FabSwingers.com forum: Now what do I do?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've just received a message from the partner of a friend, he's set up a single profile and asked me not to tell my friend. I feel awful for her, he's been avoiding her for a couple of weeks, not returning her calls, not texting, cancelling dates. He's made it clear that he's not interested in her anymore but hasn't had the guts to tell her, I hate seeing my friend hurting over someone who obviously doesn't have any respect for her but I also don't want to be the one who tells her he's done with her, what should I do? x

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By *BWandhusbandCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

"I've just received a message from the partner of a friend, he's set up a single profile and asked me not to tell my friend. I feel awful for her, he's been avoiding her for a couple of weeks, not returning her calls, not texting, cancelling dates. He's made it clear that he's not interested in her anymore but hasn't had the guts to tell her, I hate seeing my friend hurting over someone who obviously doesn't have any respect for her but I also don't want to be the one who tells her he's done with her, what should I do? x"

To be honest, she should have realised by now. He's dropped some pretty big hints. I'd have got the message and moved on.

I wouldn't get involved if I were you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No brainer ..... tell your friend everything....

The guy has no right to involve you in a situation of his own making......

I'm sure your friend would be mortified to find out you withheld information from her in order to protect the man

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To be honest, she should have realised by now. He's dropped some pretty big hints. I'd have got the message and moved on.

I wouldn't get involved if I were you."

She's a lovely girl but totally besotted with him

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No brainer ..... tell your friend everything....

The guy has no right to involve you in a situation of his own making......

I'm sure your friend would be mortified to find out you withheld information from her in order to protect the man

I feel like I should tell her but I'm also sca_ed that she will stop being my friend if I do, cowardly I know but she's a lovely girl and deserves better

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I would just tell her the writing on the wall...that clearly he is not interested in her were they in a relationship? Or just seeing each other?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly id normally say stay the hell away. But he has involved you...i guess depends on how close you are to this friend xx

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I think most would have realized by now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like he's trying to get you to tell her so he doesn't have to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seriously, he's avoiding her like that and she can't see it for herself? Tell her to wake up ffs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say you have a few days too tell her, if you dont i will

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would just tell her the writing on the wall...that clearly he is not interested in her were they in a relationship? Or just seeing each other? "

She thinks they were in a relationship and going to move in together, he paints a different story though. I have tried gently in the past few months to tell her to move on, he's been messing her around since August but last night things took a different turn when he messaged me here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be honest and tell her and be as kind as you can, within reason. If she turns nasty and lashes out at you, just give her time and space. If, when the dust has settled, she's still angry with you (though I don't see why she should be as you've done nothing wrong) then cut your losses and run. Good luck. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would just tell her the writing on the wall...that clearly he is not interested in her were they in a relationship? Or just seeing each other?

In that case id tell her because he might throw it back in your face anyway. Tell him to tell her or you will xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think as he is mailing you ... making you part of this .. I would say something if your a true friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Show her the message....and your reply telling the scumbag to do one.

Then she gets a clear message and can see that you are standing by her....bit of a no-brainer in my book!

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Simply ask yourself the question

If the roles were reversed and it was your friend getting a message from your partner on fab "what would you want your friend to do" ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps, and this is just a random suggestion.. Give him the option of either himself or yourself, in telling her. Put the ball back in his court, and if he decides he won't, at least he'll be aware you will (or might) inform your friend

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You are all do right, she's my friend, my lovely kind friend and even if I break her heart I have to tell her xx

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By *BWandhusbandCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

To be honest, she should have realised by now. He's dropped some pretty big hints. I'd have got the message and moved on.

I wouldn't get involved if I were you.

She's a lovely girl but totally besotted with him "

I know someone in a similar situation. The problem is, he keeps coming back to her when he's bo_ed. It's been going on for over 4 years. She's heartbroken each time he walks away. He's a complete tool but she won't listen to anyone's advice as she's smitten.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I would say keep out of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would tell her. What she chooses to do with the information is up to her, but you've done nothing wrong so she can't be angry at you. I saw my bosses fella on tinder a few weeks back and had to tell her. Was awful but best that she knows.

