with a text and I met the gf/wife to chat. Went really well considering and I've not had any bother since. Think she was more worried he was bi and not straight :/ she now has a profile on here watching out for him.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some single men aren't actually single? Who knew?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm looking to hear other people's experiences. I made the choice to meet.... he made the choice to cheat. Only one person cheated in that meet and it wasn't me.

I think women by and large blame the other woman and become focused on her. Men don't focus as much on the other party (at least this is my experience)

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eccymanMan
over a year ago

Gateshead

I've been swinging on and off for twenty years and nothing like that has ever happened to me. What am I doing wrong?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!


"A women I met told me that a guy she met for a social turned up at hers with his wife cause she had found out about the meet through his kik messages, she was threatened with assault and having her house trashed cause the guy had told his wife he was seduced, they hadn't even had sex and the messages on kik proved this, from what she's said it sounded like the guy was making it out to be her fault and he was the innocent victim in it all, he arranged to meet her! "

Oh poor man

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

I fucking hate liers

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

I have met a few 'single' women who turn out to be attached. I tend to only meet at neutral venues until I know someone well enough. Less chance of these problems.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I once had a text message advising me that a 'single' guy I met who couldn't accommodate due to 'housemates' was actually engaged. I deleted the text. Not my issue.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts "

Thats a bit harsh, she says she didn't know he had a wife/gf

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I now make it absolutely clear I only meet single people. Unfortunately that doesn't stop liars."

Ditto!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts

Thats a bit harsh, she says she didn't know he had a wife/gf"

The second one she did. And willingly invited him in to her home for sex.

I'm not judging for that but she's hardly an innocent victim

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/06/16 09:25:40]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had pregnant gf turn up at my work and shout and bawl in the street at me..... I didn't know the man I had been seeing wasn't single.

Another time I did know he wasn't single but it was just a straight forward nsa fab meet and his wife appeared at my door because of the post code in the sat nav..... I got yelled at and I had to threaten her with the police. It took days to find or who she was.

What's the worst that's happened to u when a partner found out about u and their partner."

I prefer people that are in relationships because it's easier to get away from them if/and/or when they turn odd about the situation by getting too "attached".

That's my biggest hassle - people getting too clingy over a bit of adult fun.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe pick chaps who have a modicum of sense about them if you're meeting attached ones. "

The downfall is always the idiot!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eccymanMan
over a year ago

Gateshead

[Removed by poster at 12/06/16 09:31:05]

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By *ungBlackTopMan
over a year ago

salford


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts "

agreed

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eccymanMan
over a year ago

Gateshead


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was. "

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve? "

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve? "

You don't think his wife deserved to know?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was."

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On the last site I was on I had been chatting to a guy who told me he was a mature student at 28, and was currently living in shared accommodation as he had not long broken up with a girlfriend. Sounded very plausible. He was keen to meet but distance put me off.

I then get an email from his wife who had seen his emails. I replied that he had told me he was single, that we had been chatting and had not had sex or even kissed (which was true). I then blocked her and him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A women I met told me that a guy she met for a social turned up at hers with his wife cause she had found out about the meet through his kik messages, she was threatened with assault and having her house trashed cause the guy had told his wife he was seduced, they hadn't even had sex and the messages on kik proved this, from what she's said it sounded like the guy was making it out to be her fault and he was the innocent victim in it all, he arranged to meet her!

Oh poor man "

Yes, strange how they always re-write history when they've been caught with their pants down!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions "

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/06/16 09:49:16]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions "

Definitely a nasty and vindictive act, however she is right that he brought it upon himself.

My wife and kids mean too much to me to risk them on some fuck. You can only get caught doing something if you're actually doing it. I don't cheat so I won't get caught cheating.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts

Thats a bit harsh, she says she didn't know he had a wife/gf

The second one she did. And willingly invited him in to her home for sex.

I'm not judging for that but she's hardly an innocent victim "

I'm not judging but..mmmmmm that will be a judgement then

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!


"A women I met told me that a guy she met for a social turned up at hers with his wife cause she had found out about the meet through his kik messages, she was threatened with assault and having her house trashed cause the guy had told his wife he was seduced, they hadn't even had sex and the messages on kik proved this, from what she's said it sounded like the guy was making it out to be her fault and he was the innocent victim in it all, he arranged to meet her!

Oh poor man

Yes, strange how they always re-write history when they've been caught with their pants down!! "

Yeah fucking idiot

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust. "

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *rishman75Man
over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

It's not the ops fault it's the men and I ask the ladies if they are single and if they say they can't accommodate alarm bells go off x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eccymanMan
over a year ago

Gateshead


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

You don't think his wife deserved to know? "

I suspect she already knew. How could a man with a family go on holiday with another woman without his wife/partner suspecting something.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts

Thats a bit harsh, she says she didn't know he had a wife/gf

The second one she did. And willingly invited him in to her home for sex.

I'm not judging for that but she's hardly an innocent victim

I'm not judging but..mmmmmm that will be a judgement then

"

If you want to fuck married men I'm nit judging you.

If you are going to try and be the victim when their wife catches up with you then I am totally Judith you.

Does that make it clearer?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

Definitely a nasty and vindictive act, however she is right that he brought it upon himself.

My wife and kids mean too much to me to risk them on some fuck. You can only get caught doing something if you're actually doing it. I don't cheat so I won't get caught cheating."

'some fuck'...

If I was 'some fuck' and had just shagged him once, no way I would have told her, not my business. I would have berated him and blocked him.

I was cheated on too, as far as I was concerned WE were an item. It's clear that none of you have ever experienced a situation quite like this before (I mean, how many people seriously have double lives?!) so you can stop being so judgemental. When it happens to you, hit me up for some support.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My husband told me he was having an affair with a family friend. He wasn't ashamed and thought I deserved it because he said I was cheating,although I wasn't. His gf apologised over a text and said she loved him. After a while I gave him the option of her or me,he chose me. I was civil to his other woman,my friend,and didn't go to hers to cause trouble with her husband. I still talk to her if I see her and don't hold a grudge; my marriage was a sham from the beginning,which I wasn't aware of. It's made me wary of having another relationship but I don't blame the other woman entirely.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

You don't think his wife deserved to know?

I suspect she already knew. How could a man with a family go on holiday with another woman without his wife/partner suspecting something."

