FabSwingers.com forum: best insult you've ever heard

By *igjrv OP Man
over a year ago

blackwood

A man on an escalator this afternoon in front of me in sainsburys. Theres an automated voice that warns when your near the bottom. After it spoke to him. He replied. I fucking know I have eyes you fucked up gypsy fuck, then as he stepped off, he told the speaker to go fuck a goat. Omg it absolutely floored me. Proper belly laugh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *heBakeOLiteGirlWoman
over a year ago

62 West Wallaby Street (not real address)

My little nephew once said to me "have you got a baby in your tummy? Or are you just fat?" I had to reply no I was just fat

verbally wounded by a 3 year old

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not really original but my favourite is still 'Oh, I am terribly sorry, please don't mistake me for someone who gives a fuck'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id like to see things from your point of _iew but i cant seem to get my head that far up my own arse

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I would love to continue this battle of wits but I see that you have come unarmed."

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire

A chikd i used to look after once turned to me and asked if the person serving us was a man or a woman. Poor woman. I was so embarrassed

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By *parkly MittensWoman
over a year ago

My own little world

*while patting pockets*

Hang on I'm just looking for a Fuck to give

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

best one was in que at works canteen he asked what was the special she showed him a home made curry she made herself he looked at it and said nah thanks just give me a sick note ill skip the food and just go straight on the panel

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

One I like is 'go take your face for a shit '.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To an ex, who was in the city centre shopping with her new fella, "bloody hell, you've let yourself go"

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

""I would love to continue this battle of wits but I see that you have come unarmed.""

Much Ado About Nothing - Beatrice.

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By *eccymanMan
over a year ago

Gateshead

Mine is "I've got one nerve left and you're getting right on it, now piss off!"

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

The best part of you dribbled down your mother's leg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When someone is waffling.

Here is 10p go and ring someone who is fucking interested

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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Notts

One that we were told at one bar to use if we were being pestered .

Are you trying to chat me up ?

I might be ( or some such )

Well I'd rather you didn't .

Why not do you have a boyfriend or something ( Tis the usual answer )

I've already got 1 twat in my knickers thank you ....... ( just loud enough for his mates to hear )

Jo x

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

myy 3 year old grandson asked my hubby why do you not brush teeth and wheres hair lol

shopkeeper i know asked my mum her age then asked her if she was right in her head!!!! (his mum has dementia) but my mums face was a picture

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By *ittle Pocket PerveWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"Id like to see things from your point of _iew but i cant seem to get my head that far up my own arse

I'm pinching that one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last time i saw a face like that it was in a butchers shop with a apple in its mouth ,

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I was called straight once.... I just answered 'seriously, have you seen my mincing and mannerisms'.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sap sucking cock douche is a particular favourite of mine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad ..Dont kill yaself in my police station,here's 20p for the suspension bridge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Out with my mate who is a lovely large lady, A lad told her to get off the dancefloor as she would break it , her response was, you wanna take a look at yourself pal , have you seen your ears, you look like a ford capri with its doors open wide

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

""I would love to continue this battle of wits but I see that you have come unarmed."

Much Ado About Nothing - Beatrice. "

The old ones are the best ones.

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

I can explain it to you. ... but I can't help you understand it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like , "Who put 50p in the dickhead?"

Or, "Fuck off you pox ridden Cock Womble!!"

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By *ll of a QuiverCouple
over a year ago

Douglas

You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I Had a face like that I would teach my arse to speak

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/06/16 20:48:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Youd go far as an anaesthetist....I never felt a fucking thing .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are just a rancid wart on the foreskin of life really.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Why am I even talking to you, you are a Neanderthal.

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By *ecretgamesMan
over a year ago

the moon

A true story !!!

Guy gets pulled over by the cops for speeding and had no drivers license on his person so was asked to present his license at the local cop shop within 21 days!!

Few days later he turns up at the police station to present his license, rings the bell at the hatch and the sergeant opens the hatch. The sergeant says hello to the man and his kid who was curiously hanging onto his fathers coat sleeve. Just as the man is explaining the situation to the sergeant the kid tugs his sleeve and as loud as he could says "Daddy, daddy you told me we were going to see the pigs!!"

Lucky for him the sergeant saw the funny side

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By *0tt0nSu3Woman
over a year ago

London

""I would love to continue this battle of wits but I see that you have come unarmed."

Much Ado About Nothing - Beatrice.

The old ones are the best ones.

Indeed! He produced some magnificent curses!

'Thou crusty batch of nature'*

is one cuss I have given to a very deserving recipient....

*Troilus and Cressida

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By *ancyDrewWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

I cant remember the exact quote but Diana Rigg to Sersei in Monday's GoT "I wonder if you are the worst person I have ever met, when you get to my age you meet so many vile people"

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

"Id like to see things from your point of _iew but i cant seem to get my head that far up my own arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know what I like about you?.....absolutely fuck all

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By *arksMan
over a year ago

in the centre

I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!

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By *ames6ft5Man
over a year ago

North London / Herts

Whatever your politics this is the point you simply need to google "Osbourn insults" and follow the first link.

Examples include:

George_Osbourne You're an irredeemable cockthistle

George_Osborne A HOUSING BUBBLE IS NOT AN ECONOMIC RECOVERY YOU FUCKING KNOB-SHINING SHITEHAWK

George_Osbourn they piss in your coffee when you're not looking

@George_Osborne you couldn't manage a fucking piggy bank you inbred delusional wankstain.