He's done a horrible thing by involving you in it all though

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I'd block.

He doesn't sound like the sort of bloke you'd want to interact with.

I'd also just be there for your friend, there is a possibility that the reason he hasn't definitely ended it is because he wants to check out his other options first. If he gets nowhere he may go back to her and it sounds like she'd take him back. In this case you certainly run the risk of being the bad guy (gal?)

Eventually she will see the truth, but she needs to see it for herself. That's when she'll REALLY need you.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No brainer ..... tell your friend everything....

The guy has no right to involve you in a situation of his own making......

I'm sure your friend would be mortified to find out you withheld information from her in order to protect the man

I feel like I should tell her but I'm also sca_ed that she will stop being my friend if I do, cowardly I know but she's a lovely girl and deserves better "

She'll stop being your friend if she finds out you didn't tell her and lets face it the bloke will probably drop you in it anyway just to take the heat of himself....

A true friend does the right thing by their friends......

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I would just tell her the writing on the wall...that clearly he is not interested in her were they in a relationship? Or just seeing each other?

Sounds as though there are two sides to a story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does your friend know you're on here though ? If not I'd have a different view on what you should do as he's being unfair making you out yourself as being on here too. He's acting exactly like my first BF did and not saying it directly. In that case a friend did tell me and I'm so glad they did.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know that if I tell her she will be absolutely devastated but I can't stand by and watch him play with her like this, he's using her and that's not right, he has messaged me again this morning, I think I need to tell him to tell her it's over before I do then I'll block him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know that if I tell her she will be absolutely devastated but I can't stand by and watch him play with her like this, he's using her and that's not right, he has messaged me again this morning, I think I need to tell him to tell her it's over before I do then I'll block him "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would photograph his messages too for back up for you. Because it might backfire on you. Sometimes these things do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True friends tell their friends the brutal, cold hard truth. Anyone who doesnt, isn't a true friend in my eyes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I would photograph his messages too for back up for you. Because it might backfire on you. Sometimes these things do. "

That's a great idea, I will do that, about to message him back and tell him what I think lol

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"True friends tell their friends the brutal, cold hard truth. Anyone who doesnt, isn't a true friend in my eyes"

I'm about to tell him to do one then I'm going to call her and tell her everything, I feel so bad for not calling her the minute he messaged last night tbh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just never know. His next letter could be please meet me .

I think I would BLOCK.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You just never know. His next letter could be please meet me .

I think I would BLOCK."

That's something I hadn't conside_ed! He's got my message and read, I'm about to block him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it was me I would would tell her. Screen shot the messages and show her, maybe just maybe she might wake up and smell the coffee and realise that he doesn't really want her. Good luck op

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By *rs Mia WallaceWoman
over a year ago

Bathwyche

Firstly, how did he know you were on here? Seems an odd thing to tell your vanilla friend's boyfriend?

Srcondly, if youve the guts to be open, you should practice that honesty in treating your friends decently.

Not wanting to get involved is crap. She may hate you for a while (transference), but she would appreciate in the long term.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Op, does he have public face pictures

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op, does he have public face pictures"

No it's a diving pic but she would recognise it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Firstly, how did he know you were on here? Seems an odd thing to tell your vanilla friend's boyfriend?

Srcondly, if youve the guts to be open, you should practice that honesty in treating your friends decently.

Not wanting to get involved is crap. She may hate you for a while (transference), but she would appreciate in the long term."

They know I'm here, I have got involved, I've told him I'm going to talk to her, about to call her and go see her don't want to do this by text I owe her that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True friends tell their friends the brutal, cold hard truth. Anyone who doesnt, isn't a true friend in my eyes

I'm about to tell him to do one then I'm going to call her and tell her everything, I feel so bad for not calling her the minute he messaged last night tbh "

Good on you! As long as you tell her its ok, regardless of it being your duty as a friend its still a tough call to make! Good luck with it x

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

It's better to be devastated in the short term than live for years thinking she's got a future with the guy.