Suspecting is one thing. Women with kids will put up with more for the sake of the kids

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart"

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did have a woman call my phone saying I'd met her husband on here. She gave his name,road where he lived and description but I didn't have a clue who he was. She didn't sound too upset and went from being his wife to his gf and there were other people talking in the background when she rang. I could only apologise and say I had no idea he was in a relationship,whoever he was. She hung up and I didn't hear again.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts

Thats a bit harsh, she says she didn't know he had a wife/gf

The second one she did. And willingly invited him in to her home for sex.

I'm not judging for that but she's hardly an innocent victim

I'm not judging but..mmmmmm that will be a judgement then

If you want to fuck married men I'm nit judging you.

If you are going to try and be the victim when their wife catches up with you then I am totally Judith you.

Does that make it clearer? "

At no point have I played victim. I asked for other people's experiences. Does that make it clearer for you?

Anyone who says im not judging but.... is judging.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had the wife of the single man i was seeing turn up at my door ! He had apparently blamed me for it all when she found out. Either him or her sent letters to at least one of my neighbours saying i was a swinger. He did various other things to.

Had the wife of a couple give me frequent threatening phone calls, he had told me they both met alone with permission. He was convincing but it seems he wasn't truthful !

Both times i had to get the police to talk to them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again. "

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

You don't think his wife deserved to know?

I suspect she already knew. How could a man with a family go on holiday with another woman without his wife/partner suspecting something."

You would be surprised how much some people get away with. A woman I know was in a relationship with a man for years who said he was in the army. He had camouflage gear and kit and went off for months at a time. What she didn't know was he wasn't in the army and had a family elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

I've been the other woman for years. I'm as much in the wrong as he is. However I would never out him.

The heart wants what it wants. I get my heart broken every time he leaves me to go home to her. He and I deserve that pain. She doesn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm looking to hear other people's experiences. I made the choice to meet.... he made the choice to cheat. Only one person cheated in that meet and it wasn't me.

I think women by and large blame the other woman and become focused on her. Men don't focus as much on the other party (at least this is my experience)"

you made the choice to meet a cheat, putting yourself in the line of fire..

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that."

And you've made the assumption that my actions affected the lives of his kids...who, by the way, have nothing to do with me.

As far as i'm aware, they're all still living their 'happy families' lie of a life.

As I said, until you've been in the situation, don't judge, don't cast stones.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've been the other woman for years. I'm as much in the wrong as he is. However I would never out him.

The heart wants what it wants. I get my heart broken every time he leaves me to go home to her. He and I deserve that pain. She doesn't.

"

You went into the relationship knowing he was married. You took the chance with all the details. When someone lies to another person about being single they don't have that choice. People are always going on about honesty on here.

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like. "

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My husband told me he was having an affair with a family friend. He wasn't ashamed and thought I deserved it because he said I was cheating,although I wasn't. His gf apologised over a text and said she loved him. After a while I gave him the option of her or me,he chose me. I was civil to his other woman,my friend,and didn't go to hers to cause trouble with her husband. I still talk to her if I see her and don't hold a grudge; my marriage was a sham from the beginning,which I wasn't aware of. It's made me wary of having another relationship but I don't blame the other woman entirely. "

Very civil & well handled ...well done X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I think women by and large blame the other woman and become focused on her. Men don't focus as much on the other party (at least this is my experience)"

I agree. I also think that people with low self esteem are more likely to lash out at the other person than their cheating partner.

However when I read "I had no idea until..." then my first thought is that 'you probably aren't the best judge of character then'. I think about 1% the population are able to lie so convincingly and consistenly that you'd genuinely have no clue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again. "

Totally agree with you. I'd want to know if my partner of 10 years had been with someone else for 4 of them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts

Thats a bit harsh, she says she didn't know he had a wife/gf

The second one she did. And willingly invited him in to her home for sex.

I'm not judging for that but she's hardly an innocent victim

I'm not judging but..mmmmmm that will be a judgement then

If you want to fuck married men I'm nit judging you.

If you are going to try and be the victim when their wife catches up with you then I am totally Judith you.

Does that make it clearer?

At no point have I played victim. I asked for other people's experiences. Does that make it clearer for you?

Anyone who says im not judging but.... is judging.

"

I think this comment xomes across as playing the victm


"I made the choice to meet.... he made the choice to cheat. Only one person cheated in that meet and it wasn't me."

You knowingly met a married man and then feel aggrieved that his wife turned up on your doorstep justufib is as #only NSA not an affair" and thenimpy that it's in no way your fault.

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

Considering we only meet single women, we've yet to meet an actual "single" woman.

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By *horley GirlWoman
over a year ago

Local-ish


"Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

Definitely a nasty and vindictive act, however she is right that he brought it upon himself.

My wife and kids mean too much to me to risk them on some fuck. You can only get caught doing something if you're actually doing it. I don't cheat so I won't get caught cheating.

'some fuck'...

If I was 'some fuck' and had just shagged him once, no way I would have told her, not my business. I would have berated him and blocked him.

I was cheated on too, as far as I was concerned WE were an item. It's clear that none of you have ever experienced a situation quite like this before (I mean, how many people seriously have double lives?!) so you can stop being so judgemental. When it happens to you, hit me up for some support. "

Double life victim here too. No one can know unless you have lived it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust. "

Yes she did have EVERY right to know but from her partner not from a 3rd party.

You assumed she'd want to know because that's what you'd want, not everyone wants to know as it forces their hand to deal with a situation they might have been burying.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE! "

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's also very easy these days to meet without giving any personal details out, chat via Kik & arrange to meet away from home.

A little bit of forward planning would save all those 'wronged' parties screaming on your doorstep.....

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

Yes she did have EVERY right to know but from her partner not from a 3rd party.

You assumed she'd want to know because that's what you'd want, not everyone wants to know as it forces their hand to deal with a situation they might have been burying.

"

I've had enough of justifying myself to you people who have no clue, as I don't need to. And you need to stop being so judgemental when you really have no idea what it's like.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

Definitely a nasty and vindictive act, however she is right that he brought it upon himself.

My wife and kids mean too much to me to risk them on some fuck. You can only get caught doing something if you're actually doing it. I don't cheat so I won't get caught cheating.

'some fuck'...

If I was 'some fuck' and had just shagged him once, no way I would have told her, not my business. I would have berated him and blocked him.

I was cheated on too, as far as I was concerned WE were an item. It's clear that none of you have ever experienced a situation quite like this before (I mean, how many people seriously have double lives?!) so you can stop being so judgemental. When it happens to you, hit me up for some support.

Double life victim here too. No one can know unless you have lived it. "

You're not wrong Hun x

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife."