You're welcome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone has the right to be ugly ,but you abuse the privilege

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/06/16 22:15:49]

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

""I would love to continue this battle of wits but I see that you have come unarmed.""

I MUST commit this to memory

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

You are a paleontologists wet dream, you are the missing link.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

I find Fuck off! Works well especially when talking to a great big flabby lump of turkey dollop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i had a head like that i would get it circumcised

I have met alot of pricks in my life but you sir are a fucking cactus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see you have emerged from the shallow end of the gene pool

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By *hoco DMan
over a year ago

Clapham

"One that we were told at one bar to use if we were being pestered .

Are you trying to chat me up ?

I might be ( or some such )

Well I'd rather you didn't .

Why not do you have a boyfriend or something ( Tis the usual answer )

I've already got 1 twat in my knickers thank you ....... ( just loud enough for his mates to hear )

Jo x"

To easy to counter... you mention twat I mention my cock that likes to to sort out twas like your

( just loud enough for my mates to hear )

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By *aul_the_nudistMan
over a year ago

WREXHAM

How can you be so stupid with only one head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wonderful story of Atlee standing next to Churchill at the urinals in the gents outside the Commons. Churchill moves away from Atlee. Atlee, slightly offended, says, "Winston, we may have many political differences but you don't need to go that far"! To which Churchill replied, "Oh, I'm not taking any chances Clement! I know you! You just nationalise anything you see that's big and works properly"!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Type into YouTube "Boris Johnson insult"! The top vid is hilarious! He lambasts the members of the London Assembly as something like 'Great, supine, protoplasmic invertebrate jellies'!

Top marks for an imaginative put-down!

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

"The best part of you dribbled down your mother's leg

Ooooh full metal jacket

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By *ali 69Man
over a year ago

jersey

Quite crude , but one I remember lads hurling across the playground in senior school to oppenents " Your Mam smokes woodbines with her gash ! "

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

Youve got a face like youve been bobbing for apples in a deep fat fryer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Teeth like a row of bombed out houses.

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By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

If brains were windolene he wouldnt have enough to clean a squirrels monical

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're a fanny o' a prick. Or maybe it was a prick o' a fanny.

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By *oncupiscentTonyMan
over a year ago

Kent

I think you're a smart guy I don't care what your mother says

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If brains were trains you'd be a slow one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't argue with idiots! You will drag me down to your level and then beat me with your experience!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your doing a village out of a good idiot!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your mother was a hamster!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex called me a 'cock juggling thunder cunt' once.. I couldn't disagree with him! Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The standard Glaswegian response... "You fucking fuck"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have a face only a mother can love...

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By *oobsandballsMan
over a year ago

st andrews

One annoying guy tried to chat up my friend, she told him he was so ugly the tide wouldn't even take him out

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By *erdita Von TeaseWoman
over a year ago

nottingham

"Your mother was a hamster! "

And your father smelt of elderberries

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My ex called me a 'cock juggling thunder cunt' once.. I couldn't disagree with him! Lol

That's quite a compliment I imagine!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cockwomble

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By *ong legs n LingeireWoman
over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

Not sure if this was a Churchill special

Woman to Churchill. "If I was married to you I'd put poison in your food"

Churchill to woman. "If I was married to you, I'd eat it"

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Not sure if this was a Churchill special

Woman to Churchill. "If I was married to you I'd put poison in your food"

Churchill to woman. "If I was married to you, I'd eat it""

Yes and supposedly, when berated for being d*unk by MP Bessie Braddock: 'My dear, you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober, and you will still be ugly.

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

"Not sure if this was a Churchill special

Woman to Churchill. "If I was married to you I'd put poison in your food"

Churchill to woman. "If I was married to you, I'd eat it""

Another womsn to Churchill. .."You sir , are d*unk and odious"....."And you are ugly Madam, but in the morning, I will be sober"

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By * PillowsWoman
over a year ago

stevenage

Oi Cunty McCunt Face!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You oxygen thieving waste of human skin. If your dad had wanked 28 years ago the world would be a better place, instead he climbed on your mum and made you"

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

A kind of put down I used on one of my guests at work last week.

He was French and attempting to ask me something but only in his own language. He then thundered at me in English, "You British should be speaking French as it's a superior language!"

My reply.. "Well, if that's the case, why was your recent entry in the Eurovision Song Contest sung in English?"

He couldn't answer!

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Not sure if this was a Churchill special

Woman to Churchill. "If I was married to you I'd put poison in your food"

Churchill to woman. "If I was married to you, I'd eat it"

Another womsn to Churchill. .."You sir , are d*unk and odious"....."And you are ugly Madam, but in the morning, I will be sober""

snap!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't give a shit but if I did I'd give it to you.

You'd be out of your depth in a puddle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My old Sgt Major to me on muster parade : why are you looking up in the air ?

Me : looking at the birds sir.

Sgt Major : I envy you. You are mercifully free from the ravages of any intelligence.

Me : Thank you for the compliment sir.

My punishment.... Standing at attention for two hours. Every time I bird flew by I had to salute it and sing kumbaya my lord.

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

You couldn't pour water out of a jug if the instructions were written on the bottom of it.

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By *igjrv OP Man
over a year ago

blackwood

These are amazing lol

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By *0tt0nSu3Woman
over a year ago

London

Just seen this in a comments section on another website....

I believe I know where your marbles are. They're next to the bag full of monkeys beside the box of frogs.

Ouch!

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