Is it simply a case if him telling her it's over and she doesn't want to listen ?

If you lose your friend over whatever decision you make then I'd question if that's the kind of friend I need

Good luck, sure you'll do the right thing x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"True friends tell their friends the brutal, cold hard truth. Anyone who doesnt, isn't a true friend in my eyes

I'm about to tell him to do one then I'm going to call her and tell her everything, I feel so bad for not calling her the minute he messaged last night tbh

Good on you! As long as you tell her its ok, regardless of it being your duty as a friend its still a tough call to make! Good luck with it x"

Arranged to meet her this morning, I feel sick thinking about it but I have to be honest with her, he's just being a coward, or perhaps he wants his cake and eat it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If this is true the guy is being a coward and only told you as he knew you'd tell her. Personally i wouldn't do his dirty work for him and I'd stay well out of other people's shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"True friends tell their friends the brutal, cold hard truth. Anyone who doesnt, isn't a true friend in my eyes

I'm about to tell him to do one then I'm going to call her and tell her everything, I feel so bad for not calling her the minute he messaged last night tbh

Good on you! As long as you tell her its ok, regardless of it being your duty as a friend its still a tough call to make! Good luck with it x"

Totally agree if he hadn't involved you then I'd say leave it especially with the hints that have already been dropped but seen as he has involved you he's put you in a tough spot and if your friend found out you knew it would look bad on you so now you should drop him in it. It's a hard job but its only fare on her. Good luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say he has been avoiding her for a couple of weeks, not returning her calls, not texting, cancelling dates. He's made it clear that he's not interested in her anymore . Him doing all that must tell her that he is not into her. She must know and maybe will be ok when you chat .

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

If he sent you a message then I'd reply telling him to stop being such a spineless tosser and behave in a decent manner towards your friend and tell her that it's over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he sent you a message then I'd reply telling him to stop being such a spineless tosser and behave in a decent manner towards your friend and tell her that it's over.

At last....some sense!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Don't do his hard work for him if what you are saying is the case...tell him to grow a pair of bollocks and tell her and tell her that clearly he is not interested and maybe she needs to just move on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I love my friend and I guess it's easy for me as an outsider in their relationship to see that he's done but I can also see that she is totally in love with him, she's going to hate me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So he's messaged me back saying he can't tell her yet?! What's that supposed to mean? Not lined another up? He's a complete arse !!!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

It's all just drama.....let them get on with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So he's messaged me back saying he can't tell her yet?! What's that supposed to mean? Not lined another up? He's a complete arse !!! "

Just block him now then whatever happens you are out of his drama. Be there for your friend, he's made his own bed. He wants to have his cake and eat it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm just going to tell her to kick him into touch, he's a waster and she can do so much better than that!

If she's pissed at me she is, there's nothing I can do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So he's messaged me back saying he can't tell her yet?! What's that supposed to mean? Not lined another up? He's a complete arse !!!

Just block him now then whatever happens you are out of his drama. Be there for your friend, he's made his own bed. He wants to have his cake and eat it. "

Blocked him lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's all just drama.....let them get on with it "

Agreed.....some thrive on it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's all just drama.....let them get on with it

Agreed.....some thrive on it."

He seems to lol, would mind if he was sexy and gorgeous but he's not lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's all just drama.....let them get on with it

Agreed.....some thrive on it.

He seems to lol, would mind if he was sexy and gorgeous but he's not lol "

It's only a drama if you let it. By you becoming involved it just gets more complicated and turns into a bigger drama. Let them sort it and be there for your friend when it goes tits.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"It's all just drama.....let them get on with it

Agreed.....some thrive on it.

He seems to lol, would mind if he was sexy and gorgeous but he's not lol "

What would you do if he was sexy and gorgeous though?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's all just drama.....let them get on with it

Agreed.....some thrive on it.