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife."

Well said

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By *horley GirlWoman
over a year ago

Local-ish

As the wife- I wish I'd known years before I uncovered it myself. Now happily divorced

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

Yes she did have EVERY right to know but from her partner not from a 3rd party.

You assumed she'd want to know because that's what you'd want, not everyone wants to know as it forces their hand to deal with a situation they might have been burying.

I've had enough of justifying myself to you people who have no clue, as I don't need to. And you need to stop being so judgemental when you really have no idea what it's like. "

I'm not asking you to justify yourself, you did that all on your own with your earlier comments, I'm merely expressing my opinion which differs from yours.

It's always good to hear another point of view, helps to balance out an discussion & we can always learn from others.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

And you've made the assumption that my actions affected the lives of his kids...who, by the way, have nothing to do with me.

As far as i'm aware, they're all still living their 'happy families' lie of a life.

As I said, until you've been in the situation, don't judge, don't cast stones. "

This last comment interested me. Why assume, just because he has had an affair that the life they are now living is a lie? Its more likely to be the most honest its ever been. I would say, from experience, that once one partner has an affair and the other finds out, this triggers a make or break discussion in a relationship where everything about the said relationship can get out into the open and a frank discussion can be had. Love conquers all and many relationships, those that survive, are stronger after an affair, if the two who decide to stick together can work it out. Often there are issues on both sides of the relationship that neither has confronted and this is the catalyst (albeit a harsh one) that can make these things happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop."

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

And you've made the assumption that my actions affected the lives of his kids...who, by the way, have nothing to do with me.

As far as i'm aware, they're all still living their 'happy families' lie of a life.

As I said, until you've been in the situation, don't judge, don't cast stones.

This last comment interested me. Why assume, just because he has had an affair that the life they are now living is a lie? Its more likely to be the most honest its ever been. I would say, from experience, that once one partner has an affair and the other finds out, this triggers a make or break discussion in a relationship where everything about the said relationship can get out into the open and a frank discussion can be had. Love conquers all and many relationships, those that survive, are stronger after an affair, if the two who decide to stick together can work it out. Often there are issues on both sides of the relationship that neither has confronted and this is the catalyst (albeit a harsh one) that can make these things happen."

And good for them if it has, but I'd be surprised.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

You don't think his wife deserved to know? "

she said other gf not his wife

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation."

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

And you've made the assumption that my actions affected the lives of his kids...who, by the way, have nothing to do with me.

As far as i'm aware, they're all still living their 'happy families' lie of a life.

As I said, until you've been in the situation, don't judge, don't cast stones.

This last comment interested me. Why assume, just because he has had an affair that the life they are now living is a lie? Its more likely to be the most honest its ever been. I would say, from experience, that once one partner has an affair and the other finds out, this triggers a make or break discussion in a relationship where everything about the said relationship can get out into the open and a frank discussion can be had. Love conquers all and many relationships, those that survive, are stronger after an affair, if the two who decide to stick together can work it out. Often there are issues on both sides of the relationship that neither has confronted and this is the catalyst (albeit a harsh one) that can make these things happen."

I totally agree, well said

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You kinda got what you deserve. My experience was finding out my oh was cheating. It fuckin hurts

Thats a bit harsh, she says she didn't know he had a wife/gf

The second one she did. And willingly invited him in to her home for sex.

I'm not judging for that but she's hardly an innocent victim

I'm not judging but..mmmmmm that will be a judgement then

If you want to fuck married men I'm nit judging you.

If you are going to try and be the victim when their wife catches up with you then I am totally Judith you.

Does that make it clearer?

At no point have I played victim. I asked for other people's experiences. Does that make it clearer for you?

Anyone who says im not judging but.... is judging.

I think this comment xomes across as playing the victm

I made the choice to meet.... he made the choice to cheat. Only one person cheated in that meet and it wasn't me.

You knowingly met a married man and then feel aggrieved that his wife turned up on your doorstep justufib is as #only NSA not an affair" and thenimpy that it's in no way your fault.

"

U assumed that that comment was me playing the victim... I'm not. It was a statement of fact. I cheated on no one. I am single. A single person cannot cheat. He was in a relationship. He cheated on her.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that."

I've never been in this situation but I couldn't disagree with you more!

The man in question was clearly a cold, using, calculating bastard - lying to not one but BOTH women he professed to love! He absolutely deserved to be caught out - and the mother of his children deserved far better than a scumbag like that! Staying with a shit 'for the sake of the children' is bullshit!

Every good, decent human being deserves a shot at happiness with another good, decent human being!

The guy was obviously a habitual cheat and would have kept on doing so!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

Why should she be thinking of HIS children??? It's not her place that's the job of their father.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b. "

I think you're missing the point completely =

The man had an actually family with kids so you didn't actually "be the messenger".

You didn't have to interfer in the childrens lives.

You could have walked away quietly instead of putting the children at risk being brought up in another broken home by two seperated parents.

You are the one that learned the lesson in the situation so you didn't have to corrupt the lives of his children by putting them at risk of their family breaking down

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow."

Lol. Says the person with a post full of judgements

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b. "

I don't think that anyone can judge the situation until you've actually been in it. Every persons response to any similar situation will react differently due to us all being different & having different views on the world we live in

One persons way of dealing with issues will be different to another - we all have opinions yes but no one is right or wrong!

What was wrong, was the married man for not letting you know he was married - if he did, you could have choose to do what you saw fit right from the start - that's what should have happened!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

Lol. Says the person with a post full of judgements "

Oh jeez you AGAIN

I don't judge any of the ladies on here who were lied to by cheating men. That OK with you?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow."

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why should she be thinking of HIS children??? It's not her place that's the job of their father. "

Exactly.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I think you're missing the point completely =

The man had an actually family with kids so you didn't actually "be the messenger".

You didn't have to interfer in the childrens lives.

You could have walked away quietly instead of putting the children at risk being brought up in another broken home by two seperated parents.

You are the one that learned the lesson in the situation so you didn't have to corrupt the lives of his children by putting them at risk of their family breaking down"

See that's the sort of thing that really gets to me. People assume that kids are better off living with two parents who have a failing relationship than living with one and both parents finding happiness. I split with my children's father almost 6 years ago and my home is far from "broken", in fact it's more fixed than it ever was.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

Lol. Says the person with a post full of judgements

Oh jeez you AGAIN

I don't judge any of the ladies on here who were lied to by cheating men. That OK with you? "

Yes lil ole me

That statement has passed the Mrs N gold standard of acceptability, you may proceed with no further fear of hindrance from moi.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned."

