FabSwingers.com forum: A question open for all to comment....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So, we have a difficult task of arranging mums last goodbye soon, maybe in a month, maybe in 3 months... but the task still has to be done.

Arranging a funeral.

Mum has asked us to pay in advance for her last day, so I have made some inquiries on cost etc. ..

She would like to go with the same people we used for dad, but they have now changed hands and are not a family run business like they were 9 years ago....

So their price.... £5K

I made a call to the place that dealt with my mother in law and they come in at £3600

Also the last one is still a family run business, very respectful and offer a lovely service, not like the one mum used for when dad passed.

So... what would you lot do? Cheaper and better service, or pay £5K to a company that just want lots of money,and give a little respect back for it!

Mum has requested the 1st one... do I try and tell her it's not like it was, or do I just pay the £5K and be done with it?

Sorry for the long post....

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Haven't read the whole post sorry bad memory's. Just wanted to say I feel your pain and good luck

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By *verage JosephMan
over a year ago

Grays & London

This is a tough one...

Maybe explain to her that she deserves the best send off, & what was good for dad is now not good enough for you?...

The people we used were very very good, family run very caring & understanding, not just I want your money & run.

I'm sure whoever you choose will be the right choice.

Wish you well x

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

If she's well enough to discuss it I would discuss it with her - you'd be much happier with her blessing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Explain to her that they have changed an there is a better alternative, see what she says.

Hope all goes smoothly, a difficult time but take it in your stride and don't stress out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you spoke to your mum about it and explained the difference ?

My choice would partly depend on who was paying for it too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, we have a difficult task of arranging mums last goodbye soon, maybe in a month, maybe in 3 months... but the task still has to be done.

Arranging a funeral.

Mum has asked us to pay in advance for her last day, so I have made some inquiries on cost etc. ..

She would like to go with the same people we used for dad, but they have now changed hands and are not a family run business like they were 9 years ago....

So their price.... £5K

I made a call to the place that dealt with my mother in law and they come in at £3600

Also the last one is still a family run business, very respectful and offer a lovely service, not like the one mum used for when dad passed.

So... what would you lot do? Cheaper and better service, or pay £5K to a company that just want lots of money,and give a little respect back for it!

Mum has requested the 1st one... do I try and tell her it's not like it was, or do I just pay the £5K and be done with it?

Sorry for the long post...."

Just tell her it's not in the same hands and is no longer a family business. She wanted the people not the firm as such

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The funeral is for you and your family to say goodbye in the best way you can. Your mum will not know what is happening on the day but obviously wants the same kind of experience you had with your dad. Show her the options and explain how you feel. I hope she can accept you want the same experience too and will only get it with the family run firm. Funerals are tough enough without added stress and you dont want to feel regret afterwards.

Best wishes to you at this difficult time.

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

I was lucky; my relatives had lAid down exactly what they wanted for their service, hymns, readings, type of casket, flowers.

And in two cases had already pre paid for it.

Discuss it with her; perhaps explain that it's not necessarily important who does it; it is who you think and trust will do the best job to her wishes .

( at the " right" price). Right price doesn't necessarily mean cheapest, it means the best value.

Can you get opinions from others who have used the various companies?

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By *onyneMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

This is indeed tough...can see both sides. The right answer is to speak with her and find out what her ideas around using the more expensive one is, given good (if that's the right word...) experiences with the other company...she may have good reasons or just a general preference.

After that it's probably best to go with her wishes

Good luck and hope the whole experience is ad okay as can be.

We were 'lucky' in that my close family see eye to eye and both parents funerals were as good as can be....I mean in terms of saying goodbye respectfully with loved ones around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

very delicate subject i know and understand ,my dads passed so been thru it ,

my personal view is dont spend 5k on it.

put the money to better use, if mums well enough spend it on her now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

have you checked the co-op?

I arranged my wifes funeral with them and their Gold Plan service which is the top of their range was £3600

I spent a huge lot more on her headstone as it was something very special to me, but their gold plan provides the best of everything.

may be worth having a look, feel free to mail me if further details required

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Firstly... thank you all.

Regarding opinions of both places, I personally think the better one is the family run business, not because they are cheaper, but because they are more respectful and run a very good service (mother in law a prime example)

I want what is best for mum on her big exit, and that is to put the FUN back into FUNERAL... her words exactly!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"very delicate subject i know and understand ,my dads passed so been thru it ,

my personal view is dont spend 5k on it.

put the money to better use, if mums well enough spend it on her now"

Unfortunately mum is very poorly, bed bound and in hospital at the moment, one last move to a nursing home for her last few months,so no possible way of taking her out or anything

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Would it be worth you asking the first one if they would match the price of the other one.