He seems to lol, would mind if he was sexy and gorgeous but he's not lol

What would you do if he was sexy and gorgeous though? "

Still kick his arse, lol he's a prat!

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

Tell him you will not lie for him or cover things up for him. Tell him you think he should tell her the current position. If he doesn't then tell him you will bring his new profile to your friends attention. Then leave it to her to sort from there. Hows that sound?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm just going to tell her to kick him into touch, he's a waster and she can do so much better than that!

If she's pissed at me she is, there's nothing I can do

You are a good friend

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm just going to tell her to kick him into touch, he's a waster and she can do so much better than that!

If she's pissed at me she is, there's nothing I can do

You are a good friend

I do try to be, just don't want my lovely friend being hurt she's too beautiful to be sad x

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By *ikerdaveMan
over a year ago

_edcar

Stay out of it, best way to kill a friendship is to get involved in someone else's relationship, best to just let her figure it out for herself and be there to support her when she figures it out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm just going to tell her to kick him into touch, he's a waster and she can do so much better than that!

If she's pissed at me she is, there's nothing I can do

You are a good friend

I do try to be, just don't want my lovely friend being hurt she's too beautiful to be sad x"
I am sure she would like that better then being a mug .Being Sad will pass .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Tell him you will not lie for him or cover things up for him. Tell him you think he should tell her the current position. If he doesn't then tell him you will bring his new profile to your friends attention. Then leave it to her to sort from there. Hows that sound? "

I've told him to be honest with her and to do it today, I've blocked him now so I'll wait to see what she says when I see her later, I hate this, we tell each other absolutely everything x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Screen shot all his messages, block and no further contact. It sounds like he's trying to use you as a confident. His next move will be to try and meet you. The further you get involved the more complex it will be. Your priority is your friend. Tell her the truth, show her the evidence and the rest is up to her. Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Screen shot all his messages, block and no further contact. It sounds like he's trying to use you as a confident. His next move will be to try and meet you. The further you get involved the more complex it will be. Your priority is your friend. Tell her the truth, show her the evidence and the rest is up to her. Good luck x"

I've saved them all, I'm seeing her later this morning, I'll know if he's said anything and if he hasn't I have to, she deserves so much more than this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Show her the message....and your reply telling the scumbag to do one.

Then she gets a clear message and can see that you are standing by her....bit of a no-brainer in my book!"

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you prepa_ed he will try and hit on you as he sounds a bit of a scumbag tbh

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Are you prepa_ed he will try and hit on you as he sounds a bit of a scumbag tbh"

I've blocked him, there's no way I'd be interested in him, he's a total scumbag for sure xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would just tell her the writing on the wall...that clearly he is not interested in her were they in a relationship? Or just seeing each other?

Tell your mate to drop him before he drops her so it lessens the blow a bit. If she won't do it then tell her about him being on here and then tell her he's even messaged you. Don't converse with this skimy bastard because if that was my friend I'd be just as pissed off with my mate for speaking to him about me behind my back. Tell your friend. Fucksake does friendship not mean the same to people as it does down here.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

You should message and arrange a meet and have her turn up instead to kick his backside into next week. Good luck whatever you do,it's not a pleasant situation,least of all for your friend.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Unless you know the true dynamics of another couple's relationship I advise staying out of it altogether. This means cutting contact with the guy and keeping what you know about him to yourself. It's an unpopular opinion but if she hasn't picked up on the signals he's giving out then she isn't going to believe you...trust me I've seen otherwise intelligent women discount the evidence in front of their eyes because they "know he's a rogue but they love him". She will only ever believe it when she's ready, that's when you step in and pick the pieces up if you're not sick to death of her putting up with his shit.