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

I've never been in this situation but I couldn't disagree with you more!

The man in question was clearly a cold, using, calculating bastard - lying to not one but BOTH women he professed to love! He absolutely deserved to be caught out - and the mother of his children deserved far better than a scumbag like that! Staying with a shit 'for the sake of the children' is bullshit!

Every good, decent human being deserves a shot at happiness with another good, decent human being!

The guy was obviously a habitual cheat and would have kept on doing so! "

Really peachy!!!..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

Lol. Says the person with a post full of judgements

Oh jeez you AGAIN

I don't judge any of the ladies on here who were lied to by cheating men. That OK with you?

Yes lil ole me

That statement has passed the Mrs N gold standard of acceptability, you may proceed with no further fear of hindrance from moi. "

Why thank you kindly. We'll just have to agree to disagree

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned."

Would you want to be living with a wife who was having a relationship behind your back? What if you found out yourself?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had pregnant gf turn up at my work and shout and bawl in the street at me..... I didn't know the man I had been seeing wasn't single.

Another time I did know he wasn't single but it was just a straight forward nsa fab meet and his wife appeared at my door because of the post code in the sat nav..... I got yelled at and I had to threaten her with the police. It took days to find or who she was.

What's the worst that's happened to u when a partner found out about u and their partner."

I've had the '3 am tearful phone call' before. He'd told me a false name,,told me he was single,,,me and the Girlfriend ended up chatting for hours about what a b*****d he was.

Another time,I found out the guy I had been seeing for months (proclaimed undying love to all our friends,,on the verge of getting engaged)) had a wife (been married for over 30 years)and son.This time it was me that blew up,,,at him.All those so called friends are still his friends and not my friends.No loss to me as far as I'm concerned.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

Lol. Says the person with a post full of judgements

Oh jeez you AGAIN

I don't judge any of the ladies on here who were lied to by cheating men. That OK with you?

Yes lil ole me

That statement has passed the Mrs N gold standard of acceptability, you may proceed with no further fear of hindrance from moi.

Why thank you kindly. We'll just have to agree to disagree "

I think we're both grown up enough to do that...a rare and beautiful thing

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

Whilst I have brought my kids up on my own so may disagree that single parenting always causes a worse experience for the kids, I do agree that there is no need to stir the pot and interfere in the lives of the kids. Whilst the 'other woman' (or man for that matter) isn't the parent, they still do have a responsibility to the children, as do we all. I don't believe in stirring the pot from either side, being the other woman or the wife. I have been the wife in this but my attitude in life is, no drama, so I just ended it with no fuss. That was my choice though. My experience is not the same as everyone else's though, of course, but there is a lot of bitterness coming through in this thread ....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ungBlackTopMan
over a year ago

salford

to be fair to the OP she was only going off what she was told by the guy. She doesn't have a crystal ball. Plus there's loads of people on here that will only have sex with married/discreet people regardless if the other half is on the site or not. I've spoke to people before that wouldn't meet because I wasn't married and they got off on the whole cheating thing, so it's swings and roundabouts on here. I think you just have to accept the consequences of your actions when they come knocking on the door but if you weren't none the wiser then I guess it's not your fault.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I think you're missing the point completely =

The man had an actually family with kids so you didn't actually "be the messenger".

You didn't have to interfer in the childrens lives.

You could have walked away quietly instead of putting the children at risk being brought up in another broken home by two seperated parents.

You are the one that learned the lesson in the situation so you didn't have to corrupt the lives of his children by putting them at risk of their family breaking down

See that's the sort of thing that really gets to me. People assume that kids are better off living with two parents who have a failing relationship than living with one and both parents finding happiness. I split with my children's father almost 6 years ago and my home is far from "broken", in fact it's more fixed than it ever was. "

In thus case there's no indication that their family was "failing".

She said herself that the family are still together - that indicates a very strong family.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe pick chaps who have a modicum of sense about them if you're meeting attached ones. "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Would you want to be living with a wife who was having a relationship behind your back? What if you found out yourself? "

What I want from life is irrelevant in this discussion.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I think you're missing the point completely =

The man had an actually family with kids so you didn't actually "be the messenger".

You didn't have to interfer in the childrens lives.

You could have walked away quietly instead of putting the children at risk being brought up in another broken home by two seperated parents.

You are the one that learned the lesson in the situation so you didn't have to corrupt the lives of his children by putting them at risk of their family breaking down"

I didn't tell his children.

If they chose to be bad parents and let the truth I provided affect their children that's their problem.

You can stop attacking me now.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!! "

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a person has said they are single and lies and leads a person on its bad and shows blatant selfishness in order to get what they want

If same said person is in a relationship, kids etc then it's even worse

However if you are the wife (and I have been one) then most women would want to know... How the wife/partner chooses to deal with it is then upto her

We're here on a swinging site ... Does adultery/cheating begin when a meet happens,or when the person creates an account? Legally in marriage, adultery is the sex act. I think it begins earlier than that personally - it's when you go 'looking' elsewhere

Just my own thoughts....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I think you're missing the point completely =

The man had an actually family with kids so you didn't actually "be the messenger".

You didn't have to interfer in the childrens lives.

You could have walked away quietly instead of putting the children at risk being brought up in another broken home by two seperated parents.

You are the one that learned the lesson in the situation so you didn't have to corrupt the lives of his children by putting them at risk of their family breaking down

See that's the sort of thing that really gets to me. People assume that kids are better off living with two parents who have a failing relationship than living with one and both parents finding happiness. I split with my children's father almost 6 years ago and my home is far from "broken", in fact it's more fixed than it ever was.

In thus case there's no indication that their family was "failing".

She said herself that the family are still together - that indicates a very strong family."

No I didn't. I don't know. I said they are probably still living a lie. But I don't know because I haven't seen or spoken to them.

You love twisting things don't you.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

She wouldn't have anything to tell if HE hadn't had cheated.

She wouldn't have any kids to worry about if HE hadn't of cheated.

She wouldn't have to worry about breaking up a family if HE hadn't had cheated.

See what I'm getting at??? Lol

HE Made his choices HE put his kids at risk no one else HE.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I think you're missing the point completely =

The man had an actually family with kids so you didn't actually "be the messenger".

You didn't have to interfer in the childrens lives.

You could have walked away quietly instead of putting the children at risk being brought up in another broken home by two seperated parents.

