FabSwingers.com forum: Crap joke thread

By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Post the worst, least funny joke you know (and not your ex!).

Mine is :

What's big, grey and can't jump?

A castle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

A wonky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you do if you see a fire man?

Put it out, man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a 3 legged donkey with one eye?

A winky wonky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Tony Blair.

Tony Blair who?

That's politics.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Ive no idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's brown and sticky...

A stick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flatmate!

That's one of the first jokes I can remember being told/telling.....I still think it's funny n still tell it to anyone unlucky enough to be in my company after I've had a few voddys.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My favourite one is one I have to credit to Toshy... I actually snorted with laughter down the phone when he told me it.

There's this baby balloon and his mummy balloon and his daddy balloon. The little balloon always gets scared of the dark so he always creeps into his parents' bed. Now, this annoys his dad, so as he puts his son to bed one night, he makes him promise that he'll stay in his own bed. But he gets scared during the night and he creeps back into bed with his parents. He struggles to fit, so he has to let some air out of his dad... still not enough room. Then he let's some air out of his mum... still not enough room. Eventually he has to let some air out of himself until he's comfortable, and falls asleep.

His dad's understandably angry the next morning, and he says to his son... not only have you let me and your mum down, but you've let yourself down too!

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Ive no idea"

What do you call a deer with no eyes, that doesn't move?

Still no idea

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By *ong legs n LingeireWoman
over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

What did the fish say when he hit his head?

Dam .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a m&m?

A cock that melts in your mouth, not in your hand..

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By *ong legs n LingeireWoman
over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

Why do police men have bigger balls than fire men??

Because they sell more tickets.

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By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

What do you call a boomerang which doesn't come back?

A stick

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By *ildt123Man
over a year ago

Huddersfield

What do you call a man with a car on his head

Jack

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By *ornyal138Man
over a year ago

bromley kent

How do squirrels keep their nuts dry?

Swim on their backs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a funeral and it were crap but the reception was good.

Get it: The guy died falling off a roof trying to fix the ariel.

Peter Kay joke.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with a wooden head?

Edward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's ET short for?

Because he's got little legs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with 3 wooden heads ?

Edward Woodward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does Edward Woodward have four d's?

Because he'd sound stupid if he was called Ewar Woowar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the fly run across the top of the biscuit packet?

Because it said tear across the dotted line

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the chicken cross the play park?

To get to the other slide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man in a bath?

Batman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's brown and hard?

Tough shit!

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
over a year ago

Willenhall

What's blue and smells like yellow paint?

Blue paint...

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By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Vicar is walking through a graveyard to the church and spots a guy crouching by a headstone.

'Morning', he greets him.

'Nah, having a shit', replies the man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I farted in a lift one day.

It was wrong on so many levels.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

My solicitor has asked me to pay him in coffee beans for sortinging out the disolvement of my marriage .

It's grounds for divorce

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why can't miss piggy count to 100?

Everyone she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of these are actually quite funny lol. Well to my sleep deprived mind anyway

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By *enard ArgenteMan
over a year ago

London and France

I asked the doctor if he could give be anything for the wind

He gave me a kite.

I went to the sports centre to ask if I could enrol in advanced gymnastics classes. They asked if I was flexible .

I said

" I can't do thursdays"

Tommy Cooper at the recycling centre:

" glass, bottle, bottle , glass"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's brown and sticky?

..a stick.

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

What kind of doughnuts does Bob Marley like?

Ones with jammin

HAHAHA

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What kind of doughnuts does Bob Marley like?

Ones with jammin

HAHAHA"

Nice one

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By *ustanhonestblokeMan
over a year ago

northampton

I know a trapeze artist who caught his wife in the act.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two biscuits walking across the road,one got knocked over,what did the other one say ...oh crumbs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said "Can u describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a legless disco last night.

It was crawling with fanny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went for an interview at a Blacksmiths

Blacksmith: "Are you any good at shoeing horses?"

I said: "No but I once told a Donkey to fuck off"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where do cows go on a Saturday night?

To the mooooovies.

What do you give a bird when they're poorly?

Tweetment!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

man walks in to a bar .....

ouch!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does anyone know the Irish knock knock joke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said "Can u describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair""

I don't know why but this one had me in stitches!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the wannabe terrorist who tried to blow up a car?

Burnt his lips on the exhaust!