I know this sounds harsh but honestly if she can't take the hint from his actions she's ripe for being the wronged little lady at home.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"Unless you know the true dynamics of another couple's relationship I advise staying out of it altogether. This means cutting contact with the guy and keeping what you know about him to yourself. It's an unpopular opinion but if she hasn't picked up on the signals he's giving out then she isn't going to believe you...trust me I've seen otherwise intelligent women discount the evidence in front of their eyes because they "know he's a rogue but they love him". She will only ever believe it when she's ready, that's when you step in and pick the pieces up if you're not sick to death of her putting up with his shit.

I know this sounds harsh but honestly if she can't take the hint from his actions she's ripe for being the wronged little lady at home."

That does sound harsh coming from you two,although I don't know if it's generally just one of you that post's.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would just tell her the writing on the wall...that clearly he is not interested in her were they in a relationship? Or just seeing each other?

I've blocked him, I'm going to see her later I'll know if he's said anything, she won't be able to hide it and then I'll show her his profile, it's time she realised he isn't interested any more X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know this sounds harsh but honestly if she can't take the hint from his actions she's ripe for being the wronged little lady at home.

That does sound harsh coming from you two,although I don't know if it's generally just one of you that post's. "

It is harsh that's true but she's my friend and she's breaking her heart over a guy who couldn't give a damn about her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know this sounds harsh but honestly if she can't take the hint from his actions she's ripe for being the wronged little lady at home."

Am inclined to agree.

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman
over a year ago

Lyndhurst

well you think she would of got the message by now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well you think she would of got the message by now."

Shades of "overly attached girlfriend" tbh...

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

There are none as blind who will not see ! If not contacting her in 2 weeks don't tell her it's over then is him being on here make a difference? I see no gain from it and will make her feel even worse!

Why you even replied to him I never know ,you should of blocked soon as you knew it was him . You have zero need to become embroiled in this drama . Support your friend , give her a reality check regarding his lack of contact , mop up her tears and lend an ear and agree he's all the barstards under the sun .THAT'S all you need to do . Anything else is like twisting the knife .

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I know this sounds harsh but honestly if she can't take the hint from his actions she's ripe for being the wronged little lady at home.

That does sound harsh coming from you two,although I don't know if it's generally just one of you that post's. "

It is just one of us...Mrs N. I've watched this scenario played out a thousand times and I've lived long enough to know that people who believe themselves to be in love won't be persuaded by anyone else that the object of their affection is a wrong'un they have to believe it for themselves.

I was the one at school who thought Tess Darbyfield should have known better...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know this sounds harsh but honestly if she can't take the hint from his actions she's ripe for being the wronged little lady at home."

I completely agree with this.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I know this sounds harsh but honestly if she can't take the hint from his actions she's ripe for being the wronged little lady at home.

That does sound harsh coming from you two,although I don't know if it's generally just one of you that post's.

It is harsh that's true but she's my friend and she's breaking her heart over a guy who couldn't give a damn about her "

Yep! And there is only one person who has the remedy for that because he's never going to have the guts and he's probably holding her in reserve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him he's an emotionally abusive prick and he should show some fucking respect for your friend.

That way you fall out with him and not her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tell him he's an emotionally abusive prick and he should show some fucking respect for your friend.

That way you fall out with him and not her."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There are none as blind who will not see ! If not contacting her in 2 weeks don't tell her it's over then is him being on here make a difference? I see no gain from it and will make her feel even worse!

Even if I had just blocked him I would have still known he was here, I'm not embroiled just concerned for a lovely lady

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

Even if I had just blocked him I would have still known he was here, I'm not embroiled just concerned for a lovely lady "

That you know he's here is still nothing to do with your friend .If your that concerned for her keep that firmly to yourselfthere's nothing to be gained by telling her when he's not even contacted her in weeks.

She'll be feeling bad enough with him not even contacting why make her feel worse? ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did it go.?

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By *edMan
over a year ago

cambridgeshire

Reply to his message telling him to man up and tell her. Put a time limit on it before you tell him that you'll have to tell her.

He sounds like a bit of a coward, so he'll do as he's told

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