You are the one that learned the lesson in the situation so you didn't have to corrupt the lives of his children by putting them at risk of their family breaking down

I didn't tell his children.

If they chose to be bad parents and let the truth I provided affect their children that's their problem.

You can stop attacking me now. "

You are honestly not being attacked!

This is a public forum - you made the decision to reveal your actions for us to discuss

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow."

Just because someone's opinion differs does not make them judgemental ~ however, how they deliver that opinion can.......

Overall it's been a pretty balanced thread, imo.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Supprisingly in 9 years nothing. But before that an irate hubby, upset that I fucked his wife.... I didnt, I shagged wiggles, she fucked his wife not me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife."

It amuses me that people are sticking up for the guy. It's entirely HIS fault. Not hers.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"

I didn't tell his children.

If they chose to be bad parents and let the truth I provided affect their children that's their problem.

You can stop attacking me now. "

That actually is a very valid point. In an ideal world the truth would have been out there from the start how and when it was discovered is largely irrelevant but how it was dealt with is hugely relevant to the outcome for the kids.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful"

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

It amuses me that people are sticking up for the guy. It's entirely HIS fault. Not hers.

"

Indeed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

I've never been in this situation but I couldn't disagree with you more!

The man in question was clearly a cold, using, calculating bastard - lying to not one but BOTH women he professed to love! He absolutely deserved to be caught out - and the mother of his children deserved far better than a scumbag like that! Staying with a shit 'for the sake of the children' is bullshit!

Every good, decent human being deserves a shot at happiness with another good, decent human being!

The guy was obviously a habitual cheat and would have kept on doing so! "

You said it so much better than I did!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I think you're missing the point completely =

The man had an actually family with kids so you didn't actually "be the messenger".

You didn't have to interfer in the childrens lives.

You could have walked away quietly instead of putting the children at risk being brought up in another broken home by two seperated parents.

You are the one that learned the lesson in the situation so you didn't have to corrupt the lives of his children by putting them at risk of their family breaking down

I didn't tell his children.

If they chose to be bad parents and let the truth I provided affect their children that's their problem.

You can stop attacking me now.

You are honestly not being attacked!

This is a public forum - you made the decision to reveal your actions for us to discuss"

Oh alright. Carry on then.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"She wouldn't have anything to tell if HE hadn't had cheated.

She wouldn't have any kids to worry about if HE hadn't of cheated.

She wouldn't have to worry about breaking up a family if HE hadn't had cheated.

See what I'm getting at??? Lol

HE Made his choices HE put his kids at risk no one else HE.

"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that."

What a typical male response!!!

Honestly....

Never mind he is putting his wife and other partners health at risk...

Most people male or female would prefer to know if their partner is cheating...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If a person has said they are single and lies and leads a person on its bad and shows blatant selfishness in order to get what they want

If same said person is in a relationship, kids etc then it's even worse

However if you are the wife (and I have been one) then most women would want to know... How the wife/partner chooses to deal with it is then upto her

We're here on a swinging site ... Does adultery/cheating begin when a meet happens,or when the person creates an account? Legally in marriage, adultery is the sex act. I think it begins earlier than that personally - it's when you go 'looking' elsewhere

Just my own thoughts...."

People don't get seduced into fucking someone against their will.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I think you're missing the point completely =

The man had an actually family with kids so you didn't actually "be the messenger".

You didn't have to interfer in the childrens lives.

You could have walked away quietly instead of putting the children at risk being brought up in another broken home by two seperated parents.

You are the one that learned the lesson in the situation so you didn't have to corrupt the lives of his children by putting them at risk of their family breaking down

See that's the sort of thing that really gets to me. People assume that kids are better off living with two parents who have a failing relationship than living with one and both parents finding happiness. I split with my children's father almost 6 years ago and my home is far from "broken", in fact it's more fixed than it ever was.

In thus case there's no indication that their family was "failing".

She said herself that the family are still together - that indicates a very strong family."

If that's the case then the children remain unharmed so what's the problem?!? Although I think having a secret second life might be an indication of a failing relationship, but that's just my opinion. And as we see here there are many opinions

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

It amuses me that people are sticking up for the guy. It's entirely HIS fault. Not hers.

"

I'm not sure I see it as sticking up for the guy, the majority have said he's at fault.

She's opened herself upto the forum, her actions will be scrutinised (along with his ) which is what is happening here.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like. "

How do these guys afford it? Never mind ha the patience to deal with a the secrecy.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat. "

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

What a typical male response!!!

Honestly....

Never mind he is putting his wife and other partners health at risk...

Most people male or female would prefer to know if their partner is cheating... "

There is a difference between letting the partner know and wallowing in the detail. I have seen threads on here where its obvious the other person involved loves and lives for the drama. I don't know which one it is in this case, OP, as I have lost track of the detail. For myself, I have never had any drama from anyone I've met on this site. I don't assume anything about their personal lives.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

I've never been in this situation but I couldn't disagree with you more!

The man in question was clearly a cold, using, calculating bastard - lying to not one but BOTH women he professed to love! He absolutely deserved to be caught out - and the mother of his children deserved far better than a scumbag like that! Staying with a shit 'for the sake of the children' is bullshit!

Every good, decent human being deserves a shot at happiness with another good, decent human being!

The guy was obviously a habitual cheat and would have kept on doing so! "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life."

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I think you're missing the point completely =

The man had an actually family with kids so you didn't actually "be the messenger".

You didn't have to interfer in the childrens lives.

You could have walked away quietly instead of putting the children at risk being brought up in another broken home by two seperated parents.

You are the one that learned the lesson in the situation so you didn't have to corrupt the lives of his children by putting them at risk of their family breaking down

See that's the sort of thing that really gets to me. People assume that kids are better off living with two parents who have a failing relationship than living with one and both parents finding happiness. I split with my children's father almost 6 years ago and my home is far from "broken", in fact it's more fixed than it ever was.

In thus case there's no indication that their family was "failing".

She said herself that the family are still together - that indicates a very strong family.

No I didn't. I don't know. I said they are probably still living a lie. But I don't know because I haven't seen or spoken to them.

You love twisting things don't you. "

Noted - I don't mean to turn anything around. It's not my intention

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life."

Well personally I would have walked no ran away but everyone is different and my point is he was responsible for any consequences to his family when he chose to cheat on them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *MaleMan
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/06/16 11:07:55]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong. "

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

And you've made the assumption that my actions affected the lives of his kids...who, by the way, have nothing to do with me.