Sorry, I'll get my coat...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went to doctors cos I was overweight he said don't eat anything fatty. I said like sausages n burgers he said no don't eat anything fatty ha ha lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you hear about the wannabe terrorist who tried to blow up a car?

Burnt his lips on the exhaust!

Sorry, I'll get my coat...

This made me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My favourite one is one I have to credit to Toshy... I actually snorted with laughter down the phone when he told me it.

His dad's understandably angry the next morning, and he says to his son... not only have you let me and your mum down, but you've let yourself down too!"
thats funny

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By *ealguy2016Man
over a year ago

southport

Man goes to reception desk in library

"Have you got anything on shelves?"

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"Does anyone know the Irish knock knock joke"

Ding dong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No you say t me knock knock

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By *owboy BebopMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 25/05/16 10:48:02]

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By *owboy BebopMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said "Can u describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair""

that good it made me mess up my post!

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By *albec26Man
over a year ago

Great Yarmouth

What's yellow and dangerous?...shark infested custard, sorry x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was woken one morning with a tap on the door when I opened it there was a snail there I was so annoyed I threw it across the road .. One month later there was a knock at the door I opened it there was the snail it said what did you do that for lol

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By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

What's red and screams in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.

What starts off green then turns red? Kermit in a blender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep? A woolly jumper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two monkeys in a bath.

One goes 'oh oh ee ee ah ah'

The other says 'put some cold in it then.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do u call a cat with no legs cat fish ????????????????????????????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do u call a cat with no legs cat fish ????????????????????????????

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By *B9 Queen OP Woman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

What do you call a fish with no eye (i)?

Fsh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermit the frogs fingers!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What fruit is never alone?

A pear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Especially a conference pear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the definition of a shitzu?

A zoo with no animals.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A piece of string went to the bar and ordered a pint.

"Are you a piece of string?" The barman asked.

No "I'm afraid not" was his reply (a fraid knot) boom boom!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's green and goes red at the flick of a switch?

A frog in a blender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the definition of frustration?

A one armed man hanging off a cliff with an itchy bum.

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By *tretchygirl and tintinWoman
over a year ago

Dartford

What's black, white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did the Italian chef die

He just PASTAway

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By *intin30Man
over a year ago

kent

What do they call postman pat when hes not at work???....pat

why was 6 afraid of 7??..cos 789 lol

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By *ungunjasMan
over a year ago

Kettering

don't get ur coat tell us another....

very funny, love it

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By *ungunjasMan
over a year ago

Kettering

Love this one

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By *teeleheelsCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

where are your buccaneers?

The side of your bucking head...

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By *rMrs-Luv-ItCouple
over a year ago

cwmbranish

What's red and invisible ? No tomatoes .

Him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does anyone need an ark?

I Noah guy.

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By *rMrs-Luv-ItCouple
over a year ago

cwmbranish

Two eggs boiling in a pan . 1st egg says "I've got a huge crack" 2nd egg replies "Stop teasing I ain't fucking hard yet"

Him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a fish with two knees?

A tunee fish!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Daisy.

Daisy who?

Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?

He won the "no-bell" prize!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a fight in the chip shop last night

The fish got battered

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

A mate of mine has got a ticket for Wales v England in France next month. The problem is, when he applied for the ticket he wasn't aware of the date and unfortunately it falls on his bloody wedding day, so he wants to know if anyone is interested in getting married?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Drinking American beer is like making love in a canoe: fucking close to the water..

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By *elson61Man
over a year ago

WELWYN GARDEN CITY

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who brought himself a warehouse?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Young Jimmy had to go to the optician's to have his eyes tested. During the test the optician asked jimmy to put his right hand over his right eye. This caused a certain amount of confusion in the young boy. "Well Ok," said the optician. "Put your left hand over your right eye." It didn't help. Jimmy was getting more flustered by the minute. "Put any hand over any eye," said the optician in exasperation. With this Jimmy became so totally confused that he froze in the chair.

An idea struck the optician and he went into the back room and cut a hole in an empty cornflakes packet roughly where he thought young Jimmy's eye ought to be. Back in his surgery he slipped the packet over the boy's head. Jimmy began to sob uncontrollably. "What's the matter? the optician asked. Jimmy replied through the sobs: "I wanted a gold rimmed pair like my brother got!"

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By *elson61Man
over a year ago

WELWYN GARDEN CITY

How many policemen does it take to break an egg?

None, it fell down the stairs

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