If they would consider it and you can help your mum make the choice based on purely the most suitable, and not the cost.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Firstly... thank you all.

I want what is best for mum on her big exit, and that is to put the FUN back into FUNERAL... her words exactly!

I'd explain about the change in business and see what she said.

As a side note (because you mentioned 'fun') I wish there was such a thing as living funerals. So the 'dead' person could attend and see how much they are loved. It breaks my heart to see the local crem totally packed out with people- I just so wish the person was there to see it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, we have a difficult task of arranging mums last goodbye soon, maybe in a month, maybe in 3 months... but the task still has to be done.

Arranging a funeral.

Mum has asked us to pay in advance for her last day, so I have made some inquiries on cost etc. ..

She would like to go with the same people we used for dad, but they have now changed hands and are not a family run business like they were 9 years ago....

So their price.... £5K

I made a call to the place that dealt with my mother in law and they come in at £3600

Also the last one is still a family run business, very respectful and offer a lovely service, not like the one mum used for when dad passed.

So... what would you lot do? Cheaper and better service, or pay £5K to a company that just want lots of money,and give a little respect back for it!

Mum has requested the 1st one... do I try and tell her it's not like it was, or do I just pay the £5K and be done with it?

Sorry for the long post...."

Honest answer if its her money and she wants the more expensive one give her het wishes

if its your money you have to do what you can afford x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Would it be worth you asking the first one if they would match the price of the other one.

If they would consider it and you can help your mum make the choice based on purely the most suitable, and not the cost."

The one that is more suitable is the cheaper one, I don't care about the cost as that has been set aside, this is one of the hardest things we as a family have had to do, and we all have to be in agreement with the company that deals with the service on the day.

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

One way of looking at it is to go with what you think is best, and will give your mother the send off that she would like and which you and the family think is best, most respectful and indeed, fun.

On the basis that either;

1. she won't know which one you used; or

2. if you believe in an afterlife and that she will be somehow watching it, she will know that you did the right thing.

And you will know in yourself that you did the best you could.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am really sorry for the circumstances.

If it were me, I'd try to talk to her about it. But in the end, if price wasn't an issue, I would go with the one she wanted. But I don't think you'd really be at fault, no matter which you decide.

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By *onyneMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

It's clear that this isn't about the money...more appropriateness and respectfulness...

I hope it all goes as well as these things can

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By *tephenBunChowMan
over a year ago

Haywards heath/Waterlooville

Yes would go with your mother's wishes.

We paid co-op about £3.6k 18 years ago and as she was a Buddhist had to pay at least the same amount on top for a ceremony. It was her wish.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes would go with your mother's wishes.

We paid co-op about £3.6k 18 years ago and as she was a Buddhist had to pay at least the same amount on top for a ceremony. It was her wish. "

As above... the company is now run by other people, it may be the same name above their door, but not the same people as before which mum specified she would like... unfortunately they have retired now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So, we have a difficult task of arranging mums last goodbye soon, maybe in a month, maybe in 3 months... but the task still has to be done.

Arranging a funeral.

Mum has asked us to pay in advance for her last day, so I have made some inquiries on cost etc. ..

She would like to go with the same people we used for dad, but they have now changed hands and are not a family run business like they were 9 years ago....

So their price.... £5K

I made a call to the place that dealt with my mother in law and they come in at £3600

Also the last one is still a family run business, very respectful and offer a lovely service, not like the one mum used for when dad passed.

So... what would you lot do? Cheaper and better service, or pay £5K to a company that just want lots of money,and give a little respect back for it!

Mum has requested the 1st one... do I try and tell her it's not like it was, or do I just pay the £5K and be done with it?

Sorry for the long post...."

Try and explain that the company she used is not what it once was but explain the other option and then let her decide. Hope all goes well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't comply with your mother wishes simply too save money , you could end up harbouring regrets for the rest of you life and that's never a good thing ....

If the money is available why risk causing unnecessary angst for what to all intense and purpose little more than placing greater importance on money than everlasting contentment....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you don't comply with your mother wishes simply too save money , you could end up harbouring regrets for the rest of you life and that's never a good thing ....

If the money is available why risk causing unnecessary angst for what to all intense and purpose little more than placing greater importance on money than everlasting contentment....

It's not about the money... it's more of who will offer the better service for her, and I believe that to be the family run business

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'd go with the right service which is the cheaper, smaller business one. Explain that you'd feel she was respected more and it was a fitting goodbye for her. Or perhaps give her more choice.

Understand it's a tough time for you. Wishing you well.

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