As far as i'm aware, they're all still living their 'happy families' lie of a life.

As I said, until you've been in the situation, don't judge, don't cast stones.

This last comment interested me. Why assume, just because he has had an affair that the life they are now living is a lie? Its more likely to be the most honest its ever been. I would say, from experience, that once one partner has an affair and the other finds out, this triggers a make or break discussion in a relationship where everything about the said relationship can get out into the open and a frank discussion can be had. Love conquers all and many relationships, those that survive, are stronger after an affair, if the two who decide to stick together can work it out. Often there are issues on both sides of the relationship that neither has confronted and this is the catalyst (albeit a harsh one) that can make these things happen."

Logical as ever!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ortland51Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

I could write the bloody book on this subject.

In fact, I think I will!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"As a rule I refuse to get involved at all with attached men.

However, one particularly cunty scumbag had me believe for 4 years that we were an item...I discovered he had been with his other girlfriend for 10 years and had 2 kids with her, at the time I found this out, the youngest was 5 months old.

I ensured she found out what a piece of shit he was.

So you broke up his family because you were naïve?

Me? What a stupid thing to say.

He made his bed, he lies in it.

As to whether his family broke up or not I don't know, nor do I care.

I gave her the information she needed to know, and then I gracefully walked away.

If someone did that to me, I would absolutely want to know. I wasn't in the wrong. Only he was.

Was your notice really that she had a right to know? Or purely vindictive to get revenge on him?

However you dress it up, personally I can't see how the latter didn't figure significantly in your actions

And why wouldn't I be vindictive? The man had 2 lives. We'd been on holidays together, we were in a proper relationship.

But she had EVERY right to know. She needed to know the man she trusted didn't deserve her trust.

You have every right to be vindictive. So I don't understand why you are dressing it up as "she had a right to know" when you just wanted to fuck hos life up.

I'm sorry but even if you were the innocent party, I don't think you are the right person to be tearing her life apart

I'm not dressing it up, she did have every right to know!! I'll not say it again.

You could have just walked away quietly for the sake of the children?

I'm of the opinion that you were overly cold and callous in how you dealt with the situation by not trying to upset the lives of the children.

Anyone in their right mind would have just walked away quietly for the same of the children with a strong personal lesson learned for their own personal future..

You failed to do that.

And you've made the assumption that my actions affected the lives of his kids...who, by the way, have nothing to do with me.

As far as i'm aware, they're all still living their 'happy families' lie of a life.

As I said, until you've been in the situation, don't judge, don't cast stones.

This last comment interested me. Why assume, just because he has had an affair that the life they are now living is a lie? Its more likely to be the most honest its ever been. I would say, from experience, that once one partner has an affair and the other finds out, this triggers a make or break discussion in a relationship where everything about the said relationship can get out into the open and a frank discussion can be had. Love conquers all and many relationships, those that survive, are stronger after an affair, if the two who decide to stick together can work it out. Often there are issues on both sides of the relationship that neither has confronted and this is the catalyst (albeit a harsh one) that can make these things happen.

Logical as ever! "

I am working on my use of the English language so that what I write is coherent. And on keeping on topic .....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *MaleMan
over a year ago

If your cheating with someone be it single with attached, attached with attached, you get what you deserve. Simple as no matter the reason, excuse or emotional bulls#it cover story used. It's usually a design for life, once a cheater (or is that cheatah )

On % of cheating males figures some mention for the site. I'd say unless anyone's carried out a comprehensive study, met 100% of the males on the site and sussed them out their talking crap

In contrast to cheating males over the years (this profile & profiles old) I've met more than a handful of m/f couples only to discover they're fuck buddies swinging behind their unknowing hub's/wife's back. Equally the same with a few single fems. On discovering all you can do is wide berth them, leave them to it.

Overall most people I've met have been what they say they are be it single or married to each other.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife."

tend to agree..

think there was also an element of 'he has fucked my life up so i will fuck his up'..

not saying its wrong as not been there and we are all human and some will do things when hurting they may not at other times..

in essence the bloke laid the foundations to whatever hurt his family later suffered..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in."

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

tend to agree..

think there was also an element of 'he has fucked my life up so i will fuck his up'..

not saying its wrong as not been there and we are all human and some will do things when hurting they may not at other times..

in essence the bloke laid the foundations to whatever hurt his family later suffered.. "

If I'd wanted to fuck his entire life up I could easily have done so upon my discovery. But all I did was tell his other woman.

I didn't tell his employers which would have ruined his career (the type of position he was in requires someone who isn't a cheating, lying scumbag)

I didn't put posters up around the town.

I didn't spraypaint the side of their home.

I didn't slander. I just told the truth. And not even publicly.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all this cheating and double lives and lies its the kids in the middle of it all i feel for......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong. "

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein"

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult? "

The adultry topic is always a touchy one...whether your the innocent or guilty party ...I find many couples who do swing do it to stop cheating from happening behind their backs ....many couples, singles have experienced a cheater at some point I their life ....it hits deep with some people that's why ...some have very strong morals some don't but no matter what has happened the "other women" will always get the harshest end of it X

Chin up ..don't let the fuckers get to you X

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

tend to agree..

think there was also an element of 'he has fucked my life up so i will fuck his up'..

not saying its wrong as not been there and we are all human and some will do things when hurting they may not at other times..

in essence the bloke laid the foundations to whatever hurt his family later suffered..

If I'd wanted to fuck his entire life up I could easily have done so upon my discovery. But all I did was tell his other woman.

I didn't tell his employers which would have ruined his career (the type of position he was in requires someone who isn't a cheating, lying scumbag)

I didn't put posters up around the town.

I didn't spraypaint the side of their home.

I didn't slander. I just told the truth. And not even publicly. "

i'm not judging you so you don't have to justify yourself by stating what you could have done but didn't..

we are all human, not many of us don't react when hurt and being deceived for that length of time will have hurt badly..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult? "

I don't think you are being demonised. I think you are provoking an interesting discussion. Nothing I say is personal, not sure about anyone else. I do think you are angry at him ... and upset and annoyed with yourself, deep down. There seems to be a hint of bitterness at what they have. Let them get in with it. I dont think rehashing it is doing anyone any good ...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult?

The adultry topic is always a touchy one...whether your the innocent or guilty party ...I find many couples who do swing do it to stop cheating from happening behind their backs ....many couples, singles have experienced a cheater at some point I their life ....it hits deep with some people that's why ...some have very strong morals some don't but no matter what has happened the "other women" will always get the harshest end of it X

Chin up ..don't let the fuckers get to you X "

Very fair point!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult?

The adultry topic is always a touchy one...whether your the innocent or guilty party ...I find many couples who do swing do it to stop cheating from happening behind their backs ....many couples, singles have experienced a cheater at some point I their life ....it hits deep with some people that's why ...some have very strong morals some don't but no matter what has happened the "other women" will always get the harshest end of it X

Chin up ..don't let the fuckers get to you X "

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult? "

You're not being demonised but your intent is being questioned.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein"

there were 2 of them in the relationship, one had another family with kids so i think they also share a part of the responsibility also..

its never just one sided..

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult?

I don't think you are being demonised. I think you are provoking an interesting discussion. Nothing I say is personal, not sure about anyone else. I do think you are angry at him ... and upset and annoyed with yourself, deep down. There seems to be a hint of bitterness at what they have. Let them get in with it. I dont think rehashing it is doing anyone any good ..."

I am letting them get on with it. I haven't spoken to, seen or tried to contact them since. After advising the other woman of the situation I walked away, never to be seen again.

The only thing I'm annoyed at myself for was trusting him and loving him so utterly that I didn't see what was happening.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult?

You're not being demonised but your intent is being questioned.

"

I've already explained my intent, and i've also stated that I won't say it again.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eordie JoJoTV/TS
over a year ago

Newcastle

Oh dear .... See the moral police are out in force again

My motto is "I'm single ready to mingle" ... Your status is no concern of mine ... I couldn't give a shite! .... This isn't match.com and we are all here for our own reasons ... For me folk on here looking for a relationship I think are "mugs" as what type of blokes use this site anyways lol .... So each to their own and all here for different reasons and no ones is better than anyone else..... I've not had any ex's at my door yet haha but they may possibly far more shocked than me ..... But I've nothing to hide ....

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute. "

I wouldn't bother. He's obviously trying to make you look responsible for the tawdry situation. Whereas if the father hadn't strayed it wouldn't have arisen. Ignore him.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult?

The adultry topic is always a touchy one...whether your the innocent or guilty party ...I find many couples who do swing do it to stop cheating from happening behind their backs ....many couples, singles have experienced a cheater at some point I their life ....it hits deep with some people that's why ...some have very strong morals some don't but no matter what has happened the "other women" will always get the harshest end of it X

Chin up ..don't let the fuckers get to you X "

Thanks.

If I'd known I were to be the 'other woman' I wouldn't have touched the vile creature with an electric cattle prod.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute.

I wouldn't bother. He's obviously trying to make you look responsible for the tawdry situation. Whereas if the father hadn't strayed it wouldn't have arisen. Ignore him. "

But he makes such an (un)convincing argument I feel compelled to respond!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London


"Oh dear .... See the moral police are out in force again

My motto is "I'm single ready to mingle" ... Your status is no concern of mine ... I couldn't give a shite! .... This isn't match.com and we are all here for our own reasons ... For me folk on here looking for a relationship I think are "mugs" as what type of blokes use this site anyways lol .... So each to their own and all here for different reasons and no ones is better than anyone else..... I've not had any ex's at my door yet haha but they may possibly far more shocked than me ..... But I've nothing to hide .... "

What type of blokes use this site?? I have met a great one here ...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...

If I'd known I were to be the 'other woman' I wouldn't have touched the vile creature with an electric cattle prod. "

Do it now!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult?

You're not being demonised but your intent is being questioned.

I've already explained my intent, and i've also stated that I won't say it again. "

I know you have

But as no one knows you personally it's the one thing everyone can comment on / make assumptions about ~ rightly or wrongly.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"...

If I'd known I were to be the 'other woman' I wouldn't have touched the vile creature with an electric cattle prod.

Do it now!! "

That would involve an awful lot of effort sadly...seeing as I took the high road and moved quite far away.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute.

I wouldn't bother. He's obviously trying to make you look responsible for the tawdry situation. Whereas if the father hadn't strayed it wouldn't have arisen. Ignore him.

But he makes such an (un)convincing argument I feel compelled to respond!"

Seriously you're just wasting your time. Some people will only ever see their own point of view.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult?

You're not being demonised but your intent is being questioned.

I've already explained my intent, and i've also stated that I won't say it again.

I know you have

But as no one knows you personally it's the one thing everyone can comment on / make assumptions about ~ rightly or wrongly.

"

I find it quite sad really. Having been cheated on myself in a different relationship, yes it was horrible finding out from her, but he certainly never would have told me about it. And I still believe I had every right to know and i'm glad I did. I just put the shoe on the other foot.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute.

I wouldn't bother. He's obviously trying to make you look responsible for the tawdry situation. Whereas if the father hadn't strayed it wouldn't have arisen. Ignore him.

But he makes such an (un)convincing argument I feel compelled to respond!

Seriously you're just wasting your time. Some people will only ever see their own point of view. "

It's ok, i'm just enjoying being labelled as vindictive. It's the nastiest thing anyone has ever called me.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute. "

Well I'll be totally honest with you - I think the intent behind your actions is clear enough for anyone to know the truth

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute.

I wouldn't bother. He's obviously trying to make you look responsible for the tawdry situation. Whereas if the father hadn't strayed it wouldn't have arisen. Ignore him.

But he makes such an (un)convincing argument I feel compelled to respond!

Seriously you're just wasting your time. Some people will only ever see their own point of view.

It's ok, i'm just enjoying being labelled as vindictive. It's the nastiest thing anyone has ever called me. "

Only get upset if it's true. If it isn't its truly just words on a page from someone who doesn't know or care about you.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

One of the children was five months old .... even if you had told the infant, I am not sure the details would have sunk in.

Precisely. So why am I being demonised for telling an adult the truth about another adult?

The adultry topic is always a touchy one...whether your the innocent or guilty party ...I find many couples who do swing do it to stop cheating from happening behind their backs ....many couples, singles have experienced a cheater at some point I their life ....it hits deep with some people that's why ...some have very strong morals some don't but no matter what has happened the "other women" will always get the harshest end of it X

Chin up ..don't let the fuckers get to you X

Thanks.

If I'd known I were to be the 'other woman' I wouldn't have touched the vile creature with an electric cattle prod. "

Lol....electric cattle prob ..brilliant

That's the crux of it ....you had "your choice" taken from you ... How can you possibly make an informal choice with out full disclosure from him!

I totally get what you did & why you did it..would I do the same...I couldn't answer that unless I was in the situation

I suggest people stop criticising you as they have very little insight in to what you went through or of how he was with you .....when a man tells a women he loves her & spends many intimate nights with her....her life them encompasses his, they become one & to have that ripped apart would break any women & turn her in to someone she doesn't even know herself ...food for thought people X

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute.

Well I'll be totally honest with you - I think the intent behind your actions is clear enough for anyone to know the truth"

Correct, my intent was for everyone to know the truth.

That is what you're saying, isn't it?!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute.

I wouldn't bother. He's obviously trying to make you look responsible for the tawdry situation. Whereas if the father hadn't strayed it wouldn't have arisen. Ignore him.

But he makes such an (un)convincing argument I feel compelled to respond!

Seriously you're just wasting your time. Some people will only ever see their own point of view.

It's ok, i'm just enjoying being labelled as vindictive. It's the nastiest thing anyone has ever called me.

Only get upset if it's true. If it isn't its truly just words on a page from someone who doesn't know or care about you."

My motto.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ildt123Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Don't get the whole judging the single party in an affair or any other kind of liaison. Responsibility is 100% with the attached party and zero responsibility of the "other woman/man".

You can only be seduced if you want to be, and allow it to happen. There is always a choice and it's the attached persons alone to make.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"So many judgmental people on here. Anyone who cheats deserves all they get. I'm single and I've had lots of attached men contacting me when it clearly states on my profile I don't meet attached men. Some I've met and found out later they were lying. Must be great being so perfect and being able to judge the women on here. The men were the cheats and caused the situations. Reap what you sow.

There's no need for the children to be brought in to it though - there's no need to expose them to a possible stressful family break up.

Children should not have to "reap" anything - the mature thing is to walk away quietly with a valuable lesson learned.

Well she chose not to. Like the man chose to cheat so tough! Perhaps HE should of thought of the potential consequences before HE chose to cheat!!!

By your reasoning it seems as though your default position in the matter is that the children deserve whatever consequences the father brings upon the family.

Which in my opinion is absolutely disgraceful

Yes well your opinion is irrelevant.

The father chose to cheat. He brought about the consequences by his own selfish actions. Trying to argue otherwise is disgraceful and you must condone his actions as a cheat.

I don't have to "condone" anything here because the man or his actions isn't my concern nor has it been from the beginning - that doesn't mean I think what he did was right either.

My point from the beginning is that she deliberately exposed the children to the possibility of their family breaking down instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly having learned a lesson in life.

And as i've said above I told the children nothing, and if they chose to be bad parents then they're in the wrong.

Stop it - I never said or implied you "told the children" anything so your point is ridiculous.

What I said was that you deliberately exposed them - through your actions - to the possibility of their family breaking up instead of being mature enough to walk away quietly from the situation having learned a valuable lesson in life.

You taking the position that "you didn't tell the children anything therefore you're innocent" is honestly a very sly and vindictive postion to take in the matter because it's just plain obvious that you're just trying to dodge taking responsibility for your own actions therein

Oh my lord you have a serious problem. You just want to be right...but you're not, and you won't be.

Put your ego down for a minute.

I wouldn't bother. He's obviously trying to make you look responsible for the tawdry situation. Whereas if the father hadn't strayed it wouldn't have arisen. Ignore him.

But he makes such an (un)convincing argument I feel compelled to respond!

Seriously you're just wasting your time. Some people will only ever see their own point of view.

It's ok, i'm just enjoying being labelled as vindictive. It's the nastiest thing anyone has ever called me.

Only get upset if it's true. If it isn't its truly just words on a page from someone who doesn't know or care about you."

That's just it, i'm not upset about what this stranger on a forum says, as I say i'm quite enjoying being called vindictive, as it's so far from the truth!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I don't think that anyone can judge the situation until you've actually been in it. Every persons response to any similar situation will react differently due to us all being different & having different views on the world we live in

One persons way of dealing with issues will be different to another - we all have opinions yes but no one is right or wrong!

What was wrong, was the married man for not letting you know he was married - if he did, you could have choose to do what you saw fit right from the start - that's what should have happened! "

Agreed x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT


"And Strawberry a friend of mine ..... her ex lived a double life for 14 yrs. He had a wife of 20 yrs. He worked away so lived with one when he was up here and the other when away. And no one knows what it is like.

What I love about this is how quick people are to tell me what I should have done in my life. As if I was just some little fling or a random fuck. When this man was my LIFE!

What people are saying is they understand that you were hurt, they understand he did wrong to you, but what you did directly affected children. You tried to put a wedge between a man, his wife, and his children. You're trying to dress it up as you being a good samaritan and respecting her 'right to know', but you know, I know, everyone else knows, you did it to hurt him...and in the process of hurting him you weren't bothered if it hurt his family.

I've no doubt he deserves hell and damnation even if we all believe you were totally innocent (I do believe you). The kids didn't deserve that, nor did his wife.

A. They weren't married.

B. His own behaviour drove the wedge.

C. Just stop.

You say =

A. "They weren't married."

That's an irrelevant point.

B. "His own behaviour drove the wedge."

You say that is if you didn't deliberately act in a manner that would have made the situation worst for his children when you clearly did.

C. "Just stop."

It seems to me like you're not able to admit the fact that you acted overly cold and callous in dealing with the situation.

Actually point a is relevant. He had made no vows to anyone.

Point b. I refer you to the saying 'don't shoot the messenger'

Point c. See point b.

I don't think that anyone can judge the situation until you've actually been in it. Every persons response to any similar situation will react differently due to us all being different & having different views on the world we live in

One persons way of dealing with issues will be different to another - we all have opinions yes but no one is right or wrong!

What was wrong, was the married man for not letting you know he was married - if he did, you could have choose to do what you saw fit right from the start - that's what should have happened!

Agreed x"

By saying what I said, and walking away. I got the last word.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't get the whole judging the single party in an affair or any other kind of liaison. Responsibility is 100% with the attached party and zero responsibility of the "other woman/man".

You can only be seduced if you want to be, and allow it to happen. There is always a choice and it's the attached persons alone to make."

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

I've never had a problem with anyone's 'other half'. A friend of mine on here has though and it isn't pleasant.

Should be easy to follow a few rules.

1 save names without using Fab to identify them

2 delete your sat nav location

3 delete texts

4 lock your phone

People have affairs out with Fab too. Don't be so hasty to judge fellow forumites.

The OP just asked for your tales of similar instances. They didn't hold themselves up to be berated by the judge and jury on here.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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